36. Lily

Iwoke up the next morning to a strange sound. Thwack…thwack…thwack… There was also a sharp, metallic scent in the air that smelled oddly familiar…and strangely attractive.

I rolled over with a moan and found that I was all alone in the big four-poster bed. The places on either side of me were empty—which made me feel immediately lonely. I had fallen asleep the night before wrapped in the arms of my two Fae protectors. Cuddled between them with their warm, muscular bodies bracketing mine, I had felt safe and loved and cherished in a way I never had during my marriage to Christopher.

That thought reminded me of what I had done the night before and the vivid memory of draining my ex made me feel guilty…but strangely, only for a moment. Christopher had been a bad husband and he'd treated me worse than a dog during the divorce. Sel had been right when he'd said that he had it coming. I decided I wouldn't waste another minute of guilt on my awful ex. He'd spent years draining me emotionally—I had simply returned the favor in a more physical and permanent way.

Of course, his kids were a different story. I still needed to call Amy and Chris Junior, but hopefully word hadn't gotten to them yet. I should have some time later on that morning. If it was morning…

Thwack…Thwack…Thwack…

The sound intruded again and it was followed by a low moan that sounded like it was half pleasure/half pain. What was that?

Rolling over again, I sat up in bed and rubbed my eyes. I looked around, trying to find where the strange noise was coming from. And then I saw where my guys had gone.

Sel and Krynn were standing across from the bed against the far wall together, but at first I didn't understand what they were doing. Krynn was face-first against the blue and white marble wall, bracing himself with his hands. His head was bowed and his wings were spread wide, showing their full, gorgeous expanse of blue and gold. The space between them—the area along his spine where I had seen the white scars—was now streaked with blue.

I frowned to myself—what were the blue streaks on his back? And why was Seldarin standing there behind him and slightly to one side?

Then I saw Sel take a step forward and raise what looked like a whip. He brought it down hard—right on the exposed area of Krynn's back between his wings.

"Ahh…Gods!" Krynn gasped and stiffened, obviously in pain. A new, blue stripe appeared on his naked, unprotected back where the whip had hit him.

Suddenly I realized what I was seeing—the blue dripping down the lighter Fae's back was blood! For some reason Sel was beating Krynn—hurting him and making him bleed!

Without thinking, I put out a hand and pointed at the big Fae.

"Stop!" I shouted and a bolt of electricity sizzled from my fingertips and struck Seldarin's arm, which was already raised for the next blow.

"Fuck!" he gasped and dropped the whip he'd been holding to grab at his arm. "What the hell?" he exclaimed.

But I was already out of bed and rushing over to them.

"What did you do?" I demanded, examining Krynn's bleeding back. "Why would you hurt him that way?"

"The fuck, Princess?" Sel turned to me, his bronze eyes blazing. "Did you just shock me?"

I wasn't sure what I had done or how I had done it but that wasn't the most important thing right now.

"You hurt him—you were beating him!" I exclaimed, pointing to Krynn's bloody back. "You bastard! How could you do that to your best friend?"

"It's all right, my Lady—really it is."

Krynn turned around to face me, folding his wings down as he did. To my surprise, I saw that his green eyes looked like they had when he was strapped to the Quenching chair—half-lidded and almost drugged with lust. His pupils were dilated and he spoke slowly, as though it was an effort to get the words out.

"It's all right," he repeated. "I asked him to do it."

"You asked him to beat you?" I demanded, frowning in confusion. "Why?"

"It's his Needing—the cycle is coming to a peak." Sel was still rubbing his arm. Though I hadn't broken the skin, there was a white mark on his greenish-platinum skin.

"What Needing? What are you talking about?" I shook my head. Both of them had mentioned "the Needing" several times, but they had never fully explained it.

"It's a magical disease—a sexually transmitted one." Krynn still seemed to be struggling to speak. He looked at Seldarin pleadingly. "Sel, tell her—please?"

The big Fae sighed and nodded.

"All right. It's a disease that makes you crave pain and humiliation—you feel it as a sexual pleasure," he explained. "It runs in cycles and when a Needer's cycle reaches a peak, they have to be hurt or sexually dominated in some way or they can get really sick."

"You're saying this is some kind of disease?" I demanded, still trying to understand. "You were hurting him because he has a disease?"

"Well, I can't fuck him," Sel growled, looking uncomfortable. "Which is how Needers usually get their fix—through rough or submissive sex."

"They do?" I looked at Krynn. "Did you ask Sel to…to fuck you?"

He nodded, looking half-ashamed, but still drugged with lust.

"The pain of taking him would be?—"

"Too fucking much," Seldarin said firmly. "You know I'm too big for you to take, Krynn. And besides, I don't fucking go that way. You're my best friend and I'd do almost anything to help you, but there has to be a line somewhere."

"I know. I wouldn't go that way either if I didn't have the Needing…at least I don't think I would." Krynn shook his head. "I've had it for so long now, I can't be sure of anything. Lady Elgiana infected me years ago, when I was her servant."

"She infected you on purpose?" I asked. The Needing sounded like some form of bizarre magical sexual masochism. I still didn't understand how that kind of kink was catching, though.

"Yes, but please don't worry," Krynn said quickly. "I can't infect either you or Sel, no matter what we do together. "I'm just a host—a Needer. Not a Spreader like Lady Elgiana."

"And the fact that he's a Sin Eater and can feel the emotions of those he's close to doesn't help one fucking bit," Sel remarked. "It only makes the Needing worse."

"But how…how did she infect you?" I asked, shaking my head.

"She fucked him," Sel said roughly. "Over and over until she was sure he was infected. Then she reinforced the Needing over multiple cycles until it was too ingrained to break or to cure—even by magical means."

"Reinforced it? But…how?" I asked. I was learning a lot here—none of it pleasant. But I felt like I needed to know about this disease that was hurting Krynn—or at least, making him need to be hurt.

The lighter Fae hung his head, looking ashamed, but he answered my question anyway.

"Most often she would make me kneel before her and stroke my cock while she caned me or whipped me. She…she wouldn't let me come until she broke the skin," he added in a low voice.

"The mixture of pain and pleasure ingrains the magic of the disease even more deeply," Sel explained. "It's actually a magical parasite that can only infect people with certain tendencies. Krynn being a Sin Eater is what allowed him to become infected," he added. "The parasite gets hungry over time and demands to be fed with sexual pain and humiliation—that's the peak of the cycle."

"Which is nearly where I am now," Krynn said, still hanging his head. "I'm sorry you had to see Sel helping me, my Lady. I know it's a deeply disgusting and shameful thing. But my Needing was growing too great to bear."

The pain and humiliation in his eyes was almost too much for me to stand. He looked so ashamed of himself—so saddened by his own behavior that I felt my heart go out to him.

"Oh, Krynn…please don't be upset!" Standing on my tiptoes, I reached up and put my hands on the sides of his face. Looking into his lovely green eyes I said, "I want you to know this isn't your fault and I don't think any less of you for it. All right?"

His eyes widened in disbelief.

"Do you mean that? Truly, my Lady?"

"Truly," I said. I gave him a soft kiss on the lips before letting him go. Then I looked at Sel. "I'm sorry I, er, zapped you," I told him. "Though I'm not really sure how I did it."

"I think I know—it's because you took some of my blood last night and absorbed some of my Power." He rubbed his arm again. "Don't worry, Princess it only stung a little—I'm fine."

"I just thought…" I trailed off.

"You thought I was hurting Krynn—which I was," he said matter-of-factly. "But it was either whip him myself or send him back to Lady Elgiana and let her hurt and sexually humiliate him. I couldn't fucking do that. I won't fuck him, but I will give him what he needs any other way I can," he added.

"You're a good friend, Sel." Krynn flexed his wings and winched. "I'd better get cleaned up—I don't want my wings to stick to my back."

"Let me help you." Taking him by the hand, I led him over to the tub and had him sit on the broad marble lip. I ran some cool water and got one of the soft cloths wet. Gently, I cleaned the whip marks which were still fresh and raw.

"Thank you, my Lady—you're too good to me." Krynn's voice was muffled and he was looking down—I sensed he was still ashamed of himself. How difficult must it be for him to have to ask his best friend to hurt him just to make it through his Needing Cycle? My estimation of Sel went up another notch when I thought of how he took Krynn's requests in stride.

Sexuality is a sliding scale and if I had to characterize them, I would have said that Sel was all the way on the straight end, while Krynn was probably towards the middle—in other words, bi. A lot of straight guys that I knew in the human world wouldn't want to have anything to do with a gay or bi guy. But Sel hadn't abandoned Krynn—he gave him what he needed. Or he got as close to it as he could, anyway. Whipping the lighter Fae until he bled was a sign of true friendship on Seldarin's part, as odd as that sounded, and I respected him for it.

After I finished cleaning up Krynn's back, his cuts were still raw. I felt my fangs itch as I smelled the sweet, metallic scent of his blood—which was one of the things that had woken me up. But I wasn't going to bite him. However, I could heal him, I reminded myself.

"Hold still," I told Krynn, when he started to fold his wings back into place so they lay flat against his back. "Let me just…" And leaning forward, I traced one long whip mark with my tongue.

To my satisfaction, I saw that the long cut healed at once, the flesh knitting itself neatly together, just as Seldarin's wrist had healed when I'd licked it the night before.

Krynn shivered as I licked him again.

"Oh…my Lady," he said in a low, choked voice. "Please, you mustn't debase yourself in this way."

I pulled back for a moment.

"Debase myself? What do you mean?"

"Healing the wounds of a Needer is considered to be lowering yourself. None of the High Fae will do it," Sel explained.

"Lady Elgiana would never heal my wounds," Krynn told me. "Though it was well within her power to do so. She said the scars should stay there and serve as a reminder of my shame and my servitude to her."

"That bitch!" I said indignantly. "How horrible! Infecting you with a disease and then refusing to help you with the complications of that same disease—it makes me want to slap her!"

"You must not, my Lady!" Krynn turned his head to look at me, his eyes wide with fear. "She is a poisoner—a very cunning one at that!"

"Krynn's right—it's better not to pick a fight with Lady Elgiana," Sel said, frowning. "Princess, when you're done healing him, I want to see if you can shock me again. I'd like to know the extent of your magic."

"I still don't know how I did it," I said and then licked Krynn again, tracing another whip mark with my tongue. It was very satisfying to see his light platinum skin healing almost as soon as I licked it. Also, his blood tasted slightly different from Seldarin 's, I thought. It was a bit sweeter.

"It must have been instinctive," Krynn said softly. "You thought Sel was hurting me and you wanted to stop him."

"Well, I was fucking hurting you," Sel pointed out. He was standing to one side, watching as I healed Kyrnn. "It's a good thing I refused to fuck you," he remarked. "Imagine if the Princess had woken up to see that going on."

I felt a deep shiver go through Krynn's entire body and suddenly I felt a sense of longing so strong it nearly took my breath away—a desire so deep and desperate it made me want to ball my hands into fists and cry out.

I pulled back from Krynn…and the feeling stopped. I looked at him with wide eyes. That emotion I'd been feeling…it wasn't mine.

"My Lady, are you all right?" Krynn turned his head to look at me again.

"Fine. I'm fine," I said quickly. Maybe I had imagined the feeling. Leaning forward, I licked him again, tracing the last whip mark to close it.

Once again the emotion swept over me. The deep longing and need filled me like water fills a cup. Was this how Krynn felt all the time? Or was it just because this was the peak of his "Needing Cycle?" I didn't know, but the desperation I felt from him was hard to bear.

I finished healing the lighter Fae's back quickly and drew away once more. When I lost skin contact with Krynn, the longing vanished once more.

"What's wrong, Princess?" Sel was studying my face with lowered brows and a frown at the corners of his mouth. "What just happened?"

"She healed me!" Krynn stood up and flexed his wings. "And not only the wounds you just made—she healed the scars!" he exclaimed. "The skin between my wings isn't nearly as tight and painful now." He flapped his wings again and I thought it looked like he was moving them more easily and with better range of motion than he had in the past.

"Yes, but something happened to her when she did it," Seldarin said impatiently. "I could see it on her face. What was it, Princess?" he asked me.

I bit my lip.

"I…I think that for a minute while I was touching him—healing him—I felt what Krynn was feeling," I confessed. "I felt his emotions. At least, I think I did."

"You felt my feelings?" Krynn turned to me, his eyes wide. "But you're not a Sin Eater—are you, my Lady?"

I shook my head.

"I've never had anything like that happen to me before. I mean, I've never felt anyone else's feelings."

"It must be because she tasted your blood when she healed you," Sel said, speaking to Krynn. "It's the Blood Magic working again—the same way she was able to absorb some of my Power over lightning, she absorbed some of your Sin Eater traits. What did you feel?" he asked me.

I stood up from the lip of the marble tub and cleared my throat, wanting to buy some time. I wasn't sure if I ought to explain or not. The desperate longing Krynn had felt when Sel talked about fucking him, was that because Krynn really wanted his best friend sexually? Or was it because he just needed to be fucked? If he was secretly in love with Sel, I didn't want to expose him. It might make things awkward between them.

"Just…a deep sexual need," I said at last. "A longing to be…er, filled."

"That's the Needing," Krynn said, nodding. "The longing to be fucked and subjugated to the will of another. It never completely leaves me," he added with a sigh.

"Does it matter who, er, does the actual fucking or subjugation?" I asked.

He shook his head.

"No, not really. Though I'd rather not have to take it from Lady Elgiana because she's cruel about it. She likes to laugh at me and tell me how easy it was to infect me as she dominates me," he added in a low voice.

"She makes him feel like he wanted the Needing." Sel's face was like a thundercloud. "But nobody fucking wants to need to be humiliated and fucked and hurt!"

"Some humans do," I said, remembering the spicy romance books I'd read about the BDSM Lifestyle. I explained it briefly to Sel and Krynn. "It's called a ‘kink,'" I told them. "Wanting to be dominated doesn't make you sick or wrong—it just makes you submissive."

Seldarin frowned.

"I don't know—it sounds to me like a lot of those humans are just infected with the Needing."

I shrugged.

"I don't really know—I was never in the Lifestyle myself. Though I enjoyed reading books about it," I added.

"That must be why you're not disgusted by me." Krynn's eyes were filled with emotion. On impulse, I reached out to touch his hand and felt his feelings flowing through me. He was filled with gratitude towards me as well as deep caring and devotion. I was his Princess—his Queen—and he would give his life for me if necessary.

"Oh, Krynn…" I whispered, shaken by the depths of his emotion. "Do you really feel all that for me?"

"My Lady…" He sank to his knees before me and took my hand. Turning it over, he laid a gentle kiss on my palm. "I feel everything for you," he murmured.

I ran my fingers through his long silver and blond hair. He was so beautiful…and so broken. I could feel the terrible pain that disgusting bitch, Lady Elgiana had inflicted on him. It hadn't made him bitter or hateful but the Needing was like a wound inside him—one I sensed I wouldn't be able to heal, even with my newfound powers—whatever they actually were.

"You can stand up, Krynn," I told him. "I understand—and I love you too. I love both of you," I added, reaching for Seldarin, who'd been standing to one side watching us with uncertainty in his eyes.

"Princess…" he murmured, coming forward. As Krynn rose, Sel put his arms around us both and then I found myself in the middle of them, embraced by two sets of arms as well as two sets of emotions.

Sel's feelings for me were just as deep as Krynn's—but fiercer. He felt strongly protective of me and wary of anyone else who might come near me. Only Krynn did he trust completely. Other than him, Sel wanted to put himself between me and the whole world—to be my shield against any and all danger that might threaten me.

"Oh, Sel," I murmured, looking up at him. Because of our height difference, I felt like a kid being hugged by two adults.

"Love you, Princess," he rumbled, looking down. "And I swear by Lolth I'll do all in my power to keep you safe."

"I know you will," I told him. "But you don't have to worry about me."

"Yes, I do!" he insisted. "We're coming to a difficult time—tomorrow is the Autumn Equinox. You'll officially come of age and be crowned…if Krynn and I can keep you alive and safe from Mordren," he added grimly.

"You really think he'd try to kill me? I mean, I know he tried once before when you first found me, but now that everyone knows I'm the Lost Princess?—"

"I don't know if Mordren will try to kill you, but he will seek to control or discredit you if he can," Krynn said. "We need to plan for that—to think one step ahead of the Lord Regent."

As if by mutual consent, the three of us broke the embrace and made a little space between us.

"Can I just stay away from him until the uh, coronation ceremony?" I asked. "I mean, is there going to be a ceremony?"

"Oh, most definitely," Krynn assured me. "Tomorrow night in the Hallowed Clearing. The same one you found us in, when you were drawn to us," he added.

"Okay. Well, I'll just stay in here in the Cavern of Lolth with you two until then," I said.

Seldarin shook his head.

"You can't. Tonight will be the Banquet of Investment—the time when the ascending Princess is feasted and celebrated and proved to be the rightful next Queen of the Midnight Court. You can't fucking skip that."

"Sel is right—people would say you were trying to hide something," Krynn added.

"How am I supposed to ‘prove' myself?" I asked apprehensively.

Sel made a dismissive gesture.

"In your case, you don't need to worry. You've got the Mark of Lolth, you wear the Jewel of Lolth, and you have the Royal Purple eyes. There's no way Mordren can object to you becoming the next Queen."

"If I know the Lord Regent, he'll find some way to object," Krynn said grimly. "He's been plotting to sit on the throne himself for years." He shook his head. "It's a great pity the Throne of the Midnight Court isn't invested with magical powers and sentience as the Throne of the Seelie Court is. It's said that the Throne of Shadows, as it was called before the Summer and Winter Court merged, would kill anyone who was unworthy to rule who sat on it."

"Wow—that sounds scary!" I remarked.

"It kept the Unseelie Kingdom out of the hands of traitors for centuries," Krynn said. "But the Silver Throne, as we call our own seat of power, has no such properties. Any with the strength to hold it may sit on it and wear the Midnight Crown."

"Well, we're going to fucking make sure it's Princess Lilliana sitting on the throne and wearing the crown," Sel growled. "And fuck Mordren if he doesn't like it!"

"I'm sure someone is going to get fucked," Krynn said dryly. "The question is, who?"