17. Conrad

CHAPTER 17

CONRAD

I 'd meant to talk to Claire over breakfast. Planned it all out lying awake by her side, listening to her breathing deepen to sleep. What we'd done, what we'd said, we couldn't just leave it. Couldn't pretend like it hadn't meant something. But, as for what it meant, we had to be honest. We had to be realistic about what we could give. I couldn't promise her anything like what Verity and Ken had. She knew that. I knew it. It was just… true.

I was about to wake her when my phone buzzed. Claire stirred at the sound and sat up, yawning. She swung her legs off the bed.

"Is that mine or yours?"

"Mine this time," I said, and frowned at the screen. A bubble popped up, a text from my pilot. If we wanted to beat the rush, we needed to move it. He'd got us a takeoff slot, but only if we hurried.

"I said I'd fly some folks out with us, a few from New York. They were on budget flights, so they'd be stuck a few more days. Let me call the front desk and see if they're ready. They should've been notified, but…"

"Go ahead." Claire hopped off the bed, already grabbing her own phone. She hissed at something she saw on the screen. Then she was grabbing her clothes with one hand, snapping rapid-fire instructions at someone down the line. I got to work packing, though I was mostly done, all my clothes in my suitcase but the ones from last night. Claire had left some of hers draped over the chairs, and I considered for a minute if she'd be annoyed if I packed them. Then I checked the time on my phone and figured, screw it. I grabbed one of Claire's skirts and smoothed it out on the bed.

"That's great," she was saying, still on the phone. "No, don't start on that yet. Wait till I'm back. But tell Alice from sales— what are you doing?"

I didn't realize at first that she was talking to me. I kept at my task, folding her panties.

"No, not you. Excuse me. I'll need to call you back. Conrad! "

I jumped. Her undies went flying.

"What are you doing?"

"Packing your suitcase. We'll miss our flight."

Claire sputtered. "Aren't we taking your jet?"

"Yeah, but there's a lot of flights that've been grounded. They've assigned us all takeoff slots, and if we miss ours, we'll lose it."

"Lose it? How long?—?"

"Come help me pack."

She snatched up her remaining clothes and crammed them into her suitcase, then slammed the lid down and held it shut with her knee. I didn't think it would zip with her clothes packed haphazard, but somehow it did.

"All right. Let's go."

I cast about one last time for anything we'd forgotten, but the room looked just about how we'd found it, except for the bed all mussed and unmade. I smiled at the thought of the night we'd spent there, not just the sex, but holding her after. Sleeping naked, entwined in each other's arms. Then my smile faded. Last night was?—

"Conrad!" Claire snapped her fingers, and I shook my head.

"It's ten minutes to the airport. We'll be okay."

"Not if there's traffic, or another freak storm."

"Another—" I stopped talking, seeing the problem. This was pre-caffeine Claire. The morning monster. Talk would be pointless till she'd had her fix. "There's coffee downstairs," I said. "We'll grab some on our way."

That seemed to calm her, and she took a deep breath. We headed downstairs at a more sedate pace, and found that our passengers had gone on ahead. We had plenty of time to get to the airport, which was a good thing, as Verity came running.

"Oh, there you two are! I was afraid you'd have left. I wanted to drop by and say goodbye last night, but Ken wouldn't let me, with it being your last night. I hope you took full advantage of your few hours of peace!"

I glanced at Claire and saw she'd gone bright red. So much for trying to play it cool. Verity giggled.

"You two are so cute. Ken was right — you're just like us at your age."

Claire made a strangled sound. "Our flight, uh…"

"Of course. I just wanted to tell you, it's been a delight. We've had a wonderful time getting to know you, and I'm perfectly sure I'll see you again soon." She took Claire's hand and shook it, and Claire fairly glowed.

"I'm so happy to hear that. We had a lovely time, too."

"We'll do dinner, all four of us, some time next month. But you'll definitely hear from me well before that. I'm very impressed with what you're doing with Timeless, and I can't wait to explore how I'd fit into that."

I could tell Claire wanted to jump up and down, maybe clap and cheer and do a victory lap. But she managed to stick to a restrained "That's great news." She and Verity shook hands again, and then they hugged. Then Verity went off to rejoin Ken, and we hurried to catch our car, coffee forgotten.

In the back of the limo, I thought of last night again, of what it had meant and what it could never mean. Regret made my throat clench, and I swallowed to clear it. I turned to Claire.

"So, with us heading back?—"

Her phone chirped in her lap. She frowned at it. "I'm sorry. A minor crisis…" She picked up the call and I practically saw it, the moment vacation-Claire turned to work-Claire. It was like a switch flipped in her head and she was already home. Already neck-deep in her day-to-day business. A cold chill ran through me at how fast she did it, how easily she dismissed me to get back to work. How easily I would've done just the same.

On the plane, I sat up front with Claire, the passengers we'd brought on further in back. The air crew had put up a partition, shutting us into our own private section, but we could still hear them through the thin screen. Their actual conversations were too muffled to hear, but a thin drone came through, and odd spikes of laughter. Claire got out her laptop and dove into work. I did the same, but after a while, I couldn't stand it.

"Claire, I was thinking?—"

This time, it was my phone that cut me off mid-thought. I went to silence it, then saw it was Joe.

"Sorry. Hold on." I took the call. "Joe?"

"Your two-o'clock's stuck at O'Hare. He's wanting to come in first thing tomorrow."

"No way," I said. "What's he doing in Chicago? No, never mind that. Tell him no way. He had every chance to close this before I flew out. Tell him I'm booked through the next three weeks. He can join via video call in if he needs to, but the meeting's today."

"Are you sure? With that lawyer of his, he could claim duress. Scuttle the whole deal, even after you've signed it."

"Duress? Duress? Asking him for a video call?" I took a deep breath, but the air felt too thin. "Listen, let me talk to him. I'll call you back." I hung up and looked to Claire for sympathy, but she seemed absorbed in her own conundrum. She didn't look up as I scrolled through my contacts.

Three hours later, we were circling New York. Claire slammed her laptop shut and leaned back in her chair. She closed her eyes, then opened them and peered out the window.

"How long now?"

"I'd say twenty minutes." I thumbed my phone off and tucked it away. "Listen, Claire, about when we get home…"

She looked at me flatly, still stuck in work mode. I smiled at her, hoping to break her out. I didn't want this to go like some business deal, some thanks-but-no-thanks on an awkward merger.

"I'll miss those sunsets," I said.

"You have that roof garden at Constel. That reflecting pool. I'd love to watch the sun set through all those leaves. The reflection on the water should be chef's kiss." She did an actual chef's kiss, but her smile was all surface. I hadn't broken through to her. I tried again.

"It's not the same, though, as out on the beach. Kicking your shoes off. The sand in your toes."

She softened at that, and wiggled her own toes. "Those were some nice sunsets."

"And sunrises too."

"Verity's texted already to set a meeting."

I steered her away from that, back to the beach. "Do you still have that picture of me as a merman?"

Her whole face lit up with surprised delight. "I'm never deleting that. That was amazing. You actually let them bury your legs."

"Yeah, I might not have if I knew there were bugs in there. One of them bit me between my toes." I leaned forward and reached for Claire's hands. "No, I had a great time. Bug bites and all. But with us heading back, I was thinking, uh…"

"What?"

I tried to think back to the depths of last night, the speech I'd prepared while Claire lay sleeping. But Joe had driven it out of my head — something about friendship. Not wanting to lose it. About how our lives were so full and so busy, and trying to change that would be trying to change who we were. I wasn't ready to do that, and neither was she.

"We're both busy," was what I ended up saying. "We're going back to our real lives, our work. Our careers. I think if we tried to keep this thing going, if we tried to be, uh, what we were on the island, we'd disappoint each other. We'd fall apart."

Claire didn't say anything. She pressed her lips together.

"I think we should call it what it was, a sweet interlude. A glimpse of another life. But in this life, we're busy. We don't have time, for, uh…" I looked away, feeling sick. My whole heart, my body, was telling me stop this . Telling me this was wrong. It wasn't what I wanted. But my heart and my body didn't run my life. They wouldn't save me when my schedule got crazy, when nothing I did would make time for Claire. I had to go with my head on this, with what made sense.

"We don't make sense," said Claire, plucking the thought from my head. "We're both busy people. Last night was just…"

Perfect, my heart screamed. Beautiful. Life-changing.

"A fantasy," I said.

"Exactly. Not real."

I glanced up at Claire, but she was looking away, her head turned to watch as we made our descent. I couldn't read her expression, or what she was thinking. Maybe she'd never wanted more than one night. To satisfy her curiosity so she could move on. The thought made me angry, and I bunched my hands into fists. Then I relaxed them and arranged my face in a smile.

"I'd never want to do anything that'd cost us our friendship. I think if we tried to make this more than it was?—"

"I know. You don't have to—" She sighed. "You're preaching to the choir."

I opened my mouth to say something more, but there was nothing. Our brief fling was done. The wing dipped behind Claire as we banked for our landing. I watched the city turn beneath us, and I felt lonely, but what could I do? I'd done the right thing here. Claire had said it herself. Once our wheels hit that tarmac we'd go back to our work selves, and this time no sunset would break us out.

We landed to cheering from beyond the partition, our passengers relieved to be home at last. I sat staring at my laptop as they got off first, and then it was only me and Claire left. She zipped up her laptop case and our eyes met.

"Well," I said.

"Well."

"I guess this is it."

She got up to go, but I couldn't stand it. Couldn't stand to let her walk off on I guess this is it. I grabbed her hand.

"Wait."

Claire frowned. "What is it?"

"Kiss me goodbye." I wanted to pull her toward me, but I didn't. I thought she might walk away, but at first she just stood there. Then she came closer, and slowly leaned in. I could feel her breathing, the heat of her body. A strand of her hair tickling my cheek. Her lips brushed mine, barely, and I felt her sigh.

"As fantasies went," she said, "it was a good one." Then she kissed me at last, and my heart leaped in my chest. My whole body responded, every nerve flashing joy. Yes , my heart said. This is it. Hold her. Throw your arms around her and never let go. Never, no matter what. This is love. Yes.

She whispered my name. I held my breath. If she told me don't go , I wouldn't. I'd stay. I'd stay and we'd try this and maybe, maybe…

"See you next time," she said, and then she was gone.