Chapter 52

Lorelai

T he reprieve didn't last long. I wished that I could have hidden out on the elevator. I would have ridden it up and down forever if it had meant safety and the chance to rest. Unfortunately, once it reached the top, logic told me it would have to return again to the bottom. Through bleary eyes, my vision blinded by pain and tears, I saw the red light on the elevator buttons had raced nearly to the top floor. Here, I'd have to get off and make it to the skypads. I'd have to hope I could sneak aboard a ship and hide, or pray to see a friendly ship's captain who might take me to Ellax. Anything. Anything to survive until my husband returned.

I was on the last leg of this journey. Either I managed to make my escape here, or else Sirena's cohorts would take me, and that would be it. There wouldn't be any second chances. No more Doctor Natusha, who'd given her life to redeem her reputation. No pity from Sirena, whose plans were coming dangerously close to being foiled. At this point, I figured she'd kill me for revenge, because I'd escaped and given her so much trouble when I was supposed to be a stupid human cow, lacking the ability to think, scheme, or fight back.

"You can do this, Lorelai. You have to do this."

I whispered the words aloud, hoping hearing them, even from myself, would bolster my strength.

It was hard to bolster strength that wasn't actually there. I don't think it was the pep-talk that allowed me, by gripping the wall, to climb painfully to my feet. The primal urge to live was what propelled me into action. The tonic was wearing off at a truly alarming rate, yet I stumbled for the elevator's open doors. My vision was swimming. My head was swimming. All I knew was weakness, pain…and the desperate need to survive.

Outside the elevator, across the hall, I saw a skypad. A few people milling about. And sunshine. I saw beautiful, warm, heavenly sunshine, such as we simply didn't have on Earth anymore. In order distract to my mind from the searing pain, the draining loss of energy, I focused on the sunshine. It was life. It was health. It was healing. It was my reason to leave the elevator, even when I lost my balance, pitched forward, and fell, just beyond the threshold. I bit my lips to muffle the scream of agony at the jolt to my ribs, instinctively jerking my feet out of the doorway so they wouldn't be crushed.

The floor was cold under my face. I welcomed the cold, soaking it in through the palms I pressed downward in order to push myself back up.

"Are you alright? Human? Are you alright?"

Footsteps hurrying over. Someone must have seen me fall. I was guessing an Asterion, judging by the title "human."

"Please help me up," I whispered. I was on my knees, my head hanging. I didn't know if they heard.

"I will call spaceport security."

"No, don't—"

The footsteps were already pattering off. Whoever the stranger was, they'd decided to let officials handle the problem, rather than assist me personally. I couldn't blame them. If I were in their shoes, and saw somebody in my condition, I'd be tempted to do likewise.

Knowing security was likely acting under Sirena's orders, and this call would alert them to my exact location, I raised my head and gazed outside.

"Just have to make it to the ship…"

I could hide. I could beg for sanctuary. Technically, space ships were a law unto themselves. Captains were subject to the Interstellar Coalition's laws, not the laws of the planet on which they traveled. If I could convince the captain, whoever it might be, to simply take me on board and call Ellax, I would be safe. Sirena wouldn't dare storm a spacecraft, not without serious repercussions. Or, if no captain was present, if I could simply hide….

If, if, if.

So many ifs.

None of the possible scenarios would do me a bit of good if I didn't get to my damn feet and walk outside.

Behind me, I could hear the humming of the elevators. That goaded me on. The pair that had been chasing me would be here within moments.

You have to get up, Lorelai. You have to get up.

The agony from my mangled torso filled my head like a cloud. Tears squeezed from eyes, but I forced myself upright.

I can do this!

I couldn't.

I fell, unable to tolerate the pain any longer.

With a sob, I thought, Okay. If I can't walk, I'll crawl.

And that's what I did. I either looked extremely pitiful or extremely silly, crawling like a toddler towards the open doors leading out to the skypad. However, my appearance didn't matter. Every inch I propelled my body forward was an inch towards deliverance. An inch towards freedom. An inch towards Ellax.

Keep going.

I did. Right out the glass doors and towards the end of the ramp, where there was a railing. Here, I paused for an instant to catch my breath. The skypad at the end of this footbridge was actually empty, but a sleek white ship was approaching and would land within minutes. Probably before I could make it outside, given how slowly I was moving.

"Where did she go? I swear, she was right here."

"We are searching for a human female. Have you seen—"

"Was she wounded? I saw a wounded human female here moments ago. I sent for security, thinking she needed help."

"She does. We are here to claim her and take her to the infirmary."

Lies. They were here to take me to Sirena. Apparently, her henchmen and the well-meaning bystander had converged at the same spot. Luckily, they hadn't spotted me yet, outside, at the edge of the footbridge, clinging to the railing. I lifted my face to the planet's twin suns.

Please, I prayed, to whatever powers might be listening. One more surge of energy. Please.

Beads of cold sweat erupted on my forehead at the very idea of trying to get up again and walk. Every cell in my body rebelled.

The survival instinct took precedence.

I clasped the railing with trembling fingers.

"You endured natural childbirth for twins, Lorelai," I wheezed. "You can do this! It's not nearly as bad!"

Saying the words aloud didn't make them true. Childbirth wasn't as bad as this. Childbirth had a happy and expected end. I had no idea if my efforts here would go to waste and leave me utterly drained and fully in Sirena's power. But I had to try.

Have. To. Try.

That got me on feet. A rush of air from the landing skip washed over me, hiding the loud moan that escaped.

It's here.

Clinging to the railing, I inched forward one step onto the foobridge, desperate to get to that ship. Two steps. I wasn't merely clinging to the railing, I was hunched over it, because, as I started creeping forward, something else hit me.

I made the mistake of glancing down, and that's when my fear of heights reared its ugly head all over again.

"No. Oh no. Can't do this."

I squeezed my eyelids shut and attempted to drag my feet forward another inch. My knees were knocking together. My legs refused to budge. I felt sick.

I'm going to vomit.

The heaves started. My insides were so torn up they didn't have the strength to bring anything up.

I can't!

The cry was a furious wail inside my head. Desperation, anger, horror, fear.

I can't do this!

"There she is!"

"Nooo…"

The word escaped as a moan.

Move, Lorelai, move!

My mind was screaming at me. From inside the spaceport, I could hear rushing feet. They'd spotted me. They were coming. From the other side of the spaceport, I heard a second noise. That of opening doors. The ship. Someone was coming out. Feet were moving. Voices talking.

This is your one chance.

If anything was harder than fighting a battered body and ferocious pain, it was combating the debilitating phobia. I had to squint to see where I was going, inching up the walkway towards the ship. When I did, I saw the clouds all around, vessels rising and landing, and the tops of the skyscrapers, far, far below us. Bile filled my throat, naked panic gripping my limbs, and yet I pressed a step forward. And another. And another. The faces of my twins swam before my eyes. The featureless faces of humans back on Earth. Ellax's face.

Ellax.

If I get caught, I'll never tell him goodbye, either. He'll never know how hard I fought to survive. He may think that I broke our pact; that I ran away and abandoned him. He'll think…

"Lorelai!"

I heard my name. It was a shout. A shout of horror and panic but also relief. Who would be shouting like that?

Another step. Another.

"Stop!" That voice belonged to one of the guards Sirena had sent after me. "This woman is under the authority of Elder Sirena Rinsdread."

Their boots pounded towards me.

Tears leaked down my cheeks. Clutching the railing, I inched towards the ship, even as the urge to surrender overtook me.

I wasn't going to make it. And it would be okay. I'd die here. I'd simply let go and topple into the clouds. Fear of heights be damned. If I couldn't do anything else, I could keep Sirena from taking me. I might die apart from my boys—and a sob broke free. I might die separated from Ellax. But I could die with my self-respect and self-worth intact, knowing I'd fought to the end, knowing I'd refused to let her use me as a bargaining chip to harm humans on Earth.

The boots were there. Right there.

One more step towards freedom, and then…

"Stop!"

Who was that voice talking to? It was demanding. Incessant. Brooking no arguments or disobedience. Who was it? I didn't know, yet the time had come to do what I had to do.

"Goodbye, Joell and Isak. Goodbye, Ellax."

My lips, crusted with blood, barely moved. The names of the three people I loved more than anything would be my final epitaph.

Lifting my face to the sky, I breathed deep before releasing the railing and pushing off with my feet to sink over it and into empty air.

I surrendered.