20. I just did

20

I JUST DID

I nstead of spending the day reading about the War of 1917, I spend the day pondering my options.

I like Damek. A lot.

But…

His mother.

If I marry Damek, I'm going to be spending a lot of time with the woman. And she despises me.

I could change her mind about me over time. But there is always a chance that she won't change her mind.

Do I want to spend the rest of my life with her as a mother-in-law?

No. No, I don't.

But then I consider all the other options. Every heir that I've met I haven't clicked with. Some of them were nice and attractive enough, but there was no spark. Which always brings me right back around to Damek.

Damek is the only option that I'm comfortable with. He's not only attractive and kind, but we have chemistry. I could picture a life with him. However, the picture is a bit incomplete since I hardly know him.

I wonder if my dad would be okay with a long engagement. It would give me time to get to know him before we get married. But then I remember my dad saying he got married in less than a week. But he cheated on his wife with my mother, so maybe he will consider a different option for me.

I think about my father and his marriage. Even though I exist because he cheated on Eden, I get the feeling that he loves her now.

Maybe this political marriage thing will work.

Feeling resolved, I decide it must be Damek. He is the only option that I am comfortable with.

I turn to head toward Kaine's office but realize I don't want to tell him, not yet anyway. Instead, I find myself heading to Julien's room. He's the only one I want to talk to right now anyway.

Even though Julien always just lets himself into my room without an invitation, I knock on his door and wait outside for him to answer.

"Come in, Maddie," he yells.

I let myself in and find Julien sitting at his desk. He's doing something on his computer but he shuts it and turns to face me.

"What's up, big sis?" He stands up and makes his way toward me.

I look up at him. "I might be older, but you're bigger."

He smirks. "That's because you're short."

I scowl at him. "I don't need to be reminded about my lack of height."

He rests his arm on the top of my head. "You're the perfect height."

I wouldn't say that I'm the perfect height, but then again I've spent most of my teenage and adult years lamenting how short I am compared to my succubi cousins.

"I'm not in here to discuss my height," I tell him.

"Then what are you here to discuss?"

"Dad says I have until the end of the month to choose a husband."

Julien's eyes widen. He tugs on my arm, pulling me toward his couch. "Come on. We should sit for this discussion."

I allow him to tug me along. I take a seat beside him on the couch wondering where to start.

"So… you're going to choose Damek, right?" Julien asks.

I nod. "If Damek will agree."

Julien shoots me a look. "Of course he'll agree. The guy is half in love with you already."

"WHAT?" I blink, then shake my head. "No. You're wrong. He's not in love with me."

He ignores me. "Have you told Kaine yet?"

"No." I chew on my bottom lip. "I wanted to talk to you first."

"You need to tell Kaine. I'd tell him before you tell Dad or Damek," Julien advises.

"Why?" I ask. "It's not like I'm going to change my mind."

"Just talk to him," he demands. "And then let me know what happens."

I roll my eyes. "Whatever. You know, you're supposed to be supportive and maybe a little sympathetic."

He pats my head. "Sorry you have to marry a rich, hot prince."

I snort.

Okay, maybe it's not all bad.

Kaine waits for me in the office, like always. As I sit down at my desk, he doesn't even look up at me. Instead, his eyes are trained on the book in front of him. I recognize the law book in front of him, it's one that I've had the pleasure of reading. It's about vampire succession laws. The book is surprisingly detailed and tedious.

I put my iced coffee down on a coaster and wait for Kaine to finish reading whatever passage has him so engrossed.

"Have you made your decision?" Kaine asks, finally looking up.

"My decision?" I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear.

He raises an eyebrow. "Your husband ."

"Oh. That," I mumble, lowering my head. "Maybe."

"Maybe?"

I shrug. "I just wonder who would want to marry me."

He stares at me, cocking his head to the side. "I am confused. Have you forgotten the stack of alliance offers waiting in your father's office? Every family with an eligible son has put in offers. One family even put in a very nice offer, if you're willing to wait for their fifteen-year-old son to come of age."

I wrinkle my nose. "Gross."

He shrugs. "I'm just saying… everybody wants to marry you."

"Because of the alliance, but not because of me ."

"I don't understand."

"Do you not remember what Damek's mother said to me? About how she thought I would be prettier? And that I'm unattractive and not charming like a ‘real' succubus." I chew on my bottom lip.

"We've already established that Damek's mother is jealous because you're prettier than her. She's not used to other women being prettier than her," Kaine says in a dismissive tone. "So if that's what you're worried about, don't."

"It's not just her." I rub my fingers at my temple, trying to ward off a growing headache.

"Explain," Kaine demands.

I sigh. "You know that I'm only five feet, five inches tall, right?"

"What does your height have to do with anything?" Kaine's brow wrinkles as he studies me.

"All of my female cousins are over five ten," I explain. "They're all gorgeous. Like, supermodel gorgeous. And then there is me. I'm not pretty like them. Maybe I'm pretty by human standards, but not by supernatural standards."

Kaine rolls his eyes. "That's utterly ridiculous."

I shrug. "It doesn't change the fact that I feel bad for whoever is going to be stuck marrying me."

He stands from his desk and makes his way closer to me. "You're being stupid, Madeline."

Madeline.

Not Princess Madeline.

I know when he drops the titles he means business.

"You are gorgeous—supermodel gorgeous," he says. "And you're charming, even more charming than a full blooded succubus. Sometimes I find it hard to be your advisor because it's difficult to focus around you. You're really beautiful and it's distracting."

"It is?" My eyes widen in surprise at his confession.

"I thought it was obvious." He rubs a hand on the back of his neck. "I've been a little jealous of all the guys taking you out, which is ridiculous. I know you can never be mine."

Kaine is attracted to me?

And he's been jealous ?

How did I not realize this? Even now that he's said it, I'm having a hard time believing it. He's never acted in any way that would possibly make me think he's into me like that .

I look at Kaine, his glacier blue eyes have yet to look away from me as I process his words.

Kaine is attractive. I've always known that. But I've never seen him as anything more than my annoying advisor. But him admitting his attraction for me and boldly telling me that he has a crush on me… it's kind of hot. I've never had a guy be so bold. At least, not a supernatural. I've had plenty of human guys hit on me, but I always knew it was my magic making them talk like that.

Kaine obviously can't be a marriage candidate, but what if he could be?

I'm not ready for marriage. Not to any candidate. But how am I supposed to know if he could be somebody I could spend my life with? I haven't had enough time with any of the guys to know for sure.

Feeling bold, I lean forward and press my lips against Kaine's. He's completely stiff at first, but after only a moment of hesitation, he kisses me back.

Kaine, the same guy who has made me miserable since the moment I arrived, kisses me. I almost pull back from shock but he firmly wraps his arms around me, holding me against him.

And wow , this boy can kiss.

My heart races faster and butterflies tickle my stomach as Kaine skillfully and enthusiastically kisses me. He tangles his fingers in my hair, and he holds the other hand lightly on my lower back. He holds me like I'm the most precious thing in the world and I'm not quite sure what to make of it.

Kaine isn't a romantic. He's moody on days that end in ‘y.' Not to mention, he's my advisor, which is really just an over glorified way of saying he's my babysitter. This is the guy who accused me of murdering my brother.

But just as abruptly as he started kissing me, he pulls back and puts at least four feet of space between us.

"You can't kiss me," Kaine demands, his face a light shade of pink.

"But I just did." I put my hands on my hips. "And you kissed me back, so it's not like you have a lot of room to argue with me."

His pink face darkens to an almost shade of red. "I shouldn't have. Because, I will repeat, we cannot kiss."

I don't bother arguing that we obviously can kiss, seeing as we just did.

Kaine runs his fingers through his hair, letting out an exasperated sigh. "Look, Madeline… Princess Madeline." He gives me a very stern look as he uses my title. "You have to marry a royal."

"What if I'd rather choose you?" I ask.

"You want to choose me?"

I think about his question.

Do I?

The truth is, I'm not sure. Maybe I would, if given the time to decide. All I know is, that less than two weeks isn't enough time for me to pick out a husband.

And that kiss…

What I'd like is more time to explore whatever this is between Kaine and me.

"It doesn't matter," Kaine says before I can answer his question. "It doesn't matter how much I wish you could choose me, you can't. We can't be together. Your father would never allow it. I won't allow it. It's not what's best for the clan. We need this alliance—not only for the good of the clan but also to protect you and your family."

In theory, I know he's right. But it doesn't mean I like what he's saying.

"I want the freedom to choose." Tears well up in my eyes as I try to convey what I'm feeling. "Why can't my dad just give me more time?"

"I'm sorry." Kaine runs his fingers through his hair. "I know this isn't what you want to hear, but your father has given you a lot of freedom. Usually, when it comes to a marriage alliance, heirs aren't given the freedom to choose. You are lucky. You get a say in who you want to spend your life with. And if it's Damek you choose, I will respect that."

I wonder how he can say that after he's just admitted that he has feelings for me.

"So that's it?" I ask. "I just have to marry one of the monarchs? I have no other options at all?"

"No. If there was another way, I would tell you. But there's not." Kaine takes a step closer and puts one hand on my shoulder. "I am sorry, Madeline. Truly I am. But this is for the best. You were always meant for more than ordinary. I can see it. And I can see that you're far out of my league, even if you don't know it."

The thought of me being out of Kaine's league is enough to make me laugh. Because it's not true. Not at all.

Maybe I'm not the only one who lacks confidence and self esteem.

"You only think that because you've been taught that turned vampires are weak," I counter.

"We are weak compared to born vampires." He drops his hand from my shoulder.

I shake my head. "Look at what you've accomplished. It's not luck that you're in this position. It's not even because you and Lucien are best friends. You're my advisor because you're smart. You've worked hard to get to where you are. That isn't something a weak person could do."

He offers me a smile. "Thank you for saying that. You have no idea how badly I wish things could be different, but they can't. I know it's hard to accept, but this is just the way things are."

"I know." I lick my lips. "I'm still going to talk to my father and see if I can get out of this marriage alliance thing."

"Good luck," he says, but with zero conviction. He knows it's a lost cause.

Whether I want it or not, I will be choosing a husband in a little over a week.