38. Nathan

The game was a hit, and unfortunately, I lost to Cameron and Avery. That was a game I’d never live down based on how the two mocked me nonstop during brunch.

Afterward, Avery stayed back and helped Cameron with his homework and talked to him through some things. I figured it was good for them both to talk about their mothers. Sometimes talking about the hard losses in one’s life made them easier to deal with.

On the other hand, I figured it was a good time to check in on Cameron’s father and have a heart-to-heart with the living.

“Coach Pierce, hey,” Adam said as he opened his front door after I knocked. He looked as if he’d come down slightly from his drunken binge. He had dark circles beneath his eyes as if he hadn’t gotten much sleep. He was still wearing the same clothes he had on the day prior, too, and smelled like booze. He scratched his head and cleared his throat. “Is Cam with you?”

“No. He’s still at my family’s farm.”

“Shit. Listen, last night, I was a mess. I’ve been meaning to figure out a way to apologize to you and Cam for how I was acting. That’s not who I am normally.”

“But it’s who you’ve been lately.”

He grimaced. “Listen, I don’t need a lecture?—”

“I’m not here to lecture. Just here to talk. Can I come in for a second?”

Adam glanced over his shoulder. “Gee, Coach, it’s actually pretty messy. I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. Things have been a bit rough lately without…” His words faded away, but I knew he was speaking of his wife.

“I don’t mind messes. I won’t take up much of your time, I swear.”

He nodded and stepped to the side. He led me into his house, to his living room, where empty food containers and beer bottles were spread all over the place. Adam scrambled to gather the stuff from the coffee table and tossed it into the kitchen sink. He then tossed the dirty clothes piled high on the couch into an already overloaded basket sitting by the laundry room.

“Sorry,” he grumbled, hurrying back over to me. “Please, take a seat.”

I sat on the couch, and he sat in the recliner across from me.

I noticed the photographs sitting on the fireplace mantel, photos of Adam smiling with his family, before the darkness tried to swallow him whole.

“Look, Coach, I just owe you an apology for how you saw me last night. That wasn’t my norm, and I don’t want you to think anything awful about me,” he started. “And I know Cameron probably painted a bad picture of me, but that kid can be a bit dramatic with everything. He’s a good kid, but he’s a bit of a drama king. I like to say he got that from his mother.” The moment he mentioned his wife, I saw the sadness flash through his stare. “She was a drama teacher, after all.”

“I’m sorry about your loss, Adam.”

He grimaced and sniffled a bit. “Yeah. That’s what most people say. After a while, those words feel empty.”

“Do the words feel empty, or do you feel empty?”

He hesitated for a moment before clearing his throat. “Can you tell Cameron he can come home now? I got everything under control. Last night was just a bad night.”

“Cameron mentioned you’ve been having a few bad nights. And you seem to get a bit too excited at games, too.”

“What can I say? I’m a big baseball guy.” He laughed, trying to play it off. He went to stand. “Listen, I hate to break this up, but I have a lot?—”

“My father had a drinking problem. Drinking and gambling. He almost lost our family farm due to his addictions. He used to come down hard on me whenever he was in one of his drunken slurries. Never came down on any of my younger brothers, only me. And only in private. My mom never knew. I think it was because he thought I was strong enough to take his abuse.”

Adam lowered himself back down to the recliner and narrowed his eyes. “What’s your point?”

“My point is that Cameron is your son. Not your punching bag.”

“Now you hold on right there, I ain’t never laid one hand on my son. Sure, I might’ve shoved him a little last night, but he fell alone. How dare you even accuse me of such a thing? Was last night bad? Yes, but I’d never?—”

“He needs you, Adam.” I cut in. “You might not be physically abusing him, but your words and actions…those are hitting him deeper than you’ll ever know. Yet that boy loves you more than anything. You are his hero, and I think watching you struggle after the loss of your wife has been the hardest thing for him. Because he knows this isn’t you, Adam. Cameron knows that this version of you isn’t his father. I know you might find the need to get defensive, but you don’t have to do that. I’m not here to shame you. I’m here to help.”

“To help?” he huffed, shaking his head. His hands clasped together, and he looked down at his hands. “How the hell could you help me?” he smugly asked. “How the hell could you make anything I’ve been going through better? You don’t know half the shit I’m dealing with.”

“You’re right,” I agreed. “I don’t. But I’ve been your son. I’ve had someone like you as my father. And I would’ve done anything I could’ve to get my father back.”

“I wasn’t supposed to do this without her,” he whispered. I saw tears falling from his face as he kept staring at the floor in front of him. He shook his head. “She wasn’t supposed to be the one who left first.”

“I can’t imagine how hard it was to lose your wife.”

“No,” he agreed. “You can’t. Because she was the lighthouse. She was the way home for Cam and me. And without her, there’s just darkness.”

At that moment, I thought of Avery and what she had shared with me about Willow and her mother. If that was true for her, I was certain it was true for Cameron and his mother, too.

“But you still have that light of her in him, Adam. Cameron is a walking miracle of his mother. He is the living legacy of something you and her crafted. And you’re missing it. She’s in every piece of him, and you’re just too lost in grief to see how much of a miracle that is. She left you the greatest gift she could’ve ever given you…a son who loves you more than life itself. You might have lost your wife, but Cam…he lost his mother. Don’t let him lose his father, too.”

“Damn.” He sniffled, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. “I’m messed up, man. I know I am, and I don’t know how to fix it. Cameron doesn’t deserve this. But I don’t know how to get better.”

“I think that’s the first step. Realizing that you’re not okay.” I cleared my throat and clasped my hands together. “The second step is getting help, which is why I’m here. Cam mentioned some money issues. I can help with that. You can get a position at my family farm. I’ll look after Cameron whenever you need an extra hand. All I need you to do is get help. Whatever it takes, I’ll do it. You can’t keep going like this. I need you to recognize that you need help. Then things can start to change.”

“Why, though?” Adam asked, looking back up at me. “Why would you do this for me?”

“I’m not doing it for you. I’m doing it for a son who just wants his father back. He has already lost part of his heart. He doesn’t need to lose the other half, too.”

He sniffled some more and stood from his chair. “All right. I’ll do it.” He held a hand out toward me. I stood and shook his hand. “Thank you, Coach.”

“Anything for Cam.”

“You’re a good role model for those kids.”

“They’re better ones for me. We’ll figure out a game plan, but first…I got a call from Prest University, down in Georgia. A few scouts came out and want to have Cameron come down to explore their campus in a few weeks.”

“Prest University?” he asked. “They have one of the best baseball programs in the country.”

“Same one I went to before the big leagues. Those coaches take the game seriously. Cameron would excel at that.”

“Wow…” He shook his head as his eyes flashed with more emotions. “My son at Prest University, huh?”

“Yeah. I want to plan a trip where I take him down and show him around for a weekend. I’d love for you to come with us. It might be a great bonding opportunity for you both.”

“Oh, yeah. Okay. I’d be interested.”

I smiled. “Good. All right. We’ll be in touch soon.”

I turned to walk out of his house, and he called after me, making me turn back to face him.

“Can you tell my boy I love him?” Adam asked.

“He’ll be back tonight,” I said. “You tell him yourself.”