8. Avery

“Rumor has it, there’s a new coach on your team,” Tatiana mentioned when stopping by my house after I returned home. She always stopped by a few times a week with food. It was her love language. Plus, she worked at Alex’s restaurant, Isla Iberia, which meant she usually brought some of the tastiest treats.

“That rumor is true.” I sighed as I stepped to the side of my door to let her in.

She headed straight for the kitchen and started to put her containers into the fridge. “That’s a fun twist.”

“If by fun, you mean annoying as fu?—”

“Language.” She pointed a stern finger my way. “My virgin ears can’t hear the word ‘fuck’ out loud,” she joked.

I smiled and took a seat on the barstool in front of the countertop. If I knew anything about Tatiana Silva, it was that she had a filthy mouth and a vibrant wardrobe. Her closet dripped with neon colors, and her mouth dripped with f-bombs.

I opened one of the containers. “What’s this?”

“Slow-roasted pork belly bites over jalape?o slaw. It’s heavenly,” she cooed. “But be warned, it’s from the Pierce Meat Butcher Shop.”

“That’s fine. I just hate Nathan, not his brothers,” I said as I picked up the piece of pork belly and took a bite. My eyes rolled backward from pure bliss. Thank goodness I didn’t hate his brothers. That meat was tender and delicious. However I was certain it had more to do with Alex and less with the Pierce brothers.

“Dang, that’s tasty,” I said.

“I work at the best spot,” she agreed. She leaned against the countertop and smiled my way. “So you and Nathan Pierce. How do you think it will be working with him?”

Hell.

A pain in my ass.

I shrugged. “It will be fine.”

“He’s handsome, isn’t he?” she asked, popping a piece of pork belly into her mouth.

I had to remind myself that Tatiana didn’t know about Nathan’s and my short-lived past. If she had known, she wouldn’t have been so freely speaking of his praises. Or maybe she would’ve. Tatiana often gave people second and third chances.

I wasn’t.

“I didn’t notice,” I lied.

I did notice how handsome Nathan had been. I noticed so much that it made me want to vomit. I just wish I could un-notice.

“How could you not notice? I know you’re an engaged girl, but woman to woman, I think we can both agree that he hit the lottery with his looks. Did you witness that man walk away, too? He has the perfect, plump baseball butt.”

“Tatiana, too much info.”

She shrugged and opened another container. “I’m just saying. I like his butt. I envy his butt. It made me almost want to do squats to tighten my own. But then again, the thought of working out makes my eye twitch, so I started watching The Office again for the eighteen-millionth time.”

“Seems like the right choice to me.”

“Same here. So.” She handed me a fork to taste the rice dish in front of her. “Tell me how everything’s going with wedding planning. We’re right around the corner, huh?”

“Yup, and I am not ready.”

She smiled. “We never really are.”

We talked the rest of the evening about anything and everything—except for Nathan. I was happy his name didn’t circle back around. The last thing I needed to do was speak more about his bubble butt.

And yeah, okay. I’ve seen the behind of Nathaniel Pierce once or twice as he walked away.

Those two cheeks of his might’ve made me want to do a few squats, too.

After working sohard to avoid Nathan, I’d now have to spend time with him at least five days a week. I felt a strong amount of annoyance every time I saw his face. Each time I saw him, I was reminded of how he walked out on me and chose baseball over our love.

I hated him.

I knew it was silly, and I should’ve gotten over it after all these years, but there was something so cocky about him reappearing in my life, getting a job on my team, and acting like we were just supposed to be good friends after all that transpired between us.

I knew Yara was into her enemies-to-lovers romance novels, but this felt more like a lovers-to-enemies plotline without a cheesy happily ever after.

Everything about him made my skin crawl.

I hated how the guys on the team idolized him. How their eyes lit up with interest whenever Nathan spoke to them. I hated how he smiled his cocky smile whenever he’d teach the guys something, and they’d excel at it. I hated how he told me I was doing a great job.

Screw you, Nathaniel! Of course, I know I’m doing a great job!

I didn’t need his praise. If anything, I needed him to shut up.

I loathed that man. I hated how he smiled, how he spoke, how he smelled like oak trees soaked in lemon drops. I hated how he chewed gum. How he clapped his hands. How he wore a backward baseball hat. I hated his breathing pattern, and his eyes, and his stupid dimples.

How he cleared his throat.

How he snickered.

How he patted me on the back whenever I made a good call.

Don’t touch me, Nathaniel!

I hated everything about that man. I honestly didn’t know hate could be so strong, which made it quite confusing to me when my stomach would sometimes flutter whenever he was near me. Then again, there were those small glimpses of him that I didn’t completely despise. Those quiet moments when he interacted with the guys on the field.

After Nathan’s first few practices, I stood back and studied how Nathan coached Jackson Perk on Friday night. The practice was over for the rest of the team, but Nathan volunteered to stay back to help Jackson out.

Jackson was a solid player but he never enjoyed the attention. Nathan took notice of him, though. Nathan focused on the guys who hung out in the shadows more than the others who shone in the spotlight.

Jackson was quiet. I hardly ever heard him make a peep all practice, and he’d been on my team for the past three years. Yet as I watched Nathan teach Jackson how to reposition his batting stance, I noticed Jackson’s eyes sparkle with interest more than ever before.

“It’s all about the follow-through,” Nathan explained to Jackson as he held a bat in his hand, flexing every muscle in his arm as he demonstrated the swing in slow motion. “And don’t hold the bat too tightly. I know that’s a normal habit, but loosen up, and you’ll see it soar. Here, you try,” he told Jackson, handing him the bat.

Nathan placed a ball on the batting tee in front of the two, and Jackson got into place. With a slight sigh, Jackson rolled his shoulders back, gripped the bat, and swung as Nathan had instructed.

He struck the ball, and it went flying across the field.

Well, I’ll be damned.

I smirked, seeing the pride that shot through Jackson’s system. It was as if a wave of confidence filled every inch of his being.

“Hell yeah,” Nathan said as pure bliss fell against his face. He playfully shoved Jackson. “How did that feel?”

“Good,” Jackson quietly said with a nod. “Great.”

“Good, good.” Nathan placed another ball on the tee. “Now do it again and step into it more. Don’t be afraid to follow the swing.”

Jackson nodded in understanding and hit the ball with even more power. The smile on his face grew bigger. “Holy crap,” he breathed out, shaking his head in disbelief.

Nathan stood there proudly. He seemed to believe in the players more than they believed in themselves. “Told you. You got this, buddy. So it’s time you stop playing it small, all right?” He patted Jackson on his shoulder. “You are a star. Time to start shining brighter.”

Jackson laughed, shaking his head. “Thanks, Coach P.”

The joy shooting through Jackson made my heart feel as if it would explode with an overflow of happiness. I’d never seen that kid look so thrilled in my life.

Maybe I did hate Nathan, but it was clear he was good at what he did.

“All right, get home and get all your homework done. Remember, if you need help with your algebra test coming up, I’m more than willing to lend a hand,” Nathan said to Jackson.

And that hatred I felt for him?

It stupidly started to lessen.

“Thanks again, Coach P. I’ll see you tomorrow!” Jackson said, hurrying over to grab his duffel bag before he jogged toward the parking lot.

When Nathan turned to face me, I still wore my goofy grin. The second we locked eyes, I shook it off. He walked over toward me with his hands in his sweatpants pockets.

“You see that?” he asked me, speaking of Jackson. “He’s a powerhouse.”

“He is,” I agreed. I crossed my arms, trying to shake off the confusion in my head. How could I hate the man but still be so damn impressed with his skill level? “Good job with him. He needed that boost.”

Nathan arched an eyebrow. “Was that a compliment?”

“It was a observation from one coach to another. Nothing more, nothing less.”

His smile stretched. “Just admit it…I’m growing on you.”

“Like an annoying wart I want surgically removed. I’m almost shocked at how easy it is for me to dislike you. You might be a great coach, but you’re still a bad person.”

“You have no idea who I am,” he stated. “You haven’t even given me a chance to show you who I am.”

I was going to responde with a sarcastic reply, but a somberness hit his stare. For some reason, I felt a bit guilty for my coldness toward him. It looked as if my words struck a chord, and his truths slipped through his stare. I stood there for a moment, wanting to decipher what that stare meant. I knew I’d been giving Nathan a lot of crap over the past few weeks, but that was the first time it seemed that my words affected him.

Before, it felt as if he was playing along. As if we had a playful game of “I hate you, Nathan Pierce” going on. Normally, he’d shoot back a witty comment at me, but at that moment, his lack of comebacks, paired with his pained expression, left me feeling…bad.

He cleared his throat and nodded once toward me. “Night, Coach,” he said, walking off toward the building.

“Nathan,” I called out.

He looked over his shoulder and arched a brow. “Yeah?”

“You did great,” I told him. “With Jackson. With all the guys. You’re a great coach.”

His serious stare remained. “Do you really think I’m a bad person?”

Yes.

No.

Maybe.

I don’t know.

Ever since Nathan reappeared in my life, I felt more confused than ever before.

My lips parted, and he shook his head. “Don’t answer that,” he told me. “I forgot about your rules. We don’t get personal.” He turned away from me and continued his way to his car, leaving me with a guilty conscience.

Maybe one day you should stop being such a jerk, Avery.

Did I hold some resentment toward him from our past? Yes. But were we still those thoughtless, young, stupid kids who fell in love? Not in the slightest.

When I got home after practice, Wesley was nowhere to be found. That was odd because he was normally home well before me unless he worked late. Whenever he worked late, he’d text me, though, and let me know. A sudden panic hit my stomach as I tried to call him. Unfortunately, his phone went straight to voicemail, showing me it was not on.

I had dinner on the table waiting for him, and by the time it got cold, I tossed it into the fridge. As panic rose with every passing moment, I thought about calling the local hospital and the hospitals in Chicago to make sure he wasn’t involved in an accident.

My mind began to think the worst. Ever since I was a little girl, I had an unnatural fear of something happening to the people I cared about the most. After Mama passed away, I’d become so paranoid about the safety of my sisters and father. I remembered that whenever Daddy would be gone during storms, I’d sit at the window and stare outside until I saw the headlights of his car pull up. Whenever Willow would go on one of her travel adventures, I’d obsessively check in to make sure she was all right. When Yara had a health scare at the start of her pregnancy, I didn’t sleep for days, thinking each night I’d wake up with a text message saying something went wrong with her or the baby.

Paranoia was strong within me when it came to my loved ones and their well-being. I couldn’t count the number of sleepless nights I’d lived as I set up with a worrisome mind. And now Wesley being missing in action was only feeding into that fear of mine.

When I heard a car pull into our driveway, I darted over to my front door to make sure he was okay. To my surprise, I saw him climbing out of the passenger seat of a BMW. Out of the driver’s seat came Drew.

What was she doing here?

She tossed her head back, laughing at something Wesley said as he held leftover food containers in his hands. He laughed just as hard as her, going as far as to snort out a chuckle.

Within seconds, my worry turned into rage. A simmering rage that I had to push down as they both approached the front porch.

The moment Wesley’s eyes found mine, his smile stretched. “Hey, sweetheart.” He walked up the steps and kissed my cheek. “What’s going on?”

“What’s going on?” I whisper-shouted, stunned by his nonchalant approach. “Where have you been? What is she doing here?”

I could’ve said it more nicely, but I didn’t see a reason to be nice at that moment. I’d spent the past few hours thinking my fiancé was dead in a ditch, only to find him rolling out of a car with his best woman—who was still his ex-girlfriend, by the way—laughing and giggling together.

He narrowed his confused eyes. “I thought I told you she and her work colleagues were coming into Chicago to present my boss with a presentation over the next two weeks.”

“You definitely didn’t tell me that,” I said.

“I’m sure I did. You were probably just wrapped up in your baseball stats and schoolwork,” he replied.

“No. I would’ve recalled your ex-girlfriend of four years coming to work with you for two weeks,” I sharply countered.

Wesley looked at me, stunned by my words. His voice dropped. “Don’t start, Ave…”

Don’t start?

“It’s actually a really exciting project. I think it could cause this guy to reach new levels in his career,” Drew stated as she walked up the steps, grinning ear to ear as she entered a conversation she wasn’t invited to join. She then rubbed her hand up and down Wesley’s arm. “He’s a brilliant mind. We might as well use the best of that brain of his.”

I tilted my head and stared at her hand on Wesley’s arm. I then looked at him, and the look was enough for him to shake Drew’s touch from his arm.

I never wanted to stab two people in the eyes more than at that very moment. Yet I still managed to push out a smile. “Lovely.”

“Don’t worry, I’m not crashing at your place. I was just hoping to use your bathroom before I headed back to my hotel in Chicago,” Drew mentioned as she scooted past me and walked into my house without an official invite.

Wesley must’ve noticed my bewilderment. There was so much to unpack from the interaction, including why Drew was driving him home that afternoon.

“My car died, and I needed a ride home,” he quickly explained. “Drew was already in the office, and it made sense for her to give me a ride home. Shortly after, my phone died. We ended up staying at my office for a while, talking to other people. You know, nerd stuff. Then she said she was hungry, so we stopped for a quick bite.” He held up the food containers. “I brought you leftovers.”

“I already ate,” I snipped. “The dinner I made for us.”

He frowned. “Sorry. I should’ve found a way to reach out to you.”

“You should’ve also gotten me a whole meal of my own. Not your doggy bag,” I grumbled.

“You’re right. I messed up.” He kissed my cheek. “I’m sorry. I love you. I’ll make sure things are clearer moving forward.”

“Swear?”

“Swear.”

Drew came back out on our front porch, wiping her hands against her thighs to dry them. “Thanks for the toilet, Avery. And thanks for buying me dinner, Wes. It was delicious.”

He bought her dinner? She called him Wes? He hated being called Wes. At least that was what he told me. I wasn’t a jealous girl, but based on the level of anger building within me, I was seconds away from punching Wesley in his privates.

I never knew I could hate someone more than I hated Nathan, yet Drew and Wesley were shooting for first place on my shit list. Anyway, currently, my hatred meter for Nathan seemed a bit…off. But alas. Life came at you quickly.

Drew hugged Wesley—or Wes, as she called him—a little too long if you ask me. I stood there stunned as her hands rubbed his back as if her fingertips were trying to find their way through his jacket and clothing so she could touch his bare skin. Listen, I wasn’t one to hate women. I was a girls’ girl through and through, but screw that woman. I needed someone to send her back to hell, where she came from.

As she let him go, she had enough wisdom in her not to try a hug with me.

“See you at the wedding, Avery!” she sang before hurrying to her car and driving away.

I stood on the porch quietly with Wesley, unable to find the exact words to express my anger.

“How far in the doghouse am I?” he asked. I narrowed my eyes at him and gave no response before I headed inside, only to hear him say, “That far in, huh?”

Wesley sleptin our guest room, which was for the best. I didn’t sleep much at all, but somewhere between the few hours of rest I did receive, Wesley placed a note beside my bed that said, “I’m sorry for yesterday. Took an Uber to pick up my car. Let me make it up to you tonight by cooking you dinner. Love you.”

I read the note a few times before I sighed and fell back against my pillow.

The pressure was back, resting heavily against my chest as I lay in my bed. I wondered if anyone else in the world ever struggled the way I did with getting out of bed some mornings. It was as if every inch of them was kidnapped by an invisible source, which made it impossible to move as the judgmental voices in their heads grew louder and louder with every passing second.

That Saturday marked two weeks until my wedding.

Two weeks until forever.

And I couldn’t move.

Get up, Avery.

My alarm went off over an hour ago. I needed to get up because I had to get to work, but I couldn’t move.

The thought of making it through another day felt extra heavy that morning. I didn’t know why. I never knew why my brain would allow itself to spiral to dark places the way it did. Sure, I had issues, but they weren’t big issues. Not in the way that others suffered. Some people had illnesses. Others had trauma. I simply couldn’t muster up the mental energy to pull myself away from my sheets.

It was as if a gravitational pull was tethering me to the bed with invisible strings.

Get up, Avery.

I shut my eyes as a few tears rolled down my face. The voices in my head condemning me were much louder than those in my head that fought for my strength.

I bet Drew gets up each morning easily.

She’s so light and fluffy and easy to get along with.

I bet she never has bad days.

Why can’t you be like her? Wesley laughs more with her than he has ever laughed with you.

My mind played tricks on me, and I couldn’t believe I let those thoughts overtake me. I wasn’t a jealous woman. Still, my heart hurt knowing that my wedding was in two weeks, and for the first time ever, I felt unstable in my relationship.

Get up, Avery.

Wesley had been consistent for years. That was why we worked. We weren’t overly emotional and lovey-dovey, but we had a mutual respect for one another, which seemed good enough for me. That was until he threw that mutual respect for me out the window when it came to Drew.

He took her to dinner.

When was the last time he took you to dinner, Avery? Did you see how he laughed when he climbed out of her car? He would never laugh with you like that. You’re not funny like her.

Also, you made Nathan feel like crap. He wasn’t even being rude. What’s the matter with you? Why are you always so angry? This is why people don’t like you, outside of your family.

You’d be alone forever if Wesley didn’t pity you.

The sunbeams spread through the windows as I stayed in bed. I did not have time for this. I didn’t have time to fall apart. It was Saturday, and the team was having a late afternoon practice. I still had so much work to do over at my office. People were counting on me. The guys would show up to the field and expect me to be their head coach. Still, the thought of facing another day, of going through the motions in a world that felt so vibrantly alive while I felt so irrationally tired inside, felt overwhelming.

I wish I could be better.

I wish I was nicer.

Still, something kept me from breaking down this hardened exterior that seemed to keep people at a distance. Including my own fiancé. I didn’t even know Wesley could look as vibrant as he had with Drew, which broke my heart slightly. I didn’t know he could reach such a level of…joy.