Chapter 2

Chapter

Two

TAMAS

Slumped in the oversized chair, I buried myself in my tankard of ale and stared into the fire pit. Leaving Osmud and Garrat behind, I'd ridden hard, punishing my horse through the driving snow only to find myself at Thaindrus's court. I had wanted solitude to think over everything I'd done and beg his forgiveness.

I wasn't a fool. I recognized my hard ride for what it was, an escape from myself more than anything else. But as was my habit throughout my years, I sought Thaindrus's company and wisdom when my heart was deeply troubled.

I savored my solitude and the warmth of his court, which gave me time to brood on my thoughts. Given where I was, the most forceful was my betrayal to Thaindrus. I sat here abusing his hospitality and withholding my honesty. He deserved to know I could never accept Bryra because I'd bitten Tressya, forming an intimate bond that could only be broken through death. I was no longer free to be with another. In truth, I didn't want to be.

I'd also omitted revealing the truth to Bryra, coward that I was.

The fire spat sparks. One landed on the shin of my pants. I smacked it out, then set down my tankard and launched to my feet and paced. Too much raged through my head to keep me settled.

Thoughts of Tressya were in my mind the moment I woke and were there to lull me to sleep. Then came the other concerns, seeping in throughout the day, draped in shame.

It had taken weeks of negotiations to gain the allegiance of the stronger clans—thank the stars for Garrat and his hard work and diplomatic prowess—and it took one woman and my foolish, weak heart to destroy all our plans. Because of me, we'd failed; because of me, the northern clans suffered terrible losses; because of me, the northerners had lost faith when I had promised them hope.

I didn't need to look to know it was Thaindrus, my dearest friend, who approached me from across the great hall. I could hear his ailing in his footsteps, which only doubled the guilt already clouding my head.

He'd offered me his daughter's hand to ensure the survival of his people, the Huungardred, mighty beast-men and women of the north, whose lands were slowly encroached upon by an ever burgeoning population of people growing more hostile toward them with each generation. And as a friend, I'd betrayed him.

"Tamas," Thaindrus bellowed as he eased down into his seat. The fluid grace of his young years was long gone. I swear I found more grays on the beast-side of his face since I last saw him a month or more ago.

He eased himself back into his seat, fixing his dark eyes on me. Old as he may be, his gaze still held the wisdom and intellectual acuity of a shrewd diplomat. I tried to avoid his look as long as I could, knowing he absorbed my emotions through my expression and movements. Feeling uncomfortable with how much I revealed in my silent pacing, I slumped down in my seat again.

I could attempt to hide what dwelled inside of me, but that was not what drove me into the deep north. It was only here, in Thaindrus's court, I truly felt free to unburden myself, and Thaindrus knew that.

The heavy sigh that slipped from my lips said it all, as did my slouch. The two of us stared into the fire pit for a long silence, me thinking of a dozen ways I could say all I needed to say.

"I failed." What came out of my mouth surprised me. The painful honesty was more than I anticipated saying so soon. I'd agonized over several ways of explaining myself. All of them were nothing but concealed excuses. I ditched them all in the end.

"A difficult task you'd set before yourself," Thaindrus replied, keeping his gaze on the fire.

"Difficult but achievable."

"One man cannot hold the burden of defeat for an entire army."

"In this instance, this man can."

"It's not your fault the woman commanded the dead? "

"The princess was meant to die on the ship and not reach Tarragona's shore. That she survived to win the war for the Tannard line and Salmun is because of me."

Thaindrus eased himself back in his seat, splaying his arms on the armrests. "You spared a life, Tamas."

"So that many more would die."

"That is the outcome of war."

I arched my head back, stretching my neck.

"More often than not, it's easier to strike than to hold your blade. There was a reason you spared the princess's life. At some point, you'll understand why."

I was watching him closely now, noting the fatigue around his eyes, even if they remained sharp and fixed on me.

"I believe I already know."

Thaindrus nodded. I wasn't sure what rumors had reached him and how much resembled the truth.

"Yes, I think you do."

So he'd heard something, if not all of my escapades.

"It was hard for me to come here, even if I couldn't stay away."

"If it makes this conversation any easier, I know, Tamas."

A great wash of relief rushed through me, followed swiftly by shame.

"It was wrong of me to ask what I did of you."

I sat forward, resting my elbow on my knees. "No, dear friend. It's not wrong for a great leader to wish the survival of his people."

"And now you wish to ease my guilt." He chuckled.

I slumped back in my seat, feeling as though someone had removed a great weight from on top of me. We both stared into the fire, perhaps sharing the kindred feeling of eased burdens.

"Bryra told me." He waved a hand when I snapped my eyes to him. "She's disappointed for sure, but she long suspected your heart was not set on her. She's lived with that knowledge for some time and foolishly hoped my request would soften your feelings toward her, maybe reveal something deep down you didn't realize was there."

"I wish?—"

"Not with me, Tamas."

We'd shared a deep bond of understanding and respect for so long. Apologies, defenses, evasions or rationalizations did neither of us justice.

"She's a bloodborn, Thaindrus."

Surprising me, Thaindrus snorted a short, hard laugh. "I can well imagine Romelda's response."

The Huungardred paid little attention to the concerns that dogged the Nazeen. They cared little for augurs and their ramblings. The threat of the Etherweave meant little compared to the threat of their own demise.

"I haven't seen Romelda since that night. Her own have taken care of her. But I'm curious what you may know about her response."

Thaindrus quirked a bushy brow. "You question my loyalty, young Razohan?"

"Stars, no. Not at all. Thaindrus, you know I would never do that." Damn. You fool. There were a myriad of better ways I could've posed the question.

He chuckled again and smiled to himself as he looked at the fire. Huungardred weren't known for their humor. Thaindrus's appeared rarely and was equally less understood.

I took a swig from my tankard before resting it on my belly. "‘Twain is the bloodborn'. Those were the augur's words. Romelda was there. She heard them too. I can't believe she didn't suspect Tressya."

There was only supposed to be one bloodborn. Me, or so Romelda's lectures schooled me to believe. No augurs had pronounced a twin fate until the ramblings of Sirillious, the last augur she'd dragged me to see before sending me on my task to kill the princess.

"Do you think perhaps that's the reason she was determined the princess should die before she reached Tarragona?" Thaindrus said.

"I hadn't thought of—No, she was surprised when I told her what I suspected."

"But she's a disciple?"

"You've been well informed." Thaindrus's knowledge shouldn't surprise me. It was as though the Huungardred listened to the wind and the whispers of the trees, for their knowledge of the greater world, despite their isolation and habit of keeping to themselves, never ceased to amaze me.

Thaindrus sighed, as if receiving such information was a burden, which it probably was. The outside world was forever encroaching on the old Huungardred's peace.

"As to the fact she's a bloodborn. It could've happened easily enough. It would take nothing for a disciple to seduce a lonely Razohan roaming the depths of the north."

"Not just any Razohan. That's too random if the Sistern were chasing a bloodborn. "

"You speak wisely. And I have long held my tongue on my suspicions."

I sat straight. "Suspicions?"

"Fewer and fewer of the Nazeen accept the path of the blooded. A millennium is a long time to hold many's devotion."

I discovered on the eve of our assault that few of the blooded remained to join our war against the Salmun. A millennium had passed since the death of the last king of the Bone Throne, and it was a long time to maintain loyalty to the old king and uphold their oath to prevent the Levenian and their pets, the Salmun, from ever possessing the Etherweave. With one thousand years gone by, many could be forgiven for doubting that the bloodborn would ever return. And while I couldn't blame them for losing their faith, had we crossed the Ashenlands with a good contingent of blooded the outcome would've been different. Or maybe not. Thanks to Tressya surprising us all with her ability to bring the dead across the veil.

I huffed a sigh as I gently shook my head with a wry smile. She really was something: brave, resourceful, cunning… Enough . Now was not the time to give free rein to my thoughts regarding her.

"Does our conversation amuse you?" Thaindrus's interruption helped restore my thoughts.

"Only my stupidity. Though it angers me more than amuses me." I sat straighter. "So you think some of the Nazeen have betrayed the blooded and shared secrets and knowledge with the Sistern?"

Romelda was one of the rare Nazeen who held true to her promise as a blooded, and remained loyal to the Bone Throne and the heir destined to sit upon it as any Nazeen who lived during the reign of King Ricaud, the last ruler to sit upon the Bone Throne and command the Etherweave.

"Aye."

Thaindrus kept such things to himself because the Huungardred preferred to keep themselves apart from the problems outside their borders. This was one reason the Huungardred as a people were threatened. Strangeness threatened many. Despite their ancient ancestral links, few northerners knew a lot about them, giving them a feeling of otherness that frightened and angered the clans. Thaindrus already knew my thoughts on their habit of keeping themselves to themselves and fostering feelings of otherness , so I moved the conversation on.

"To what end?"

"Betrayal is always for the same reason," he said.

"Do you think Romelda suspects?"

"If she does, she's never confided in me. But you can be assured the princess is not one of my offspring. Every woman I've bedded, I'm still in contact with. And I can vouch for my father. He was devoted to Mother until he died."

Huungardred had very long lives. Generations of men would pass before one Huungardred died.

"She knew nothing about shapeshifting."

"Hmm. So she can't shapeshift." Thaindrus murmured into his beard. "Then it happened so long ago that it's almost bred out of her. Perhaps it will return to her in time."

"The most important link to her heritage is still very much alive within her," I said .

"So you're sure she's a bloodborn?"

"She found a splinter of rock containing a fragment of the Etherweave. I'm not sure if it led her to it, like it did for me, but it reacted to her touch."

"There's no refuting that."

"But even before that, I knew. I knew the moment I first saw her. It's the reason I bit her."

"You're a bloodborn, she's a bloodborn. It's not surprising you recognized your own abilities in her. Perhaps you need to speak with Romelda."

I snorted. "I'm not sure she'll be too willing to speak with me. And neither am I in any hurry to do the same."

"Many regrettable words are spoken and regrettable actions taken during times of war. Do not let such things make enemies out of your allies."

I heaved a sigh, feeling his wisdom entangle my emotions, making it hard for me to separate my anger from my shame, which remained embedded deep in my heart.

"She thinks me a weak-hearted fool for biting Tressya. I wonder if she even sees me as worthy anymore."

Thaindrus eyed me for a long while before he spoke. "She would change her mind if she understood."

"She knows what I did, and so far, a weak-hearted imbecile is the friendliest of the names she's called me."

"Not even the Nazeen grasp the true depth of a Huungardred union. For us, it is a sacred bond, one that is never shared with those who cannot comprehend the profound depths of such a connection." He sat forward. "There's a reason I have never given my mark to another or agreed to take one in return; it's the same reason few Huungardred do. The young are advised against such commitments until they are much older because, at their age, they cannot fully comprehend the true nature of what they are committing to. At that age, love is often more about lust, and such feelings can be fleeting. Even my darling Bryra is too young to fully understand what it truly means. She knows it's a deep bond, unseverable by years, but she cannot yet grasp the full extent of the union at her tender age. She'll learn in good time. It's a connection unrivaled by any. To agree to exist as bonded partners is to make yourself raw to another."

As the years deepened my friendship with Thaindrus, he took it upon himself to explain the intricacies of the partner bond. Romelda had already declared me a bloodborn, and Thaindrus aimed to safeguard me by advising extreme caution in choosing who I would bond with if I ever chose that path.

I drew my fingers through my hair, feeling unjustifiably frustrated with his lecture. "I understood the depth of the bond the first time you told me."

"I believe you, young Tamas." He nodded. "I do." Leaving me feeling guilty for my sudden show of anger.

"A bond is never made until one fully understands what it truly means to be bonded. It's why I wanted you to know. And a bond is never made without both partners' full understanding and agreement." He held up a hand to silence me before I spoke in defense of my actions. "No one would understand your reasons like I do, so rid yourself of your shame for having forced the bond upon the young princess. These days are dark, my friend. No one would judge you if they knew the truth. "

"I want to be honest with you. I have my doubts about what you said. I feel nothing, Thaindrus. I've not broken the soul vow." I grimaced. "Maybe I slipped up a little, but only for a moment. I withdrew from the connection the moment I first felt her emotions. But I've felt nothing else."

"You're too impatient, young Razohan. Time and the heart deepen all connections. Willing or not, soon she will share everything with you. Everything , Tamas."

The possibility seemed too implausible to fathom.

"Her ability to command the Etherweave was she ever to reach it before you. There's nothing she can keep from you. Any of her powers are now yours."

I sat forward, rubbing my forehead.

From our first encounter, Tressya had captivated me. She possessed unique qualities seldom found in this world, meriting her survival. Faced with moments to decide, I acted with the knowledge I possessed. While others deemed me reckless, I knew I was prudent in forcing the bond. Aware she was the second bloodborn the augur had foretold, I had the power to spare her life, protect my people, and potentially alter the fate of the seven realms by bonding with her.

"With this knowledge, young Razohan, it's now time to use much wisdom. Always remember, a Huungardred bond is made from the heart with pure intentions. Not made for gain. It's made for a love that lasts eternity."

It was desperation, not love, that drove me to make the bond. Though my feelings had changed, deepened, since then, the sort of love Thaindrus spoke of felt unobtainable.

Upon seeing Tressya at Romelda's mercy, I was prepared to cut out my heart and offer it as a sacrifice to spare her life. That was my first response. Someone as selfish as me, who'd killed his own father to take his seat, I didn't know if that was pure enough? Was such a sacrifice worthy of a love meant to last an eternity?

I couldn't know. But the only reparation worthy of what I'd done was to offer my blood in exchange, so that she may take all that I had, making us equals, giving her the advantage if I were to win the Etherweave.

Right now, I couldn't make that decision.

"Much afflicts you, young Razohan. And I must torture you further by bearing you more grave news."

It was doubtful anything he said would conflict me more than what he'd already shared. I took a swig of my ale.

"Romelda's here."

I choked on my mouthful.

"She's been here for days."

"Why didn't you tell me first?" Dammit, I didn't want to see the woman.

"So you would ride home again when you'd just arrived?"

"I feel you've set me up, old friend." And that was unfair. Thaindrus was not to blame for Romelda's actions.

I sighed. Would this week ever end?

"She's been waiting for you to arrive."

"She knows where I live."

"Did it occur to you that Romelda is also ashamed?"

I snorted. "I doubt it. The blooded care for little else than their sworn task. I can't forgive her. Not yet."

"Blooded they are, but blooded still have hearts."

I scratched my head. "This is you saying I'm being irresponsible, callous, and obtuse. "

"This is me saying that every choice you make going forward must be made with wisdom."

"I can't sulk, then?"

"You may sulk all you like, young Razohan, after you've done right by those who give you their allegiance, and one who has no choice."

I scrunched my eyes closed at the reminder of what I'd done to Tressya, then glanced at Thaindrus before sighing one more time as I went to rise.

"No need. Sitting close to this fire for so long and I long to feel the snow on my pelt."

My old friend rose, taking his time to ease out his joints. I stared at the fire as he strode from the hall, brooding over everything we'd spoken about.

It took little time for another set of footsteps to grace Thaindrus's great hall, and I wondered if Romelda had been waiting close by for this moment. I kept my gaze on the fire, knowing it was cowardly to shun this meeting.

Romelda took Thaindrus's seat without a word. Her appearance shocked me. I'd never been able to guess at her age, but with the knowledge she carried, I'd guessed she was moving into middle age or beyond. Seeing her now, I could be forgiven for thinking she'd once lived alongside the long-dead King Ricaud.

Instead of black streaked with white, her hair was now the color of dirty snow. Her pale skin was ashen, her cheeks and chin slashed with silvery scars. But it was her eyes that shocked me the most. Once the color of blood that signified her loyalty to the Bone Throne, they were now black.

It seemed there would be no end to the shame I would suffer for my decisions. For two days, I'd raged on my sickbed, cursing Romelda. She'd promised to protect Tressya, not kill her. My anger still throbbed from the betrayal, but facing her, I was forced to acknowledge that she'd suffered because of me.

I could not blame her for her loyalty to the Bone Throne. The blooded held the memories of their ancestors, those who'd sworn allegiance before them. If there was anyone who understood what was at stake, it was the blooded. Their fight to prevent the Levenian line from taking the Etherweave had cost many their lives and haunted those to follow.

Her choices came from her memories and knowledge, just as my choices came from my heart—a pitiable place to make choices from, according to Romelda; especially for a would-be king.

"I'm trying to feel forgiving." It came out weaker than I had intended when I'd felt ready to face her and have this conversation.

"I've not come here seeking your forgiveness. It is you who should ask the same of me."

"Tressya was on our side," I snapped.

"You're a blind fool," she hissed. "The mark you gave her has twisted your head. A disciple is loyal to only one."

"She holds no more love for the Salmun than we do."

"Did you not just hear what I said? It makes no difference what she feels for the Salmun. The Mother wanted a child of the Sistern on the throne. But now she's got one better. She has a loyal disciple on the throne. And not just a loyal disciple. A bloodborn. One who can take the Etherweave and claim the Bone Throne. We couldn't be in a worse position. "

I fisted a hand, gently banging it against my temple to keep my anger in its cage.

From outside eyes it looked bad, but Tressya's and my last moments in the Ashenlands together fed my dreams and waking life. She may not have taken my blood, our bond may not be as secure as a true bonded partnership, but there was something special between us.

"She's like no other disciple."

Romelda slapped a hand to her thigh and huffed a frustrated breath.

"She killed one of her own…" I was going to give a list of all the ways Tressya had betrayed her order. Only in my ears, I heard a child's excuses for bad behavior. "That's certainly not the actions of a loyal disciple."

"You're not the man I sent to fulfill his destiny. The mark has blinded you. It's enslaving you." She shook her head, closing her eyes as if she couldn't bear to look at me.

I stared at the heavy lines on her face, the deep inset of her eyes, as if her face was caving inward. Then there were the scars, wounds made by Salmun magic, and no doubt terribly painful to heal.

"She's a bloodborn. She's one of us."

"Once I was well enough, I searched for evidence of such a link and found none. Since the Huungardred's lives are very long, it appears her ancestral link is distant. She's barely Razohan, Tamas."

"But she is Razohan."

If I told her my mark on Tressya's skin gave me the ability to wield the Etherweave through her, the revelation would end this argument. I wouldn't. Romelda was not a Huungardred or Razohan, she wouldn't understand the intimacy between bonded. According to Thaindrus, it was sacred, not to be shared with anyone outside of the Huungardred. I wouldn't even offer the truth, knowing it would ease her fury.

Tressya and I needed time to feel our way through this relationship… No, wait. What was I saying? I'd forced the mark on her. It was one-sided. But it didn't have to be. She was Razohan, meaning there was a chance… I blew a strong breath through my nose. I was grasping.

I snorted a mirthless laugh, then raised my tankard in a toast. "Cheers to our failure." And I took a large swig.

"The clans demand a meeting. Has Thaindrus told you that? And when you face them, will you continue to be so irreverent toward their losses?"

I stared into my tankard, deserving every lash she made. I'd promised hope and delivered tragedy. And here I was, the defeated, with too many miles between the woman I'd bonded.

"You should know that she's sent word to the Mother."

"What?" Could it be true, or was this Romelda's cruel way of punishing me further?

"Another blooded has kept a close eye on her while I've been recuperating. She sent word not long after her return from the Ashenlands. It seems the Mother was the first person she thought of once she was named queen."

I launched from my seat and turned my back on Romelda as though she were to blame for everything.

"Things have turned out for the better and now she's seeking guidance from the Mother. "

"No. That's not what she's doing."

"Oh, Tamas."

I wanted to lash out at her for the pity I heard in her voice. Not for the first time, she made me feel like a child.

"A disciple is always a disciple."

Romelda was not there in our final moments together. She didn't hear the words we exchanged, and our silent promises. For all her wisdom, there were many things Romelda didn't understand, particularly anything that involved the heart.

"I fear the Mother will be on her way."

I turned back and stared into the fire. "She wouldn't dare step foot on Tarragonan soil while the Salmun protects the throne."

"You underestimate the Sistern. To your peril."

You underestimate Tressya . "Besides, these last few months have revealed the Salmun's complacency after a millennium with little disruption to their rule."

I threw the rest of my ale into the fire, having no stomach for it anymore. The fire hissed and subsided, releasing a haze of smoke before reclaiming its strength.

"The war for the south was lost, but we still have time. Every day we move closer to the Etherweave rising. You must find the Senjel Oracles."

This felt like déjà vu, like we were arguing in circles. It would take more than a few timed disclosures to pacify my anger at her betrayal, but to ignore what she asked was to turn my back on the north after failing them; the people who'd earned my fealty.

Even so, I couldn't decide without considering Tressya. Finding the Senjel Oracles meant entering Tolum again, seeing her again.

I closed my eyes as I rubbed at my brow. She'd sent word for the Mother. Was that a sign of her true devotion? Regardless of the way I felt, the bond was one-sided, meaning separation and time may have weakened her feelings toward me, reigniting her loyalty to the Sistern. She would see my hunt for the Senjel Oracles a threat. It would divide us further. Maybe this time Tressya wouldn't be so willing to keep my presence her secret.

Being the coward that I was, I couldn't bear the thought of uncovering her true feelings if they were less than favorable toward me, especially since I had relinquished my only chance at true love.

I fixed my gaze on the contents of my tankard, unwilling to meet Romelda's haunting black eyes. "Tamas," Romelda barked.

"Yes," I replied, my tone dry and strained.

"You must be the only one present when the Etherweave rises from its entombment."

It wouldn't matter, but again, I held my tongue. Romelda had not earned back the right to know all my secrets.

"I need not speak aloud the outcome were you to fail once again."

I lifted my gaze and locked eyes with her. "It's impossible for me to lose control of the Etherweave now."

I smirked at her confusion, but soon my mind was no longer on our conversation, but in the south with a certain headstrong and courageous queen.