Chapter 15

Chapter

Fifteen

Jacey put the fresh food Clint had brought with him in the fridge and finished dinner prep but didn't want to eat without Cade. She nibbled nervously on a delicious oatmeal chocolate chip cookie from the new tray of goodies and snuck peeks at Clint and Cade out the window.

The discussion looked animated, but they hadn't come to blows. That was good. She wished Cade would share with her, but who was she to petition he share his personal sorrows? She was a demanding house guest and protection detail. Not his future girlfriend, no matter how she longed to be close to him emotionally and physically.

She heard the truck motor turn over and her gaze darted to the window. Dropping the cookie in the trash bin, she took a quick drink of water and pulled plates out to try to look busy and not like she had been eavesdropping.

Cade strode in the door, taking his hat off and setting it to the side. He nodded to her and walked to the kitchen. She could not get a read on his eyes. It looked like he had a burden removed and then was shackled with another.

"Smells great. Shall we pray and eat?" he asked.

Her brows rose. Clearly not ready to share. "Of course."

They prayed, dished up plates, ate. Neither of them brought up the elephant in the room. After cleaning up dinner, she was not certain what they would do. They'd gone on some walks in the evening, played cards, watched a couple movies. She would love to do something active right now.

"Can we swim in the lake?" she asked. It was the one thing he'd told her they would do and they hadn't.

"It will be freezing with the sun down," he said, meeting her gaze then looking away. He felt more distant than ever. What had Clint shared with him?

"I have heard cold therapy is beneficial for … something." She smiled and hoped her look was inviting.

"I've heard that too." He returned her smile and shrugged. "All right. If you're instantly a popsicle, I'll get you back home quick."

Home. This was her home. "I am made of steel and iron, Mr. Miller."

He chuckled. "I believe you're tougher than nails, sweetheart, but you're also soft in all the right ways." He gave her a generous smile and her stomach hopped. "All right. Do you have a swimming suit?"

"Yes, sir, I do." Her stomach dissolved into fluttery hops as she envisioned seeing him in a swimsuit. Swimming might be a brilliant idea on her part and exactly what she needed to get him out of the funk he had sunk into since Clint's visit.

"Let's do this. "

They walked upstairs, and he retrieved swim trunks and two beach towels from his master closet before giving her a warm smile and walking out. She hurried to put on the one-piece swimsuit that had been in her suitcase and a long, summery dress over top, sliding into flip flops.

Cade waited for her downstairs. He had a T-shirt and board shorts on and slid into flip-flops as they walked through the mudroom and into the garage. It was weird to see his legs and bare feet. He had naturally tan skin, but his legs looked pale compared to the deep brown of his arms, hands, neck, and face. She could see puckered scars on his right knee.

"What happened to your knee?" she asked.

"Blown ACL," he said. "The end of my Army career."

"I'm sorry."

"It's all right. I loved the military, but it was time to be home."

She waited, but he didn't offer anything else. "Your knee looks painful."

"Not anymore."

He opened the low door of the utility vehicle in his garage, which was parked next to his large white four-door Ford truck. The drive was short around the bottom side of the lake. The weather was mild, a beautiful summer evening with the sun sinking behind the mountain to the west.

He stopped the Ranger next to a rock formation that climbed up into the mountains to the east and jutted out over the water. "We should try this earlier in the day when we're sweating from chores and the hot sun."

"We're here now," she reminded him. "A dip in the cold water is the plan."

"All right." He shrugged. "Your hypothermia. "

"You would warm me up if I needed."

His gaze was instantly piping hot and said he indeed would warm her up. She was anticipating this cold lake swim idea more and more.

"All right." He climbed out of the Ranger and came around to help her out. "The only way to do this is to plunge right in. We'll jump off the lowest spot."

He directed her up the rocks. It was an easy climb, and they reached a ledge maybe a dozen feet above the water.

"Why the lowest spot?" she asked, giving him a challenging look.

"We'll see how you like it before we progress." He pointed up the rocky outcropping to a spot that looked dangerously high.

"What is the highest level?" she asked.

"About thirty-five feet. Nothing life threatening."

Life threatening. Those words were not comfortable. From what Quaid had shared, her existence here could be life threatening to those around her. She prayed he was wrong.

Cade slid out of his flip-flops and she did the same. He picked up both pairs and tossed them off the rock and to the grassy bank about twenty feet away. "We usually chuck these down to the grass so the girls don't have to climb up barefoot."

He'd brought girls here? The woman he and Clint fought over or his sisters or other ladies?

"But I didn't think …" His face darkened. "Your dress and my shirt." He swallowed and looked away. He was such a gentleman he didn't want to tell her to undress.

Jacey smiled and lifted the dress over her head. He glanced back at her. His green eyes filled with appreciation and then a longing that made her pulse quicken and her knees strangely weak.

He quickly tugged his shirt off. No posturing or presentation. It didn't matter. He could've done a slow teasing move to remove his shirt and it would not have affected her any more strongly.

"Cade," she whispered, reaching out a hand to steady herself and clinging to his muscular forearm.

"Jacey." His voice filled with concern, and he cupped her waist and hip with his large palm to support her. "Are you all right?"

"I …" She swallowed and let her gaze trail over the pronounced muscles of his shoulders and chest. A ‘farmer's tan' line cut through his bicep. She relished the look. It showed how hard he worked and that he wasn't trying to improve his tan. His skin went from a light tan on his upper body to a deep brown on his arms and neck.

"I know I don't have my memories," she said, "but I can promise you I've never seen a man built as beautifully as you are."

His eyes widened at her boldness. His hand trailed up her waist a few inches and then around to her lower back. The blue one-piece swimsuit was open at the back, and they both startled as his palm touched bare skin. Fire rushed through her. She knew he'd move his hand quick. She enjoyed his touch while she had it.

He leaned in a few inches, his eyes fastened on hers. "Sweetheart," he drawled out in that incredible cowboy voice she loved, "I've been fighting tooth and nail not to gawk at you, but I have all my memories, and I can promise you I've never seen a woman as beautiful as you. "

She flushed with warmth and hoped he'd forget all his noble intentions and kiss her.

"And now we should jump in some freezing water and cool off," he said with a meaningful look.

Removing his hand from her back, he wrapped his hand around hers and tugged her toward the edge. She forced herself to look away from his handsome face and incredible build and down into the water below. The sun had set and it looked a murky, dark blue instead of the clear, bright blue she usually glimpsed.

A dart of fear traced through her. What was lurking in the depths below? She didn't believe she had any fears of heights or water, but who knew? The jump wasn't very high, and the water was calm, so she couldn't imagine either was dangerous.

Her protective cowboy was right here. Cade would never let anything happen to her.

"Ready?" Cade squeezed her hand, and she could hear the anticipation in his voice. He liked jumping into his lake, which made her glad she'd suggested it.

"Do you think I can swim?" she mused.

He glanced at her, his lips turned up in an appealing smirk. "If not, I'll be right there to hold you up."

"Of course you will." She smiled and knew no matter what, this man would protect and lift her. "All right. 3 … 2 … 1!"

They jumped together. Holding hands. It was a quick drop that took an immeasurable time. Jacey felt her stomach lift and a happy cry escape her lips. Her trust in Cade was as firm as his grip on her hand.

The cold water stung her feet and encompassed her entire body as they plunged down. She instinctively kicked for the surface and felt Cade's hand tugging her up as well. They changed trajectories and her head broke free of the icy liquid, flinging water everywhere.

She pulled in a breath and screamed, "Cold!" Then she laughed. Her limbs were so cold they were instantly numb, and it was hard to command them to move. She yanked her hand free and beat at the water with her arms and legs, easily staying afloat. She shouldn't have pulled from Cade's grip, should've pretended she couldn't swim and let him hold her, but it was instinctive to tread water. Though she'd been far too vulnerable and needy with Cade, it was against all instinct to play the damsel in distress.

Cade laughed with her or maybe at her as she swam fast strokes while keeping her head above water toward the nearby grassy edge. Launching herself out of the water, she shivered and wrapped her arms around herself. "Incredibly and undeniably freezing!"

Cade swam to the edge and used his arms to pop himself onto the grassy edge. The cold pinpricks stinging her skin were forgotten as she stared at his lean and impressively muscled upper body.

"One and done?" he asked, grinning at her.

She knew if he'd let down his guard and kiss her, it would be nowhere close to ‘one and done.' She'd kiss him and kiss him and kiss him.

"Sweetheart?" he asked, his grin sliding as concern filled his green eyes. "Do I need to get you back to the house?"

"Not a chance," she fired back. "We are jumping again. The highest ledge you can boast this time."

"Really?" His grin was restored. "You decided you like heights and water? "

"Yes to both." She grabbed his hand and tugged him toward the rocks.

She liked him. He'd shown he liked her as well, but he'd been very clear that she shouldn't ask him to kiss her.

At least they could laugh, work, and play together.

They jumped three more times and then Cade insisted they head home as it was getting dark. Though he had the phone and a rifle in the Ranger, he didn't want to risk her safety.

She knew he didn't, and she appreciated it but loathed the fun being over. He checked the cameras and sensors before they headed back. As they drove, she replayed the excitement and thrill of the jump and the shock of the cold water.

"You'd think it would get better each time," she exclaimed, "but no, bitter cold, every single time. My skin went instantly numb and I couldn't even catch a breath."

"You could still somehow shriek, ‘Cold!'" he teased her.

She shoved at his shoulder.

He grinned as he pulled into the garage.

"So worth it." She clapped her hands together, her fingers and toes chilled clear through. "Thank you, Cade. That was the most thrilling adventure I have ever been on!"

He shut off the Ranger, pushed the button to close the garage and turned to look at her. "My pleasure, sweetheart."

She couldn't hide her happy grin. He'd lean across the console, their lips would meet, and ‘thrilling adventure' would not be sufficient to describe their first kiss.

"Only adventure you remember, though," he teased. Then he jumped out and hurried around, opening her door. He was a gentleman through and through. That felt familiar to her, maybe because she'd stayed with the Colevilles or maybe because the men in her former life had the appearance of gentlemen, even if their deeds were dark underneath.

"I am certain it was the best."

He only laughed. He had her wait while he checked the cameras and then searched the garage, in and under his truck and tool bench. Then he escorted her into the laundry room, dead bolted the door into the garage and checked the bathroom and main room. He escorted her upstairs, scanned the master suite and then held the door for her.

"Thank you again for the thrilling adventure." She clutched her cold hands together. "Can we repeat the experience tomorrow?"

"I'm sure we can. After we're hot and dusty from afternoon chores, we'll strip down and jump in."

Her heart raced.

"You can wear your swimsuit under your chore clothes," he hastened to add.

"And you'll leap in wearing your jeans, cowboy?" she teased.

"Yes, ma'am."

"I'm sure you have before." The image made her breath hitch.

"Oh, yes, ma'am."

She laughed.

His brow furrowed as he looked at her hands. "Are your hands all right?"

"Just warming them up from the cold."

He took both of her hands in his. His large, warm palms encompassed hers and she was instantly hot all over, safe, protected, loved. No. He didn't love her, but Cade's instinctive protection overwhelmed her. Nobody had ever been there for her like him.

Wait a minute. Her brother. Quaid had never left her behind or deserted her. Yet … they hadn't gone over her life's timeline year by year, but Quaid was a heroic Navy SEAL and from what she understood, she'd been alone with her mother, Elizabeth, and their father for years.

If her mother was anything close to the nightmare everyone made her out to be, her father and Elizabeth her puppets, Jacey had been traumatized, with no support, for a long time. She didn't want to think about that, but no wonder she couldn't get enough of Cade and his strong body overshadowing and protecting her, his warm hands surrounding hers and his green eyes lighting up her world.

He gently lifted her hands to his lips and breathed warm air on her fingertips.

Jacey quivered from head to toe. She leaned closer, smitten with this gentle, strong, unreal cowboy.

"Better?" he asked.

"Yes," she admitted, wanting to lie and say her entire body was frozen and he needed to hold her close and warm her up.

"Good."

Their gazes held. He had to kiss her now. It was inconceivable that he wasn't as taken with her as she was with him. She knew he was honorable, but at some point didn't irrepressible desire have an advantage over duty?

"What do you imagine it would be like?" she whispered, inching closer, thinking about their first night here and watching Sweet Home Alabama . He did resemble Josh Lucas.

"What's that?" he asked, his warm breath doing a number on her fingers still held close to his mouth .

"If you could ‘kiss me anytime you wanted to' like Jake expressed to Melanie?" She could not believe she was being so bold.

His eyes widened as he got the reference, and she felt his breath shorten against her hands. "Ah, sweetheart," he said in a rumbly and husky baritone that shot joy through her body.

He was going to kiss her thoroughly. She knew it.

"Sweetheart …" He shook his head, released her hands, stepped back and murmured, "I think you'll sleep well after all that cold therapy." He gave her a forced smile. "It's supposed to help with circulation and sleep."

"Wonderful," she managed. Her pride and her hopes and her heart all stung with his rejection. She knew his reasons, but it didn't help salve any of the wounds he'd just inflicted.

Not wounds. She was being dramatic. She could hide her emotions and any wounds. Though she couldn't remember, she knew she'd been well-trained at that.

"Goodnight, cowboy. Thank you for a blessed day."

He smiled and nodded to her.

She hurried into the room, closing the door softly behind her. She made it to the shower and pulled out the knob. The running water obscured the sobs that overcame her.

Pulling the dress over her head and dropping it in the hamper, she walked into the shower in her swimsuit before the water even warmed up. The cold water reminded her of their multiple leaps into the lake. She was ready to leap into a relationship with her cowboy, but he wasn't ready and was focused on protecting her.

She admired him for it and hated that she wasn't done breaking down and crying. She hadn't since that first day. Cade had been there to hold and comfort her each time. Currently, she felt alone despite her handsome protector. The warm water covered her as she rested her head against the cool marble shower, but it didn't comfort or warm her.

She was alone.

And somehow, she knew she'd always been alone and always would be.