23. Claire

CHAPTER 23

CLAIRE

A fresh start, I reminded myself. Tonight's a fresh start . I had to remember that, or I'd fall apart. This wasn't the end of my heart's fondest dream. It was the beginning of my next phase. My big push with Timeless.

I checked my phone one more time. Nothing from Conrad. I turned it off — time to stop checking. Time to stop waiting for a change that wasn't coming.

Music struck up, loud and upbeat, and Verity's models came striding out. They strutted along the improvised catwalk, spinning around to set their layered skirts flaring. The colors were gorgeous, the fabrics, the shapes. I couldn't wait to get them on Timeless, but first, it was time to be done with the lies. The minute the show was done, I'd end the charade.

Conrad and I… we're not together. I thought we could make it work, but it wasn't to be.

I nodded — perfect. Short and sweet. And, best of all, completely true. We weren't together, and never would be. I'd thought for a moment, for one shining night, maybe our future held something more. But Conrad had made his choice, and now I'd make mine. I'd build the best life I could for the sake of our baby, and if he wasn't part of that…

Tears blurred my vision. I blinked them away. If he wasn't part of that, we would be fine . Our child would be loved, and never alone. I'd be everything both my folks had been for me.

The models streamed off the catwalk and mixed with the crowd, gliding among us to show off their looks. Verity came out and gave a short speech, how delighted she was to present her new collection. How honored and thrilled she was to see such a great turnout. How she hoped everyone would enjoy the music and hors d'oeuvres.

I pulled out my phone again, then put it away. I'd wasted enough time waiting for Conrad. If he texted, I'd get to him when I had a moment. I had other priorities, our child. My business. Being my best tonight. Securing our future. My friendship with Verity, I'd salvage that too. Get us back to where we should've been from the start, a place of honesty. Mutual trust.

Conrad wasn't even in my top five.

"Claire, there you are!" Verity came swooping in. "What did you think? Was the lighting too much? We had such an odyssey getting that up, getting the floods so they… Hey. You all right?"

I smiled. "Yeah, I'm great. And the lighting was perfect. It really brought out all those rich layers of color."

Verity beamed at that. "That's what I thought. Did you see where Ken went?" She peered about, but the crowd was too dense, well-wishers waiting to offer their congratulations. "It's strange seeing you without your other half. Let's set up a tennis date, maybe next week?"

"Actually, about that…" I drew a deep breath. Lying was bad for me, for the baby, the stress of remembering a million details. The fear, ever-present, the truth would slip out. But telling the truth felt like saying goodbye. Like letting Conrad go, and all my dreams for us. I had to do it, but my heart still ached.

"Oh, no!" Verity's hand flew up to her mouth. "Don't tell me you're fighting! Did something happen?"

I shook my head. "It isn't like that. We just, Conrad and I, we're not?—"

Verity's face lit up. "There he is now!"

I turned to look, thinking she meant Ken. But it was Conrad barging through the crowd, his face a grim mask of determination. Our eyes met and he slowed, and his features softened. My heart leaped, then sank. I didn't want this. I wanted our lies behind us, not out on display. Conrad being here would just dig us in deeper.

"You don't have to," I whispered, as he took my hands.

"I'm sorry I'm late."

I closed my eyes. I couldn't do this. I needed the truth out, whatever the cost.

Conrad squeezed my hands. "Claire?"

I turned to Verity. "The truth is, we?—"

"Wait." Conrad pulled me toward him and shut me up with a kiss. For all that it was our last one, it was still sweet, and I leaned into it. I wanted to remember this and how it felt, Conrad's light stubble, the heat of his skin. His hands gripping mine like he'd never let go. Long after I'd healed from the wounds of our parting, I'd treasure this kiss. This gentle goodbye.

"I'm here," Conrad said, when he pulled away. "I'm sorry I kept you waiting — more sorry than you'll know — but I'm here for you now. I'm here for always. For as long as you'll have me, I'll be by your side." His gaze burned into me, hot and intense. He still hadn't let go of my hands. The way he was holding on, it felt like he couldn't. Like he wouldn't, till he knew I wouldn't flee him. I hitched a rough breath.

"You're really here?"

"However you need me."

I searched his eyes for a lie, but I couldn't find one. All I saw there was warmth and sorrow and need, and brighter than all of that, the spark of hope. Something had changed in him, but how deep? For how long? Would I be a fool to think it could last?

I turned to Verity, summoning laughter. "Looks like my other half made it after all." Maybe this was a mistake, the worst of my life, but my heart was still Conrad's. I couldn't not try.

"I'll always show up for Claire," he said. "I thought I'd have to skip this one, but then I thought, no way. We've always showed up for each other. That's what we do. Not just when it's easy, but every day."

I felt myself glowing, my pulse picking up. Verity smiled.

"That's our motto as well, in our marriage. ‘Every day, every way.' It was right in our vows. I knew you two had it, you know, that strength." She clasped her hands together to show a strong grip. "I'd better go circulate, but have a great night, okay? And Claire, I'll be texting to set up that game."

Conrad watched her flit off. "Game?"

"She wants to play tennis. If you're really all in."

"Oh, Claire." Conrad pulled me to him. He crushed me hard to his chest, like he'd never let go. "I'm so in," he murmured into my hair. "I'm in for all of it, and we'll talk when you're through here. But this is your work, right? You need to go mingle."

I did, but not right away. Not right this second. I let Conrad hold me, his breath on my cheek.

"We'll talk after," he said. "All night if we need to. But Claire, know I mean it. I'm yours. I'm in."

I didn't want to let go of him in case he disappeared. In case this was all somehow some kind of dream. But he was right — I had rounds to make. A deal to secure. So I let him go and I circled the room, shook hands and kissed cheeks with Verity's team. I made myself stay till the crowd started thinning, then I found Conrad and took his hand in mine.

"Let's go," I said.

His car was waiting outside and we piled in the back, but tension had sprung up with time to think. I had questions, so many — how would this work? Would Conrad have time to be a good father, or would I be waiting up nights at home? Would our child wait in vain for Dad's kiss goodnight? We wouldn't survive that kind of slow heartbreak. It was one thing to sweep in and make a grand gesture, swear he was here for me, kiss me till I believed it. It would be quite another to make that true. Had he even thought about it, or?—

"Don't panic," said Conrad.

I shook my head. "I'm not."

"I can feel your heart racing." He pulled me against him. "Come on, breathe. We'll be home in a minute, and we'll talk this thing through. I promise we'll do this, whatever it takes."

Home — my heart plunged. Where would we live? Conrad had his penthouse and I had mine. Neither was babyproof. Both were up high. We'd need a real house, no balconies to fall from. Something in the suburbs with a big, sunny yard.

"I can feel your gears spinning," said Conrad. "We'll talk it all through together."

We wound up at my place and headed up, silent. All I could think was, had Conrad even thought? Had he even considered how hard this would be? Finding a house, then babyproofing. Figuring out his work situation and mine. He wouldn't step back. I knew him too well. He'd think he could somehow juggle both, work from home maybe. Work through the night. He'd have some silly plan with no roots in the real world, where he kept all he had and kept us as well, and somehow it worked because… because money?

The elevator slid open. We stepped out in my penthouse. I turned to Conrad.

"I want us to be real," he said.

I gaped at him. "What?"

"Come here and sit down. I have a whole lot to say." He took me by both hands and led me down the hall, through the dark lounge and out to the sunroom. He sat me down on a couch scattered with big, soft pillows, and cuddled up next to me, still holding my hands.

"I'm in love with you," he said. "I have been since… always. You've been my best friend, my plus-one, my partner, always there when I needed you, and I don't want to lose that. I want to build on it. Build a whole life."

"But a life means?—"

"It means I can't go on as I have been. Neither of us can. We'll need to change. But I'm ready if you are, if…" His brows drew together. "I'm sorry. You were saying something. I cut you off."

"No, keep going," I said, swallowing excitement. Change? Did he mean it? "Tell me how you picture it, our life together."

Conrad's shoulders rose up as he drew a deep breath. Then he let it out, and he started talking. "I want to be a real partner and a real father. Not evenings and weekends, but every day. I want to be home to feed our kid dinner. To put them to bed. Read them a story. I grew up with nannies, with daycare and playgroups, and I don't want that. Our kid should have us . One of us always home, no matter what."

My heart was singing, but I wasn't hearing a real plan. I swallowed hard. "How would we do that?"

"I'm restructuring Constel. Stepping back from my role. Joe will step into my CEO spot, and he'll take on most of my day-to-day. I'll still be owner and president, still be involved, but I won't be like I have been, living to work."

I couldn't believe it. "Really? You'd do that?"

"I would. I will. It's for our family." He smiled, wide and warm. "I want us to move to a place in the country. A place with a big yard, with woods and a stream. I want family dinners. Backyard barbecues. I want us to go on family vacations, fill entire albums with our memories. I want our house to be noisy, kids running around, bugging us, pulling us when we're trying to work."

"I want that too," I breathed. "I've been thinking already about hiring more help for Timeless. Taking maternity leave. Doing this right."

"I love you," said Conrad.

"I love you too."

We had more still to talk about, a million more details, but those could wait while we celebrated. I pressed my lips to Conrad's and felt him respond, the same thrill running through him that took hold of me. I'd never get tired of this, of our closeness. Of the soft sound he made as he took me in his arms, stretched me out on the couch and showered me with kisses. I tilted my head back to let him kiss along my chin, nip at my earlobe, brush his lips down my neck. The tickle of his breath made my toes curl. I arched up against him, needing more of his touch.

Conrad took his time exploring my body, claiming every inch of me with his hands and his lips. He traced my curves with his palms, waking shivers inside me, kissed every inch of bare skin he could find. I moaned as he followed the swell of my breast, hot kisses along the silk of my bodice. Then I sat up and he unzipped my dress, and as it slipped off me, I loosened his tie. I took my time with his shirt, stripping it off unhurried — we had all night. All the time in the world. I'd have my whole life now to learn his body, what made him gasp, what made him moan my name.

Conrad pulled back. "Let me look at you."

I laughed. "Just look?"

"Just for a second." He let his gaze wander over my body, one finger trailing down the line of my arm. "I never let myself take in how gorgeous you are. Never let myself stop to see…" He kissed my shoulder. "I love your freckles. I love all of you. I can't believe it took me so long?—"

I pressed a finger to his mouth. "No regrets. We're here now."

He laid me back on the pillows. I loosened his belt. Ran my hand up his thigh to tease his cock in my palm. I'd never craved anyone as I craved him, never felt so possessive toward their body. When I touched Conrad, my whole heart sang mine . When I kissed him, I felt like I had come home. We made love in my sunroom with its hanging plants, fronds hanging over us, the moon dappling through. I watched the shift of the shadows on Conrad's skin, the heat in his eyes, the hitch of his breathing. I drank him all in, every quirk of his body. Lost myself in him, and the way we moved together. It felt new and familiar all at once, like the dream of a lifetime come true at last.

We lay entwined after, Conrad stroking my hair, and I felt his chest rise as he drew breath to speak.

"Let's not wait," he said.

I looked up. "Wait for what?"

"To get married." He tangled his fingers in my hair. "Let's do it soon, just our nearest and dearest, then go back to The Bahamas for our honeymoon."

"That sounds perfect," I said.

"So, that's a yes?"

"Of course it is. Yes. I can't wait." I snuggled up closer, loving the feel of his skin. The feel of him holding me so close, so safe.

"I knew all my life I was working toward something." Conrad leaned down to press a kiss to my head. "But I could never get there, no matter how hard I worked. No matter what I did, it felt out of reach — success that mattered. Success that felt worth it." He raised up on his elbow to smile down on me. "Should've known it was this, this here, with you. A real life, a full life. Who wouldn't want that?"

"I've been the same," I said, with a small, rueful smile. "But now I've got you, I won't let you go."

Conrad pulled me to him and I nestled into his arms. Outside, a light rain had started to fall, but it couldn't touch us. Nothing could, here and now. We had each other, and our future before us; rain, shine, and snow, and everything in between.

I couldn't wait for it to begin.