Chapter Twenty-One

Shelby

“Why won't you talk to me?” I yelled, bent over with my hands on my knees. I had started to straighten up when my door popped open, startling me.

Blake, wide-eyed, scanned my bedroom only for his gaze to land back on me in confusion. “Who are you talking to, Shelby?”

“Ha! You'll really think I'm crazy if I tell you,” I retorted, resuming the pacing I’d been doing before I’d had to take a breather.

“Shelby, you're not making much sense. Why don't you sit down and tell me—” He was cut off by my weak attempt at a shriek and held his hands up. “Look, I'm sorry I upset you earlier at the clinic, but you’re acting off.” I tugged on my loose hair, annoyed that the heavy mass kept getting in my face. “Dammit, don't hurt yourself!” Blake approached slowly, like I might bolt, but there wasn’t room to run off even if I’d felt up to it.

I plopped on my bed with a harsh laugh, pulling my legs criss-crossed. “For the first time in my life, I might be right in the head, yet you think there's something wrong with me. If only you knew,” I muttered more to myself than him.

Tentatively, he asked, “Knew what, Shelby?”

Jabbing my forefinger at my temple, I made an ugly sound. “I had a voice in my head my whole damn life, Blake, but now she's gone.” I gave myself a couple thumps with the heel of my hand. It wasn’t hard enough to hurt, but Blake jerked forward all the same. “Gone! He killed her. Months before he killed me in that room, he killed her first.” Gripping a handful of hair at the scalp, I pulled and leaned over my bent legs.

“Shelby, honey, what did you take?” Blake asked. Slowly reaching for my hand, he gently detangled the hair from my fingers before I ripped it out.

“I heard her,” I said, more to myself than Blake, my voice barely above a whisper. “When I died, before you made me come back. Why did you make me come back, Blake? Couldn't you have just left well enough alone?”

“Shelby, please . What did you take?”

“Only what you left me this morning. Check the drawer. There’s still some in there. I didn’t even take the usual. You keep rationing me, and I don’t want to run out.” If my voice was bitter, well, it just was.

He leaned past me to pull the nightstand drawer open. Of course he didn’t believe me. When he dumped them out in his hand, I turned away and laid down to hug my pillow. My head didn’t feel right, and I was upset.

I heard him curse and turned my head to look at him. “I only left you the anxiety medication, Shelby. I didn’t add anything else. I don’t know what these are.” He held up the bottle my painkillers were in.

“So you took those away too, huh? Thanks for discussing it with me.” I ignored whatever else he had to say. It wasn’t like I’d gone and gotten them myself. Not after my last attempt.

At my blank stare. he swore and stepped away, pulling his phone from his pocket and holding it to his ear. “Goddammit! Gavin, find out who was in Shelby’s room then get down here. I need to take inventory. Someone swapped her pills and she’s not making any sense.”

I could barely hear Gavin's reply that Carter was still there, but who cared? Not me. I just kept on, letting it all out after I'd kept it all inside.

“Why is he here? Tell him to fuck off,” I snarled, then sat up, giving myself a head rush.

“I was coming to tell you. I was planning to take you to the cousins’ room or wherever you wanted to be to avoid him. He has…duties to attend to. I’m not hiding anything, but I don’t want to upset you with more details. I need to know what these are. If you have any idea, please tell me.”

“He took everything from me,” I slurred, drowsiness getting the better of me. “Mama, my dignity and trust, hell, he took my virginity, too. Then he let that man take my voice. Both of them.”

“What? Who exactly are you talking about, Shelby?” Blake asked, tuning back into my mad ramblings now that he was finally off the phone. I giggled a little when I toppled over, stretching like a lazy cat until I reached my pillow. My bed felt so good, and if I pretended, I could almost hear that snarky voice telling me I was a stupid girl for playing with drugs. Except I hadn’t, not on purpose. She'd probably say some shit about the cherry-popper that would scandalize me too, though maybe that was why she was gone. Dirk, no, Winston had scandalized her right outta me.

“ What is a cherry-popper? And why would that be scandalous?” Fingers snapped in front of my face, and I struggled to raise my eyelids again.

“Carter’s the cherry-popper. She didn’t like him very much.” It was the last thing I said to him before it was lights out.

***

Blake

“That’s it? You’re letting her off with a warning ?” I was irate with Gavin’s decision.

Gavin crossed his arms and leaned back in his desk chair. “What else would you like me to do? It was an accident. We’ve made it very clear that Shelby is under our protection, but if we push it without proof, our people are going to rebel. We can’t afford that right now.”

Carter nodded, plainly agreeing with his right-hand man. “The video shows it, Blake. Besides, who’s going to tell Shelby there’s a camera in her room?” Gavin winced at the direct hit.

“I only hooked it up after—” His eyes widened before he shut down. I barely kept myself from swearing and giving myself away.

“After what, Gav? Are you hiding something about Shelby from me?” Carter asked with a raised brow. I swore to Christ I’d belt Gavin if he told Carter about the shower incident.

Gavin shook his head. “No, I just had a thought, but it’s irrelevant to this.” He neatly sidestepped the slip-up and changed the subject. “We tell Shelby it’s up now since we want to make sure she’s safe even if it was an accident. Hopefully, Erin spreads the word as well.”

I didn’t like it, but I couldn’t force him to get rid of the woman whose delivery had ‘accidentally’ spilled out of her pocket while she was changing the bedding.

The footage showed just that happening. The woman had picked the pills up out of the sheets and put them back in the envelope, but as she continued to make the bed up, she found a few more and set them on the nightstand. It was rather convenient that she'd then forgotten to pick them up, but I couldn't prove otherwise, and neither could Gavin.

“Fine. I’m going to keep an eye on her until she wakes up.” Gavin waved me off, and I stepped out without another word to either of them. I was surprised they were getting along, but I certainly didn’t have anything nice to say to Carter so keeping my mouth shut was the best I could do.

Getting back to Shelby’s room, I found her still crashed. After we’d gotten back, the cousins had had to go handle their work for the day or else they’d have likely climbed in with her. Taking advantage of them being gone, I toed my shoes off and did just that, albeit on top of the blankets with plenty of space between us.

I must have dozed off because I woke up to a confused, messy-haired woman staring at me. “Hi,” I greeted softly. Shelby pushed the tangle of auburn back to fan across her pillow and continued to stare at me. “Uh, you were still asleep, and I didn’t want to leave you. I didn’t mean to crash out too. Are you feeling any better?”

“My head is still a little fuzzy, but I remember you accusing me of taking something I shouldn’t have.” Her voice was soft but clear.

I didn’t want to start a fight, so I started with an apology instead. “You were talking crazy, and it was plain you weren’t in your right mind. I’m sorry I thought you did it on purpose.” She wrinkled her nose at me and hummed her skepticism. Sighing, I continued. “One of the gals who cleans up apparently dropped some pills and put them on the nightstand. She forgot to retrieve them, and you mistook them as being left by me. Just to be clear, I wouldn’t leave a handful of narcotics on the tabletop.”

She nodded and softened her glare. “I did wonder why they were different, but you’ve done that before, and I didn’t want to ask. I don’t appreciate being accused of something I didn’t do, though. I also don’t want to know why someone was carting around a bunch of pills that are so strong, only one knocked me on my ass.”

I didn’t want her to know that either, so I moved the conversation along. It was best to get the ‘you’re under surveillance’ part over with quick anyway. “Um, so, about that... Gavin made it clear that anyone who comes in here is being watched.” I cringed a bit before blurting out the rest. “And so are you, unfortunately.”

It shocked me when tears filled her eyes yet she only nodded. “So, the better I get, the more freedom I get, but it comes with more stipulations. Understood. I’d like to know what my appointment revealed, if you don’t mind, before you leave.”

I didn’t expect her to sound so cold, but I couldn’t blame her. “You’re healed. Mostly. I don’t think anything can be done for your voice, though, not even with a specialist. It’s improved a lot and will likely continue to improve a bit more. Your ribs and arm show healing fractures, but the bone has knitted well. Bloodwork is good. You’re a little low on iron and vitamins, but we can fix that pretty easily. All-in-all, you just need to regain your strength.”

“Right, well, thank you for telling me.” I waited for more of a reaction, but her eyes unfocused and she stared through me as if I weren’t there. Her ability to dissociate worried me. I wasn’t sure if it was a defense mechanism she’d adapted to deal with Dirk, or something she’d done prior to his mistreatment. I couldn't ask without upsetting her.

“Is there anything you’d like to know?” I attempted, hoping to get her talking to me.

She refocused on me but shook her head and sat up. I watched her pull her drawer open, inspecting the contents before closing it again. She’d found that her pain pill bottle was gone, and I expected her to be pissed, but instead she stood up quite unsteadily. “I’m going to shower,” she said, frowning at the floor like it was causing her balance issue.

I hurriedly got up and positioned myself by her side. “I think you’re still feeling the effects. May I help you to the bathroom? I don’t want you to fall.”

For a second, she seemed ready to refuse, but then she accepted my offer. “You can’t stay in while I shower. I’d prefer not to break my neck getting there, though. Not after you all were so nice as to put me back together.”

I sighed at her waspish tone. Whether she was mad about that, the pain medication being taken away, the surveillance, or a mix of everything, I couldn’t tell, but at least she was going to let me help. Absently, I wondered why she didn’t ask River instead. What had he done to piss her off too?

***

Shelby

It took some maneuvering to get me wrapped in a towel without flashing Blake too much, but soon enough I was ensconced on my shower chair. I tried to ignore the feelings being in the shower with him brought up but couldn’t quite contain my blush or look him in the eyes. Why I had to be attracted to the man when I was mad at him, I didn’t know.

“Shelby? Are you hearing me?” I nodded while keeping my eyes firmly on the wall. “I’ll be right back,” he reiterated. “If you're done first, wait for me to help you out, please.” I nodded again. He sighed, but it was as good as he was gonna get whether he liked it or not.

I was only allowing him to assist because I was admittedly none too steady on my own. He left, and I got the shower going after a couple attempts to toss the towel over the top of the stall to keep it dry. I wasn’t about to have him come back without being able to cover myself.

The thought that he might do just that prompted me to hurry up. While I went through the motions, I considered my shitty day. After we’d gotten back, the boys had left me. They’d cited work as an explanation, but I’d felt abandoned nonetheless. Add in the situation with Blake’s lack of communication causing me to inadvertently take their careless employee’s pills, and my feelings had been extra hurt.

Maybe if everyone hadn’t been in such a hurry to dump me off, I wouldn't have ended up drugging myself and having my subsequent meltdown. I didn’t even want to think about that, nor did I want to know what I'd inadvertently taken. It was all too much of a reminder of the past.

My pity party ended about the same time as I heard the bedroom door slam shut and Blake cursing. “I swear that fucking prick is going to get his ass kicked again” came through loud and clear as soon as I shut the water off.

Whipping the towel down to drape over myself, I called out to him. “Is everything okay in there?” I assumed he was pissed at something Carter had done, but with the shady ass crowd around the lodge, I couldn’t be sure. Gavin had face-fucked that Alan guy after all. “That should not interest you,” I muttered toward the vicinity of my crotch. I blamed the lingering effects of the pills.

“If I ask who you’re talking to in there, are you going to get mad at me?” Blake asked through the door.

I groaned and shook my head, then groaned again. He can’t see you, idiot. I almost snarked back but decided to let it go. “Just to myself. I’m done though and would like to get out of here.”

The door cracked open, and Blake stuck his head in. “Just making sure I heard you right and don’t bust in on you again.”

I blushed beetroot from my chest up and pushed the shower open to wave him in. I didn’t trust my voice not to break.

“I brought dinner. It’s out on the desk. I grabbed some clothes if you want to get dressed in here?”

I was about to say no before I remembered the camera and scowled. “In here, I guess. Is that really necessary?” I asked, referring to being monitored.

Blake stood close but allowed me to move under my own steam to the toilet lid where he’d kindly laid a towel to sit on. “I understand where Gavin is coming from, but I wouldn’t like it either. If it makes you feel any better, it’s on a closed circuit. He’s the only one with access.”

It did. Sorta. But it was still an invasion of my privacy.

Blake started drying my feet and nearly got kicked in the process. “That tickles,” I squealed, yanking my feet up and away from him only to lose my balance. He was quick to right me, but his fingertips ended up under the edge of the towel, just at the swell of my breast.

He swallowed thickly, easily seen from my vantage point with the way he knelt in front of me. “Sorry,” he rasped. I wasn’t so sure if he meant the tickling or the touching, but I shrugged it off.

“It’s fine. Could you hand me my pants, please? Also, what were you cussing about when you came in?” My curiosity hadn’t waned, and it seemed like a safe enough topic.

He waved me off as he reached for the pile of clothes he’d set on the edge of the vanity. “Just a self-righteous prick thinking he can dictate more than he can.” I once again assumed it was Carter but didn’t press. All thoughts of the man disappeared as Blake held up my panties. “You want these on first? Or skipping them?”

Our eyes met over the satin and lace, and I couldn’t help but rise to the challenge in them. I stuck out a foot instead of answering. It was playing with fire, yet I couldn’t seem to help myself, and from past experience, I knew it wasn’t the drugs.

“Fuck, Shelby,” he grumbled and adjusted himself before he slipped one foot, then the other, into the holes. His reaction just egged me on. I stretched my feet out so he could pull the underwear up my legs and accidentally brushed against the bulge straining the front of his pants. Briefly closing his eyes, he reopened them and told me the last thing I thought I’d hear. “I’m too old for you, baby.”

I raised a skeptical brow. He had to be younger than Dirk. “And how old are you, Blake?” I asked, certain my voice would have been husky without the damage. I leaned forward. His eyes fell to my lips as I inched closer until I could feel the warmth of his breath on my face.

“Old enough to know better, or so I’ve been told.” Putting the pieces together, I realized that had been part of his bitching when he came in. It fired me up that Carter of all people thought he had room to talk about what or who I was allowed to do.

Blake glanced up at me when I stretched my toes again, unmistakably brushing his dick on purpose. He found an answering want in my gaze before he closed the distance. I had a split second to consider that I might wind up freaking out before his lips pressed to mine. The world didn't end, so my shaky breath parted them. I wouldn't let my courage go to waste.

Darting my tongue out, I licked the center of his lower lip, daring him to reciprocate. He hesitated for a moment, searching my eyes, or maybe he was giving me a chance to change my mind? Whatever refusal he was searching for, he didn’t find.

Long minutes passed while we learned the taste and texture of each other. Blake was tentative, even gentle until he reached some knowing that I wasn’t going to balk. His kisses were better than any drug. All encompassing, barely taking a breath that didn’t involve the other’s air, he left me wanting more and blissed out all at once.

“Touch me, Blake,” I whispered as he moved to my neck, rubbing his stubble-roughened cheek against the fragile skin.

It was the cue he’d been waiting for. His eyes searched mine, something I was getting used to from him, and I nodded that I meant it. Blake stood and scooped me up, towel and all, and headed for the bedroom.

I kicked my feet free from the panties before we crossed the threshold, then voiced my concerns. “What about the camera?”

He stopped and looked up above the doorway. I couldn’t tell where exactly, but he seemed to know. “If you’re checking in, now would be the time to shut it down, Gav.”

I hid my face against his chest, his shirt barely muffling my groan. From the lack of buzzing from his phone, I assumed we were in the clear, but something about the possibility of Gavin watching us sent a thrill low through my belly.

Blake settled me down on the duvet then reached back to grab his collar and pull his shirt over his head. My throat constricted from the nervousness, but drinking in my fill of his chest as he stretched out next to me helped a bit. He was lightly defined, but not picture-perfect fitness. I hadn’t expected the almost neat triangle of hair on his chest, though that fit him too.

“Do I pass muster?” he teased as he reached out a finger to draw a line down the center of my chest. A trail of goosebumps followed, leaving my nipples pebbled and begging for attention.

I nodded shyly. I wasn’t used to being allowed, well, much of anything, but Blake, River and Rain, even Gavin almost made me feel free. If only they weren’t forcing me, I might want to stay.

“Shelby, baby, please tell me if it’s too much. I’ll stop, I promise.” I shook my head against the pillow, not caring about my wet hair. Blake groaned and leaned in to suck at my collarbone. His fingers paused as he raised his head, only resuming their path when he locked his eyes on mine.

“Don't stop,” I whined, and he twisted them over to drag rough knuckles against my skin, continuing until the tips of his fingers settled at my core, poised in the perfect position.

I whimpered as he parted my lips, pressing in just enough to test my wetness before he added more pressure and slid smoothly into the tight confines within me. He didn’t make it far, I was far too unused to anything in there, but he worked in and out, twisting and curling inside me until I couldn’t keep my focus on him. My back arched when he hit a particular place, and I couldn’t help but cry out.

“I’d ask if you like it, but I can already tell you do. Damn, baby, you don’t hide a thing. I wish I could be in you, but I’ll settle for this. For now.” I barely registered what he was saying, too intent on how he ground the heel of his hand against my clit in counterpoint to my rolling hips.

His lips trailed across my jaw and down my neck to my chest where he sucked my nipple deep into his mouth and settled his teeth well below it. The sharp, exquisite bite of pain hurtled me over the edge and left my muscles locked around his fingers. He fought the grasp and pulled, raking the top wall of my pussy until another wave left me panting and breathless. Only then did he release the grip of his jaw, sucking and soothing the marks he’d left behind.

A lazy smile flirted with my lips when he relented and let me rest, but all the bliss and dopamine fled when he brought his fingers to his mouth. I tried to stop him, but I was frozen in horror.

Only as he brushed the reddened tips across his lower lip did he pause, realizing something was wrong. “Shelby?” he asked before his eyes tracked to where I stared, widening on the unmistakable coating. “I-Did I hurt you?”

“Carter,” I whispered.

Blake didn’t understand though. “Excuse me?” he snapped, hurt flitting across his face before it hardened in anger. “I’m worried I tore you, and you’re asking for him ?”

I couldn’t answer though, too overwhelmed by the image of Carter between my legs, my virgin blood on his lips.

It felt like an eternity before I could speak but could only have been a moment or two. “I’m sorry. No, you didn’t hurt me. I haven’t had a period almost since the IUD was put in, and there was blood with Carter. I didn’t mean to—I’m sorry, Blake,” I rasped, mortified and struggling to breathe.

“Your period?” All at once, it dawned on him, and then he was reassuring me. “Don’t worry about it. I’ve seen blood, Shelby, and yours certainly isn’t going to scare me off as long as I didn’t cause it.” Much to my embarrassment, he flicked his tongue across his lip and shrugged. “See, just blood. But, Shelby, you don’t have an IUD. It hasn’t been in any of the scans. If you think you do, we need to look again. It could have perforated the surrounding tissue and traveled.” At his concern, I shook my head. “I suspect you just haven’t been healthy enough, your mind and body under so much stress, that your cycle stopped. Now, breathe, baby, we’ll get you sorted out.” He got up and wiped his hand on the now stained towel underneath me before he scooped me up and carted me off to the bathroom.

I wasn’t quite hyperventilating, but it was gonna be close if I couldn’t shut the memories down. Words tumbled out, almost of their own accord while Blake stepped into the shower. “No, I don’t. He ripped it out of me. Be-be-before Dirk… He—” I couldn’t manage more, and my tears mixed with the warm water raining down.

“Who did what ?” Blake demanded and set me on the shower chair. It pushed him out from under the spray, but from the shock on his face, he didn’t care if he was under it or not.

My stomach knotted when I remembered their connection, but I highly doubted he’d let it go. “Milo,” I more mouthed than spoke. By the stricken look on his face, Blake still caught it.

“Jesus, Shelby, I’m so sorry.” He rinsed me off, continuously apologizing until I couldn’t take it anymore.

“It’s not your fault. Please stop.” At my quiet plea, he paused and nodded once before stepping out to get towels.

“Right, well, I’m still sorry it happened to you. If you tell me your preference, I’ll get what you need.” He waited expectantly, but I didn’t know how to answer. I’d never had to have this discussion with anyone but Mama, and that was only to get the basics from her. I’d had to figure out the rest on my own. Sympathy filled his dark eyes as he nodded again. “Better yet, I’m sure the cousins are on their way back. They’ll know what to get.”

I wanted to protest, but who was going to handle it if I did? It wasn’t like I could go out myself. I had to try real hard not to snap at Blake for that too.

“Thank you,” I said instead. With the towel around me, I grabbed a washrag from the supply under the sink and shooed Blake out. “I’m going to get dressed. Myself this time. I think I can manage, but I’ll yell if I need help.”

Blake frowned like he was going to argue, but in the end, he left me to fix myself up. He had to know I needed a minute to collect myself. I just had to hope the boys would do the same and not try to handle anything for me. Lord knew the image of Blake licking his lip would forever be burned in my mind right along with Carter’s. I couldn’t function if the scandalous duo joined in.