Chapter 17

Chapter

Seventeen

Jacey was surrounded by Cade. His strong arms lifting her and pressing her ever closer to his well-built body. His lips lighting up the dark night, pushing away the shadows of doubt and fear, giving her hope for a bright future and a love that would never dim or be damaged by pain and manipulation.

She needed her cowboy in her life, protecting her, lifting her, kissing her, loving her. Nobody would ever equal him. She'd never want, need, or love somebody like she did Cade. She would choose him with or without her memories. She wanted to show him that with her kiss.

The kisses grew in intensity. Their mouths worked in synchrony, an intricate dance of love and devotion. He needed her. He chose her. He might even love her.

She pulled back slightly, let out a happy cry that made him grin, then pressed her lips to his again.

Cade was still smiling against her lips, but then he gave his all to this beautiful exchange. She savored each touch of his lips and his hands, the feeling of his strength protecting and inspiring her. She could only pray he would never push her away and she would never get her memory back. Was that wrong?

She couldn't bring herself to worry. She had Cade's arms around her and his lips lit up her world. She had never been this happy. Even without her memories, she knew that.

Suddenly Cade pulled back, his eyes full of concern. "Sweetheart," he breathed out, gently cradling her face with his hands. "I shouldn't?—"

"Don't," she warned. If he told her he shouldn't have kissed her, it would destroy her. All she needed was him and apparently he … shouldn't. Who knew what that meant, but she couldn't think of any ending to that sentence that meant he was as affected by their kisses as she was and would never let her go, never let anything come between them.

Luckily, he did not express the thought. He studied her, the concern in his gaze growing by the moment.

Jacey knew he was going to tell her he had to protect her but not love her, that her brother trusted him or something else along those lines. She couldn't hear that from his lips. Those lips that had kissed her so beautifully and thoroughly. Putting a hand to her mouth, she whimpered. His gaze instantly became full of yearning, but she knew he wouldn't let down his guard. Not again.

Spinning, she rushed away from him and up the steps. She closed the master door behind her and sank to the floor. Leaning against it, she let the tears come. She was alone, unloved, and unwanted. Cade was here to shelter her but not to love her. She'd cajoled him into kissing her in the first place. He'd even tried to talk her out of it, saying she wouldn't want a ‘simple cowboy' once she had her memories back. She'd arched up and kissed him, taken his choice away. The fact that he responded was most likely physical instinct, nothing to do with wanting her.

Time passed. She had no clue how long. She heard him come up the stairs and shut the door. She said a quiet prayer for help and strength and felt marginally better.

Then she realized. Help and strength. She was leaning on Cade and not helping herself. She didn't want her memories back, but it was past time she stopped being a wimp and faced her past. If she'd lived with the witch for years, maybe she had insight that would help Quaid catch her, something that could protect Quaid and his bride Anna, something in her brain that could protect Cade as well. Maybe it wouldn't work, but she needed to stop cowering behind Cade in this beautiful valley. If she got her memories back, she might have to leave and that was probably for the best. For Cade, at least.

Standing, she wiped the tears away and slipped out her door. It was all dark. She slipped across the hall and into the door on the right. Cade's study. His computer was on his desk. He'd told her that his internet was slow, with an old-school router, but she'd seen him use the computer and the internet.

She sank into the chair and stared dully at the darkened computer. With a click of the mouse it lit up. Surprisingly it was only ten-thirteen p.m. It felt like the past hour had been a lifetime.

She clicked on the Safari icon and her fingers stilled on the computer. She said a prayer for strength and typed in ‘Jacqueline Oliver'. The internet may have been slow, but it was only a matter of seconds until the screen was filled with the most searched articles about her. All the top magazines and newspapers had featured her. Pictures of her in formal gowns accompanied some articles. Cade had alluded to how famous she was, but it was stunning to see herself displayed like she was royalty. She felt detached from that woman. A different lifetime she couldn't recall.

There was a picture of her on a regal horse. A man stood by the horse. A distinguished and dapper-looking man. He looked serious and almost sad, though he smiled for the picture and appeared proud of her.

She studied him. Then she gasped. "Dad," she whispered. That was her father. Was he a good man or her mother's minion? Memories came of him being there for her, protecting her. They were still elusive, not quite solid, but not vapor like before. Her dad. He'd protected her. The story Quaid had shared was suddenly real, and not a story. She'd known her mother's men were going to torture and possibly kill her brother, so she'd shimmied through their legs, yelled at them, and dug her fingernails into one of their arms. The man's gaze had been murderous and though Quaid reached for her, he wouldn't have been able to stop him. Her dad had come for her, commanded the men to stop. He'd rescued her. Many times.

She swallowed. The memory was both horrifying and enlightening. Fingers trembling, she forced herself to click on the images button. More photos of her filled the page. She saw her brother Quaid and Anna. They were darling together. That made her smile.

Quaid. She could see him so clearly as a boy. As Thomas. The boy who always fought for her, loved her, held her when she was scared. She'd fought for him too.

Then she saw her sister. Elizabeth. Her sister felt a lot like her dad—protective, caring, but maybe she was only playing a role ?

"Lizzy," she said. That felt right. Her sister was Lizzy to her. Her sister cared for her. Lizzy had been there for her as much as she could, but nobody could stop their mother. Lizzy couldn't be evil like their mother.

Her eyes searched, almost against her will. Then she saw her.

Catherine Oliver. Her mother was gorgeous, but she'd taken plastic surgery and Botox and fillers and plumpers too far. She was inhuman. As Jacey studied that face, those cold blue eyes, the smiling lips, the fa?ade that hid a monster, a witch, all the memories rushed back.

A deluge of misery.

Jacey and Thomas had found a kitten out in the garden. They'd snuck it milk and whatever food they could find. Mother suddenly appeared while they were playing with the kitten. You do nothing without my permission , she'd hissed. She'd gestured, one of her men grabbed the kitten, and …

Lizzy hadn't curtsied correctly for the governor. Mother's men seized Thomas when they returned home and hit him over and over again as Lizzy and Jacey screamed for them to stop. Dad held them back and told them they had to learn …

Lizzy had eaten two desserts at a fancy picnic. Mother poured ipecac down her sister's throat as Lizzy gagged and Jacey and Quaid cried for their dad to help, and she was certain her sister would die …

Mother carved small patterns with a sharp knife into Thomas's back. Jacey couldn't even remember why. Thomas didn't cry out, but his thin body shuddered with the pain. Jacey had learned Mother never listened to her. She ran to one of the guards watching, tugged on his shirt and begged him to help. He studied her and then stepped forward and grabbed Mother's hand. "It's enough." Mother looked from the guard to Jacey to Thomas. She tilted her head. Another guard shot the one who'd helped in the back.

The memories grew darker and worse. Jacey's own screams reverberated in her head until…

Nanny Maria had rigged an elaborate escape for her and Thomas. They were almost free. She could feel Thomas's agitation and hope as he held onto her hand. Mother's men found them. They took Jacey to the office where Father and Lizzy waited. There was a video playing on the computer. Father held her on his lap, told her this was Thomas's fault, not hers. It wasn't the first time Father had held her, at Mother's instruction, and they'd viewed something on that screen, of that room with white walls, blood splattered everywhere. Father held her tight. His strong arms usually shielded her from Mother, but this time they were painful steel bands. He made her watch while Thomas begged their mother and Mother sliced Maria's throat …

Jacey doubled over. The pain, the mind games, the torture, the death all ripped through her. Her stomach clenched and cramped. Her soul felt dark and lonely; her future was bleak. Jacey was a pawn, used to manipulate her dad, Lizzy, and Quaid. She'd never dared form relationships with friends or boys she liked and give her mother more power over her. She'd never even kissed a boy or man willingly. Only the men her mother had forced on her. She shuddered, remembering men twice her age touching her, kissing her.

No wonder Cade's kisses had been so incredible.

Pushing the longing for Cade's safety and happiness away, she turned from the screen as well. She couldn't handle the pain or memories any longer. Why had she wanted to remember? What had she thought she'd accomplish? Her mother didn't care about her, only wanted to use her. Jacey had no information, was no help. She could be used as a pawn to lure her mother in. That would be helpful, but Quaid would never allow it.

Quaid. Even through all the pain of remembering, she savored the memories of Quaid. He'd been her best friend, her confidant, her protector, her favorite person in the world. When he'd escaped and gone to the Navy, she'd only been fifteen. Maybe she should've been upset at him leaving her, but it had been the opposite. She'd been ecstatic he had a chance at life and knew he'd rescue her when he could. He had.

The past year, she'd lived at the idyllic Coleville Ranch with the loving Mama Millie and Papa Jared and all those brothers who cared about her and would protect her. She'd almost come to believe she had value. But now she knew. Her mother would not rest until Jacey was back in her power and Quaid wouldn't allow that to happen.

What a mess. What should she do?

A door opened and footsteps approached. "Jacey?" Cade's deep voice was soft, concerned.

She turned to look at him. In the blue light of the computer, he looked as appealing as ever. Her tough cowboy, but never hers. She'd never have a normal or healthy relationship. Never.

And she knew in that moment. She had to get away from Cade. If her mother found her here … An image of Cade's throat sliced, and him dying as horrifically as Maria had, flashed in her mind's eye. Quaid assumed Jacey hadn't witnessed that murder. She'd never forget, and to make certain, her mother had replayed it every time Jacey tried to fight for Thomas or Lizzy or questioned why she had to date scaly, wealthy men, reminding her how Thomas would die if Jacey didn't obey.

Her body shook .

"Are you okay?"

"No," she managed. Where to start? He didn't need this burden, or her memories. She'd decided to get them back to help. The only help she could give him was to get far away and pray her mother never found out about her time here, how deeply she'd fallen in love.

"Your eyes. They're different," he ventured.

"I remember," she admitted.

His eyes widened. He strode to her and lifted her to her feet and cuddled her close. She should have pushed him away, to protect him. He shouldn't need or want her in his life. Instead, she snaked her arms around his back and clung to him. More tears sprang to her eyes and wet his T-shirt.

Safety. Joy. Love. A life she'd never have.

He held her for a few moments, then said softly, "Sweetheart, I want to hear about anything and everything, hold you, comfort you, talk the night away if that's what you want, but somebody's coming up the canyon."

"What?" She jerked away, her stomach twisting. "My mother?"

"I don't think so. The camera shows a Jeep. Clint ran the plates and it's a rental. The rental company is closed for the night so he couldn't get the name, but he's closing in on the person now. I doubt your mother would come in a rented Jeep."

"You don't know that." She grabbed his arm. "You have to hide. I will go out and meet her, give myself up. I'll claim … I'll claim this place is vacant." Panic clutched at her chest, made her mind dark and cloudy again. She had to focus. To save him. "They'll search. Take Jack and ride far away. If she never finds you, she won't be able to torture you, kill you." Her voice cracked and broke, and tears traced down her face .

Cade. She could not survive watching him be tortured and killed.

"Sweetheart." He grasped her hands in his. "Sweetheart. I'm not going to hide. You're going to hide and I'm going to keep you safe."

"No," she yelled at him, ripping her hands free. "No! You don't understand what you're dealing with. You are strong and brave, but that's exactly the kind of people she likes to break. She won't just kill you; she'll torture you first. I won't let her near you."

"No wealthy lady is going to torture or kill me." Cade looked as brave and tough as he was, but he did not understand. Nobody could but Quaid, Elizabeth, her dad, and her mother's top henchmen. Even Catherine's other close associates didn't know her like they did.

"I need to leave." She pivoted from him and ran toward the door.

Cade caught her around the waist, lifting her off her feet. "Sweetheart." His voice was stern as he cradled her against his chest. "Don't even think about it."

Jacey wanted nothing more than to cuddle into his appealing chest and let him say sweetheart over and over again, but that was not her life or her future. Not even close.

"Cade." She struggled to be out of his arms. "You don't understand. You have to let me go. I can't have your death on my head."

Wrapping her up even more tightly, he shushed her like a child having a nightmare. This was worse than any nightmare. He easily carried her out of the office and into the master suite.

"Cade. You have to let me go," she begged. She should thrash and fight. She should be imperious and mean like she had been taught by her mother. He was a hero and wanted to protect her, but he didn't love her, which was good. She might long for his love, but she didn't want him to love her and try to come for her and be destroyed.

The problem was if her mother caught her here … she could just see the calculating, shrewd look in those chilly blue eyes. Jacey shivered and fresh tears streaked down her cheeks. She had to stop crying. She wasn't weak. Leaning into Cade, she knew the terrible truth. She was weak for him. She may only be a protection detail to him, but she loved him. That could be due to her lack of relationships with men or even friendships. The horrific times slimy older men had kissed her.

Yet she knew. Cade was special. To her.

And that was a very big problem.

"I'm not letting you go," Cade said sternly.

A thrill rushed through her. His green eyes were determined and full of her. Could it be possible he returned her feelings? It didn't matter. She refused to endanger this incredible man. Not for her sake. She was worth nothing. Her mother had made certain she knew that.

His phone buzzed in his pocket.

"I need to take this. It'll be Clint with more information. If I let you down, will you stay put?"

"Do not treat me like a child," she snipped but immediately felt awful. He hadn't asked to protect her, endanger himself for her. "I'll stay put."

"All right." He let her feet slide to the ground and shifted so his left arm encircled her waist. She wanted to lean into him. He was her strength and light. But she stayed as straight as she could .

Cade pulled the phone out and pushed speaker. He trusted her to hear this? "Clint?"

"It's Sheryl." Clint's voice was as dull as Jacey had ever heard it. She knew Clint well. The oldest Coleville brother, the tough sheriff, a great guy but more serious than the other brothers.

"Pardon me?" Cade sounded annoyed. His hand slid around her waistline, pulling her in tighter.

Sheryl was … the woman they both loved? Jacey tried to shift her mindset to it not being her mother, but being a long, lost love. Relief filled her and she remembered that Clint had been dating a Sheryl when she'd first come to the ranch. She'd never met the woman, but knew she had broken Clint's heart.

"Yep. I stopped her just short of your place. I told her if she dared move I'd arrest her for trespassing. With your permission."

A woman screamed in the background.

Cade flinched but said, "I approve."

Jacey blinked up at him. It was too dark to see him clearly.

"Give me that …" Clint faded and a woman's voice came on. "Cade! Cade. I still love you."

Jacey's stomach flipped. Did Cade still love Sheryl? She was coming for him. It should be the least of Jacey's concerns with all her memories back, but it loomed large.

Another scramble and then nothing. For several moments. They could hear a car engine rev. Then finally Clint again, breathing heavily. "Sorry, man. She's coming your way. She stole my phone, messed with it then hucked it. I'm trying not to abuse my power or physically restrain her, but …" His voice was heavy.

"I'll turn her around for you," Cade said.

"I don't know that I'll let you have that chance." Clint hung up.

Jacey's eyebrows lifted.

Cade released her and blew out a breath. "It's not your mom."

"Thank heavens."

She should go back with Clint to the Colevilles'. Now she remembered how it had stressed her that she might bring her mother's wrath down on that incredible family, but they kept reassuring her they knew witness protection and they were armed and trained. It worried her, but what could she do?

Lights bounced around the canyon and she could tell a vehicle would burst out into the valley soon.

Cade studied her. "Please stay here. Don't open the door for anyone but Clint or me."

Jacey could only nod. Standing there, she listened to his steps and then heard the front door open and close. There wasn't an angle of the front porch from here. Maybe from Cade's guest bedroom. She hurried out of the master and across the hall. Stepping into the bedroom, her eyes swept the area. Cade must have flipped on the front porch lights. There was enough light to see. There was nothing in the room but a couple sleeping bags stacked on top of each other with sheets and a blanket and a pillow, some clothes in the closet.

Cade.

She put her hand to her mouth. He had been sleeping on the floor so she could sleep in his master suite.

He was too good of a man. She had to get away from him. To save him. She pivoted and ran from the room, down the stairs and into the great room. She hesitated. How could she convince Clint to take her back to Coleville Ranch without Sheryl seeing her? Sneak around through the garage and hide in the back of his truck while they were all distracted ?

She heard heated voices and then the front door burst open. An exquisitely beautiful blonde woman burst through the door, crying out, "I'm meant to be with … Who are you?"

Jacey darted back to the stairs. If there was one thing she'd learned from her year at the Colevilles', nobody but the family and a few of the highly trusted ranch hands could know she was there. It was how she'd stayed safe for a year.

"Housekeeper," Jacey said, forcing a smile, unable to keep the quaver from her voice.

Cade and Clint were right behind the woman. Both of them looked like deer caught in the headlights.

"If you'll pardon me." She hurried up the steps.

The woman was crying and carrying on behind her. "Housekeeper? That gorgeous woman is no housekeeper!"

Jacey hurried into the master suite, hoping the lady hadn't recognized her. Her idea to go to Coleville Ranch with Clint might cause a mess. She could go in the morning.

She couldn't resist leaving the door cracked and listening intently.

"You're living with that lady! Laynee promised you looked miserable at church, that you were alone and pining for me."

"That's it," Clint growled. "I didn't want to physically restrain you, but you're leaving me no choice."

The lady screamed out in protest, but seconds later the door was slammed behind her.

Jacey waited, wondering if Cade had gone outside with them. A few minutes later, two sets of headlights bounced around and then disappeared. Would Cade have left Jacey to drive the Jeep? That didn't seem like her Cade.

Her Cade? That sadly could never happen.

The front door opened and closed again. Then Cade trod up the stairs. She opened the door fully and walked out to face him. He looked exhausted and frustrated.

She had no idea what to ask, what to say.

"Sheryl?" she managed.

He exhaled slowly, rubbing at his jaw. "She decided she wanted me back."

"Oh. Do you …"

"Do I what?" Cade had never gotten frustrated with her, but he was definitely annoyed right now.

"Want her back?" She folded her arms across her chest to protect herself. She had to leave, but she was selfishly jealous.

"Never." Cade shook his head. His jaw worked, but he didn't say anything else.

Jacey was relieved. "You loved her?"

"I thought I did. When I came home with a medal and an honorable discharge because of my knee … I found out she was with Clint. She'd been dating him here and me long distance. She played both of us."

"Oh, my." She put a hand to her mouth. "No wonder you and Clint …"

"Hated each other? Yeah. I made a fool of myself trying to fight Clint. He wisely just kept me from hurting myself."

"Is that why you moved up here?"

"Part of it." His gaze closed and his expression hardened. "I don't think she recognized you. I have no idea what Clint will do with her. He could restrain her for trespassing, but that won't hold. If he tells her not to say she saw a woman up here with me, will she get more suspicious and shout it to the world because she's jealous? If she puts it together, what will she do?" He shrugged and looked even more tired. "At least she willingly drove away. Get some rest. I'll get my weapons ready and keep watch on the sensors and cameras."

"You can't go without sleep," she protested.

He smirked. "I can and I will. Get some rest." He turned back toward the stairs.

"I am leaving in the morning," she said to his back. Cade was tough and could fight, but he had no clue what he was up against. Quaid did. Before, she could see that the threat of somebody finding out about her being here was low. Now it had all escalated. If this Sheryl connected the pieces, posted on social media …

Cade pivoted back. His green eyes looked wounded, then he shuttered any emotion. "Why?"

"One man fighting against my mother's cronies if they come? I cannot believe Quaid ever agreed to this arrangement."

"He agreed because I can take on an army and because … you chose me." His guard slipped for just a moment. Longing for her and raw pain that she was choosing to leave him.

She wanted to tell him she loved him and that she would protect him from her mother coming here. He would most likely explain he couldn't love her back, but he could defend her.

It was better for her heart not to get into that battle. It was better for him if she left.

"I'll let Clint deal with Sheryl tonight," she said. "In the morning, I'll go to the Colevilles' and see what Quaid and his friends can do to relocate me. There is too much risk now that Sheryl has seen me."

Cade let out a heavy breath, rubbing at his jaw again. "If that's your choice," he finally said.

Jacey swallowed. Why did her choice matter so much to him? They'd kissed before her memories returned and he had been the one to stop. Had she been a horrible kisser? Most likely. What did it matter now? She was leaving him to keep him safe.

"It is," she said.

His green eyes filled with a pain that stunned her. She was choosing to leave him, and it gouged him deeply. She wanted to explain all the reasons. The sacrifice she would make every time to keep him safe. It wasn't about what she would choose if she could. She'd choose him, but she'd never had a choice, and she didn't now.

He turned and pumped down the stairs.

Jacey stood there, wanting to chase after him, kiss him, tell him she loved him and that she would come for him if her mother was ever truly detained.

But it wasn't fair to give him false hope. Just as they'd seen, her mother could and would escape any prison. Jacey would never have a blissful life with Cade, her cowboy.

She slowly returned to the master suite. No sleep would come tonight. By morning, she'd be gone and would have to somehow forget this idyllic time in an idyllic place with an even more idyllic man.

Tears slipped down her face. Maybe she could cry herself to sleep.