28. Jensen

CHAPTER 28

JENSEN

I see Billie rushing towards the door and know that I have to run if I want to catch her. I walk off stage with as much haste as dignity will allow, then the second I get backstage, I run towards the exit.

I burst through the doors to the lobby and see Billie there, lingering next to one of the posters for the event, crying.

“Billie!” I call. “Billie!”

She looks up at me, scrubs at her eyes, then turns her back as if to leave. “Wait, Billie, please,” I gasp, breathless. “Don’t go. Let me talk to you. Just two minutes, I promise.”

I’m almost expecting her to ignore me, but she doesn’t. She wheels around to face me and snaps, “What do you want, Jensen?”

I take a shaky breath. What do I want?

“Congratulations. I just wanted to say well done.”

“Was it you?” she demands, which takes me off guard. It’s not exactly the response I thought I would get.

“Was what me?”

“Don’t play dumb. Was it you who nominated me for this?”

I open my mouth and close it again. How can I explain to her without making it weird that I’ve thought about her every single day since we parted. That I want nothing more than to be her friend again but I haven’t figured out a way to ask for forgiveness.

But she’s right; I do owe her the truth. “Yes,” I say simply. “It was me. I’ve been following your work.”

“You have?” Her frown deepens, her eyes boring holes into me.

“Yes, of course!” I say with way too much enthusiasm. “I mean, not like a stalker or anything. I didn’t mean it to be weird. I guess… you made my world bigger. And I’m grateful. And I wanted to do something nice for you in return.”

“Oh, great,” she snaps, tears filling her eyes again. “So, none of this was even about my work at all?”

“No! Ugh, God, I’m getting this all wrong. I nominated you anonymously. I didn’t want my name to have any sort of sway. I just thought you deserved it. And clearly the jury agreed. There’s no motive here except wanting to show you how special you are. That’s all.”

She blinks slowly at me. “You think I’m special?”

“Of course I do, Billie. And then, when they asked me to present the award, it felt like fate was trying to tell me something. I know you probably haven’t forgiven me, and… and I’m not really asking you to. It’s just good to see you.”

“I have forgiven you,” she says, but her tone is so incongruous with her words that it takes me a second to register what she said.

“You have?” I frown. “If you’ve forgiven me, why are you still so angry?”

“I’m not,” she says angrily, then takes a sharp breath, closing her eyes. “I mean, I’m not angry about that anymore.”

“Then what is it?”

She lets out a shaky breath and a laugh. “Jensen, why didn’t you call? Or email? Anything? It’s not like my contact information is hard to find.”

“I didn’t think you wanted me to.” This is taking a strange turn. I feel like anything I say is going to be wrong.

But does this mean she wanted me too, all this time?

“I would have answered.”

“Well, I can see that now. But in case you don’t remember, we didn’t exactly part on good terms.”

She chuckles, then takes my hand, sending a hot shot of electricity up my arm. “Jens,” she says softly, and it makes me smile to hear her use my old nickname. “I have something I need to tell you.”

“You’re not dying, are you?”

She laughs again. “Exactly the opposite in fact. I’m pregnant.”

“Oh, congratulations. Who’s the…” I trail off as the answer dawns on me. “Who’s the father?” I ask again, tentatively.

She bites her lip, and I remember exactly what attracted me to her in the first place. “You are.”

“Me?”

“Yes, you.”

“But it was just one night. You said you were on birth control.”

“It’s not perfect. I mean, obviously it’s not. How do you think we got ourselves into this situation?”

“We?”

“You don’t have to be involved. God knows I would understand if you didn’t want to be. But… if you did want to, then… yes, we .”

“No,” I say, and her face falls in confusion. I groan at my own stupidity. “No, not no . But no! Of course I want to be in this baby’s life. I don’t care what my parents say. I think I’ve proved that I’m old enough to be able to make my own decisions now. And we don’t have to rush into anything, but we probably should be married before you have the baby.”

“Whoa!” She throws up her hands to stop me. “I’m not ready for that just yet.”

“Oh, God, sorry. Ugh, this is all coming out wrong. What I mean is yes. I want to be the father. I want to be with you. We can go as slow as you want. I don’t care who says what. I just want you in my life. Billie, I need you in my life.”

She swallows hard, her tears rolling down her face. I have no idea what she’s about to do.

Then she just smiles. “I think I love you, Jensen.”

“Good,” I breathe, “because I think I love you too.”

“You’re not going to run this time, are you? You’re not going to leave us just because things get tough?”

“No,” I say forcefully. “I swear it. This is for life. If you’ll let me be, I’m yours for life.”

She doesn’t say anything else to that.

All she does is lean in to kiss me hard, and as our lips meet, I know I’ve found my own slice of paradise.