CHAPTER 11

ARTEMIS

I f I’d thought Karmella and her partner – who’s name I’d learned was Driselle – would mellow out with the birth of one of their babies, I was sorely mistaken. If anything, they were worse. Karmella was especially terrible. Her protectiveness over her new baby and her ready-to-pop partner had turned her almost rabid. If I hadn’t known she was a person I would have assumed her a wild animal with the way she bared her teeth and snarled at anyone who dared get too close.

Currently, she was huddled inside one of the cave’s tunnels that she’d claimed for her little family, hunched over in a crouch, cradling her baby girl against her chest and hissing at me and Libby. We’d come to drop off some food and water for them since they’d not come out of their little hidey-hole since yesterday, and we were getting concerned.

The general gossip was that Driselle had gone into labour and didn’t want to give birth around the rest of us. I understood that since I still wasn’t too keen on the others. Trust was still in the process of being built, but a lifetime in The Program squashed our ability to trust easily, especially with each other.

Competition between pairs wasn’t unheard of, and though Libby and I weren’t familiar with these women there were some duos that were and they were privy to conflict. It was how we’d been raised, after all. Personally, I was just glad that I didn’t have to live with any of the women I’d been pitted against in the past, especially considering the things the scientists had us do.

That was not a topic I was willing to reminisce over, however. Too much suffering. Too much guilt…

‘Okay, then. I’ll just leave this here…’ Libby drawled, warily bending down to place the bowls she was carrying at the base of the tunnel’s entrance. I followed suit, my movements slow and nonthreatening. She scampered back when we were close, her hissing turning into something resembling a warning growl that shocked me with its eery similarity to a particular large Earth feline. I wondered if perhaps that was due to her cybernetic enhancements. The scientists didn’t perform the same tests on all of us, nor did their tinkering react the same with our individually unique biologies.

I didn’t have the time to look into it further, but I set a mental reminder to learn everyone’s abilities. I would need to hack into The Program’s files for a more in-depth understanding of what they’d done to each of us and how it physically manifested. This train of thought also reminded me of my own situation, how leaving the nanites alone for two solars gave them enough time to reconfigure themselves and go rogue. I would need to monitor myself closely as well as the others to see if we experienced any side-effects.

This was unfamiliar territory for us all, and there was no guessing what we could expect until it happened.

Libby and I backed away slowly with our hands raised, palms out, when Karmella snapped her teeth at us. The clacking sound echoed throughout the stone structures from all directions, the effect disturbingly eerie. When she realised we weren’t about to try to attack or steal her baby she ceased her aggressiveness, though she still maintained her posture ready to defend or attack if we posed a threat.

If this continued it was going to get old quick.

Libby grabbed my arm and yanked me along behind her in her haste to get us as far away from the scary lady as possible. We passed the giant creature that we were almost finished fencing in on our way back to our makeshift kitchen to grab some dinner for ourselves. The past couple of days had been spent carving bowls out of rocks, making weapons and teaching the women who needed it how to hunt. The amount of snares and spears we’d accumulated was impressive, and the girls caught on quickly. The only ones who weren’t participating were Karmella and Driselle, though no one much minded them keeping their distance.

Overall, despite the setbacks we’d already faced while setting up our little community, some aspects had been smooth sailing. It gave me hope that we could work through our issues to become a truly cohesive unit that could raise their children together in peace.

I also had the feeling that once we had everyone’s kids back they would calm down enough for real progress to be made. Progress that wasn’t dependent on our immediate survival.

The redhead was Francesca, and she was currently our designated chef. Her partner was the blonde lady that had helped start the fire our first night here. Both women sat by the fire morning, noon and night to ensure any meat we caught was cooked and prepared into meals that were, quite frankly, delicious. Especially considering we didn’t have the same ingredients or facilities others took for granted. It was my understanding that even those from the Border System were provided kitchen equipment, even if they were of low quality. The means to make meals was a universal right within the Intergalactic Union, and though we were managing, it was clear we were going to have to create a better kitchen system if we were to survive, even more so with our growing numbers.

Francesca already had bowls waiting for us which she handed over when we approached. Steam rose from the broth and I breathed deep, inhaling the scent of meat and herbs. On our first hunting trip, a few of us had discovered some patches of herbs that we’d recognised and were sending out pairs daily to forage for more. There were also some root vegetables that looked promising, but none of us were willing to test them out. We’d taken note of the ones the local wildlife seemed to eat without any issue, but the problem was that we couldn’t trust that what was safe for them was safe for us.

So we settled for meat that Francesca boiled with the herbs. There was an abundance of those ingredients, at least. When I left to rescue the children, I was also compiling a mental list of items that I could bring back if I got the chance. Vegetable seeds was one. If I could find some grain to plant I wouldn’t say no, either. Freshly baked bread would go a long way in lifting spirits around here.

I was already mapping out areas we could use as farmland. We wouldn’t be able to do anything too extreme for fear of pointing a flashing neon arrow directly at us for The Program to locate us. Instead, we would need to create planters we could store inside the cave. If I could steal a few mirrors, I could set them up in one of the tunnels that let in some sunlight to create a space for plant growth.

I had yet to check out the downed spaceship, but I had a feeling there were quite a few supplies we could use in there. For now, I was going to settle for fixing it up enough to fly. Picking it apart could wait until I came back with the kids.

‘Thanks Franny,’ Libby said, purposefully needling the other woman. I liked what I knew of Francesca so far, so I didn’t understand why Libby was poking at her.

As expected, the redhead didn’t react kindly to the horrible nickname. ‘It’s Francesca, you pea-brained dimwit,’ she snapped. ‘Call me that again and I’ll spit in your food.’

‘Pea-brained dimwit. I like that. It has a nice ring to it. And you can spit in my food any time you like,’ Libby shot back, the response oddly flirtatious. I wondered if there was more to her teasing than she was letting on. I’d have to ask her about it when we had a moment alone. I wasn’t sure if she was attracted to men, women or both, but I was getting the sense she had a little crush. Of course, she’d never had a crush before so I had nothing to compare her current behaviour to, but she certainly wasn’t treating any of the other women the same as poor Francesca.

We took our bowls to the ledge so we could eat with a view. On the left was the forest, lush and brimming with life. To the right the trees thinned out into grassy hills surrounding a river of the mountains’ melted runoff. And then there was the mountain range. The valley was wedged between two of the shorter mountains, and from our vantage point we could see the peaks of the larger rocky masses over the top and continuing in a jagged line in both directions.

What made this particular view so fascinating was more than just the stunning wildlife, but the mountain’s rocky material. Dotted throughout were vast crystals of varying colours, from pinks and purples to blues, greens, yellows and reds. An entire rainbow of shades glistened under the sunlight and reflected off the river, giving it an ethereal, multi-hued shimmer.

Unfortunately, Libby chose that moment to break through the peace. ‘So… do you wanna talk about it yet?’

It was the same question she asked me every day, barring the last few while we were in the company of the others. I thought I’d gotten out of her barrage of questions about my time at Nova Academy, but it seemed she was still going to hound me for details.

Ever since we’d been reunited the day Bal was born, she’d known something was up with me. She saw a melancholy in me that was different from the hopelessness I’d exuded while in captivity before my escape and she’d latched onto it with a vice grip and refused to let go.

‘Nope,’ I said, popping the P.

She nudged me with her shoulder while holding her bowl, and a drop of broth spilled out and onto my leg that she ignored. I, however, threw her my most unimpressed glare. ‘Oh, come on. Something happened. Or someone. Was it T? How come you won’t talk about him? I know he’s the one who caught you again and everything, but you can’t bottle it up. It’ll just explode out of you at the worst possible time, you know that.’

I huffed, turning back around to face the horizon in the distance. ‘There’s nothing to talk about.’

‘Liar. Come on, tell me. I can’t help if I don’t know.’

‘Libs, there’s nothing you can do to help anyway. Just let it go.’

She scoffed. ‘Not happening. Spill.’

‘No.’

‘Yes.’

‘No.’

‘You owe me.’

Fuck. Why did she have to pull the guilt card?

‘Fine. Ask.’

In a less miserable situation she would have clapped her hands and performed a little wiggle-dance to celebrate her victory, but this time she could tell was not the time for giddiness. Instead, she thought through her question and took the conversation seriously.

‘What happened between you and T?’

There wasn’t much to tell there, so I said as such. ‘He never showed. Left a note that said he wasn’t coming with me and that I’d be fine on my own and that was that.’

Out of the corner of my eye I could see her lips pull down in displeasure on my behalf, concern radiating off of her. ‘And you’re okay? With him leaving you…?’

I shrugged. ‘I wouldn’t say I’m okay, but I’m over it if that’s what you’re asking. That was three solars ago, and he’s shown his true colours enough for me to let my feelings for him go. Clearly he didn’t feel the same way about me, and it was silly to think a guard would fall for me. Any other questions?’ I guided the conversation away from him, uncomfortable with talking about it.

‘Yes, but first… You weren’t wrong to feel things for him. Sure, you got duped by the guy, but that just means he’s not worth it because you’re worth a fuck tonne more than that. Fuck him. I’m glad you’re moving on. But that leads me to my next question, if it’s not T that’s got you down in the dumps, who does?’

I frowned, refusing to look at her. I knew all it would take would be one glance and she’d see right through me. Well, she was already seeing right through me, but looking at her would force me to admit it out loud and I didn’t think I was ready for that.

‘What makes you think there was someone else?’ was my stupid, stupid response. Of course she wouldn’t believe such a blatant attempt to divert the conversation.

‘Artemis, spill. ’

I tried to fight the crushing sensation when I thought back to those few short weeks spent with those people. People I’d trusted, and only some who had deserved that trust.

My shoulders slumped in defeat. ‘We were assigned teams. My team… they were amazing. Reece, a Yu’Rom-Terran mutt, was so kind. I think he was my first ever friend outside of you. Unfortunately, he was under constant scrutiny after some nasty – and completely false – accusations. The last I saw of him he was being arrested for it, but we all knew it wasn’t him.’

‘And… you had feelings for this Reece fellow?’ she probed.

I smiled at the thought. ‘They were all attractive in their own ways. He was just… my friend. He thinks I’m Arthur Mercer, the male cadet, and he’s only interested in women.’

‘So there would be potential for more if he knew you’re a woman?’ she asked, hope alighting her tone.

‘I don’t know. Probably not. I’m not sure any of them would be happy with me for deceiving them, especially – ‘ I cut myself off before I could say anymore. If she learned about Bromm I’d never hear the end of it.

‘Especially who?’

I ignored her question and carried on. ‘There was also Adara. She was my friend, too. A tiny little pink Griknot female. Clumsy, scatterbrained, but so caring and loyal. And smart. Not only is she a Chief Warrant Officer, but she figured out I was a woman practically from the start. And she was in a relationship with the captain. He was a different story completely. One time, he showed up at my dorm while chasing her down, but he’d forgotten his pants. He was wondering around the ship in just his underwear.’

Libby laughed at that, the sound bright and happy. I didn’t want to put an end to it, but what I had to say next would certainly void all humour.

‘He was working with The Program, though. I discovered he had surveillance footage of me changing into my disguise at the Entario Waystation.’

‘Fuck, really?’

‘Yup. And you already know which guard brought me back to you,’ I mumbled.

‘Fucking T. If I weren’t so grateful to have you with me right now I’d kill him myself.’

‘You can, if you want,’ I offered, the hint of a smile pulling at my lips.

‘Nah, you deserve to be the one to make him suffer.’

I snorted. I had no intentions of killing or torturing anyone. Except maybe Lucias Demari. I’d enjoy making that bastard scream.

‘But the captain nor Adara were the ones to put that sullen look in your eyes. Keep going,’ she pushed.

Again, I ignored her prompting. ‘After Reece was falsely accused- ‘

‘Wait,’ she interrupted. ‘You never said what he was accused of.’

I pursed my lips, not even wanting to think about the horrible things he was framed for and summarised the drama that had occurred over my time on The Carina.

‘That’s awful…’

I grimaced. ‘I know. Anyway, after Reece was first accused the captain assigned us a protection detail. Another team of cadets that happened to be our neighbours. There was Dorian from the Border System. He had the most incredible, bright red eyes, and he was nice but I think he made fun of me sometimes. Not in a bad way, but things for some reason I always felt awkward around him.

I paused to take a breath. Thinking of the men I had left behind was painful, but now the floodgates had been opened and I didn't want to stop. 'Then there was Urman, a Griknot-Yu’Rom mutt. He and Dorian were practically attached at the hip, but he was a good guy. Henrik was the quietest, and he was planning on specialising in medical. He was always playing the nurse.

'And Cadmus… Libs, Cadmus was a Drakfern. Well, a mutt. He was also part Terran, but he still had wings and I got to see them! They were so beautiful and the colours… He kept teasing me about wanting to see them, but it was all in good fun.’

I rambled on a bit more about each of the guys from the other team, wistfully thinking about how things would have turned out of The Program hadn’t swooped in and destroyed everything. But that was just a dream. I was going to leave them all behind anyway, there was no point in wishing for any other possibility.

‘They sound nice, but something tells me you haven’t finished yet. Who were the other two guys on your team? There were four of you, right?’ she asked, freeing me from the internal spiral before it could drag me down.

‘There was Foryk. He was a Tornu. Then there was Bromm. He was a Griknot prince. Nothing else to say,’ I said curtly.

Libby sat beside me in contemplative silence for a moment before breaking it. ‘Which one was it?’

‘Which one was what?’ I asked with false ignorance.

‘Which one hurt you to leave behind?’

My breath hitched. Damn her for knowing me so well and calling me out on it.

‘Bromm.’ I whispered my admission. Truthfully, it hurt to leave them all behind, but he was the most painful. My feelings for him were even greater than what I felt for T all those solars ago. Leaving him behind in The Program’s clutches combined with letting things progress between us as far as they did… the pain was indescribable. It made me physically ill every time I thought about it, so I did what I did every time thoughts of him came up.

I pushed them aside and pretended everything was fine.

I drained my bowl, the brown of my brand also draining back into the baseline green. It was lukewarm from sitting untouched while I talked, but it still slid down nicely, then I stood to return it to the hastily constructed washing station.

‘I think I’m going to take a look at the wreckage today. See what I can do to fix it up. I don’t want to wait any longer for the kids’ sakes,’ I said, starting the climb down without looking back.

I knew she was following even if I didn’t see her, but I kept moving forward as if she weren’t there.

She didn’t let that last long, however. A few steps into the forest and she grabbed my hand, walking beside me. ‘Maybe when things have settled down and we’re no longer being hunted you can go back for him.’

I patted her hand, appreciating what she was trying to do despite the knowledge it could never happen. ‘Yeah, maybe.’

Bromm and the others were in the past. I could never go back for them. It was past time to move on, even if my heart shattered to even think about forgetting them. Forgetting him.