11. Archer

T here is a pounding in my head that just won’t go away, but it’s the ache in the pit of my stomach that has kept me awake since I stumbled into bed last night. The party was still going when I got back to the house, but I didn’t take in a single thing. I just grabbed more alcohol and escaped to my room, which is where I have been since. And I wish I could say I was fine, that I wasn’t losing my fucking mind, but that would be a lie.

I kissed him, I kissed fucking Daemon Forbes, and while it felt like a revelation for me, for him it was nothing but a mistake, a drunken mistake , and I don’t know what the fuck to do with that. Now I’ve kissed a lot of people over the years, but they all had one notable thing in common. They were girls. That’s who I like, that’s who I’ve always liked, and fucked, and fucking kissed. Yet last night, between the game and the alcohol, I had an epiphany. One that had me pressing my lips against my fucking teammates, in a way that felt wrong, but also perfectly right. One that now has me wondering if that’s the reason I’ve always enjoyed taunting him, yet I’m pretty sure I know the answer to that already, I’m pretty sure I knew it the second I kissed him.

I don’t just like getting under his skin, I like him .

The thought has me tossing my covers aside, and jumping from my bed. I need to clear my mind, I need to not replay that fucking kiss over and over again on repeat. Shaking my head, I escape my room and storm downstairs in search of coffee, just for something to do. Yet what I find instead, is my goalie and his pink fucking tea set. Alexander’s eyes widen a little at my arrival, no doubt wondering what has me up so early. Yet as his eyes trail over me, he doesn’t say anything, just tips his head towards his tea set and offers me a cup. I nod, despite wanting coffee and not tea, but I am just so fucking tired and confused that I don’t have the energy to correct him.

“Can’t sleep?” he asks, sliding me a fresh cup of English breakfast tea, before going back to his own, and I shake my head.

“No,” I reply, dumping four sugars into the tea and making him grimace.

“Me either,” he exhales, sipping his tea, and it’s only now I notice the small black bruise marking his face.

“What happened to your eye?” I ask, trying to recall any confrontation from last night, and his scowl only deepens.

“What happened to your neck?” he tosses back, eyeing me with suspicion, and not being able to come up with a suitable answer, I just shrug.

We enjoy our tea in silence, before we are also joined by Jake, who is no doubt down here early to make his girlfriend a coffee like he always does. He greets us both with a smile and moves towards the coffee machine, just as Alexander excuses himself to go to the bathroom. Then I hear footsteps on the stairs, and can only presume we have woken up our captain, yet as I turn towards the door, I find Alexander returning and bumping into a very flushed Madeline Peters.

Well, well, well, what do we have here? The two of them exchange hushed words as Jake and I share a smile, before Alexander makes his way back over to us. It seems our captain has broken his no girls rule once again, and when he appears at her back, I can only presume this thing with them is more serious than I thought.

“Good morning, Madeline,” I coo playfully, flicking my stare between the two, and noting his name across the jersey on her back. Another first for my best friend. “Fancy seeing you here so early in the morning, I didn’t know my best friend allowed sleepovers in his bed,” I purr with a grin, studying them both closely, and oh they are so not just a fuck.

Maddie’s blush is instant at my words, yet still I see her spine straighten as she claps back, “And how do you know I didn’t just get here, Gray?” Her bravado is forced and utter bullshit, and only has me feeling more menacing than usual.

“Oh yeah? Then how about you take that jersey off and let me see what’s underneath,” I nod my head towards her clothes, almost certain she is still wearing that red devil costume of hers from last night, and her blush only deepens. “Come on, give us a flash of what has Darkmore so pussy-whipped,” I add, and my captain sees red, just like I knew he would.

“That’s enough. One more word and I will decapitate your favorite part from your body,” he snaps at me, confirming my suspicions, before steering her towards the front door.

“Goodbye, Madeline,” the three of us sing in unison from the kitchen, and when I take another sip of my tea, I’m grateful for the distraction from my own head.

My love life, or whatever I should call it, might be a drunken mistake , but at least my best friend seems to have found himself a girl. Maybe if I would have done the same, then I wouldn’t be in this fucking position, but I guess it’s too late for that now.

By the time practice rolls around on Tuesday, I tell myself that what happened the other night doesn’t even matter. It doesn’t matter that I kissed a guy, I mean, isn’t college the time to experiment anyway? And it doesn’t even matter that the guy in question is my teammate. He’s the one who called what happened a drunken mistake, so who even cares? No, the only thing that matters is hockey, and that’s where my focus should be.

Okay that’s a total lie, I am a fucking wreck, and the last three days I have managed to piss off every single one of my roommates, and I can’t even find it in me to care. Not when I feel like everything I know about myself is a lie, not when I know I’m going to see him, not when that kiss is all I’ve thought about for three fucking days.

It’s why I’m once again at the gym early, hoping to catch my teammate before anyone else arrives, and when I hear the door swing open, my heart begins to thunder in my chest. I haven’t seen him since he practically ran away from me the other night, so I’m not exactly sure how this is going to go. What the fuck do I even say? How the hell do we even handle this? What is the etiquette when you kiss a guy for the first time, and then he fucking runs away, but you still have to see him?

Just like I knew he would be the one to arrive first, Daemon rounds the bank of lockers with his headphones still on, looking down at his phone, but as if sensing my presence, his head snaps up instantly. To my dismay, his stare doesn’t linger. In fact, he looks at me with the same dismissive look he always does, before focusing back on his phone. It’s like every other practice, as if nothing ever happened between us, and the words ‘drunken mistake’ flash in my mind like a fucking neon sign for the thousandth time since the other night.

I move before I can think, sliding my back against his locker and effectively blocking it, so he has no choice but to look at me, but still his eyes don’t meet mine. Yet with mine on him, I don’t miss the huff of annoyance that slips past his lips, as he drags off his headphones and snaps, “You’re in my way, Gray.”

His words only serve to piss me off, and I can’t help but default to my usual tactics. “Well hello to you too, Daemon, how was your weekend? Did you do anything interesting?”

At the sound of his name, his stare snaps to mine, and it looks angrier than I have ever seen it. “Nothing remarkable in the slightest,” he snarls, shoving me forcefully out of the way, before he adds, “And it’s fucking Forbes to you.”

I can’t help but smile, knowing I am getting under his skin like I always do, yet I’m serious as I regain my balance and lower my voice. “We should talk about what happened the other night,” I start, and within two seconds I am slammed up against my locker with his body pressed against mine, and his stare beyond furious. “Now this position feels familiar,” I purr, only making him angrier, yet it does nothing but set my insides alight.

“How many fucking times do I have to tell you to stay the fuck away from me, Gray?” he spits, tightening his hold on me.

“I don’t know, maybe your message got lost in translation when your tongue was down my fucking throat,” I snap back, feeling my own defenses rising. “Want to tell me again to stay away from you, or are you looking for round two?” I add in question, gesturing to our current position, and his eyes drop down our bodies, taking in the way he’s pressed against me.

“Don’t fucking push me, Gray, because you won’t like it if I push back,” he breathes, his nose almost touching mine, and the adrenaline pumping through my body now has nothing to do with alcohol like it did the other night.

No, it’s all him, and all I can do is take a deep breath as I take in the look on his face. He doesn’t look like he is spiraling in any way like I am. There is no look of confusion or attraction. No, his mask is perfectly blank, and it makes me feel like the other night never even happened. Like I imagined the whole fucking thing, and I would actually believe it if I couldn’t still taste his lips against mine. A thought that has me pressing into his hold on me, just like I did when he kissed me.

“Oh yeah? Or maybe I’ll more than like it,” I toss back, throwing my words down like a gauntlet, and I see a flash of something across his eyes, as we remain in a stare off, until another voice startles us.

“For fuck sake, what the fuck is up with you both now?” Nova groans as he storms around the lockers, dumping his bag on the bench and staring us both down, yet Daemon still doesn’t move.

“I don’t know, Cap, why don’t you ask Daemon here,” I drawl, emphasizing his name just to be a dick, and I can feel his hands shaking in fury. The same hands he had around my throat three nights ago as he fucked my mouth with his.

“Don’t poke the fucking bear,” Daemon seethes quietly, before pushing off me and flicking his stare to Nova. “Everything is fine, Cap, it’s just your left winger is a dick,” he adds without remorse, and my smirk is instant, as Nova assesses us both closely.

“Well, dick he might be, we still need him, so keep your fucking hands to yourself,” Nova commands, as Daemon rips open his locker and practically hits me in the face with it.

Knowing I have already sufficiently riled him up, I move my focus to my best friend. “You’re supposed to be on my side, prick,” I tell Nova, pushing off my locker, and reaching for my bag so I can start getting changed.

“I’m always on your side, which is how I know you’re a dick,” he snaps with a huff, ripping off his shirt, and I find myself looking at him more closely than usual.

He’s a good looking bastard, I don’t have to be confused about my sexuality to admit that, but do I find him attractive? Do I want to kiss him? I trail my eyes over his lean, muscular form, and as fit and good looking as he is, it does nothing for me. So maybe the other night was just a blip, maybe it was a drunken mistake like Daemon said, yet when I drag my gaze back to the man in question, that feeling flows through me once more.

Fuck.

Maybe it’s not a blip, maybe it’s just fucking him.

Shaking my head, I rip off my own shirt and grab my base layer. “Well, dick I may be, but you still love me, so what does that say about you?” I ask, directing my words to Nova in an attempt to distract my thoughts, and my best friend just laughs.

“That you fucking bugged the shit out of me until I took pity on you, and had no choice but to be your friend?” he unhelpfully replies, and I roll my eyes at him, as Daemon grunts something that sounds like a laugh.

“You’re an asshole,” I tell Nova, whipping him with my hoodie until he laughs at me again, and I feel Daemon watching us in my peripheral vision.

“Alright, alright, relax,” Nova commands, stealing my hoodie from me and tossing it at my head. “Besides, I’m sure you’ll forgive me when I tell you that my mom wants me to bring you for dinner tonight.”

My mood change is instant at the mention of his mother. “Oh, Mommy Darkmore has been asking for me, has she?” I question with a wiggle of my brows, that has my best friend glaring at me, but it’s Daemon’s grip on his locker that has me confused.

“Don’t start about my mom, it’s fucking weird,” Nova snaps, as someone else enters the locker room, and I laugh.

“Hey, it’s not my fault that she loves me so much,” I muse, watching Daemon’s knuckles turn white, as my best friend groans.

“Just shut the fuck up and come to dinner, will you?” He demands, as Daemon slams his locker shut, and I can’t help but feel like I’ve won something, as he moves to drop onto the bench and pull on his skates.

“Fine, but can I bring Aurora? She is meeting me after practice,” I reply, and Daemon pauses slightly in his movements, it’s only for a fraction of a second, but still I notice it.

“Sure, I’ve not seen your sister in ages, and my mom will be happy to add an extra plate,” he assures me with a smile.

“Are we having dinner with your mom?” Alexander cuts in, smiling hopefully, as he joins us.

“We are,” Nova replies, his voice a little curt towards him for some reason, as he points to himself and me. “You’re not invited back until you remember your manners and stop fucking hitting on her,” he snaps, pointing his finger at Reign.

“That was one time,” Alexander tries to defend, but Nova cuts him off, and I can sense the tension between them from here.

“It was three times! And I’d rather take fucking Forbes to dinner than you, at least he’s not a fucking sex maniac,” our captain huffs, and now our roommate looks completely offended, especially when he looks at Daemon still focused on his skates, and he smirks at him.

“Oh yeah, from what I hear, Forbes here is totally vanilla,” Reign replies with a grin, and Daemon stares him down, flicking his eyes from him to me and back again, yet he doesn’t respond.

When he continues to stare, Nova takes notice, sensing the mounting tension again before he snaps, “Whatever, just stop fucking yapping and get your asses on the damn ice, we have work to do.”

With our captain laying down the law, we have no choice but to obey and get to work. Nova spends the next two hours riding our asses into the fucking ground until we are dead on our feet, and by the time we are stumbling from the gym after getting showered and changed, I am more than ready for a nice home-cooked meal.

My sister is already waiting when I push outside, and when she spies me, she waves excitedly. “Oh my god finally, you guys take forever to get changed,” she huffs, jumping up off the bench she was waiting on, and grabbing her bag.

She is still wearing her private school uniform which, like always, is perfectly pressed, and I don’t miss her driver, Roger, lingering by the curb. He’s paid to take her everywhere by our parents, but I’m sure he is sick of her always making him take her out of the city, yet I’m thankful for how often I still get to see her.

“Oh and I’m sure you got ready in five minutes this morning, ey little Gray?” Reign snaps sweetly, gesturing to her perfectly presented appearance, and she instantly gives him the finger, which only makes me smile.

Most girls our age squirm under his attention, but after growing up between me and Everest, nothing phases my little sister. Not even charming British goalies, but god help whoever does fall for Alexander Reign, they will deserve a sainthood for putting up with him.

“Not all of us need three hours in the mirror to look good, Alexander,” she claps back, before dismissing him completely and focusing on my best friend. “Nova, my brother tells me you finally got yourself a girl,” she preens, invested in all the gossip I provide her with, and I feel the deathly glare he aims my way.

“Your brother talks too much,” he grits back, his eyes glancing behind him, no doubt keeping watch for his girl's brother, and I laugh as my sister’s stare follows his.

That is until it lands on Daemon, as he emerges from the gym. “Oh, hi Daemon,” she calls out, as he starts to walk in the direction of our houses, only pausing at the sound of her voice, and I half expect him to ignore her.

Yet his eyes flick between the two of us, before he smiles softly. “Aurora,” he replies, with the simple nod of his head, and then he is gone, and both me and my sister stare after him.

“Really? You’re gonna be nice to fucking Forbes but not me?” Reign asks, completely offended, and no doubt wondering how the two even know each other, but my sister just rolls her eyes.

“Daemon isn’t an asshole,” she replies with a shrug, and I scoff, causing her stare to snap in my direction. “Something to add, big brother?” she asks, her tone insinuating she knows something, and I shake my head slowly.

“Come on, let’s go, I’m freezing my fucking balls off,” Nova snaps, storming in the direction of town where his mom lives, and I gesture for Aurora to follow.

“Are you up for dinner with Diana?” I ask her, and her face lights up completely, as she nods.

Diana Darkmore is a single mom, and after tagging along with Nova for many visits back in freshman year, she basically adopted me as her own. She knows I only get into the city to see my parents on the holidays, so she always welcomes me for dinner at least once a week. Aurora then became my plus one whenever she was in town, coming to visit me more than anyone else, and she’s even had Everest at her table a time or two, and well, I don’t know what I’d do without her.

Nova and I are used to her mothering us both like we are brothers, but since we discovered she had cancer a couple of months ago, we have been the ones mothering her. Nova said it’s not too serious, but still accepted my help any way I was willing. We do weekly grocery runs, and help her out with the housework, yet still she insists on cooking for us every now and then to help her feel normal.

The walk over to her house is filled with Aurora complaining about Everest and his two best friends, Griffin and Harden, and I can’t help but be amused by her every complaint. Apparently, they beat up a guy who asked her out on a date, and well, I make a mental note in my head to send them tickets to a game, or a basket of porn or something.

By the time we reach Diana’s apartment, I can already smell the aroma of something delicious, and as Nova lets himself in and holds the door open for Aurora, I am quick to push him out the way and steal the first hug from his mom.

“Mrs. D, looking as good as always,” I tease, pulling back from the hug and tossing her a wink, as I make a show of checking her out.

“Archer, my sweet boy, I love you, but please stop trying to rile up my son,” she replies, gently rubbing my cheek, before she turns and accepts a hug from Nova, who is glaring at me like a dick.

Giving him the middle finger, I move straight towards the table and steal a bread roll from the basket, before throwing myself into one of the chairs, as Diana moves her focus to my sister.

“Aurora, it’s so good to see you, darling,” she coos, pulling her in for a hug, before moving back and holding her at arm's length. “Gosh you are growing up so fast, I bet the boys are banging at your door,” she tells her, pulling her under her arm in a way that tells me I’m sure she wished she had a daughter too, as she leads her to the table.

“Not if Everest can help it,” I reply with a laugh, that has my sister scowling, and Diana looking between us.

“Oh don’t tell me that boy is causing trouble again?” she asks, moving to the stove and stirring whatever is in the pot, and I am delighted when she turns it off, signaling that it’s ready.

“Isn’t he always,” Aurora groans, as Nova and I quickly jump up to start serving, and Diana smiles at us gratefully, as she takes a seat next to my sister.

“Well boys are like that, trust me, I know, but sometimes trouble has a good heart,” she gleams, eyeing her son with nothing but pride, and Nova playfully rolls his eyes.

They have a great relationship, and I’m grateful I get to have her as a surrogate parent when I’m stuck away from my own. A thought that has me wondering if she could help me with my spiral, as I load up four plates with food, and Nova grabs everyone drinks. We dish out whatever everyone needs, and then I take a seat next to Aurora and listen to them chat back and forth.

It’s only when Aurora brings up college, and the possibility of coming to Fairfield U, that I find myself cutting in. “Diana, did you ever experiment with girls in college?” I ask, making my best friend choke on his dinner.

“Archer, what the fuck?” he coughs out, my sister patting his back for him, while looking at me like I have grown another head, but Diana only laughs, more than used to my brand of chaos.

“I’m not sure that is dinner time etiquette conversation, my dear, but yes I did,” she replies sweetly, making Nova almost break his neck as it snaps towards her.

“Mom, what the fuck?” he shouts at her now in alarm, but I can’t focus on him right now, not when I’m in crisis.

“How many? And how did it make you feel? Would you say you're bisexual?” I rush out my questions one after the other, not sure which one I want the answer to first, and Diana ingests them all, as she puts down her fork to focus on me.

“I’m not sure how many, but it was a few,” she replies with a shrug, only increasing Nova’s outrage as he stares at her, mouth open. “It was enough to make me realize I enjoyed it, but then I haven’t been with any others since, so I’m not sure if that classifies me as being bisexual or not,” she adds truthfully, and I nod, thinking over her words.

Maybe that’s what I need, to kiss another guy, see if it’s something I’m into, but how the fuck would I even make that work? I mean, I don’t know if I enjoyed kissing Daemon because he was a guy, or is it just because it was him? Questions I don’t have the answers to right now, which only makes me more frustrated.

“Is there something you need to talk about?” Diana asks gently, placing her hand on top of mine, as Nova now turns to me in question.

“Yeah, Arch, why are you so interested in the topic of experimenting with the same sex?” My sister cuts in, looking as if she knows something I don’t.

Suddenly, even though I trust these three more than most people in the world, I can’t help but clam up. “Oh, erm, I don’t know, no reason, just curious I guess,” I shrug, aiming for as much nonchalance as I can muster, now focusing back on my dinner, and ignoring my now burning cheeks.

I feel both my best friend and sister share a look, but it’s Diana that smiles softly, looking at me knowingly. “Well, the most important thing you should look for in any person is if they have a kind heart, because if they do, well then everything else can just fall into place.”

I’m sure her words are meant to be comforting, and as we move the conversation back onto safer topics, I try to take them as such. Yet not only am I left wondering if maybe my sexuality is something different to what I always thought it was, but now I’m also wondering if Daemon Forbes even has a heart.