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21. Avery

For the next few days, I woke up in Nathan Pierce’s home, dazed and confused at how my life turned out the way it’d been. Luckily, Nathan wasn’t turning out to be the worst roommate in the world, and being on Honey Farms was a unique situation.

As a kid, I sneak over to the farm to visit Nathan. I was pretty sure I fell in love with him right outside the horse stables when he told me he wanted to marry me someday.

It was the same day he fake proposed to me with a RingPop candy, and we licked the thing as we lay in a pile of hay, staring up at the star-drunk sky and making up silly stories about the lives we’d live with one another.

Honey Farms was on over three hundred acres of land. They had a massive number of livestock, apple and pear orchards, a big barn house for celebrations, over fifty employees, and seven homes on the property. Nathan’s mom, Laurelin, told me once that her only goal for the land was to make it a community for her loved ones to live on. So they’d all have a place to call home.

Each Pierce brother built his own house on the land. You could tell a lot about the brothers’ personalities based on the type of home they’d built. Easton’s was a huge mansion-style home with a wraparound porch and a gigantic swimming pool. It looked like a remake of the home Noah built for Allie in The Notebook. Perfectly suitable for a lover boy like Easton. Evan had a rustic log cabin, big enough for him and his daughter, Priya. River and Grant had two houses, side by side, that had a Mediterranean feel to them. The homes were just like the twins—identical.

Even though the brothers all lived on the property, you couldn’t even see their houses from the outskirts based on how they were situated. The family used golf carts to get to each other’s homestead. Laurelin’s farmhouse was at the center of the whole land. Nathan called it the heartbeat of their little community. That was where everyone went when their hearts needed a recharge of love.

My favorite aspect of the land, though?

The baseball diamond that had the best sunsets.

“Welcome back to Honey Farms, Ms. Avery,” Laurelin said as she met me at Nathan’s place a few days after I settled in. Nathan left me a note that morning stating that he was getting up early to get to work, but I was free to explore the farm if I so pleased and that his mom would probably stop by to see me since word got around that I was on the farm.

The air was humid from the rainstorms that passed through, and Laurelin showed up at Nathan’s with a pair of rain boots for me to slip into. I couldn’t help but smile when I saw her. I was always happy to see Laurelin.

Laurelin Pierce was one of the sweetest humans on the planet, and when I was younger, working at the farm, I always remembered her warmth more than anything else. I had a distinct memory of her as a little girl, too. It was right after Mama passed away. Laurelin showed up to our house with a care basket and a few cooked meals for Daddy. She stayed for a few hours, helping out with Willow. She cleaned up the house, too, and trimmed the flowers that people in town sent to our house. Then she came into my room and sat with me for a while.

She didn’t say anything, and she didn’t make me talk at all. She simply sat there and smiled at me. She did the same for Yara, too. I didn’t know how much comfort it could bring to a person just to have someone else sit beside them.

Before she left my room, she walked over to me, knelt, combed my hair behind my ears, and said, “How lucky are you to have your mama’s eyes? It’s a little gift from God. You get to see your mama each and every time you look in the mirror.”

Then she hugged me, kissed the top of my head, and said, “Sweet, sweet girl.”

After that, I went to the bathroom, combed my hair behind my ears, just as Laurelin had, looked into the mirror, and said, “Hi, Mama. I love you.”

I pretended that Mama whispered the words back, too.

That was my last interaction with Laurelin before I started working at the farm as a teenager. She was just as wonderful and kind as I remembered, too.

“It’s good to be back,” I told her.

“You want to take a ride with me on the golf cart over to the horse stables?” she asked. “If I recall, you loved those horses when you used to work here. I can introduce you to the newbie, too. I can also show you the new additions to the property.”

“I’d love that.”

I slipped into the boots she gave me, and we headed over to the stables. As we drove, I glanced over to see River and Nathan working at the chicken coops. A tiny smile slipped to my lips as my eyes stayed glued to Nathan. Something about seeing him working on the farm sent my mind back in time.

“Don’t break an egg, or you’ll have ten years of bad luck,” Nathan told me as he juggled three eggs.

“Rumor has it that it goes the same for breaking pretty girls’ hearts,” I joked.

He caught all the eggs in his hands and stilled himself before he walked over to me. He placed a finger beneath my chin and tilted my head up to meet his stare. His face moved closer to mine, and he brushed his lips against my lips as he whispered, “And what kind of madman would ever break such a pretty girl’s heart?”

If only he knew he would turn out to be the madman in question.

“A lot has changed since you’ve last been here,” Laurelin said, breaking me from my memories. I was thankful for the snap back to reality. “We actually have an automatic egg collector machine that does a lot of heavy lifting for our poultry operations. It’s being repaired this week, which is why the guys are collecting by hand today. We’re at over five hundred chickens on our property, which is remarkable, seeing as we aren’t strictly a poultry farm.”

“Wow, that’s amazing.”

“Or batshit, depending on who you ask,” she joked. “But I heard about a nearby farm that was abusing their chickens. It made me so mad, and I paid them a big chunk of money just to rescue those hens. The boys say I love these animals more than them, but that’s just because the animals don’t talk back.”

I laughed. “That’s a good enough reason to me. It’s amazing what you’ve done here, Laurelin. You should be really proud.”

That pride shone through her smile. “I am. What is even more amazing is that everything is free-range. Even with all the tech equipment we added, I still wanted to make sure we were putting out the best products for our customers and making the best life for the animals.” We pulled up to the horse stables, and once the cart stopped, we hopped out.

“We have six horses in total now. The boys’ horses and my granddaughter, Priya, just got her first one two years ago. Hugo.”

“Hugo,” I breathed out, loving the name. As we walked into the stables, my heart almost exploded with more love as I saw the beauty that was Hugo. The white coat of the horse was striking. Its mane and tail held the same bright, snowy hue. Sweet Hugo had beautiful hazel eyes, too.

“If you look up the name Hugo, you get a lot of different meanings, but I think this sweet baby lives up to them all. Heart, spirit, mind, and intelligence. I’d never had such a horse that was so loving and smart. Not since my Gracie.”

My heart dropped a little. “Did Gracie pass away?” I asked about Laurelin’s personal horse.

She nodded. “Yes. A few years back. I haven’t had the heart to put a new one in her stable yet,” she said as she gestured down the way to the empty stable where Gracie used to roam. “It’s too hard to think about.”

“I’m so sorry, Laurelin. I know how much she meant to you.”

“That’s the thing about life—we aren’t promised forever. Even if we hope for it.” She smiled as she opened Hugo’s gate. We walked inside, and she picked up a brush and began to brush Hugo. “But thankfully, having this sweetheart here has kept me busy. After losing Gracie, I didn’t know if I could have more room in my heart to love another horse. Hugo proved me wrong. I guess there is always room in us for a little more love, no matter how much loss we’ve experienced.”

I smiled at her words, hoping they were true.

“Hugo won’t be ready for riding for a while; we are thinking one or two more years so her muscles are stronger. But, if I recall, you had a nice connection with Nathan’s horse, Lightning. You should go say hi. I think he still needs a good brushing,” Laurelin said. “I can meet you over there in a minute.”

I headed out of Hugo’s space and walked over to Lightning, who was still as beautiful as ever. There was such an air of majesty and strength when it came to Lightning. His uniformed black coat was a deep charcoal-black with a glossy finish. His eyes were a deep brown that held such a calmness to them.

There was a time in my life when I thought I’d visit Lightning every week for the remainder of my life. Now years have passed, and my heart ached from knowing I’d missed so much time.

“Hey, sweet friend,” I said as I opened his gate. “Remember me?” I walked over and picked up his brush. He pressed his face to my hand. I smiled as I began to pat him. “I know. I missed you, too.”

As I began to brush him, a wave of peace washed over me. Something about Lightning made me feel so safe and serene. He was a massive horse, yet nothing was terrifying about that beautiful animal. He felt like coming home, and the way he showed me so much love with his nuzzling of my hand almost made my eyes tear up.

I brushed him for a few minutes before Laurelin walked over. She had that same grin on her face as she crossed her arms. “He still doesn’t let anyone ride him except for Nathan. To this day, you and Nate are the only two who Lightning would let saddle up.”

“I doubt he’d let me now. It’s been years.”

“The time doesn’t matter,” she said. “It’s clear he’s happy to see you. Maybe you could try to ride him when it’s not so yucky outside. I think he’d like that.”

“I’d like that, too,” I said as I placed down his brush.

Laurelin leaned against the gate and nodded toward me. “I’m not sure how to bring this up without just bringing it up, but acting like I don’t know when I do feels wrong.” She took a deep breath. “I’m sorry to hear about what happened last weekend with the wedding.”

My heart skipped a few beats. “Thank you.”

“Is it silly to ask if you’re doing okay?”

“It’s not silly. I’m not really sure how I’m even doing. The weekend was hard, but your son helped me out a lot. I’m taking it day by day.”

“That’s all we can do, sweetheart. Take it day by day. I’m glad Nathan was there for you.”

Me too.

I shifted slightly as I crossed my arms. “I will not be in y’all’s hair too much on the farm, I swear. I’m getting my footing. As soon as a place opens at the apartment complex in town, I’ll sign a lease and stay there.”

“Avery, don’t be silly. You’re welcome to stay here as long as you need. Mi casa es su casa,” she sang, winking my way. “Besides, as a mama bear, it makes me happy to know Nathan isn’t living alone. The twins all have each other, and they lean into that. I worry about my eldest boy sometimes. I worry that he might be a bit of a workaholic in order to avoid the real issue that’s eating at him.”

“What issue is that?”

“That he’s lonely.” Her eyes flashed with a moment of sadness. “Nothing breaks a mama’s heart more than knowing that one of their kids struggles with loneliness, but I know Nathan isn’t doing much to put himself out there. That was why I pushed him to check out getting a coaching position at the high school.”

“That was your idea?”

“Sure was.” She placed a hand against my arm. “I hope I didn’t cause any trouble. I just know you two used to be so close when you worked on the farm all those years ago. I thought it might be nice if you two could reconnect.”

“Oh no. It’s fine.” She didn’t know about Nathan and me and the way we fell for one another. From her point of view, we were two kids who would sometimes laugh together. Nothing more, nothing less.

“Oh good. I think it’s good for him to be back on the field. I figured if he could get a grip on something he loved doing, he would start to wake up from this deep slumber he’s been walking around in.”

“You think he’s in a slumber?”

“I know he is. He doesn’t talk about being sad much. He’s too manly to do such a thing. But I see it in his eyes. It’s like he’s moving through life but not living it. The other boys say I’m just overthinking it and being too motherly, but I don’t know. My heart,” she said, patting her hand over her chest. “My heart feels his sadness.”

I didn’t say anything because what could be said? Was Nathan really sad? I didn’t notice that, but maybe that was because he was so good at putting on a brave face. Did he feel things deeply, like me, during his lonely moments? Did he ever struggle to get out of bed, too? Did he fill his days with helping others to avoid helping himself?

There was an odd tug at my heart as I listened to Laurelin talk about Nathan. Instant guilt hit me, too, because I didn’t make the transition of his coming to join the team as a coach easy for him. If anything, I’d been a pain toward him, questioning every decision he made. In reality, he was using the baseball diamond and the coaching position the same way I’d been. He’d been using that place and its facilities to help him breathe.

I was such an asshat, and it was clear that Nathan deserved my apology, yet I wasn’t exactly sure how to give it to him. I couldn’t tell him what his mom revealed to me. That felt like a conversation meant to be kept between Laurelin and me. Still, I knew I’d been too harsh toward him. Especially after all he’d done for me over the past weekend.

“He’s doing better, though,” Laurelin mentioned as she gently petted Lightning. “I’ve been to your home games lately, and he looks like himself out there. He’s not so uptight and business-forward. It’s nice to see him let his hair down and have fun again. So I guess I owe you a thank-you for making space for him on your staff.”

I pushed out a grin that was soaked in guilt. “Not a problem at all. We’re lucky to have him.”

That was a fact, too. Undoubtedly, the team was performing exceptionally well since Nathan joined the crew. He had a level of heart and intelligence that I didn’t possess, and seeing the guys excel from his coaching made it more difficult for me to complain about…anything.

Later that night, Nathan came back to the house. He walked around a bit, clearing his throat as if he had a frog trapped in there.

I arched an eyebrow toward him as I sat on his living room couch. “Are you getting sick?”

“No. I don’t get sick. I’m not a wimp like my brothers.” He walked over and sat on the other side of the couch from me. He glanced at the television. “Are you watching some crappy reality show?”

“There’s nothing crappy about The Traitors. It’s fantastic.”

“All reality shows are crap,” he replied before once again clearing his throat. “I’m going to hop in the shower and head to bed.”

I arched an eyebrow. “It’s only seven.”

“I’m exhausted.”

“Maybe because your body is shutting down because you’re sick.”

“I’m not sick,” he expressed as he pushed himself to a standing position. “Like I said, I don’t get sick.”

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