50. Ember

50

EMBER

I watch my chest rise and fall in my reflection as the vision of myself darkens the longer I stare at myself. I’ve seen myself fade in and out, my lazy eyelids performing half blinks, bringing a tad more light to just fade over again.

I know I’ve been hiding out here too long and it’s time to go back to the party, but I haven’t been able to talk myself into it. I have to tell Hudson what just happened, and I’m not sure it’s in my heart to say it.

Do I want to go to New York? Yes, absolutely. It’s everything I’ve ever wanted. Everything I’ve worked toward.

Do I want to leave Hudson? My face scrunches up all on its own, and I toss my head back and forth. The season isn’t over yet, but he’s proven himself by now. Plus, this was all supposed to be temporary, but the loss of him feels… catastrophic.

“Fuck.” I hate that he’s branded himself inside me. I hate that choosing one over the other doesn’t ease the guilt I feel in either direction.

But I knew instantly when Corbin asked me. I knew that I would say yes. Just like I know now; the chances of this New York visit going from one week to permanent is as predictable as the sunrise. We know it happens, we can see it coming and there’s no stopping it.

Because, as hard as it will be to say goodbye to Hudson, I can’t resent him for staying somewhere when I had a chance to follow my dreams.

I grab my purse from the top of the sink and take one more look at myself in the mirror, giving myself a nod. Like one of me needs to approve my own decision.

Exiting the bathroom, I walk down the narrow hallway. I’m on the second floor, which is just a small loft area with a few rooms. Our offices, break room, and private bathrooms, reserved for staff only.

The artwork I picked out lines the wall between each of the doors, and my favorite one hangs at the end of the hallway before the corner to the stairs. It’s a pencil drawing of two people in bed, tangled into each other in such a way it’s hard to see where one ends and the other begins.

It’s majestic.

The moment I saw it, it was like witnessing two soulmates finding each other, loving each other, sexually, sensually. In all the ways that two people should.

And just as the thoughts of soulmates come to mind, a shadow appears at the bottom of the stairs, and I don’t need to turn in that direction to know who it is.