Chapter 17

"I NEED TOtalk to you about something," Laurel said, the following day, a half hour or so into his visit with Ash. They'd taken a lazy stroll through one of the courtyards, letting the aroma of the blooming flora surround them as the buzz of insects excited for evening ramped up into the air. The sun was setting, sending long fingers of shadow to curl over them as they walked.

"And I need to talk to you about something," Ash replied, nudging him in the direction of his room once they'd reached the end of their path. "Wouldn't it be just so simple if we had the same idea of what needs to be talked about?"

"Well, mine is…" Laurel halted a bit, tucking his hands into the pockets of his snug, cropped jacket. "It's pretty unlikely. You go first."

"Are you sure?" Ash asked, brows furrowing as he opened the door to his bedroom. "Mine might not be a quick sort of conversation."

"Something bad?" Immediately wary, Laurel felt his anxiety spike. "Did I do something to upset you?"

"Hey." Ash chided him gently, cupping a hand to his cheek so their eyes could meet. "If you upset me, I'll let you know. There's just something I want to make sure we're on the same page about. It's okay if we aren't," he clarified. "I just want to talk it out. Do you mind if I open this?" He gestured to the large window near the foot of his bed, where the fussy drapes were tied back with thick ribbons. "It's about to rain, and I love the smell." The awning that jutted out from the roof above it would keep any water from coming in.

"It didn't look like it was going to rain," Laurel pointed out.

Amused, Ash felt a smirk carve itself across his face. "Okay, city boy."

Rolling his eyes to the ceiling, Laurel gave a shrug. "Do whatever you want."

Once he'd pushed it up to let in the air, slightly heavy with damp warning, Ash plopped his body down onto the bed. On his side with his elbow propping him up, he patted the section of mattress in front of him. "Lay down with me."

"Is that supposed to soften the blow of whatever you need to talk to me about?"

"It's just so I can press up against you while we talk," Ash replied frankly. "I admit it isn't the most chivalrous thought I've ever had, but I assure you there's no ulterior motive beyond that."

Honesty, at least, Laurel could respect. Because he'd be more comfortable, he thought he'd remove his jacket before laying. His fingertips had barely made contact with the zipper before Ash widened his eyes, tilting his head appreciatively.

"Getting undressed for me, gorgeous?"

"I'm warm," Laurel said flatly, refusing to feel embarrassed for something so trivial. Shrugging out of it, he tossed it behind him onto a chair.

"Of course you'd be wearing one of those shirts." Unable to fully suppress the light groan in his throat, Ash ran his tongue around his teeth. "Don't they make anything that actually covers you at whatever fancy boutique you buy clothes from?"

Laurel only lifted a brow, unimpressed. "Sorry, grandpa, this is what all the kids at school are wearing. If an inch of my exposed stomach is just too much for your fragile psyche to bear, then I'm happy to sit somewhere else."

"Now, now, sunshine," Ash countered, grinning a bit at the prickly response. It was a fair bit more than an inch, the gap dragged wider by the way his pants sat low on his slender hips. The healer was reminded of the way he'd looked soaked with rain, the first day they'd kissed. "No need to get defensive. It's just that you're enticing enough as it is, let alone when I'm forced to consider how absolutely enchanting you must look under all those fanciful outfits you wear."

"Me?" He couldn't stop himself from scoffing the word out. "You're the one who's actually built, with abs and all that. I'm just tall and thin."

"Lean," Ash corrected him, though Laurel's inadvertent compliment about his musculature had his blood heating just a bit under his skin. "You have a gorgeous body. All those lovely, lithe muscles."

The way the healer could say things, the most embarrassing things, without even the slightest hitch in his voice amazed Laurel. And thrilled him.

"That's a lot of pretty words that really just mean you want to bang me."

"Oh no." Ash's eyes widened mockingly. "I think you might have cracked the code." Laurel snorted out a laugh, but still hung back, hesitant to join Ash on the bed. "You know, you once told me to sit down, that I was making you nervous hulking over you."

Huffing out a quick sigh, he finally gave in, lowering himself to the mattress. "Fine, but just spit out your problem already. I don't like suspense."

"Always so restless," Ash murmured, grazing his fingertips over Laurel's cheek. But Ash could understand why he was usually so opposed to moments of quiet serenity, particularly when he was nervous or stressed. He couldn't stand being alone with only his thoughts. "Will you lay with me like you did the other night? As much as I like seeing your thoughts show through on your face and in those expressive eyes of yours, I think you're more at ease discussing this sort of thing when you're looking away."

"Oh, it's that kind of conversation." He'd suspected as much, but it didn't stop nerves from clutching in his stomach. Still, refusing the request would be cowardly and would only cause him discomfort later. Because Ash was right, of course. Settling down into a position on his side, Laurel immediately felt the healer snuggle up behind him, slipping an arm around his waist.

"You framed this idea as a way to make it easier for us to talk, not some excuse to put your mouth all over me," Laurel protested weakly, shivering at the feeling of Ash's lips gliding over his shoulder blade.

"Two birds with one stone," he said cheerfully, pleased with the way things had gone so far.

"Just get on with it before you get distracted," he warned in a growl.

Ash chuckled, shaking his head a bit, as usual endeared to Laurel's testy impatience. "Alright. So… Like I said, whatever you answer to this is fine, but I need to understand where you're coming from so I know how to go forward without pushing you. I guess I'll just explain my perspective, and then you can tell me if I'm wrong or not, and we can go from there."

"Okay." Laurel's stomach was churning like a pit of snakes.

"So from my perspective, you're attracted to me and you want to be with me. Sexually, I mean. I guess I don't need to confirm that part with you, right?"

"Obviously not."

"I didn't think so. Admitting your little fantasy about me coming in through your window remark did wonders for clearing up any ambiguity there." When Laurel's only response was a snippy huff, Ash's lips curved against the back of his shoulder. "And at the concert before everything happened, it seemed like you were considering it. Was I reading you right?"

"Yes."

"I'm not complaining, to be clear," he added quickly. "What happened was unpredictable, and it took the night in a different direction than we'd planned on, but… I'm just glad I could be there for you when you needed me. I want to be there for you anytime you're hurting."

The words, dripping with sincerity, came out so sweetly that Laurel found himself reaching to clutch at the hand Ash had cupped on his hip, so their fingers could link.

"It's completely understandable that you're hesitant about moving into a physical relationship with me after what you've gone through," Ash continued, giving Laurel's fingers a light squeeze as he spoke. "The only part that's bothering me is that it seems like you want it, but something's holding you back. If it's just what we talked about, then that's okay. We don't have to rush anything. But if there's something else that maybe I can ease your mind about, or help you work through, then I want to do that."

It seemed to Laurel that there was no secret or shame that Ash would allow him to keep gripped inside, hidden away where it couldn't be ripped open and slashed at. Was it the worst possible trait for the man he'd fallen for to possess, or the best?

"There is something else." The words came out from a throat that felt dry and raw. "But it's… I don't think this is something you can fix or work on. It's just how I am."

"Tell me," Ash urged. "I promise that whatever it is, we'll work on it. Even if it isn't something we can fix, it's not going to ruin anything between us. You have to stop worrying about that."

"I know," Laurel admitted, exhaling slowly to clear some of the jittery tingles from his chest. "It's not that I think you'll leave or anything. I know you won't. It's just that this is… With the kind of person you are, I know you'll be disappointed. And I hate that. I wish I could be normal for you."

"You're perfect. There's nothing I would change about you."

"Believe me, this is not perfect. And there's no way for you to twist this into some romantic poem about how the gods pale in comparison to me or whatever, so don't even try."

"Tall order, but I'll try to show some restraint."

It was almost unbearable, the way Ash could make him smile, even when he was in a complete emotional upheaval. As if he were a puppet on a string, every scrap of his being tuned to the whim of the healer. Because he felt so much, because Ash had shown him nothing but infinite patience and affection so tender it made his chest ache with longing, Laurel squeezed his eyes closed and forced the confession out.

"I'm aware this is the least attractive thing anyone can say to their partner but I don't enjoy sex. I mean, I'll do it. I want to do it, with you. I want to please you and… make you feel good. I'll let you do whatever you want to me. But I know you're expecting some perfect, passionate, explosive thing and it's just not like that with me."

The silence pricked at him as he waited for Ash's response. As he waited, a wave of chill from the window blew in to wash over them, followed by the sound of sheets of rain soaking into the ground. He wanted to be annoyed that the healer had, once again, been spot on about the rainfall, but it was too soothing.

"I appreciate you telling me," Ash finally said, though Laurel could tell by the tone of his voice that he wasn't accepting of the grim prognosis. "Would it be alright if I ask you some questions?"

"You can ask me whatever you want, but I already told you before that this isn't some perverted challenge or something," Laurel retorted, frustrated and humiliated. "I'm being honest with you because I feel like you deserve it. Not because I want you to try and prove me wrong."

"Relax, gorgeous," Ash murmured. "I believe you. I told you whatever it is won't ruin anything between us, even if it's something I can't fix." He shifted, wiggling away just enough that he could lightly tug the sorcerer into a position on his back.

"Oh, now you're going to make me look at you?" Laurel grumbled, steadfastly keeping his eyes locked to the ceiling.

"Sorry," Ash apologized. "I know I said it would be easier, but I changed my mind. You don't have to look at me, but I want to see you while we're talking. Is that okay?"

"Fine."

"Just to make sure we're on the same page, when you say you don't enjoy it… You mean in general, or do you mean you don't, uh, finish?"

"Both." The soft rumble of thunder, from so far away, seemed to punctuate his answer.

"Sorry," Ash said again, verdant eyes serious. "I know this is difficult for you, but there's no point in us putting it off. We have to talk about it."

"I said it's fine."

"Alright," Ash gave a nod, though it was very obviously not fine. Harping on about how awkward it was for both of them wouldn't help anything, either. "Is it just the main part you have a problem with?" When Laurel only stared, unblinking, he sighed. He wasn't shy, but there was something distinctly awkward about deciding which terminology was the least embarrassing to use. "I mean, the penetrative part. Obviously I can understand your issue with that, but can you usually get off when you do other things?"

"I don't do other things," Laurel snapped, glaring at the ceiling now. "I never wanted to do anything in the first place, so it's better for me to just get it over with."

Ash felt his eyebrows draw together at the answer. "And when you're alone? Can you… enjoy yourself then?"

"Yes." Half expecting Ash to make an enthusiastically lewd comment at his answer, Laurel shifted his gaze so their eyes could meet. To his surprise, the healer only looked contemplative.

"So it isn't medical, then. Just psychological."

"How should I know?" Laurel mumbled, then felt his eyes narrow into a glower as he registered the slow smile blooming across Ash's face. "What are you looking so happy about?"

"I'm relieved," he admitted, stroking a quick touch over the sorcerer's hair. "I was being honest when I said it wouldn't ruin anything between us, and it's true I would accept it if there really wasn't a way for us to work through this."

"But?"

"But I'm pretty sure we can make this work."

"Of course you are." Laurel rolled his eyes. "You're always sure we can make everything work."

"You're right," Ash admitted, cocking his head a bit. "But this time I can actually support my argument beyond a hunch feeling," he promised. "I'm surprised you haven't noticed already, but when it comes to intimacy, I have a sort of… genetic advantage."

Blinking up at him, Laurel felt his skin heat up as his mind reeled with possibilities. "You mean…" Against the will of his better judgment, his eyes flicked down to Ash's lap. He'd read enough romance novels that he was acutely aware of the magical dick trope. Don't worry, protagonist. All your problems can be solved with my special cock.

"N-no," Ash denied quickly, eyes widening in realization. "Not that. I mean, I haven't gotten any complaints about it or anything. It's normal." Realizing he was babbling out of embarrassment, he shook his head. "I was talking about my magic."

Taking deep, steady breaths to try and quell the rapid palpitations of his heart, Laurel fixed his eyes back onto the ceiling. "What about your magic?"

"It's hard to explain in words. It's more like a feeling, and it's hard to translate for someone that isn't empathic, but… So, when I'm having sex or kissing someone, because they're so close, I get… The best way to describe it is that their aura gets wrapped up with mine. It's not a blatant, conscious kind of understanding, but I can feel what they want. It's like an instinct." Gesturing widely with his hands, he struggled to convey the unique sensation. "To use you as an example, when we've kissed, I could tell when you wanted me to go deeper, and when you wanted it lighter. I can tell what you want me to do with my hands. That kind of thing."

"Oh," Laurel realized, brows drawing together as he began to understand. He didn't need any further examples or explanations to believe the truth in the statement. It should have been obvious to him from the beginning. "I just thought you were a really good kisser," he said. It was embarrassing to voice out loud, but it's not like the healer didn't know how he felt about that particular aspect of their relationship anyway.

"Well, I am," Ash responded, mouth twitching up into a cocky grin. "But it's because of this."

"So, you think…" Swallowing, Laurel trailed off. "You think because you can tell what I'll like that it'll be different with you."

"It's not just that," Ash said. "I can relax you, so you aren't dreading it. And even without my magic… You trust me. You feel safe with me. I know you do."

"Yes." It wasn't even a question, or something he had to consider. It was all making too much sense. Hope, a painful throb in Laurel's chest, flickered mockingly. He wanted to snuff it out before it spread into crushing disappointment, but he found himself pinned by Ash's intense gaze. "Even with all that, I don't know if I can believe that it'll work. But if there was anyone that I could be normal with, I think it would be you."

"We have all the time in the world," Ash murmured, struck by the unguarded confession. "I'll do whatever it takes to make you happy, Laurel. I swear."

"Can you just kiss me now?" He was tired of trying to be happy, tired of agonizing over every flaw. He just wanted a break from thinking.

Complying without argument, Ash slid a hand under the sorcerer's head, tilting his face up gently so their lips could meet. Kissing him slowly, almost lazily, in that never-rushing way that was so gratifying, he felt Laurel's arms wind up around him, pulling him closer.

Lips warming and parting when the tip of Ash's tongue gently caressed him, Laurel's fingers curled into the collar of the healer's shirt. How could a kiss feel so huge, too much and not nearly enough, all at once? He lingered there, for how long Laurel wasn't entirely sure, exploring his mouth with skilled little flicks of his tongue and teasing nips into his lower lip, until the sorcerer was quivering like a harp string. He'd never cared much for kissing until Ash.

Laurel's hands were roaming over him now, lightly, stroking over his jaw, his throat, and down his back. The hesitant determination in the touches was palpable, bringing forth a wave of emotion from Ash's center. He would do anything to protect the sorcerer from pain and unhappiness, which meant soothing the nasty little doubts he knew were still lurking about inside him.

The unbearably thorough pace of their kissing was killing him, sizzling inside Laurel's blood until every inch of his skin was bursting with heat. He ached to be touched, but wasn't sure he could live through even more of the sensations that pounded at him like angry ocean waves. Just when he was sure he could no longer stand it, Ash's lips left his, trailing down his jaw to press hot kisses down his throat, back up to his ear.

Already feeling stripped raw, like he was being torn to shreds with feathers and silk, Laurel heard his own breath catch on a moan as the shell of his ear was delicately licked. "Ash. I can't stand this."

"I don't mean to scare you, gorgeous," he murmured, almost apologetically. "I can make it so you don't feel so overwhelmed. But I need to ask something first, so I can be sure you're saying yes of your own will."

"I thought you said that spell wouldn't make me say yes to anything I wouldn't normally do."

"It doesn't. But I'd hate for it to influence you at all when it comes to something like this. It's easier on me, if I know you're willing of your own accord."

"Ask me." Heart pounding like a drum against his ribcage, Laurel thought he already knew what Ash would ask. The knowledge made his head swim and his muscles twitch.

"Would you let me test my… theory on you now? If it doesn't work, we're no worse off, and we can keep trying. If it does work, then…" He trailed off, smirking a bit at the way Laurel's breath shuddered out. "You'll feel better. In the short term, and the long term, because we'll know we're moving in the right direction."

"Y-you want to do it now?" Fear, somehow wriggling its way through the hazy maze of pleasure rippling through his body, gripped him at the thought.

Nuzzling his face into Laurel's shoulder, Ash shook his head. "No. I was thinking you'd let me…" Giving the words a moment to sink in, the healer licked a long, hot line up his neck to punctuate the suggestion.

"Oh." Sharp awareness speared through the fog in Laurel's brain, piercing him mercilessly. "I-I've never… You really want to do that?"

Lifting his head so their eyes could meet, Ash raised an eyebrow. "You have no idea how badly I want to do that."

The blunt words coupled with the blatantly lustful expression in the other man's eyes had Laurel's fingers clenching, and his breath catching in his throat. "You don't have to."

Ash let his eyes squeeze closed as he gathered up patience from every corner of his being, wondering bitterly how every man Laurel had been with could be such an absolutely moronic waste of space. Leaning in close again, he hovered close to the blonde's ear. "Do you know what I think about, when I'm fantasizing about you?"

"No."

"I imagine teasing you until you can't think of anything but me. Trapping you on the edge of insanity, until you're desperate for me to let you go. I want to feel you unraveling in my hands, and hear you begging for me."

The words crawled over Laurel's skin like fingers, tormenting him until he was throbbing, practically salivating. "Okay."

"Is that a yes?"

"Yes."

Lips curving, Ash let the cool energy flow from his fingers, directing it to sink into the blonde, tranquilizing his nerves. "We won't do this every time," he explained. "Just until you're more at ease with everything."

"I trust you, Ash."

The rain continued to pelt the soft earth outside, windswept drops flying about to coat everything in wet chill, giving their room the feel of a safe haven. Reaching over to dim the lamp, just enough to toss flattering shadows into the air to war with soft moonbeams, Ash watched the change take over Laurel's body. Tense muscles melted into pliancy, like warmed wax. His eyes, pools of sticky amber, clouded with relaxation and anticipation.

Starting back at the beginning, Ash cruised his lips over Laurel's, once again savoring the texture of his mouth, the soft noises of his pleasure. He felt the sorcerer's hands slide up into hair, eager now, an unspoken plea for more. When the blonde's breath began to quicken, shuddering out between them in light gasps, Ash let his hands float up, gently, to unbutton the snug shirt and pull it off. All but hypnotized by Laurel's elegantly narrow form, Ash traced his fingertips over subtle lines of bone and muscle, fiercely aroused by the way the skin quivered under his touch.

Laurel whimpered helplessly when the healer lowered his head to press a kiss to where his heart was thundering inside his chest. How could every inch of his skin feel so good to be touched? He'd been touched before, but nothing had prepared him for the addicting sensation of slow, drugging pleasure. He moaned, ache intensifying when Ash's tongue flicked over his nipple, torturing him with varying levels of pressure until he was quaking.

"W-what are you doing to me?"

"Taking my time."

True to his word, he savored, lighting fires where he willed, until Laurel felt scorched and raw and unspeakably needy. By the time Ash had snapped open the button of his pants, laving the new little V of exposed flesh, the sorcerer had accepted the fact that every fragment of his being belonged to the healer, and he had long lost the will to reclaim any control or dignity.

"Ash." The name tumbled out of his mouth, pleading. He arched his hips, desperate to grind his erection against Ash's fingers, hovering teasingly over him. Need, so incredibly staggering, pulsed through him like a wound at the light pressure, even through the thick, stiff fabric. "Please keep going. Don't stop."

"I'm not going to stop," he promised soothingly, though the mix of emotions churning inside him had harsh edges. Laurel was so sensitive, so responsive, moaning and writhing already. Had he never had a partner actually bother to try pleasing him? It was unfathomable. Because the thought enraged him, he pushed it from his mind, resolved now to send his trembling fairy king up through the clouds.

Peeling the fitted pants down Laurel's firm thighs, Ash couldn't help but marvel at the slim, angular body before him. There was so much more to show him, so much new skin to toy with and lick and nip at, but that kind of double-edged torture would have to wait. As much as the thought appealed to him, he wasn't sure Laurel could take much more of his unhurried pace.

Finally kneeling before him, carefully nudging those mile-long thighs apart so he could settle between them, Ash pressed his palms down onto Laurel's hips, holding him firmly in place. Glancing up to his gorgeous sorcerer's face, he could see the flicker of nerves there, twisted up with hot need. Though he'd decided not to torment him any further, Ash couldn't help but press an open-mouthed kiss to the silky inside of Laurel's thigh, lust swamping him at the soft groan he received in response.

"As much as I would love to spend all night claiming every inch of your absolutely exquisite body, I think this time, you need me to prove to you that my theory was right. But I promise I'll get my way with you eventually, and you'll just have to suffer through as much of this as I want. Does that sound acceptable to you?"

"Yes. Yes, whatever you want." He couldn't think, let alone make decisions. The peak he'd been so sure he could never reach with another person was practically in his grasp, taunting him by slipping away just as his fingers could brush it.

The utter surrender of what he could feel bubbling up inside him was devastating. He should be terrified, he knew, at what Ash had pulled from him, but there was no room for fear when he was so full of grinding sensation.

When he at last felt Ash's lips nuzzling his cock, Laurel's fingers dug into the sheets beside them, desperate for something to anchor him. His back arched, unconsciously frantic to be closer to the hot mouth, but found the grip on his hips to be as inflexible as iron.

"Please," he panted again, far too gone now to be embarrassed by the urgency dripping from his voice, then could only gasp out his pleasure as his swollen flesh was taken into Ash's mouth, engulfing him in wet heat to the hilt.

Unbelievably pleased with the lack of the sorcerer's restraint, Ash knew he was close already, teetering on that lovely precipice. And he was delighted to be the only one who could nudge him over it and send him free falling into the stars.

Generosity, so painfully absent from anything Laurel had ever felt before, undid him. He'd never imagined he could feel so much. Every stroke of Ash's fingers up his thighs, every scrape of his rough tongue, were only meant to pleasure him, and with no expectation of anything in return.

The firm, unrelenting pressure of Ash's mouth on him was maddening, too much for any one human to survive, Laurel was sure. But the closer he got, the more primal he felt, any misgivings he might have had about the terrifying hugeness of sensation swept away by the unbearable pleasure.

The need to warn the healer occurred to him, because somewhere in the very dim back of his mind he was certain there was some kind of etiquette about this sort of thing, but the words wouldn't come. He could only gasp out a moan, trembling as his nerves were stoked beyond anything he'd ever experienced.

Ash was sure there had been nothing in his life that came close to the sheer eroticism of feeling Laurel fall apart under his hands and in his mouth. The feeling of his hips arching against his firm palms, the helpless sounds of shocked relief. And especially the way his cock throbbed, pulsing out hot jets of cum for the healer to greedily swallow.

Eventually floating back down to earth, Laurel hissed at the pleasant little shocks racing over him as Ash lingered a bit. He was apparently not overly concerned with the lack of warning he'd been given about Laurel releasing into his mouth. In fact, Ash looked smug, obnoxiously pleased.

As if to confirm the thought, he let out a very prideful sort of purr before crawling up to drop his heavy weight beside Laurel's limply satisfied form.

"I told you it was going to rain," he said, voice mild as a spring morning, before pressing a smacking kiss to the sorcerer's crown of golden hair.