Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen

The scent of the dense foliage filled Roth's nose, yet it still wasn't strong enough to block out the coppery aroma of freshly spilled blood. It was everywhere. On him. Around him. Splattered on the uniforms of his team members in various stages of injury, and in some cases, death. They shouldn't have been here. None of this should've happened.

Distantly, the sound of gunfire grew closer again. Yet the one sound he most wanted to hear. Needed to hear. Didn't reach his ears. The Blackhawk was quieter than older helicopters, but it didn't run completely silent. And Roth's ears were trained to detect the blades slapping against the wind. It wasn't coming.

One arm hung limply against his body and his left leg wasn't cooperating. Using his uninjured limb, he half crawled, half dragged himself closer to the harsh breathing of the nearest member of his unit. His own pain was inconsequential as he tried to reach Robbins.

Just as he got close enough to touch the young lieutenant, a whistling sound pierced the air right before the earth erupted less than twenty yards away. Throwing his body over Robbins', Roth tucked his head right before he was snatched into wakefulness.

Taking huge gulps of air, Roth stared, unseeing, with wide eyes. His body remained tense, coiled for the danger which now only existed in his dreams. Eventually, soft shushing noises penetrated the fog, pulling him the remainder of the way back to reality.

With his new focus, he realized the body he held tightly in his arms belonged to Autumn. It was his Sugar making the shushing sounds while delivering tentative strokes to his forearms. He held her so tightly it was the only place she could reach. Forcing his limbs to relax was a task accomplished in stages, but he was finally able to do it.

Once she had the space to maneuver, Autumn rolled to her back. The soft concern in her eyes and her gentle touch when she cupped his face sent a jolt of guilt lancing through him. Closing his eyes against the image, he dropped his head back onto the pillow.

"I'm sorry, Sugar." Opening his eyes again, he propped himself on one elbow leaning over her in the semi-darkness of the early morning. "I didn't hurt you did I?"

Stretching out his arm, Roth's fingertips grazed the base of the lamp on the nightstand. Light immediately illuminated her beautiful face. Visually scanning every part of her, he checked for the slightest hint of injury.

Autumn's soft digits closed around his wrist attempting to still his movements.

"I'm fine, Roth. You didn't hurt me." Sitting up, she peered into his eyes. "Are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?"

No . Roth absolutely didn't want to talk about it. As much healing as he'd done while working the Silver Creek Ranch, there was one time of year that was still difficult for him. It was the anniversary of his last mission. The date was emblazoned in his memory, not only because of the trauma and lives lost, but because it was also his birthday.

The scars on his shoulder and left leg no longer physically caused him pain, but he didn't need them to remind him. Each year, like clockwork, the closer it came to his birthday, he became a little more agitated. His sleep wasn't as restful. And it wasn't as if he'd gotten the most restful sleep in the past five years.

This year, he thought things might be different. Since the first night he spent with Autumn in his arms, he'd been able to sleep for more than four hours. He was actually resting with her beside him. But, even his Sugar's magic hadn't completely vanquished the demon. It still reared its head the day before his forty-third birthday.

"Roth?" Autumn's brow was creased with worry as she looked at him. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Remembering what he'd learned in therapy, Roth shifted until his back was resting against the headboard. Tugging her to lie against him, he released a resigned breath.

"Yeah, Sugar. I wanna talk about it."

Roth didn't fight the sigh which escaped when Autumn tucked her plush body into his side and rested her head on his chest. The arm she wrapped around his torso made him feel invincible. Like there was nothing he couldn't face with her next to him.

So, for the first time in recent memory, Roth told someone, other than the men who helped him heal, about the night that haunted his dreams. As he spoke, the heavy weight of guilt pressing down on his shoulders seemed to lighten. Once he was done, he realized he'd made it through the entire retelling without tensing up so stiffly he had to stop.

Short fingernails lightly scratched his beard-covered jaw before Autumn placed her palm against his face.

"Baby, I know you might have heard this before, but it wasn't your fault."

Rising, she shifted until she straddled his hips. Cupping his face in her hands, she pierced him with an expression filled with compassion, love, and confidence in her belief in what she was saying.

"You are an amazing man. I'm positive you were an excellent leader. I don't need to see your file to know those things. Because I know you . I know you wouldn't lead anyone into a situation where you didn't think you possessed the skills to be successful."

Roth wasn't sure he was ready to hear what she had to say. His eyes darted away from hers, but Autumn shifted her head until she was once again in his line of sight.

"I can't begin to imagine how what happened made you feel." Tracing the scar on his shoulder, she leaned forward to press a kiss to the area. "But what I do believe is that the Rothschild Stephens I know will always do whatever it takes to protect those he cares about."

Dropping his head until his forehead rested against hers, Roth let her words wash over him. He tucked them into his heart, rubbing them around like a balm. He had no idea how much he still needed to be assured he'd done everything he could to prepare and protect his men.

He couldn't count the times he'd done the same for the others who'd survived. Praising their efforts and convincing them they were in no way to blame for their brothers not making it home. While he'd meant every word he spoke to them, he didn't internalize them for himself. At least not completely.

However, when Autumn looked at him, with her eyes filled with love and conviction, he finally believed them. Holding her in his arms, he let his body speak his thanks for him, taking her lips in a kiss bursting with gratitude. And love. Because he loved Autumn Daley with every fiber of his being.

The thankful kisses transformed into more ardent gratitude which resulted in their bodies being tangled together as they brought one another to mutual completion. He was almost an hour late making his rounds and checking in with the hands. But, Roth didn't regret a thing.

The next day dawned, and for the first time since he'd left the military, the night of October 11 th hadn't been plagued with the nightmares which had become a staple in his life before the morning of his October 12 th birthday. As a matter of fact, it was off to an amazing start. Wetness and warmth engulfed the head of his cock.

His hands automatically sought out Autumn's hair, gripping it as she bobbed up and down, taking his length to the back of her throat before moving upward again.

"Fuck, Sugar."

Roth's moan was laced with the tortured pleasure coursing through him at her ministrations. Using her fingers to massage the portion of his shaft she couldn't fit into her mouth, Autumn sucked his cock like it was her favorite treat and she'd been denied access for far too long. The vibrations from her humming around his thickness created a pipeline taking him from hard to ramrod stiff.

"Shit! I'm gonna fucking come!"

He normally didn't make an announcement before shooting his load, but the swiftness of the feeling caught him off guard. The words tumbled from his lips a second before he yanked her off, pulling her upwards and rolling until he was on top with his cock poised at her molten hot entrance.

Kissing the pout from her plump lips, he slid inside her tight pussy. His tongue mimicked the probing movement of his length, not stopping until he was seated completely inside her velvet walls.

"Damn, baby. That's how to fucking wake a man up in the morning."

Autumn's thick thighs bracketed his hips as he thrust inside her. Her gasp was followed by a string of words that would make a preacher blush. Encouraging him to fuck her like he meant it, and to coat her insides with his cum, his Sugar rocked her hips into every thrust.

Grinning at her dirty mouth, Roth hooked an arm under her knee, changing the angle of his stroke. Her pants and filthy cheerleading morphed into wails of pleasure, making Roth work harder to bring her to the pinnacle.

"Come with me, baby. Cover my cock in your sweet cream. Give it to me."

Kissing a trail from her collarbone up her neck, Roth spoke directly into Autumn's ear. Her short nails dug into his flank and her channel clamped down on his tunneling thickness before it began to flutter. The release of her feminine juices was Roth's signal to let go. He stopped trying to control the tempo, allowing his hips to power into her, pushing his cock as far inside her as he could reach.

Stars burst behind his eyelids when he slammed them shut. The strength of his release sapped his strength, and he barely refrained from collapsing on top of her, giving her his full weight. Falling slightly to one side, he lowered her leg and gripped her hip, keeping them connected with his spent shaft pulsing inside her sweet heat.

Heavy breathing was the only sound breaking the silence in the bedroom. Their moans, sighs and dirty talk had been the soundtrack of their lovemaking. And now, the song had ended.

Not marking time, he didn't know how long they lay there before he finally withdrew his flaccid length. Despite her protests of him letting her take care of him on his birthday, he rose to prepare their shower before coming back to carry her into the bathroom.

They didn't linger in the shower. In a sudden burst of energy, Autumn rushed them through the process. So, any thoughts Roth had about another round were squashed. At least for the moment.

He didn't recall feeling such joy on his birthday in a very long time. Rolling with the feeling, he reminded her that as the birthday boy, he should have a choice when it came to what he wanted, including when they left the bed. Laughing, Autumn grabbed his right hand in both of hers, pulling him toward the stairs.

Before they entered the kitchen, he smelled the savory fragrance of bacon and sausage. When he stepped over the threshold, he saw the table set with platters of food in the center. His housekeeper, Amelia, normally cooked a small breakfast for them each morning, but this was reminiscent of a buffet.

In the seat at the head of the table was a navy-blue bag, with a silver bow affixed to the top. When he looked at Autumn, she was practically glowing. Yielding to the tug on his arm, he bent lower as she lifted on her toes, placing a quick peck on his lips.

"Happy birthday, baby."

"Thank you, sweetheart." Roth didn't have any other words, but those seemed to work for her.

It was good he hadn't been more exuberant in his thanks, because seconds later the sound of boots on hardwood garnered his attention. Thinking it was the foreman or a few of the hands, Roth turned toward the door to give them shit. Their presence explained the large quantity of food Amelia cooked.

Instead of the men he expected to see, honey-colored eyes that matched his own met his gaze.

"Pop?"

"Happy birthday, son."

His father stepped into the room, pulling Roth into a hug. Behind his father, were his mother and his younger brother Rhinehart. Once they'd all hugged him and wished him a happy birthday, Roth once again sought out Autumn.

"Sugar, what's all this?"