Chapter 9

Chapter

Nine

Jacey came out of the shower revived. A new woman. A new woman without her brain at full capacity, but still, it was luscious to be clean and smell good. Bless Mama Millie, whoever she was, for sending clothing and toiletries.

She wondered if the gardenia scented body wash and lotion would create a longing look in Cade's mesmerizing green eyes. Maybe he would ease in until they were a breath apart. He could bend down and inhale her scent, his breath heating the flesh of her neck. He would look up at her with those green eyes and slowly lift his head until their lips met.

Her stomach danced at the image forming in her mind.

She hurried to brush out her hair and put a few curls in it, put on minimal makeup, and get dressed in a simple T-shirt and jeans. Cowgirl clothing. How intriguing. Could she ever be a cowgirl? Even without her memories, she knew she hadn't been raised in a wholesome, gorgeous outdoor location. Everything about her past felt stiff, uncomfortable, dark, and painful. It was no wonder she couldn't remember. Her brain didn't want to make those connections. Somehow, she had to face her past. Quaid could help her and Cade could hold her hand.

Slipping out of the master suite, she left the door ajar. She was surprised to hear raised voices. Fear instantly pricked at her skin.

Carefully creeping toward the banister, she checked and could see it was Cade, Clint, and Easton in the living area. She breathed easier. These good men were safe. No evil had penetrated Cade's sanctuary.

But someone was yelling at Cade. Clint.

"She broke me harder than she broke you," Clint hurled at Cade, his fists clenched and his arm muscles popping. "At least you only had six months of being duped. I was a year, a ten-thousand-dollar diamond ring, house plans, a foundation dug, my mama's heart invested, and weeks from marching down the aisle. You wanted me to hurt and pay for her playing both of us. I have. Humiliation, agony. I've been brought to the dust. Don't go apologizing now that we're temporarily fighting for a common goal."

Clint flung open the front door and marched out, not closing it behind him. Jacey eased closer to the railing to focus on Cade's handsome face. It twisted in agony as he watched Clint leave.

Who was this woman who had broken Cade and Clint's hearts? Cade had attempted to apologize for some vixen's actions and Clint bellowed at him? Why couldn't Clint forgive? That was horrible of him.

Cade. Her heart went out to him. She wanted to hold him, comfort him, have him tell her the sad story and she would promise she could love him and wouldn't leave him or break his heart .

Was that possible? Her life, mother, and her past had the makings of a living nightmare. Her fears of her mom injuring someone close to her were founded. Even if no one had told her details of what her mother had done to Quaid, she could fill in the blanks. Her mother was dangerous and wouldn't hesitate to maim or kill.

Jacey might hurt Cade even worse than this woman who'd broken him and Clint. Not intentionally, but she'd have to leave this sanctuary eventually to deal with her nightmare of a mother, or her mother might arrive and kill Cade. Jacey may be more dangerous for him than this other lady.

She didn't want to be.

"Sorry, bro," Easton muttered. He glanced away and must have caught a glimpse of her. His eyes lifted and lit up. "Afternoon, beautiful."

She smiled back, trying to hide the churning in her stomach. She'd known a lot of men like Easton who'd vied for her attention. She couldn't remember instances, but the emotional shield she erected was familiar. Easton was a charmer. A flirt. He yearned to capture every girl. She appreciated teasing banter, but she craved a loyal man. Like Cade.

Sadly, Cade was broken over a lady who'd chosen Clint and then wronged both of them. The man Jacey was interested in may not be available emotionally, and her own emotions were not of the stable variety.

"Afternoon," she said to Easton, then looked to Cade. His expression revealed pain before he closed off. He was erecting a wall to protect himself. She could relate to that.

She descended the stairs. Could she approach Cade? Hold and comfort him? He looked like a brick wall. Her gaze darted to the more approachable Easton. He was handsome and charismatic, but he wasn't who she was interested in.

"What a delectable spread," she said, walking to the counter and perusing all the fresh food and baked goods. "How thoughtful."

Easton beamed. "Mama baked and Dad shopped. We just delivered."

"Please tell your parents thank you, and thank you for delivering." She smiled at him.

Easton's blue eyes were hopeful. "Anything for you, Jacey."

Jacey was uncertain how to respond. Behind Easton, Cade's mouth and jaw tightened.

A truck motor flared to life outside. Easton flinched. He looked to Cade and back to her. "I'd better go, unless I want to get left in the dust. Clint's … not himself right now." He glanced hopefully in her direction, twisting his hat in his hands. "That's actually not a bad idea. Do you want me to get left behind?"

She shook her head, and his eyes dimmed. "That's unbelievably kind of you, Easton, but I believe the doctor said I require peace and quiet to heal. You should go home and take care of your responsibilities." She had no idea what that meant for him. Was he a rancher like Cade, or did he have a different occupation? "I'll rest here in this beautiful valley. Certainly by tomorrow I'll have my memories back."

She risked a glance at Cade. He didn't appear as closed off. His green eyes had a yearning in them. For her? Or for the woman he and Clint had fought over? Were currently fighting over? Where was this woman?

"Oh." Easton deflated. She wished she had a grasp on their relationship. How long had she resided on their ranch? She wanted to ask but didn't think this was the time. "All right," he said. "If you change your mind, you know who's at your beck and call." He flashed her a winning smile. She imagined it made most girls go weak in the knees.

"Thank you. We will keep in touch." She didn't want to say see you soon and have him galloping back up the mountain road on a white steed. She glanced at Cade. The image of him on a white steed made her breathless. No. Black. His horse should be black and larger than life.

"Catch you on the flip side." Easton replaced his cowboy hat and headed out the door, shutting it behind him.

Neither of them spoke as the truck door opened and shut and the truck engine sounds disappeared.

Where to start? Did she have the privilege to ask about this woman? Would he share his heartbreak?

"Are you all right?" was what she managed.

"Sure." His voice was as tight as his muscles. He appeared ready to bolt out the door.

"What is the distance to town and the Coleville Ranch?" she asked.

"About twenty minutes to the ranch, thirty to town."

"Do you visit often?"

He sensed what she was searching for. He shook his head. "I go into town for supplies every few weeks and I try never to miss church and Sunday dinner with my family."

"That is nice." Her smile was plastic. Their interaction didn't feel ‘nice'. Cade was upset and withdrawing. She should have encouraged the distance. She was befuddled in her mind and in no position to fall for an incredible and protective cowboy.

"Do you have any other questions about … anything?" he asked.

She blinked at him. "I should, but I cannot pinpoint where to begin. You are referring to my amnesia, correct?" Or was he indicating he would reveal the story of the woman who had damaged him and Clint? She doubted that was his intention.

"Right." He nodded. "I think you're dead on, what you said to Easton about needing peace and quiet. I have a few chores I need to do. We've got the cameras and sensors set up and I won't leave the yard. You lie down and rest this afternoon. If you can't sleep, there are books upstairs in the master, or you can watch a show." He gestured to the television. "I don't get Netflix up here, but I have a load of DVDs. They sell for cheap nowadays." He smiled slightly.

He was abandoning her. It was obvious. Panic filled her chest. He needed a reprieve from her, but she needed him.

She tilted her chin. An instinctive response. She refused to be needy. It was reflexive to hide her needs. Weakness should never be revealed or it could be exploited. Quaid was her only refuge. She could not allow herself to turn to or trust anyone but her brother. How she knew that when she couldn't even picture what Quaid looked like was beyond her.

"Of course," she managed to squeak out. "Can I please phone Quaid again?"

"Sure. I know from personal experience that you have a healthy fear of being tracked, so you won't be calling anyone else."

They shared a smile. Then he went on. "I'll leave the phone with you and check back in. All right?"

He was very kind, an impressive cowboy, but there was no possibility of developing a relationship with him. Her brain was not forming solid memories but was clearing of the fog and confusion, and the lack of a future between them was transparent .

"Thank you."

He handed over the cell phone. Their hands brushed and tingles worked their way across her skin. Her gaze darted to his and held. Those green eyes had been through hurt, but there was yearning there as well. For her. Despite their lack of a future? Cade did not strike her as the temporary pleasure kind of man—as evidenced by him vehemently protesting they would sleep together.

She was grateful for his moral structure, but she was tempted beyond belief to trail her fingertips across those strong shoulders, hold him close, and at least thank him for his generosity with a tender kiss.

Before she could act on the growing impulse to touch him, or admit how desperately she needed him to stay close, Cade backed away and tipped his head to her. "Get some rest."

Then he pivoted and exited through the mudroom and into the garage.

Jacey's chest tightened and her breath came in short puffs. He had walked away. He needed a break. She was alone, and pinpricks of cold chills told her danger would come soon.

She shuffled to lock the front door, then sank into the leather sofa, clinging to the phone. How to proceed without Cade. Why had he left her? Chores? Why could she not tag along as she had earlier today?

Her gaze darted around. Someone was coming. For her.

The witch.

She was in danger. So much danger. Her presence here would bring horrors to this picturesque valley and her strong and kind cowboy.

Tears pricked her eyelids and streamed down her face.

She needed help. She needed Cade. Should she call for him ?

Why was she so needy and weak? Weakness was a plague she could not reveal, no matter how she hurt or what she believed she needed.

How did she know that? She couldn't even picture what her only brother looked like. Did she have other family or only the evil mother and kind brother? How awful must her life have been to need all these men protecting her and her own mind seemingly refusing to recall her past?

Tears flowed, but they didn't soothe her burning eyes. They stung them more deeply.

Was this healing? Being alone. Quiet. Nobody looking at her as if she was fragile and didn't know her own mind. She supposed this should be healing.

It was terrifying.

"Cade!" she cried out, then clamped her hand over her mouth. What was wrong with her? If she needed Cade, she should stand up and go find him. She didn't want to be a bother. He was upset about the lady who had hurt him. He needed space and healing of his own, not a needy amnesiac patient.

The garage door burst open and Cade rushed through the mud room and into the open living area. His gaze darted around, assessing for danger. His eyes zeroed in on her. "Jacey?"

"Cade," she whimpered.

He hurried across the space, determined and strong and ready to rescue her. He didn't even remove his hat or his boots. Dropping to his knees in front of her, he reached for her hands. She released the cell phone and he wrapped both his hands around hers. Instantly she was enveloped by reassurance, protection, safety, warmth.

"What happened?"

"I am needy and weak, and I despise weakness. "

He smiled slightly. "You're not needy or weak. You've dealt with this blow better than anyone I know could."

"I am grateful for your kind words, but …" She sniffled and stared into his green eyes. "You are my haven. You comfort me and protect me, and I cannot abide being displaced from your side."

His eyes filled with compassion.

"I showered alone," she added, wanting to show she was not a quivering wimp, "but you couldn't have assisted in that sphere."

His cheeks darkened slightly. "Probably not."

"I'm sorry. I don't want to put pressure on you. You didn't ask for an amnesiac woman to fall into your life today. Should we phone Easton and have him come for me?" She sniffled at the very thought.

"No." Cade's answer was concise, firm, and not to be argued with.

"Are you certain?" Her lip wobbled.

"Jacey." Cade released her hands and stood. She peered up at him, afraid he was going to walk away. He took his cowboy hat off and set it aside, then settled onto the couch next to her.

She turned to him, grateful for his solid presence. "How did you know to return to the house?"

"I was only in the garage. I thought I'd vacuum my truck or something to distract myself, but I just kept pacing and wanting to come back inside with you. Then I heard you call my name." He gave her a ghost of a smile. "I apologize for walkin' out on you. I was upset, but not with you. I figured you could rest and maybe needed a moment to be alone and process."

"I believe I only need you."

He nodded and reached for her hand. Jacey's pulse sped up but for a completely different reason than the near-panic attack she'd had when he walked out the door. He cradled her hand in his. "I want you here, Jacey. I want to be the one you need. The one watching out for you."

"Thank you." Tears came again, but they were tears of gratitude.

"But I don't want you to feel beholden to me."

"Beholden?"

"You don't owe me anything. If you need me by your side, need to stay for years, I'll be here, but I don't want you staying because you feel like you owe me something."

"Understood." He was putting his life on hold, taking care of her, and putting himself at risk if her concerns of her mother were grounded and not part of the amnesia. He didn't want her to owe him anything? She owed him everything.

"Okay." He nodded. "What do you need right now?"

She would not mind him cradling her against his lovely chest, but she wanted to face her past. With him by her side, she could take the agony.

"I need answers. I need to attempt to retrieve my past."

"Okay. Do you want me to sit with you while you call Quaid? He will have the best answers for anything from your life that might help you."

She wished for the prerogative to retrieve answers about him. Who was this woman that both he and the handsome sheriff had fallen for? How had she ‘broken' both of them? How had this lady chosen to walk away from a man like Cade?

"I believe you are correct," she admitted. She was asking far too much. Asking him to open up about his heartache wasn't her place. "Do you need to be focused on your animals or ranch? I don't want to make you sit and hold my hand when you have responsibilities."

"My responsibility is right here," he said, his green eyes sincere. "Holding your hand."

"That is phenomenal of you." Was she only a responsibility, or did he also feel the deep connection between them?

Cade lifted the phone off the table. He tapped on Quaid's number, then handed the device to her. She pushed the speaker button and Cade raised an eyebrow. She wanted him to hear everything. They might need to rehash details, and she trusted him.

"Jacey?" Quaid's strong voice came on the line.

"Quaid." Her own voice quavered.

"Are you all right? I told Clint to let you choose and he said you want to stay with Cade."

"Yes. Cade is right here by my side."

"Hello, Quaid," Cade said.

"Hey," Quaid said.

"Cade and Quaid." Jacey beamed at Cade. "Exceptional."

They both chuckled softly.

"I have a multitude of questions, my brother."

"Fire away."

"First of all … I know you're brave, but are you hurting?"

"Hurting?"

"All I remember is waking up in this paradisaical valley. Cade was there. I felt comfort and protection, but I also feared a witch was bearing down, that she would injure a little boy. My only purpose was to protect the child. That boy was you?"

"Yes." Quaid's voice was cautious. "Jace, I'm not sure how much to tell you. What if I cause more damage with how horrific our past is? "

"I don't know, but this emptiness and the fear and questions are unhealthier. I think." She looked into Cade's eyes. "Do you have any idea, Cade? What should we do?"

Cade studied her, cleared his throat, and offered, "Shall we pray on it?"

Jacey was stunned and grateful and knew a better man than this one hadn't been created. "Yes, please."

"Thank you for the idea," Quaid said on the line. "Do you mind if I offer it?"

"That would be ideal," Jacey said.

"Yes," Cade agreed.

She set the phone on the coffee table and she and Cade clasped hands. Quaid offered a short prayer, gratitude for Cade, a restoration of memory for Jacey, protection for both of them and for his Anna and the Colevilles, and for Catherine to be caught so she could not injure or kill anyone else.

They all said amen. She clung to Cade's hands as Quaid said, "Jace. You and I have spent most of our lives trying to protect each other …"