33. Nathan

Everything about Avery drove me wild in the best of ways. That woman did things to my mind—and body—that would leave me reminiscing for days after. Outside of that, she was just a remarkable person. She was a brilliant sister and daughter. A loyal friend. An outstanding coach. I didn’t think she knew how impressive she had been, either. Whenever someone complimented Avery, she shrugged it off quickly, never wanting the attention on her for too long.

Now that our team was doing so well, people were showing up to our games, wanting to interview her and find out what her secret had been. She hardly ever did interviews unless the guys were being interviewed. She liked to be there with them to make sure their words weren’t taken out of context. She was a very protective mama bear when it came to our guys, and she wasn’t afraid to bite if someone crossed the line.

I loved that about her.

I loved a lot of things about her.

Finding a list of qualities that made that woman lovable wasn’t hard. I saw it at the farm, too. When she wasn’t working at the high school, she was helping my mom, River, and Grant around the farmland. Or she was making up goodies with Priya. My favorite moments were when I’d come home from checking in with our local restaurants to find Avery wearing some barn boots while milking cows, collecting eggs, and hanging out with the horses. The farm life looked good on her.

Sometimes I’d get a little bit jealous if I’d find her laughing a little too hard at River’s or Grant’s jokes. Those fuckers weren’t that funny. It was like they went out of their way to make her laugh. It made my skin crawl.

Any man who looked at her a little too long made my whole system heat with rage. It wasn’t shocking, though. Avery was the most beautiful woman in the world. It was no secret to anyone with eyes. And now that she wasn’t with Wesley, it was a known thing to the men of Honey Creek that she was a free agent—at least to their knowledge.

Yet she wasn’t free.

She was mine.

At least, in a way.

We’d never talked about it, but the more I saw men drool over her, the more I knew that conversation was needed. Besides, I didn’t want to just be her friends-with-benefits anymore. I wanted to be her everything, just as I wanted her to be mine. I didn’t know how she felt about the whole thing, especially since she had been about to be someone’s wife not even that long ago, but I knew if I fucked up another chance to be with her, to have her by my side, I’d never forgive myself for missing that opportunity.

Avery Kingsley was all I’d ever wanted, and for some reason, the universe gave me another chance at her heart.

The last thing I wanted to do was strike out on that chance.

If she allowed me to be hers, I’d be hers forever.

Even if she didn’t…I’d be hers forever.

I had my mind made up. It was either Avery for me or no one.

Now, all I had to do was build up the courage to come to her about it and ask her to be mine. I knew I’d hate myself for the rest of my life if I didn’t.

One Saturday night,after she finished working at O’Reilly’s, I waited in the living room for her to come home. When the front door opened, I stood.

Avery’s smile stretched. I loved that lately, she smiled instead of grimacing when she saw me. “Isn’t it past your bedtime, old man?” she asked.

I nodded and slid my hands into my sweatpants pockets. “It is.”

“Let me guess.” She tossed her keys and purse on the foyer table. “You’re still sad at how badly our team lost the game earlier today?”

“No, that’s not it.”

She kept smiling as she took off her shoes before walking toward me. “You ate spicy food and got heartburn?”

I shook my head. “Nope. Not it.”

She arched an eyebrow and placed her hands on her waist. “You had nightmares and needed a cuddle buddy?”

“Nah. Not that.”

She narrowed her eyes. Her playful look grew somber as she stepped closer. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

I brushed my thumb against the bridge of my nose. “I’m falling for you, Avery.”

Her lips parted, but no words came out. So I continued.

“It’s not shocking because you’re you, but I don’t think it’s fair for me to bring this up without also bringing up our past. And I know I promised you early on that we wouldn’t talk about our past, but the more I fall for you, the more I understand that our past was a defining moment for us that still needs to be ironed out.”

“Nathan…”

“That is, unless you don’t feel yourself falling for me. If you don’t feel it, say it now, and I’ll bury these feelings and deal with them on my own. If you don’t feel the same way, I’ll swallow my pride and never bring this up again. But if there is even a slight chance that you feel the same way for me, just tell me to go on.”

Her eyes flashed with complex confusion for a moment before she moved to the couch. She sat down, crossed her legs, and placed her hands in her lap. “Go on,” she whispered.

A slight breath of relief slipped through my lips as I moved over to her. I sat down on the coffee table in front of her and clasped my hands together. “I loved you back then, Ave. I know you probably doubted that because of how things went down, but I did. We only connected for a short period of time, on the diamond and off, but during that season of my life, you were the best thing that happened to me. Losing you was the hardest thing that I ever had to deal with.”

“Then why?” she asked. “Why did you let me go?”

“I was a mess. My family’s farm wasn’t doing well. No one knew that except for my father. He got into a bit of gambling issues and owed some guys a lot of money. As you know, he and I had a rocky relationship. He, um, was my greatest hero and my biggest villain. I never understood how that could be the same person. How the person in charge of my biggest highs could also be the cause of my lowest lows. How he could be my cheerleader and my opponent. But that’s who he was to me. The only reason I took up baseball was to be closer to my father, and then I realized that no matter how good I became, I wouldn’t get him to love me the way I wanted to be loved. His love came with conditions, and his goalpost kept moving. He was proud of me for seconds until he saw someone doing better than me. Then he’d expect more from me.

“You were the part of my life where I could be myself fully. The good and the bad. About a week after I realized how deep and real my feelings were for you, he and I got into the biggest fight. I told him I didn’t want to play for the pros. I didn’t want to pack up my life and sign a contract for something that would take me away from you. He had a heart attack that night.”

“That was the night he passed away?”

I nodded. “Yeah. Needless to say, I blamed myself for it and took it as my responsibility to care for my family. I pushed you away because I thought I had no choice. I thought I’d let my whole family down if I didn’t do what my father wanted or fully focus on my career. It was his dying wish for me, and I handled it awfully.”

Her eyes were soft with compassion as she placed a hand against my forearm. “Nathan…I would’ve understood all this. I just wish you would’ve communicated that with me instead of cutting me off so abruptly. You left and never looked back. You wrote me out of your life without giving me any reason as to why. It was unexpected and harsh.”

“I know. I was grieving, and young, and scared. I didn’t think it through. And by the time I did, I figured I missed my opportunity. I didn’t think it was right for me to try again with you after I blew it so massively. But I do owe you the biggest apology for how things ended, Avery. You deserved more, and I’m sorry for how I handled it.”

She smiled gently. “Thank you for that. I’ve waited a long time to hear you say those words.”

“It took too long for me to say them.” I cleared my throat and rubbed the back of my neck. “My mom believes that each person has three big regrets in life. Three defining moments in a person’s life. If they had the chance, they would’ve gone back and changed the choices they’d made. My three include that final conversation I had with my father, the night I went out to drink instead of staying with Mickey, and the night I ended things with you. Losing you, Avery, is one of my top three regrets.”

She stayed quiet for a moment, studying me. I was trying my best to read her mind and tap into the thoughts flying through her brain. Yet all I could do was wait for her to say something, anything. I wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t want to give me another chance. I wouldn’t be shocked if she thought this was too much. Yet I needed to hear her say it. I needed her to push me away so I could officially let her go. Though, a part of me figured that a woman like Avery wasn’t something a person just let go of.

I figured that no matter what, she’d always linger within my heart.

There was no other woman for me. It was Avery Kingsley or no one.

She reached for me, holding her hands in my direction. I gave her my hands, and she took them into hers. She slowly raised them to her lips and kissed my palms gently before pulling me over to her to join her on the couch. She bit her bottom lip, nervously breaking her stare away from mine. Then she looked up at me. Those brown eyes that I loved so much smiled more than her lips. “If I let you in this time, Nathan, you have to promise you’ll stay.”

I pulled her closer to me. “I swear.”

“I’m scared,” she confessed, her voice slightly cracking as those two words fell from her tongue.

“I know.” I took her palms and kissed them gently. “Me too.”

“But I want to try.” She nodded slowly. “I want to try to be us again with you. But the grown-up version of us that communicates our feelings, no matter how big or little they may be. Because this feels good,” she swore, placing my hands against her chest, where her heartbeat fell against my touch. “This feels right.”

“I promise I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you, Ave. I promise you all that I have. I was an idiot back then, and I’m pretty sure I still have idiot moments now, but I will spend the rest of my life making up for my past mistakes and proving to you that I’m fully here for this. For us.”

“Well, then, what are you waiting for?” she asked. “Kiss me, you idiot.”

And so I did.