Chapter Twenty-Seven

Honey

Two Weeks Later

I blow out a long, tired breath as I stare at the driveway of my house. Perfectly lined Christmas lights cover the windows, reminding me how much I don't fit here anymore. Expensive cars line the drive, and the noise of the party spills through the open door. My mom knows I'm standing here. The door notified her phone the minute I stepped on the porch, but that doesn't stop me from thinking I might be able to leave without having to greet more guests. My mouth aches from all the fake smiling, and I'm tired of pretending I'm happy when I'm not. I hate how easily I bend to her will. The whole house feels like a prison, a mansion of misery that controls my every move without my say.

Only a few months left until I'm out of here and at college.

Among the trail of cars, Jamie's sits next to mine, and I know why my mom invited him. My breakup with Zach wasn't exactly private, thanks to some students uploading his meltdown on every social media site. When my mom learned about Zach's frisky knuckles, I knew he would never be welcomed with open arms again. She used it as an excuse to tell me I needed someone who understood the stresses of our world. Someone like Jamie. It doesn't matter that he cheated on me because we all make mistakes, apparently.

As I walk to the top of the porch, I stop myself.

I can't do it. I can't just happily return to my old life. It's not who I am anymore. Taking a few steps backward, I spin on my heel on my heel, skip down the stairs, and stare at my hideously pink car, knowing it's my only chance of freedom. My heels click against the sidewalk as I walk without thinking about where I'm going. I need to get away from the fake life created for me.

"Hunniford." My mom's familiar shrill voice stops me in my tracks. "Where are you going?" I flick my perfectly styled hair over my shoulder to look at her.

"Sorry, mother. I left something in the car and was just going to get it." Fake smile back on, I wonder when I became such a sap, so weak that I follow all my family's orders. I thought I was growing in strength and confidence, but it turns out that went out the window the minute Zach left me.

Not that he was ever with me. That was just some twisted fantasy I had from reading too many romance novels. The bad boy from across town doesn't save the princess in real life. In real life, the princess marries the beast and then becomes one herself.

Zach was clear from the start that he was only here for the money. I'm the one who turned it into something it wasn't.

"Hurry up and get back in the house. It's midnight in twenty minutes." Doesn't she realize that is the exact reason I left in the first place? The thought of celebrating the new year with my family and her friends makes me feel like I'm choking.

Two weeks without school has been both a blessing and a curse. Not being there made ignoring the idiots on social media easier, but it also means I haven't seen or spoken to Zach, and that part is killing me.

"Yes, Mother." It rolls off my tongue, and I turn back around, looking at every car that sits on the circular drive. A Mercedes is parked so close behind me that I doubt I could get out of the space, anyway. Besides, where was I planning on going twenty minutes before midnight? Isn't that statistically the worst time to drive on New Year's Eve?

My mother doesn't leave. I can feel her watching me, her eyes burning a hole in the back of my head. She'll drag me in there if I don't turn around soon.

Spinning slowly, I offer her a weak smile, heading back to the house. It was stupid of me to ever believe I could leave this place. Mom wraps her arm around my shoulder, pulling me into her side in a gesture that may look sweet to some, but it's not. Her nails dig into my shoulder so she controls my every step. "Why aren't you wearing the floor-length red dress I laid out for you? The way this one pulls emphasizes your hips."

A sarcastic smile grows on my face because, of course, all she wants is for me to keep up appearances. I'm just her prop for the night.

That's why I chose this green dress. It was my one tiny act of rebellion I knew I'd be able to get away with.

I barely make it inside before she says, "Jamie has been looking for you the whole night. He's over there." She tilts her head, and I hold back the low growl threatening to emanate from my belly.

"Mm-hm." Jamie and I glare at each other.

I hate him. He's the reason for everything. He broke my heart, then stood back and let Zach do the same thing. The only gleaming piece of satisfaction I get is that Jamie's still suffering from Zach's punch. Bright red, with a mixture of yellow and purple, Jamie's face looks like an exotic pizza.

"See you at midnight." With one final squeeze, my mother's talons let me go, and she drifts into the crowd looking like the perfect mannequin she pretends to be.

As expected, Jamie stands with Kyle and Brett with whiskeys. Wearing tuxedos, they look like idiots playing dress-up, but who am I to judge? I'm the same. Faking a life that my parents expect me to live.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see the twinkling lights from the yard, and an idea pops into my mind. If I can't leave through the front door, I'll sneak out the back. Determination takes over, and I stride to the back, making sure no one notices. The bitter air skates across my skin, giving me the tiniest taste of freedom.

"Honey." The chains of reality weigh me down when Jamie calls my name, saddling beside me. "Where you off to in such a rush and in those heels?" He looks down at my gold Manolo Blahniks, surprised I can walk gracefully on the grass in them. It's not a big deal; I've known how to do it since I was twelve.

"Just looking for a place to celebrate New Year's," I grumble.

"On your own? That seems pretty depressing."

"Yeah, well, it's a better option than hanging out with my ex, who fucked some chick at a party."

He winces, draws a sharp breath, then closes his eyes. Surprisingly, the venom behind my words doesn't stop him from following me. "About that. Can we talk?"

I loll my head, looking at him with lazy, uncaring eyes. "How much more talking do you want to do? I've listened one too many times, and it's getting pretty old now."

My heels sink into the grass, but that only makes me more determined to get away from him. Unfortunately, it's hard for me to get lost in one of our ten acres because he knows it just as well as I do.

"As many times as it takes for you to listen."

He follows me to the little covered gazebo that looks out onto the lake. Stepping onto the wooden porch, I hear his clunky feet step behind me. The guy can't take a hint.

"The gazebo, huh? Are you trying to send me subliminal messages?" He lets out an awkward chuckle. He gives me a boyish smile when I glance over my shoulder, reminding me of when we were younger. "My first kiss. I assume your first kiss too?"

I don't need to answer. He knows Zach is the only other guy I've kissed. Jamie took almost every single one of my firsts and threw them back in my face in an unintended taunt. His being here only serves as a reminder of just how entwined our lives are.

"We were eleven, and you were crying because you didn't make the equestrian team. I followed you out here, and you were inconsolable." Jamie slowly steps toward me, but I still don't turn. "So I did the only thing I could think that would make you happy. I kissed you."

He probably thinks that story sounds romantic and I'd swoon at his feet for remembering it. He only kissed me because he thought it would make me happy. It's what he thought he needed to do because he'd been brainwashed like me to think we had to be together.

"Thanks for the soliloquy, but that's not why I came out here. I wanted to be alone, remember?"

"Still, you could have gone anywhere on the property. The stables, the pool house, the little cabin, but you chose the gazebo."

"I chose it because it's close enough that I don't have to walk far in these heels." I don't bother pointing out that if I'd gone to the other places on the property, he'd have found a story about us there too.

"That's the same reason you chose it back then."

He joins me on the bench, so I shuffle over, giving him some space, and look out at the lake. The chilly breeze makes the lights from the party look like they are dancing across the water.

The moment is ruined when Jamie turns on the flashlight on his phone and lays it face up so all I can see is the inside of the gazebo and his large face.

We sit in silence for several minutes before I decide to say something.

"Your nose looks terrible." I couldn't care less if I hurt his feelings; he deserves it. Besides, the obnoxious purple and yellow flaring across his face is something hard to ignore. "It's like a baboon's butt."

He laughs, linking his fingers. "Thanks."

"Seriously, though. Can you even breathe with that thing?" I narrow my eyes, scrutinizing his face now that we're closer. Zach got him hard, and that pleases me a little too much. It's almost worth the two-week suspension Zach has to serve for it.

"Yes, I can breathe. It looks bad, but all Scholarship Kid's punch did was stop me from playing in the championship game."

"Like you ever had an actual shot of making a play in the first place."

"Ouch, you're feisty these days, Honey."

I shrug. "You don't deserve my niceness."

"But Scholarship Kid does? That's interesting."

"Stop calling him that."

He raises his brows. "Why does it still matter to you what I call him? It's not like you've spoken since he punched me."

"And how would you know?"

"Because I've seen guys like Zach before. They're like caged animals, so desperate to get out of their lives, they'll do anything, but the minute they get caught, they're out of there. Zach's not coming back to you because he doesn't feel any loyalty. His loyalty lies with his baby mama."

I wince at the words, still not sure I believe them coming out of Jamie's mouth, but Zach has given me no other option but to believe there must be some truth in them. Otherwise, why hasn't he denied it?

The thought of Zach leaving me behind sends a shiver up my spine.

"Do you want my jacket?" Jamie asks, already pulling it off. I shake my head, not wanting anything from this guy. When the fabric lands on my shoulders, I shrug it off, letting it fall to the seat.

Jamie rolls his crisp white shirt up to his elbows and relaxes his arms against his knees. Not speaking to one another, the sound of the guests ramping up for midnight fills the air. A new year is coming my way, but sadly, as I sit here with Jamie, it feels like my problems are still the same.

"Since you're not talking, I guess I'll start speaking and see where we end up."

"That's not promising." He ignores my comment, runs a hand through his hair, and blows out a long, exasperated breath.

"What I did to you was shitty, and I'm sorry."

Folding my arms, I watch the ripples move across the lake. I refuse to look at him and believe he's being sincere. He's only trying to get on my good side because he wants to win that bet."It was never you I was trying to hurt with my actions. I just wanted to feel something other than compliant." I can relate.

"Kissing McKenna was more of a fuck you to my father and his grand plan to force us into this weird marriage arrangement that neither of us had a say in. I was screwing up his plan and taking back something that should have been mine and yours to decide. It was my first true act of rebellion, and it felt good."

I can't fault him for the honesty, and in a way, I admire him for taking action. I was more than willing to sit by and go along with the plan before Zach approached me. But unfortunately for Jamie, I know that's not the complete truth because there were other girls before McKenna. Zach told me as much, and I believe him because he told me when we were only doing business.

"Is this supposed to make me feel sorry for you? Poor rich boy gets saddled with a rich girl and is forced to live happily ever after?"

"No, of course not. I'm not that stupid to think any attempt at explaining myself will do more than go in one ear and out the other. I'm telling you because I think you can relate. I think that's why you liked Scholarship Kid so much and why it burned when you found out the truth."

I click my tongue against my teeth, quickly stand to face Jamie, and poke my finger in his face. "Firstly, don't you dare ever compare anything I did with Zach to what you did. I was single, and he was interested. You cheated on me, embarrassed me in front of the whole school, and smiled at my pain because it upset your daddy."

He raises his hands but doesn't dare to look at me. "I know, Honey. I'm sorry. I will never be able to convey to you just how sorry I am."

"Then why can't you do the decent thing and leave me alone?" I ask the question to see if he'll open up about the bet. If he really wanted redemption, he'd tell me the full extent of it, right?

"Come on, Honey. No one knows our lives quite like the other. We've grown up together. Your parents are like my second parents, and vice versa. We are it." He smiles at me like he used to before all this happened. And before, I used to get butterflies in my stomach. I purse my lips and bite my tongue, holding back what I want to say because I don't have those feelings anymore.

He stands, takes my hands in his, and loosely links them. When I was ten, I daydreamed about marrying Jamie under this gazebo. He'd hold my hands and look at me the way he is now, but it's funny how that idea turned into a nightmare ten years later.

"It's always going to be you and me." He stares at me, eagerly hoping this whole spiel will change my mind. He's either delusional or desperate.

"Five." The echoing of the guest's countdown faintly reverberates through the air.

"Let's start fresh. I'm sorry that I got drunk at a party, but that was months ago, and I felt terrible once I realized how much it hurt you."

"Four."

"I want to try again with you."

"Three."

"It took me a long time to realize this, but I think I love you, Honey."

"Two."

In an instant, his lips are crashing against mine. His fat tongue probes mine, and his fingers clutch at my shoulders. This doesn't feel like a kiss of declaration but a kiss of possession, and I'm not owned by anyone.

"One."

"What the fuck are you doing?" I push at his chest, knocking him back into the seat. His arms are draped over the side, and he looks shell-shocked by the reaction. With my lipstick smeared across his face, he looks good, but I don't feel the same excitement or giddiness I did when I saw it sprawled across Zach's.

"Come on, Honey. We can work through this. You'll forget about McKenna, and I'll forget all about Zach. We can go back to us."

And therein lies the issue. Nothing will make me forget about Zach. He changed me too much to ever be happy with my old life.

"No." It's resounding and deflates Jamie immediately, but he needs to hear it. He can't treat me like shit and expect me to accept it, only for him to do it again.

Without another word, I walk back to the house, hiding my face as I pass by the guests. No one notices me because they're all too busy celebrating, making it easier to run to my bedroom unnoticed. I slam the door shut, not that anyone could hear, and lock it. I've done enough pandering to my mother for one night.

My stomach lurches as I check my phone. Stupidly, even after all this, I hope I'll see Zach's name flashing across it.

Nope.

He's probably too busy with his family to be thinking about me. I doubt I've crossed his mind since he left for winter break.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

"Honey?" I grunt when I hear Jamie's muffled voice through the door. Can't the guy give me a break? "Honey, are you in there?"

If only my mother hadn't removed the climbing hydrangeas after I snuck out. They'd come in handy right now.

Another urgent set of knocks and a jiggle of the handle come from Jamie. "Honey. I know you're in there."

Tears of annoyance prickle behind my eyes. Why can't he just leave me alone? Why does he have to be the one fighting for me?

After a few more minutes of trying, he finally walks away, but not before shoving a note under my door. I don't bother getting up to read it. I've heard everything he has to say, and I'm not interested.

When the music dies down and the party is over, I finally let a single tear fall, then wipe it away.

Zach was never interested in me, and that's something I need to get over.