2

IVY

MY head pounded with a tear-induced headache. Surprisingly, I’d been able to hide it from Elias and Adrian. My wolf had sent me a good morning thought, said he would check in with the girls, and hadn’t prodded me about last night at all. Adrian was nearby, close to the edges of my thoughts, but never pried.

I knew I couldn’t hide my puffy eyes from him, though.

Splashing cold water across my face, I tried to clear away last night’s unwelcome visit. Maybe it was being near him again, or his inability to answer my questions. But there was something about Ry that unsettled me even now that he was no longer inside my head.

I quietly checked our bond. It was a gold string inside my mind, tying me to the male, and I touched it warily to make sure the giant wall I’d erected around it was infallible. The bond itself was stronger than it had been when I’d forced the block.

Like simply being in my dreams was enough for our connection to strengthen.

I shuddered. Both Adrian and Elias’s bonds glowed brightly, and if I prodded them, I would get an impression of their feelings. I didn’t, though, and instead pulled away from them and returned to staring at my splotchy face in the mirror.

The need for my best friend swelled within me. All I wanted was to sit with her on our couch with wine and ice cream and just…release everything.

A tightening in my chest made it difficult to breathe, and I stared at my reflection, noticing the strange violet hue colouring my eyes. Magic didn’t swirl across my skin this time, but I felt it there. Awake but not the least bit happy about Ry.

A soft knock pulled me out of my thoughts. I turned from the mirror and the evidence of the dream’s effect on me and walked to the bathroom door. Last night, I’d been so tired and in a daze that I’d simply let Maeve show me to a room. Adrian had meant to come join me, but he’d been forced to take a patrol shift instead.

With new eyes, I took in the dark wood of the bathroom, from the deep green tiles of the open shower to the gold shower head and taps. Deep wooden accents lined the small ensuite, matching the bedroom I’d been given.

My bond pulsed within me, the only warning I had before I opened the door for Adrian. He leaned against the doorframe, head bowed, and hesitantly met my stare before straightening.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, cupping my cheeks with gentle hands. “Are you okay? Did something happen to—”

I folded myself into his embrace, sucking in a breath as his scent enveloped me.

“Nothing happened to Elias or Rowan or anyone else,” I said into his chest. “I just…” My throat tightened, and the words wouldn’t form.

Adrian rubbed a hand down my back. “It’s okay,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to the top of my head. “You don’t have to say anything.”

A lump formed in my throat, and I pulled back to meet his eye. “It’s not that, I promise.” He shifted slightly so he could cup one of my cheeks. “Last night, I was…visited by him .”

My mage’s brows furrowed for a moment in confusion, before a darkness took hold of his features and he cursed under his breath. “Why didn’t you come find me? What the hell did he want?” he demanded. “Fuck, Elias and I should have planned better for this. We should have—”

I held up a hand, eyes wide, and cut off his next slew of angry curses. “I don’t know what he wanted,” I replied. “I asked. It was…weird. I don’t even think I recognise him. He’s…changed.”

Adrian shook his head and scoffed. “He really had the audacity to come to you in your dreams…” He trailed off with a frown. “How do you feel right now?”

I shrugged. “Drained. But our bond is stronger. I have him blocked.” My mind whirled with his strange words. “At first, he was hurt I ignored him. Like he was sad I’d put the block up. And then he switched. He told me to keep the block in place.”

Adrian pulled me into another tight embrace, one that brought my magic to the surface. “What he did was probably strengthen his own magic,” Adrian replied darkly. “I don’t know how, but he knew you would need him to make contact in some way for your magic to remain level. And in doing so, he helped himself.”

I tensed, my entire body humming with a pain and fury I’d never felt before. Slowly, I pulled away to meet Adrian’s stare. “Are you saying he only makes contact when he wants his own power strengthened?”

Adrian’s eyes welled with sadness—for me, I realised quickly, as he lifted a hand to wipe away a stray tear. “I don’t know,” he replied. “Elias and I talked briefly about the possibility, but I don’t want to think one of your mates is capable of that.”

“But we don’t know him.” I dropped Adrian’s stare and pulled away from him, wrapping my arms around myself as I stalked to the bed and dropped down onto the plush mattress.

Adrian made a sound in the back of his throat as he joined me by the bed. Instead of sitting, he knelt in front of me and took my hands. “Ivy. Until we find him, we can’t know what he’s capable of. He might have known you needed him again. You need your mates constantly. It’s part of the magic and the bonds. From what I’ve learned, you can’t be away from your bonded mate for a long period of time.”

I frowned. “But he’s been gone for eight years,” I replied. “How does that work?”

Adrian stared down at our hands for a moment, his thumb rubbing slow circles against my skin. “We don’t necessarily find our mates until we’re in our twenties and later. The Queen’s mates are an entirely different situation, though. Usually, when a regular creature finds their mate, it’s an immediate bond when they’re of age. Sometimes, they can know earlier, because there’s already a natural pull. But with you…” He paused and shook his head. “It’s a little different.”

I blew out a breath. “And I think that’s something we can save for when I meet your mother,” I replied. His eyes snapped to mine, and he gave me a half-smile. “I don’t want to think about him and whatever his bond means. We can speculate, but honestly, until I see him in person, it won’t do any good.”

Adrian cocked his head. “And why does seeing him in person help?”

I shrugged. “If I don’t like his answer, or reasoning, I get to break his nose. He knows that’s going to be the case and needs to get his things in order.”

“Ivy…” Adrian stopped and snorted, shaking his head. Blond curls bounced as he did, and the scent of mint filled the air.

When he finally stopped, he stared for a long moment. “We’ll figure it out, okay? Not right now, but soon. When we get to Avalon, all our questions will be answered.”

“Okay.” I steeled myself before leaning down and pressing a quick kiss to his lips. Adrian sucked in a sharp breath.

Maybe I’d get the answers I needed. Or maybe the Queen wouldn’t know at all. But either way, I was getting to Avalon, and I would finally find Ry.

~

The apartment safe house was larger than I’d expected. The night before, I hadn’t taken the opportunity to check it out, but now as I walked hand in hand with Adrian, I wanted to explore.

The bedrooms all sat on a separate floor, the doors lining a single hallway. There was a shared bathroom, as well as three additional bedrooms aside from my own, and a small laundry chute that went down to a washroom on the first floor.

A stairwell circled down to the main floor, which opened up to a foyer, with archways leading into a formal living room, a kitchen and breakfast nook looking over the city. A formal dining branched off there. There was also a closed door that Adrian said led to Maeve’s office.

Hawk was nowhere to be seen, which both comforted me, and made my stomach twist. I had a feeling Maeve was in her office, likely planning our escape. The other team leader could have been with her, or off somewhere else.

I don’t care about him , I thought, pushing thoughts of the male from my head as Adrian led me into the kitchen. He’s an asshole who’s more concerned with being the best. Nothing else .

“What do you feel like eating?” Adrian asked, guiding me to the island and pulling a stool out for me. Like the rest of the house, the kitchen had a more antique look to it, with dark wood, forest green walls, and gold accents.

I shrugged. “I don’t know, honestly.”

Adrian frowned, opening his mouth to respond, but another voice cut in first. “She needs protein after the near explosion yesterday. Carbs would also help.”

I rolled my eyes. Hawk was dressed in tactical gear, his shoulder-length dark brown hair tied back at the nape of his neck. He lifted a brow as I glared at him, smirking arrogantly as he entered the kitchen. “You know I’m right, Your Highness.”

Instead of responding, I turned away. Adrian watched Hawk from the corner of his eye, gripping the edges of the counter, knuckles turning white. “I think I might make myself a coffee,” I muttered, sliding off the stool.

“Not very balanced,” Hawk snarked, taking one of the other stools.

I tensed, heart thundering in my chest, stomach dropping. It was such a casual comment, and deep down, I knew he meant no harm. But all I wanted to do was collapse in on myself and disappear. His words echoed in my ears, but it wasn’t his voice saying them.

My eyes squeezed shut as Kerry’s vicious words ricocheted through my head. She’d always said it as a cruel reminder of what I lacked in her eyes, that no matter what I did, I would never be good enough.

Even dead, she still haunted me.

Good, I thought, heart pounding, it’s my fault she’s gone.

My breaths came in short, sharp pants as my panic rose. Jumbled thoughts of happy moments spun around my brain, nothing strong enough for me to take hold of and cling to. Not with panic tightening in my chest , twisting around my lungs.

Warm hands cupped my cheeks. Tingles of electricity raced over my skin, forcing me to open my eyes and meet Adrian’s stare. “You’re okay,” he murmured, brushing his thumbs under my eyes. “You’re safe. You’re here.” And then he started whispering happy moments in my ears. He told me of the first time he saw me sitting behind the receptionist desk at the Camilla . It seemed like a lifetime ago, watching him and the rest of the team walk in.

Figures from my dreams come to life.

Who would have thought that moment would change everything?

Slowly, the panic released its grip on my heart and allowed my breaths to come easier. My entire body had locked up while my mind had gone elsewhere; my muscles finally uncoiled from the panic’s stone-like hold and released my limbs.

I breathed deeply, taking in his minty scent, and finally pulled away. “How did you know to do that?” I asked, staring up into his worry-filled eyes.

Adrian gave me a half-smile and tucked a strand of dark hair behind my ear. “It doesn’t matter,” he replied, leaning down to kiss the corner of my mouth. “As long as you’re okay now?”

I nodded slowly and cast a wary glance over my shoulder, but Hawk was gone. “Where—?”

“I may have told him to leave.” When I turned back, Adrian was rubbing the back of his neck. “Actually, I told him to fuck off.” He shrugged, and I couldn’t help but laugh.

Despite the easing panic, my chest still tightened at his quick departure. I wasn’t sure why, and I was too afraid to find out.

~

“Can we talk about it?” Adrian asked, tearing apart the comfortable silence we’d established while eating breakfast.

He’d gone against what Hawk suggested and instead made pancakes with a berry syrup and a side of fresh whipped cream. It’d been delicious and sweet, calming my otherwise frantic mind.

Slowly, I sat back and pushed my plate away from me. My heart stuttered a beat as Adrian leaned towards me, resting his elbow on the table and dropping his chin on his hand. Attention completely on me.

“Ivy, please.” He reached his other hand under the table and squeezed my knee. “What happened? One minute you were here, and the next…”

“The next I was having a panic attack,” I replied, giving him a sharp nod. “I don’t—”

“As your mate, you should be able to talk to me,” he murmured, eyes pleading with me to listen. “You can tell me anything, remember? We talked about this. About leaning on one another. Not pushing the other away?”

I blew out a breath and closed my eyes. He was right. “Okay,” I said, running a hand through my hair and opening my eyes again. “It was what Hawk said. It…sounded like something my mother used to say. I spiralled. Her death is my fault.”

Adrian stiffened, straightening as he pulled his hand from my knee. I felt the lack of warmth immediately. Was he disgusted with me? Thinking the same thing?

If I’d trusted the team sooner, Kerry would still be alive. Safe. She would be with the girls. And the kids…they wouldn’t be completely traumatised from seeing their mother die. They—

“Hey. Come back to me.” Adrian took my hand and tugged me into him, forcing me onto his lap. The self-consciousness I normally felt disappeared when he wrapped his arms around my me. “Please don’t go there.”

“You don’t know what I was thinking,” I muttered, resting my head on his shoulder. “I could have been thinking about anything. Coffee. The episodes of Outlander Thea and I are missing. How much I’m going to miss the Camilla .”

Adrian snorted, his chest rumbling with a laugh. “I hate to tell you this, but I know you better than that—and now that we’re bonded, I absolutely do know what you’re thinking.” He rubbed a hand over my arm, tightening his hold on me as he did. “You went somewhere dark for a moment there.”

My heart hammered in my chest as I thought about that last moment with Kerry. “It’s all my fault,” I said, voice cracking. “If I’d listened to you guys, Kerry would be alive, and the girls would be okay. Now, they’re alone again, abandoned by me, and they probably hate me. And you’re probably thinking the same thing: if I had just listened to you—”

“Hey, no.” He trailed his fingers through my hair to cup the nape of my neck, forcing me to meet his stare. “That’s not at all what I’m thinking. You should know that by now. I’ll never think poorly of you or believe any of this is your fault. This is on the organisation trying to take your throne. Not you.”

I shuddered, eyes closing. “It’s not that easy. In my head, everyone knows it’s true. I know it’s true. And—”

“You have no control over what other people do.” My eyes flew open, finding Maeve immediately. She stepped into the kitchen, and her hands curled into fists at her sides. “But you are not at fault for what happened. If anything, I should have done more. It was my responsibility to protect your family, and I failed.”

The absolute sorrow in her eyes made my heart ache. She wouldn’t look at me, and as I tried to catch her eye, I realised she really meant it.

She really blamed herself.

Adrian let me rise and I walked over to where Maeve stood near the door. I wound my arms around her neck and hugged her. The tug in my chest grew stronger the longer she stood there, unmoving.

“I don’t blame you, Maeve. I never blamed you,” I whispered. “It’s on me, all of it.”

Maeve shook her head. “No,” she replied, finally returning my embrace. Her hands went to my hips and pulled me into her body before winding around my back. For a long moment, we held each other. I didn’t feel strange about it, either, even with Adrian watching. It felt right.

Finally, Maeve pulled free, and I let my arms fall to my side. “What did Hawk do, exactly?” she asked, lifting a dark bow as I averted my stare. “Ivy?”

I sighed. “Nothing. He didn’t mean to.” Even if he was a dick, I wasn’t going to throw him under the bus. “He just said something that triggered me.”

When I looked to Adrian, he gave me an unimpressed nod. “He said some words, so I told him to fuck off.”

“He came to me and reported something had happened.” Maeve pressed her hand into the small of my back and guided me to the small table in the breakfast nook of the kitchen. “I can make it so he has no further contact with you, if that’s what you want.”

I stiffened as Adrian pulled me onto his lap. My cheeks warmed as Maeve watched the movement, but she didn’t comment on it.

Instead, I shook my head. “No, it’s fine. Like I said, he didn’t know. I don’t expect anyone to understand that.”

Maeve eyed me for a long moment before nodding. “You should know, everyone arrived at the other safe house. The rest of the team is unharmed, and Thea has the children.”

“I know. I spoke with Elias last night. He gave me an update.” Neither needed to know about the other thing we did.

Adrian, however, gave me a squeeze before saying, “She was visited by her other mate last night, too.”

Maeve froze. Her eyes grew dark as she looked from me, to Adrian, then back to me. “Why wasn’t I informed sooner?”

I opened my mouth, but Adrian cut in, his voice hard. “Because my mate needed to eat first before reporting anything.”

It was like he’d slapped her. Maeve blinked hard as she stared at him, her hand—which rested atop the table—forming a fist. “I understand she is your mate ,” she replied stiffly, “but I am the one in charge of her safe return to Avalon. And if her other mate is going to be an issue, then I need to be informed.”

Tension thickened the air, threatening to choke me as I carefully pulled away from Adrian, sparing him a warning look. “The interaction was strange. First, he was mad I ignored him, that I blocked him from the bond. Then towards the end, he was telling me I should continue blocking him. He refused to answer my questions.”

I pressed my hands into my lap and stared down at my fingers. “When I checked the wall this morning between us, it was steady. I’m not going to have to deal with him again soon. But our bond is stronger.”

Maeve made a humming sound as she leaned back in her seat. “What about other interactions you two have had? Before, you mentioned you’d heard him in your head when you mated Elias. What about then?”

Memories of the attack came flooding back, of the calm he’d gifted me when I’d needed to fight, of his guidance. “The kidnapping. He knew how to get me to the kids and Thea,” I murmured, “like he’d been there and knew the layout of the house. I know he couldn’t have been there. I would have felt him, right?”

“Even with a block, I doubt your magic wouldn’t have recognised his.” Maeve drummed her fingers on the table and shook her head. “He knows something . Is there anything else you remember? Was that the first time he contacted you?”

I wanted to say no, but I knew that was a lie. He had visited me in a dream before that. “Before the kidnapping,” I whispered. “He’d been in my dreams before the hellhound attack.”

Adrian swore under his breath. “He’s from the Dream Court. I need to make a charm or something to keep him out.”

“He’ll be too powerful,” Maeve said, shaking her head. “He’s fully bonded to Ivy. If he wanted to, he could.”

“Even with the distance. He’s coming back in intervals to refuel himself and tame Ivy’s magic.” Adrian blew out a harsh breath. “If I could—”

“You can’t do anything right now since you’re so newly mated,” Maeve said. “Ivy can keep the blocks in place, and we can hope he doesn’t push through.”

“I can train her to keep him out.”

We all turned to take Hawk in. He wouldn’t look at me, instead meeting Maeve’s stare. “We might not be the same court, but I’ve met my fair share of Dream Court assholes. And in basic training, you’re taught how to evade them.” Finally, Hawk’s dark eyes fell on me, and with that look, something shifted inside me. “Let me help.”

I swallowed thickly. To take his offer, I would have to block out one of my mates. My first mate. Once upon a time, Ry had been my everything. Naively, I thought he’d be my future. Thought if I gave him anything, he would never leave me.

But he did and continued to. It was a rejection I felt deep to the bone, something I doubted I could ever forgive.

“Okay,” I said, looking to both Maeve and Adrian. Neither protested, though I noticed both of them hesitate. Turning back to Hawk, I nodded. “I’ll let you teach me. I don’t want him contacting me on his terms anymore. It’s up to me now.”

Hawk’s shoulders dropped, and he sighed in what looked to be relief. “That I can help you with, Your Highness. He won’t dream-walk again unless you allow it.”

For a moment, I wanted to take it back. I imagined the boy I’d loved, his broken body and mind, the stolen kisses and the soft smiles. The boy I’d bonded with—heart, body, and soul.

We might have been eternally bound, but I wouldn’t give him a chance again until he showed himself to me.

I would no longer let him hurt me.