Chapter 23

Hart

I’ve gone too far.

But there’s no turning back.

I knew what I was doing when I deliberately taunted Daisy in such a crass way. I knew she’d walk away. It’s what I wanted.

Because the moment she articulated exactly how I feel, like she could see right through me, I had to end it.

‘Is this how you were with your grandfather? Pushing him away until he had no choice but to let you go? If so, I feel sorry for you. You like to blame everyone for your misfortune rather than face up to your past and your abandonment issues.’

It wouldn’t have mattered what she said after that, I had to drive her away. Belittling what we shared was guaranteed to do that.

I’m a fool. I’ve been so hellbent on proving all we had was great sex I didn’t see the moment it moved beyond that. I’m also a coward, because rather than explain why I can’t take this thing between us further, I deliberately misled her.

She’ll think I used her. She’ll think I’m an A-grade prick. I should be glad. Yet all I feel is hollow, and my face is numb, like all those times I had to pretend being ignored or bullied or abused meant nothing.

There’s a knock at the office door and Kevin sticks his head around it. ‘You wanted to see me?’

‘Yeah, come in.’

I need to forge ahead with my plans, sooner rather than later.

‘Are you okay?’ He sits on the other side of my desk and I determinedly try to ignore the memory of Daisy bent over it. ‘You look awful.’

‘Just tired.’

Wisely, Kevin doesn’t call me on the bullshit even though he continues to stare at me with blatant curiosity. ‘What’s up?’

‘I’ve made a decision regarding the general manager position here on the island.’

His eyebrows shoot up. ‘But you haven’t interviewed anyone yet.’

‘I’ve scoured the applicants’ CVs and done remote interviews by videoconferencing.’

‘Right.’ Disappointment downturns his mouth, which gives me hope that he’ll jump at the opportunity I’m about to offer him.

‘But none of the applicants impressed me as much as you do, so I’d like to offer you the position.’

Kevin’s jaw drops before he quickly shuts it and straightens. ‘You’re serious?’

‘One hundred per cent.’ I gesture at the office. ‘I know you refused when I first offered you the position, but since I’ve been here I’ve watched you and I can’t think of a better candidate. You’ve spent three decades alongside Pa. You know how this place operates better than anyone. I can’t think of a more capable manager to ensure the Gem Island resort moves forward and continues to grow.’

‘I won’t refuse this time. Besides, the missus kicked my ass after I did the first time.’ Kevin grins like I’ve handed him the keys to the kingdom and holds out his hand. ‘Thanks, mate. I won’t let you down.’

‘I know you won’t.’ I shake his hand, relieved the first part of my plan has gone smoothly. ‘There’s just one hitch.’

‘What is it?’

‘You need to start now.’

He laughs. ‘Nice one.’

‘I’m not kidding. I need to fly to Melbourne shortly and I’m not sure how long I’ll be gone. And if all goes well there I may not be back for a while.’

Confusion creases his brow. ‘I don’t understand. We haven’t launched the new website yet—’

‘Daisy’s handling that. It will go live tomorrow morning, along with a bunch of pre-recorded podcasts and trailers shot around the island over the last week.’

‘So Daisy’s sticking around but you’re leaving?’

I don’t like where this is going. I thought we were discreet but Kevin sounds like he knows.

‘Yes.’

I don’t offer more than a curt affirmation, hoping he’ll leave it at that.

‘But I thought…’ He gives a rueful chuckle. ‘Never mind.’

Relieved that Kevin isn’t probing, I turn my computer screen so he can see what I’ve been working on. ‘This is the reason I’m going to Melbourne. To meet with the founder of the this foster kids association and get the ball rolling on my idea.’

Kevin peruses the screen, reading quickly, before meeting my gaze head-on. ‘What do you have in mind?’

‘You know those old villas at the back of the property?’

He nods.

‘I want to turn those into a vacation destination for foster kids and their families. Give them something that most never have, time away from the drudgery of their lives. Open up new horizons. Let them see there’s more to life.’

‘Wow, impressive.’

Kevin’s audible admiration encourages me to continue.

‘I want it up and running sooner rather than later, and I want to advertise it. But Daisy didn’t agree initially.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I wanted to add this onto the resort’s main website so when prospective families look this place up they can see what’s on offer. She agreed, but only if I’m the face of both campaigns to pull them together.’

‘Sounds sensible—’

‘It’s not.’ I shake my head, residual anger making me grit my teeth. ‘I’m a private person. I don’t want my face bandied around as some do-gooder. So the kids’ programme needs to be an adjunct of what we’ve already come up with.’

A small frown appears between his brows. ‘Isn’t that muddying the message?’

My expression tightens but I give him a chance to elaborate.

‘I mean, the whole aim of this PR campaign was to re-establish faith in consumers that the Rochester brand is being reinvigorated and going from strength to strength despite your grandfather’s death. We want to promote the hell out of this island, use it as some kind of flagship resort, increase bookings by fifty per cent, and to do all that you hired a PR firm.’

Annoyed by his logic telling me nothing I don’t already know, I say, ‘And your point is?’

‘While I think your idea for foster families is brilliant, I agree with Daisy. To make the rebranding and your idea work cohesively, we need to make you the new face of it all.’

I open my mouth to respond and he holds up his hand. I should be outraged but all I can think is he’ll make a damn fine manager.

‘I don’t mean that to sound snobby or to reflect badly on the foster programme at all, but I think we have a great opportunity here to do something for those kids, so why would you want to rush it without giving the programme due diligence?’

I nod, begrudgingly admitting he’s made a valid point. ‘I’m not trying to rush anything but the way I see it, why not make use of the launch to gain free publicity rather than having to duplicate all over again when the programme is up and running?’

‘But won’t you just have a vague outline of the programme if you add it onto the new website, with a “coming soon” label? Is that really the publicity you want, when you could make a much bigger impact when there’s actually something to see and links to bookings? Unless your ugly mug is plastered all over the website, only then will everyone know what you represent. High-end glamour for tourists and generous lodgings for kids in need.’

Fuck, he’s making sense.

‘You’re right, but we’re going ahead as planned.’ I thump my desk in frustration and he jumps. ‘Sorry. I fucked up with Daisy over this.’

‘She’s a professional, she’ll do what’s best for the Rochester brand.’

Yeah, but what about what’s best for me?

I’ve never had anyone see through me the way she did. Even Pa didn’t know the root of my problems and why I could never fully trust him.

But she mentioned my abandonment issues with my dad like they were the most obvious thing in the world and the moment she said it, everything seemed so clear.

My residual resentment, my quickness to push people away, my repressed emotions…I still blame my dad even though I dismissed him years ago as having no relevance in my life whatsoever.

Daisy helped me gain clarity, and how did I repay her? By pushing her away like I do with everyone else. My gut churns and I grimace.

Kevin chuckles. ‘I knew I was right. You two are an item.’

‘We’re not…’ The automatic refusal dies on my lips.

We’re something, but I don’t know how to label what we are. Were. Considering I’ve fucked up deliberately.

‘She’s a nice girl. Good head on her shoulders.’ He snickers. ‘And anyone can see you two combust whenever you’re near each other.’

‘Is it that obvious?’

‘Yeah, though only if you’re looking for it.’ He taps his chest. ‘I’m an old gossip from way back. Your grandfather always said so and now that he’s gone I’ve switched my busybody ways onto you.’

He pauses and stares at me with open speculation. ‘So what are you going to do?’

I know what the right thing to do is. Go find Daisy and apologise, yet again, for my appalling behaviour.

But what will that solve? She’s about to leave like everyone else has in my life; starting with dear old dad who’s done a stellar job of fucking me up for life. Even Pa, who I let into my heart, left me. Through no fault of his own, and it’s irrational to feel this way, but it hurts so much harder when I actually care about the person who leaves.

And I care about Daisy.

I need to leave before she does.

It’s my only option.

‘I’m flying to Melbourne as planned to set up the programme properly with the governing bodies, then I’ll investigate further options for the PR.’

Sadly, it won’t be with Daisy, because I know after I’ve fucked up this badly she’ll never want to work with me again.

Kevin’s eyebrows rise again. ‘You won’t consult with Daisy before you leave?’

No way in hell.

I can’t see her again because I’m at risk of wavering and seeing her in person will make my resolve crumble.

This has to end, on my terms.

‘I’ll consider all options when it comes to the PR for this programme.’

Kevin makes an odd disapproving sound that I ignore.

‘I’m taking off within the hour so I’ll leave all this in your capable hands.’ I stand and offer him my hand, needing to get the hell out of here before he asks any more probing questions. ‘I’ll be in touch, and feel free to contact me if there’s any problems.’

‘Shall do.’ He shakes my hand, a powerful squeeze that tells me more than any words do. I admire a man with a strong handshake. It hints at hidden power. ‘And good luck with your foster project.’

‘Thanks.’

I’m looking forward to getting my idea off the ground but I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve made a major mistake with Daisy.

And I have no clue how to fix it.