Chapter 25

Hart

My meeting with the founder of the foster kids association goes to plan. He’s blown away by my idea and will do anything he can to help get it off the ground. We brainstorm for several hours and when I leave his office in Collins Street I’m happy.

Okay, happy may be stretching the truth. I’m optimistic. There’s a vast difference. I should know, I’ve rarely been happy. The last time was…an image of Daisy curled into my side in bed while teasing and joking springs to mind.

Yeah, that was the last time I was truly happy and it sucks that I’ll never have that again.

I stride down Collins Street, past the boutiques, restaurants, and theatres. It’s been years since I’ve been to Melbourne but I barely notice the changes. It’s a concrete jungle, like many cities around the world. Glitz and glamour on the surface, hiding a seedy underbelly where homeless sleep in doorways and kids roam the streets in search of a safer place to live.

The third family I was fostered with lived in North Melbourne, an older couple with one kid, a boy about my age, Erik. I was thirteen at the time, going through the awkwardness of puberty and struggling at a new high school, but the Pendleburys were good people. They were footy mad and dragged me to watch their beloved Kangaroos every weekend, and while the Aussie Rules game itself didn’t interest me much, I grew to cherish those weekly outings to the football.

For the simple fact we felt like a real family.

During those few hours we crammed into the stadium with other supporters I’d sit with the Pendleburys and forget I was a ring-in, living with them for goodness knew how long. They’d ply Erik and me with homemade sandwiches and cakes, packets of chips, and small rectangular juice boxes better suited to younger kids. I never complained. I never told Barb that I hated ham sandwiches and disliked cream in my cupcakes. I took everything she dished out gratefully because, amid the cheers and boos and feeding frenzy, I felt like I belonged.

Then Pa found me and my life transformed, but I never forgot the footy-mad Pendleburys and the way they made me feel, safe for those years I lived with them.

As I turn into Swanston Street and head towards the iconic Flinders Street Station two blocks away, I’m plagued by the oddest feeling: restlessness.

I thought that by coming here and throwing myself into the new project I’d be suitably distracted. But there’s not much more I can do in person here. Usually, I’d welcome this edginess. It ensures I keep moving from place to place and don’t allow myself to get attached to anything or anyone. I welcome it.

So why can’t I summon up the enthusiasm to head to the airport and board a flight to Sydney?

I organised it after my meeting concluded, to keep momentum going for the project. I have a meeting scheduled there first thing in the morning. Then who knows? I might tour every capital city to ensure kids from all over the country have access to a vacation on Gem Island.

Yeah, it’s doable. After Sydney I’ll do a capital hop: Hobart, Adelaide, Perth, Darwin, with Brisbane last. I’m well aware of why I’ll visit Queensland’s capital last: Daisy lives there and the longer I stay away, the less likely I’ll feel compelled to look her up.

In this case, I intend for absence not to make the heart grow fonder.

I grab a take-out coffee at a trendy café in Federation Square before hailing a taxi. I’m travelling light, though may have to buy a suitcase and a few more items of clothing if I’m planning a tour around the country that’s longer than a week.

Pa used to laugh at me for my frugal packing whenever we travelled. He never understood my lack of need for things. Then again, he wouldn’t have understood a lot of things about me.

Like how I kept a backpack in the back of my closet, packed with the barest necessities, in case I had to leave on short notice. It had happened before, when I’d escaped out of a bedroom window to avoid the heavy hand of my dad and hidden under a tree in the backyard.

Like how I rarely slept well, born of years of not closing my eyes due to fear of what may attack me in the darkness.

Like how I always kept snack bars in the pockets of all my suits because I never wanted to feel starvation clawing at my stomach again.

Pa was great but I hid so much of myself from him. And if I couldn’t truly be honest with the one man who meant everything to me, how can I ever presume to have a real relationship with a woman?

Annoyed how my thoughts keep drifting back to Daisy, I snatch a quick nap in the back of the taxi, only waking when we pull up outside the airport terminal.

‘Here we are,’ the taxi driver says, tapping the final fare on the console. I hand him a hundred-dollar bill and don’t wait for the change.

‘Thanks, mate,’ he yells, but I’m already gone, seeking refuge in the air-conditioned terminal, eager to board my next flight.

My phone rings before I make it through security. I hold my breath until I see Kevin’s number on the screen.

My disappointment is acute and I clamp it down as I answer. ‘Hey, Kevin, how are things?’

‘All good here. How’s Melbourne?’

‘The same from what I can tell. Now, I’m off to Sydney.’

‘Are you serious?’

I don’t understand Kevin’s audible panic.

‘Yeah, the meeting went well here so I’m heading off to another meeting in Sydney.’

‘But…you can’t…damn.’ Kevin blows out a breath. ‘I’ve screwed up.’

He’s barely been in the job twenty-four hours and my heart sinks. I have high expectations of Kevin. I need him to do a stellar job so I’m free to return to doing what I do best: travel the world, help foster kids, and maintain ties to nobody.

‘What have you done?’

‘I think I may have sent Daisy on a wild goose chase.’

His answer does nothing to clear up the situation but I latch onto her name. Just hearing it makes my heart pound faster.

‘Where is she?’

‘Coming to see you in Melbourne.’

‘What?’ I hold the phone away from my ear and stare at it. Yeah, like that’s going to change what I just heard. ‘Why the fuck would you do something as stupid as that?’

‘Because she cares about you and you care about her.’ He sounds defensive and huffy. ‘Besides, she needs your final approval for the campaign.’

‘But you could’ve signed off on that…wait a minute, didn’t the site go live this morning?’

I grit my teeth in frustration, knowing the answer before he speaks. I haven’t had time to check the new website for Gem Island, what with being caught up in that meeting for hours. If it hasn’t gone live, I won’t be happy.

‘No, it’s not live yet. I figured a day’s delay wouldn’t be that big a deal so I told Daisy she needed your approval—’

‘Why would you do that?’

But I already know. Kevin’s trying to play matchmaker.

‘Because you need a shove in the right direction and hopefully when she catches up with you, you’ll do the right thing.’

‘Did anybody ever tell you you’re an interfering old busybody?’

‘Your grandfather, all the time. For the record, it didn’t stop me.’ He snickers. ‘You need to call her. Tell her where you are.’

I sigh, not in the mood for games. ‘I will. And you need to butt the hell out of my private life.’

‘But I was trying to get your snazzy new campaign approved. This has nothing to do with your personal—’

‘You’re a very bad liar as well as an interfering prick. I’ll be in touch.’

I end the call and stare at the screen again. I don’t use a screensaver, preferring to see functional apps against a black background.

I know what needs to be done. I should punch in the numbers I’ve memorised and speak to Daisy.

Instead, I slip the phone into my pocket and head through security.

I’ll email her.

Later.