Chapter Two

CHARLOTTE WONDEREDif she had finally lost her mind. She had attended innumerable counseling sessions in the past decade, and she had seen firsthand how treacherous grief could be.

It made you dream and yearn to the point of self-deception, made you think you were still okay because it was only chipping away at your sanity bit by subtle bit. It was like an addictive drug, with the way grief made you miss someone so bad you just wanted to indulge.

Just this once, you"d tell yourself.

Just this once, you"d like to pretend the illusion was real, and the person you love was still there.

Just one more, you"d tell yourself after.

Just one more illusion.

But because it wasn"t enough, you"d want just one last more.

Just one last illusion to fill the void and help you get by. Just one last, please. But it never would be the last, and by the time people around you realized what was happening, it was already too late, and you"ve completely lost your grip on reality.

"I know you heard me, Charles."

Charlotte started taking big gulps of air. She could"ve convinced herself she had misheard him the first time, but not now when he had called her that again. Not when he had spoken about the rule for calling her Charlotte, which was something only Land should"ve known about.

So what now?

Should she find a way to prove this man was a liar or did she continue with the insanity?

Her mind was a mess, but her heart appeared to have made its choice because she soon heard herself say, "Tell me something that only Land would know."

"Then..."

She felt Sano"s head lower again, and just as Charlotte thought she was about to die of dread and anticipation, Sano then whispered once again straight into her ear—-

"I had your virginity on your eighteenth birthday."

Oh. My. God.

"There was that one night I had to borrow Devon"s car, and we never told him we had sex in his backseat. There was also that time we went to Paris, and—-"

"I get it!"

She was embarrassed. Deeply embarrassed. But she was also confused and very much in shock since all of those things he had said were true, and more importantly, those were things that she and Land alone could know about.

It was possible, of course, that Land might"ve told someone about these things, and that someone might"ve told Sano. Maybe it was Land himself who had told Sano. It was possible, definitely possible. Anything was possible when you were married to a CIA agent.

But because her husband was Land, Charlotte found the idea highly improbable. Land might seem like an easygoing guy most of the time, but Charlotte knew better than anyone else about how adorably possessive her husband secretly tended to be.

Her Land had always harbored this stupid idea she was the most desirable woman on Earth, and it often had him acting in the most annoyingly cute ways. When Charlotte had to take a trip that didn"t include him, Land would stubbornly insist on leaving hickeys all over her body so that other men would know she was very much "taken" and "well-loved". When Land found out she was about to attend a beach party in college, he had told her very seriously that he might kill anyone who looked twice at her bikini-clad body.

With how her husband had always been, there was just no way for Land to speak to anyone about Charlotte in a sexual way, and so for Sano to know such things, it could only mean—-

"We will be reaching Ueno Station soon."

Hearing the English announcement from the train"s PA system was like having a bucket of ice-cold water dumped over her head.

Oh my God, Charlotte!

Was she really going to believe Sano Takahashi just like that? Just because she missed her husband every night, and cried because of him every morning - just because she had felt lost and empty ever since he left—-

It shouldn"t mean she should let grief twist her around its creepy finger just like that. She had to at least...aha!

An idea came to her as soon as she saw the train doors slide open, and Charlotte didn"t even think twice about wrenching herself free of Sano"s embrace and plunging herself into the frenzied scramble of passengers dashing out of the train.

She heard Sano grit out her name from somewhere behind, but Charlotte kept on running. There was only one thing she could think of to know for sure if all of this was real or an illusion, and that was to—-

Bang!

Charlotte heard a few people gasp as they caught her head-butting the blank wall of a narrow hallway next to a 7-Eleven, but all she cared about at that point was the fact that her scalp was currently throbbing.

It hurt, which should mean all that happened before this was real.

But because she wanted to be truly sure she wasn"t imagining things—-

Charlotte took a deep breath.

One more time then.

She closed her eyes, but all she was able to do this time was drive her head straight into someone else"s palm.

Sano!

Her eyes flew open, and the first thing she saw was Sano"s exasperated gaze while his hand cradled her forehead.

"Still the same old Charles, I see."

Oh God.

Land used to say those very words as well, and in that exact same tone, too.

There were those times she"d refuse to say "I love you, too" even when they were already married, and Land would only grin and say "same old Charles"...just before asking her to give him a blowjob instead. And she would do so, of course, since there were few things she found sexier than the look on her husband"s gorgeous face, every time she made him cum in her—-oh my God, why am I thinking about sex now of all times?

Charlotte gave herself a mental shake.

Get a grip, Charlotte Carmichaels—-

"People would usually be content to pinch their cheeks to see if they were dreaming or not, but as always, my Charles just has to—-"

"Go the extra mile." Charlotte whispered the same words at the same time Sano did, and she only did so because that phrase was also something Land often used, and so for this man to say and do all the things her husband used to say and do—-

Can I really let myself believe it"s Land, God?

She lifted her gaze to his, but there was no answer forthcoming in the depths of Sano"s blue eyes.

Please give me a sign, God.

Please help me.

"Do you believe me now?"

I don"t care if people will end up thinking I"ve lost my mind. If You say this is real, then it"s real, so please God—-

Sano touched her face. "Charles?"

It was not her first time to hear Sano call her that.

Wasn"t her first time to feel Sano"s hand on her cheek.

And yet somehow...something had changed.

While the sound of his voice and the touch of his hand used to do nothing for her at first, something had suddenly changed, with the way her heart was now racing so, so fast, racing just like it used to do whenever Land touched her or spoke to her—-

And it was this change, she knew...

This change—-

Oh God.

Charlotte"s knees buckled wildly under her woolen skirt.

She had asked for a sign from God, and this was it.