Chapter 1

"You look tired," Meleri said.

Caris looked up from the speech she had labored over for the past week, the pages of neatly typed-out words the result of long hours at her desk and ink-stained fingers. She'd worked with Honovi and Meleri through many drafts, though she still wasn't happy with the final version—mostly because she doubted herself. But Honovi had assured her the speech was excellent, and Meleri had agreed, even if the duchess hadn't agreed with the schedule Caris was keeping once it was delivered.

"I didn't sleep well. I suppose I should be grateful it is only the press who will see me today," Caris said, rubbing at her eyes.

The speech was to be done over radio, with reporters from dozens of broadsheets to be present in the room with her as she gave it. It would be sent over the wire to every Ashion province, and the reporters would be given copies of it to print in their broadsheets. It was meant to inspire, to give her people faith, but Caris wasn't sure how well her words would work. She'd much prefer using starfire in her country's defense, but everyone had adamantly refused to let her near the front lines.

But staying in Cosian was no longer an option, not with the building push along those same front lines to force the Daijal army west again. With the addition of the Solarian army and E'ridian airships to the Ashion army's beleaguered forces, the fighting wasn't as desperate, but every mile was still hard-won. Caris would be following behind the main force, taken in secret to small frontier villages and towns, cities when they could, with an airship capable of ferrying her out of harm's way always nearby. There was no point in her being half a country away from Amari once their forces took it back.

Ifthey took it back.

Doubt was an insidious companion that Caris tried not to focus on. But with Nathaniel sent to the Tovan Isles on her behalf, her mornings were lonely before duty took over, and it was a struggle to ignore what she felt were her shortcomings at being queen.

Meleri came into the drawing room, the skirt of her gown rustling with each step. She sat beside Caris on the sofa, folding her thin hands together over her lap. She sat with a straight-backed ease Caris still couldn't achieve despite her years spent as Meleri's ward. Sitting hunched over a worktable meant her shoulders wanted to curve, and Caris always had to remember to straighten them.

"Are you certain you should leave?" Meleri asked carefully.

Her trunks had been packed last night and taken to the airfield to be loaded as cargo in the airship that would fly her west to the town General Votil had cleared for her safety in a province south of Cosian. It wouldn't be a straight flight to Amari, not with the way the fighting fluctuated.

"You know I can't remain here," Caris said. She was a target, and any place she stayed would become threatened. Cosian had seen enough bombings over the last year to reinforce that fact.

"It's not safe beyond the walls."

"It's not safe inside them." Caris set her speech on the low table, shifting on the cushion to better face Meleri. "I know it's not what you want, but this is my duty, and I have to do it."

Meleri studied her with shadowed hazel eyes, the white in her hair having overtaken the pale red color more in the last two years than all the ones before that Caris had known her. "It's not that I don't want you to do your duty. I just want you safe while you try."

Caris looked away, thinking of Lore, who they still had no news of, the same way they had no news of Soren. The calls Caris had taken with Vanya had provided nothing new on the whereabouts of the pair. Caris could only pray they'd find them still alive, but she knew the likelihood of that happening dimmed with every day that passed.

They'd lost weeks already.

"There is so much out there I don't know, that I never even knew I didn't know, but I can't learn it here inside the walls you want to build around me," Caris said quietly, returning her gaze to Meleri, who never looked away. "I never wanted this road, but it is the one I must walk. You need to let me."

Meleri's lips trembled slightly, her stoic determination faltering there in the private moment they shared as queen and duchess, spymaster and former cog. "I know you are Portia's daughter, but you have so much of Ophelia in you as well. She would be proud of you, as I am sure Portia always has been. As am I, my queen."

Queen Ophelia was nothing but a name in history texts to Caris, a past she'd been birthed from but never got to know. That didn't mean she couldn't start now. "When the war is over, will you tell me about her?"

Meleri's lips curved into a bittersweet smile, and she reached to take Caris' hand in hers. "I would be honored to."

Caris nodded, eyes flicking back to the typed-out speech waiting for her. Meleri patted her hand gently before letting go to lever herself to her feet. "Come. You don't want to be late."

Caris reached for the speech, shuffling the papers together before slipping them into her small satchel. Together, they left the room, finding Blaine and Honovi waiting for her at the front door. Blaine would be traveling with her, as would Honovi, who was in charge of captaining the airship assigned to her. While it would be Ashion-made, its crew would be a mix of Ashionen and E'ridian aeronauts.

"All right?" Blaine asked with a familiarity Caris was beginning to miss in all the interactions she'd had of late.

She patted her satchel and smoothed her hand down the soft silk of her day jacket. "Yes. Shall we?"

Blaine nodded and offered up his left arm, his metal prosthetic cool beneath her fingers when she curved her hand over his elbow. Honovi got the door, holding it open for them as they strode out into the warm summer sunlight, the Royal Guard preparing for her departure.

She'd give her speech praising the war effort, hoping to rally her people, and then leave for a city or a town out in the Eastern Basin where Eimarille wouldn't think to look. She'd spend time with bloodlines who knew nothing about her beyond what the press had reported on and hope to forge social connections that would keep Ashion from fracturing further while she waited in the shadows to take the starfire throne.

Caris would be herself and hope it was enough in the end.