Chapter Thirty

Chapter Thirty

An evil mage, his wife, an imp, a princess, two princes, and a bodyguard sat in the living room of a magic tower.

Which sounded like the beginning to a joke known as ‘my life.’

At some point, the evil mage’s wife had composed herself, though her hair was disarrayed in a way that implied they might have had make-up sex in my bed.

Since Franny and Kit had separated their entangled arms quickly when Brendon and I left the bathroom, I suspected they’d been fast on their way to having sex on my couch.

Everyone was getting laid in this tower except me, and dammit, I really needed to change that.

Our side sat on the couch. Even though Franny and Kit hadn’t undressed, I’d covered the couch with a blanket, just in case. I sat in the middle with Brendon to my right, Franny to my left, and Kit perched on the arm next to her.

The other side sat in two of the armchairs. The imp had one to itself, while the evil mage took the other, his wife sitting cuddled on his lap, her arms wrapped around his neck.

Yup, they had definitely made up.

“I believe introductions are in order,” the wife said, acting like her choice of seating was totally normal. “My name is Lucinda Bowers, and I believe you already met my husband, Cyril.”

Oh, Cy-ril. Her pronunciation sounded a lot less like breakfast food.

“Brendon Banes, of the Kingdom of Bane,” Brendon said stiffly, eyeing Mr. and Mrs. Evil Mage warily.

“Frederick Woeful, of the Kingdom of Woe, and this is my sister Francesca,” I introduced, dropping titles since Lucinda hadn’t used her husband’s long list of them.

“Kit,” Kit said, with no further explanation.

The imp didn’t introduce itself. I wasn’t sure imps had names, or if they did, whether they were pronounceable to humans. Then again, maybe it was just preoccupied picking paper out of its teeth.

“I’m sorry my honey-bunches caused you so much trouble,” Lucinda said, swatting her husband on the shoulder. “We really were only supposed to attend the wedding, no magic or mischief.”

“And that’s all I wanted for you, cookie,” Cyril insisted, snuggling closer to his wife. “But then it looked like the groom was cheating on the bride, and I was concerned it would all be canceled, and you’d be devastated. I really was doing it all for you.”

“Mm-hm,” she said and pursed her lips. “And I suppose you weren’t intending to ruin it at the last possible moment in an act of Great and Terrible Evil?”

Cyril sunk into the chair sheepishly. “No, no, of course not.”

“Wait, it really didn’t have anything to do with the defense spell?” Franny demanded, looking between them with wide eyes. “You were only concerned about the wedding going through?”

“Franny, darling, maybe don’t provide the evil mage with potential evil plots,” Kit said, her voice gentle but stern.

“Don’t worry,” Lucinda said. “I’ve made him promise to behave.”

“Even if—” Fran began, but quieted when the three of us hissed her name. She sealed her lips and scowled in annoyance. Turning back to the evil couple, she informed them primly, “I hope you will not be disappointed to learn that I will not be marrying Brendon.”

Cyril’s brow furrowed in confusion. “I hadn’t expected you to.”

I guess now was probably the time to set him straight, since no one else would be put in danger by the knowledge. “Franny and Brendon were supposed to marry tomorrow,” I explained, pointing to both of them.

“So, you … aren’t the groom?”

“I wasn’t, at least officially, until about ten minutes ago, when Brendon accepted my proposal.”

“In the bathroom?” Franny asked, aghast. “Fred, where’s your sense of romance?”

“Good on you, Brendon,” Kit said, grinning at her best friend. “Knew you could do it.”

I wasn’t entirely sure what she meant by that. I shot Brendon a curious look and he just grinned. “No one is surprised,” I said carefully.

“See?” Brendon said. “If we’d just sat down and talked at the beginning, you never would have needed to kidnap me.”

“Ooo, you kidnapped him?” Lucinda asked, sitting up straighter. “How romantic! That’s how Cyril and I met!”

“He kidnapped you?” Not that I was surprised. Definitely seemed like the way an evil mage would meet his bride.

Except she threw her head back and laughed, the harsh cackle contradicting her stately beauty. “Gods, no! I kidnapped him. It was part of my apprenticeship under The Devourer of Men.”

“She stole me away and stole my heart,” Cyril replied with a lovesick expression.

“And, uh, how did you go from cannibalism to romance?” I asked.

She lowered her eyelashes. “I suspect much more easily than you went from captor to prospective groom. After all, we both expect and respect evil in our daily lives. Marriage is much easier when you have similar interests.”

“We share enough,” Brendon replied, squeezing my thigh gently.

“So.” Lucinda clasped her hands together and looked eagerly between us. “You two are getting married tomorrow?”

“As long as neither of you interfere,” I said carefully.

Her eyes narrowed. “We’re invited to attend?” The question had a dangerous undercurrent, warning me that there was only one correct answer.

“Of course, front row seats if you like.”

“Oh, goody!” she exclaimed, clapping her hands and bouncing up and down on her husband’s lap. “This is so exciting!”

“I have one question,” Kit said, raising her hand.

I looked at her sharply, hoping her question wasn’t about to disrupt the tentative truce.

“How did you find us here anyway?”

“Who, me?” Lucinda asked, pressing a hand gently to her chest as her eyes widened innocently.

“You did arrive with remarkable timing,” Brendon said.

“Well, when my honeybunny missed dinner, I went looking for him. I was headed to the castle—the most likely place to find an evil mage on the hunt,” she said, looking pointedly at her husband, “when I heard the loveliest scream.” She beamed proudly at Franny. “Shrill and furious. It reminded me of the old days.”

Franny seemed flattered but also a little wary. “Do you mean your days as an apprentice?”

“Oh yes. Hags spend quite a lot of time screaming in the middle of abandoned places. We have the best Friday night get-togethers.”

“Speaking of apprentices,” Cyril piped up, looking at me hopefully. “Are you sure you won’t reconsider my offer? You have quite the knack for evil. You even kidnapped your husband! And the job isn’t as unsavory as propaganda would have you believe.”

Since his wife was still weighing him down, which hopefully meant he’d be more reluctant to conjure shadows and swords, I spoke honestly. “Sorry, but I’ll be quite occupied after the wedding.”

“If you change your mind.” He snapped his fingers and a business card appeared in his hand. He passed it to his wife, who stretched out her arm to hand it to me.

“He could use an assistant,” she whispered conspiratorially. “Perhaps then he would take an actual vacation.”

I took the card and slipped it into my pocket. I didn’t intend to accept the offer, but there was honesty and then there was full-on offending a Great and Terrible evil. “Uh, thanks.” I looked around at everyone and asked, “Have we cleared everything up? Is it alright if we call it a night?”

“Yes, of course!” Lucinda exclaimed, bouncing to her feet. “You should rest up for the big day.”

I had to open the door, then wait for everyone to file out to avoid accidentally locking anyone inside. Cyril and Lucinda lingered behind, cooing at each other, and then something caught her eye. “What’s this?” she asked, picking up a half-chewed book from the floor.

“Oh, you can just put that on the table,” I said. The tower would need to be cleaned later. Especially if Mother was still determined to tear it down …

Instead, she flipped it over to examine the cover. “Darling, look! It’s one of mine!”

“Oh, is it?” I asked, confused how someone else’s book ended up as collateral damage. “I’m sorry, I can replace it for you—”

“No, no, I wrote it, you see,” she said, flipping to the back. “Lucy Merriweather is my pen name.” She opened it to the last page and showed me a portrait of her, looking somehow younger and more mature than the woman in front of me.

Behind me, Franny gasped, and Kit exclaimed, “Wait, you’re Lucy Merriweather?” They pushed past me back into the tower, which meant I couldn’t close the door yet.

The author sounded familiar, but Franny talked about so many, I had no idea which books she’d written.

“The Bride’s Revenge,” Brendon whispered into my ear.

“And Ravished at Midnight,” Franny added excitedly. “I’ve read all of your books!”

“Oh, how sweet! I never get to meet my fans.”

They all burst into excited chatter that hurt my ears. My arm strained from holding the door open and I looked to Brendon for assistance.

“Ladies, could we have this discussion as we walk back to the castle?” Brendon suggested.

The chatter moved out the door and I could finally close it. An indignant squeak made me pause, and I opened it again to allow the imp to toddle through. It flipped me off on the way out, then disappeared in a puff of purple smoke, which I guess it couldn’t do while inside the tower.

Good to know.

Brendon and I walked at the back of the group. Though Cyril wasn’t part of the conversation, he escorted his wife with an indulgent smile as she spoke with Franny and Kit.

“How did you go from a hag’s apprentice to a best-selling author?” Franny asked.

“Well, simply because I chose to give up on my evil career does not mean I was willing to give up my independence. Take my advice, ladies: no matter how rich your husband is, you should always have your own income.”

“I’m a lesbian,” Franny replied bluntly.

“Oh, I apologize! I should say: no matter how rich your spouse is.”

Brendon and I purposefully slowed our steps, allowing the others to get ahead of us, their conversation muffled by distance and trees. “Are you alright?” he asked, voice soft with concern.

“Nothing was too deep,” I assured him. “A few extra bruises may crop up in the morning, but I’m fine.”

“I know, I was the one who bandaged you. I meant … you ran out of the rehearsal. I wanted to go after you immediately, but I was a bit tied up.” His lips tilted in a rueful grin, though his eyes remained worried.

I didn’t know how to answer his question. The proposal and acceptance had come so easily, but now we had to talk about actual emotions, and I still didn’t quite know what mine were. “Watching the wedding, even though it was fake … I felt sick.”

“Because I was marrying your sister or …?”

I stopped and looked up at him. “Because you were marrying anyone other than me. But Brendon, I don’t know if I’m in love with you.”

He watched me without saying anything, sensing that I needed to gather my words.

“I might, someday, but with the kingdom spell … we don’t have a choice, and that terrifies me. What if, after all the adrenaline and shock wears off, we end up making each other miserable? I don’t want to trap you into anything—”

He cupped my cheek and I trailed off, waiting with baited breath for whatever he would say next. “For the first time in a long time, I’m looking forward to being married. I want to be with you. Today, tomorrow, every day after that. I don’t know if it’s love, but I think it could be happiness.”

I gazed up at him, letting his words sink in. “God, that’s corny.” Before he could get too offended, I pulled him down for a kiss.