Chapter Thirty

He wasn’t going to let me leave.

I knew that much for a fact.

For all his niceness—and Devon Whitehall was a good and true gentleman—he didn’t react well to bullshit, and he and I both knew that I was serving him a healthy dose of messiness neither of us deserved.

So I took the coward’s way out. I wrote him a note.

I told myself that it was fine. I would sit and talk to him face-to-face. I just needed some time to digest everything. Besides, it was better if I didn’t stay in Boston, now that I suspected two different forces of trying to drive me away.

Devon would be fine. He always was. Strong and sun-washed and golden. With his title, sharp intellect, and lazy, surly drawl, he’d be fine.

Shit, I was making the biggest mistake of my life, and I was doing it for my daughter. Keeping her safe was most important.

So this was what it felt like to love a person.

Even before I knew her. Even before she was out there in the world.

I decided to handwrite Devon a letter. I wanted something personal and not too brief to break the news to him.

After all, he’d been nothing but good to me.

It took me four hours to write something I didn’t completely detest.

Dear Devon,

Thank you for your hospitality and for dealing with my brand of bullshit, which, let’s admit it, is too much for 99.99% of the human race.

The thing is, I don’t think living together is doing either of us any good.

I make you miserable, and you make me uncomfortable.

The feelings you stir in me leave me raw and scared.

As for you, I know last night you were on the verge of punching a hole through your bedroom wall, all because of me.

I know things are kind of rocky, but please know that I filed a complaint today and that the police are working on it. I promise to carry my weapon at all times, and to stay safe, but I can’t do this anymore.

I’m afraid if we keep having a relationship, the stress is going to get to the baby, and I have to put her before anything else. Before you. Before me.

I’m so happy to do this journey with you and request that we remain friends.

With that being said, I’ll be taking a step back and will try to look inside myself to find the grace and trust you deserve to be treated with.

Lots of love,

Belle.

P.S.

You should marry Louisa. She loves you.