22. Krynn

Our Lady was crying—and I felt my heart break for her. I didn't understand the misery on her face but I felt it like my own—such is the curse of a Sin Eater like myself—one with the Needing.

"My Lady, what is it?" I asked gently, stroking her cheek, which was now wet with tears. "Have we hurt you in some way?"

"N-no." She shook her head but she was still crying. She put her hands over her face, her shoulders shaking with the force of her sobs.

"What's wrong with her?" Sel sounded almost as upset as she was. "What can we do?"

"Comfort her." I put my own advice in motion. The Princess was turned on her side, facing me, and I put my arms around her and pulled her close to my chest.

Sel got the idea and did the same thing on the other side, putting his broad chest to her back and wrapping a long arm around both of us. Together, we held the Princess just as we had the night before when we were trying to warm her up. But this time it wasn't physical pain that we were trying to assuage—this time the pain ran much deeper.

At last, after sobbing steadily for several minutes, her tears began to slow…and then, finally, they stopped. She sniffed and swiped at her face with her fingertips before looking up at me with wet, swollen eyes.

"I…I'm sorry," she whispered in a soft voice, hoarse from crying. "I didn't mean to, uh, break down like that."

"Can you tell us why you did? Tell us the source of your pain?" I asked gently. As a Sin Eater, I have learned that when someone is hurting, it often helps them to speak about the pain.

"I don't know." She shook her head. "No…that's not true." She sighed. "I think it's just such a long time since I've felt pretty and desired and it just kind of hit me that I've gotten used to feeling like I'm ugly and old and unwanted. So what we just did was…was…" She seemed to be groping for words. "I guess it made me feel bad because it made me feel good for a change. Which I know doesn't make any sense." She gave a sad little laugh and shrugged.

"But you're not any of those things, my Lady," I protested. "You're not old or ugly and you're certainly not unwanted."

"In the human world I was." She looked up at me shyly. "Do you know that just now was the first time a man ever made me come?" She blushed. "Or I guess I should say ‘men.' God, I still can't believe the three of us did what we did."

"What? You mean to say your ex-mate never gave you any pleasure?" Sel demanded.

"Well, he tried at first." Princess Lilliana sighed again. "But then he stopped even trying and, well…it just wasn't very good. And I know why he stopped trying—he didn't think I was worth the effort. He used to say, ‘what's the point when you never get turned on anyway?'"

"It's not surprising that you couldn't feel sexual arousal for a human," I told her. "Because you're not human—you're Fae. Even the human dross that had gathered around you wasn't enough to allow your body to so completely betray your true self."

"Really?" She looked at me, her eyes wide with surprise. "Is that why I've never really been, uh, turned on by any guy I've ever been with? I just thought they were bad in bed."

Sel snorted.

"They probably were. But Krynn is right—your body was probably longing for the touch of another Fae."

She nodded slowly.

"Yes…I guess that makes sense. I tried so hard to fake it for Christopher, but he could always tell. I think he hated me for it, near the end of our marriage."

"He was an idiot who couldn't see the jewel he held in his own hand," Sel growled.

I agreed with my oldest friend wholeheartedly. How could her fool of a human husband not see how special Princess Lilliana was?

"You think that because your ex-mate didn't value you, no one will," I told her. "But that isn't true, my Lady—you hold great value for us."

"Because I'm supposedly this Lost Princess," she said and I could tell she still didn't completely believe in her own status. "But before that, I was just some washed up, middle-aged mom living in her minivan."

"Your human life is behind you now," I reminded her. "And Sel and I have always valued you—even before we knew you. We never stopped searching for you, ever since you were stolen away so long ago."

"I know, but that's so strange to think of—the two of you hunting for me while I was living the life of a stay-at-home mom, raising kids." She shook her head. "If I'd known that two huge, muscular guys were searching all over for me, I might have felt more pretty and valued—even when Christopher was being an asshole."

"You're not just pretty—you're fucking beautiful," Sel growled. "Even when you were human you were adorable. Did this ex-mate of yours dare to make you feel otherwise?"

"You could say that," the Princess said dryly. "He left me for a younger woman. A pretty little blonde thing that's nearly the same age as his daughter."

"That fucking bastard—how dare he disrespect you like that?" Sel sounded angry and I could feel the arm he had thrown over both the Princess and myself tightening possessively.

She gave a broken little laugh.

"Oh, he dared all right. He kicked me out of the house and had the locks changed—then he brought her in, right behind me. I hadn't even backed all the way out of the driveway yet!"

"I'll kill him for you," Sel offered and I knew he was serious. There was murder in his bronze eyes. "He won't live to see another sunset if you don't wish it—just give me the command!"

"No, no…" The Princess shifted uncomfortably between us. "No, you can't just go killing people like that."

"He hurt you. And made you feel bad about yourself, I'm guessing," I pointed out. Normally I'm not in favor of killing humans—it's messy to clean up and then you have to put memory spells on anyone who might have witnessed the act. But in this case, I agreed with Sel. The male who had hurt our Lady so deeply needed to die. Feeling her sob in my arms had torn at my heart—I wanted to protect and avenge her.

"Yes, he did make me feel bad about myself," she admitted in a small voice. "He was really good at negging—right from the start."

"Negging?" Sel asked, frowning.

"Oh, that's what they call it when you give someone a kind of backwards compliment—one that makes them feel insecure about themselves," she explained. "Like saying, ‘that dress would be so pretty on you if you'd just lose a little weight.' Or, ‘Wow, you'd be gorgeous if you let your hair grow out.' Things like that."

"He said such things to you?" Sel demanded, sounding outraged. "The fucking bastard! How dare he make you feel bad about yourself? How dare he dispute your beauty?"

"Well, thank you." She sniffed and swiped at her eyes again. "Both of you—you're so sweet to be so patient while I was crying and to try and comfort me."

"Let me guess," I said dryly, "Your ex-mate wasn't patient with your emotions."

"Well…no," she admitted in a small voice. "Christopher hated it when I cried. He always said I needed to grow up and stop acting like a baby."

"That's fucking ridiculous," Sel growled. "All females need to cry at times."

"Males too, for that matter," I agreed. "Everyone needs to express their emotions sometimes."

Princess Lilliana shook her head.

"Not to hear Christopher tell it. You know, he was nice at first, before we got married. But once he had me trapped and raising his kids, he never seemed to care how I felt after that. And he stopped wanting me sexually a long time ago."

"How could he not desire you, Princess?" Sel growled softly. He turned her to face him and cupped her cheek. "Look at you—you're beyond gorgeous."

She flushed, her cheeks going a soft pink, and dropped her eyes.

"You don't have to say that. I know I'm too curvy. Even now that I've undergone this amazing transformation I'm still fat."

"Don't call yourself names that aren't true," I told her sternly. "Your full curves will be the envy of every lady at Court! It doesn't matter what the human standards of beauty are—you need to forget them because you are the Fae standard of beauty now."

"Krynn's right," Sel told her. "Every lady in Court wants to copy the Queen. Her style is the style."

"But I don't really have a style," the Princess protested.

"Don't worry about that," I told her. "I have a seamstress I've been working with who's going to help you create the right style for you. The right style to show off your curves and your beauty."

She shook her head.

"It feels so strange to think of myself as some kind of fashion icon when I've been nothing but a plain old overweight stay-at-home mom for so long."

"Stop talking about yourself like that," Sel said, frowning. "You're beautiful—and kind, too. Do you think any other lady of the Court would give an ugly male like me a second look?"

"And who but a sadist like Lady Elgiana would want a half-breed with fairy wings and the Needing like me?" I put in.

"But you're not ugly!" she protested to Sel. "And your wings are beautiful," she said to me. "I'm sorry if the people in this place made you think there's something wrong with the two of you."

"And we're sorry your ex-mate made you feel unlovely," Sel said seriously. "But you should know this, Princess—he fucking lied."

"You're lovely both inside and out," I told her. Now that I'd been close to her and felt her pain, I had formed a deeper emotional connection with her—I could feel her motivations and I knew the kindness in her heart. Truly, she would make an excellent Queen—if Sel and I could just get her safely on the Throne.

"You two are really sweet." The Princess gave us both a sunny smile. "Thank you so much. You don't know what an ego boost it is to be wanted by two big, muscular, gorgeous guys like you two."

"You're very much wanted, Princess." Sel's bronze eyes went heavy-lidded with lust.

I would have gladly joined him in round two of pleasing the Princess, but now that the edge had been taken off her sexual need, I knew there were more important things we needed to be concentrating on.

"Before you two get into it again, we need to dress Princess Lilliana up in proper Court clothes and take her out to meet the denizens of the Palace," I pointed out. "They need to see her Royal Purple eyes and get a closer look at the Mark of Lolth on her forehead."

The Princess groaned.

"Do I have to? I'm not really much of an extrovert."

"Krynn is right," Sel said, backing me up, though I could tell he wished we could all just stay in bed together. "We need to show you off, Princess."

She sighed deeply but nodded.

"All right, I'll do my best. I still don't feel very royal though."

"It doesn't matter if you feel like a Royal as long as you look like one," I told her. "Come on—let's get you ready."