Chapter 3

When I realised where I had walked to, I pushed open the doors and leaned against the wall, taking a breath. I had trekked all across London back to the place where I felt most like myself. Probably because seeing Noah again had made me feel suddenly lost.

I walked down the university corridor and through the double doors of the library and breathed in the smell of old books. There was nothing I loved more. I'd worked in libraries since I left university and took this job two years ago. I had really enjoyed working here but now finally, I had made the move I'd always wanted to, into publishing, and it had so far gone completely wrong. Was I cursed or something?

‘Stevie, what are you doing here?' Liv poked her head around a stack of books as I walked in. ‘You're soaked. Are you okay?'

‘Not really, no. Don't suppose you're due a break? I need a coffee with about four extra shots in it,' I said hopefully. I brushed my fingers across the shelf and spines of the books that I knew better than the back of my hand.

‘Definitely,' Liv said. She went over to the desk to tell Jamal she was taking a break then she hooked an arm through mine and steered me towards the university cafeteria. Instructing me to find a seat, Liv went off to the coffee stand. I walked to the corner table, hoping no other ex-colleagues would spot us and try to join, and waited for her to return. She came back with two ice coffees and when I took a sip of mine, I gratefully tasted the extra shots she'd added.

After I had taken another sip, I could face speaking. ‘I walked in and the office was in chaos. The company has been taken over and they're restructuring so loads of people have been made redundant including Annie, the woman who hired me and who I thought was going to be my boss.'

Liv grimaced. ‘That's awful. Have they let you go?'

‘They told me to think about whether I want to come back and to tell them tomorrow. Tell him, I mean. My new boss.' I looked at Liv across the table. ‘Who also happens to be my ex-boyfriend.'

She gasped. ‘What? No! Which one?'

‘You remember me telling you about the boyfriend I had before I started working here, the one who took a job in New York and who I never heard from again? Noah Anderson. Who, I might add, is nicknamed The Shark in publishing. Which is pretty damn perfect, if you ask me.'

‘I can't believe it. Oh, Stevie, I'm sorry. That is… shit.'

I nodded. ‘Shit is right. He just stood there saying they wanted me to stay, to think it over, no apology, no explanation, nothing, waltzing right back into my life like nothing happened. Like he hadn't broken my heart!' I cried.

Now the shock of Noah standing in front of me in that office was wearing off, anger was taking its place. He had hurt me so much. We'd been together for just over a year after meeting in a bookshop. I had thought it was the perfect romantic meeting. And not only did he love books, but he worked in publishing too. I thought I'd finally found the man of my dreams. Turned out, he'd been a nightmare instead.

‘So, what, am I supposed to just be cold and professional like him? Act like we didn't know everything about each other once upon a time?'

‘I can't believe he didn't say anything about the past.'

‘No apology, just said he understood if I'd rather not work there with him. Rather not!' I took a gulp of coffee. ‘I would rather stab myself with hot pokers! But…'

‘But this is your dream job,' Liv supplied. She knew how much getting this job had meant to me. Like me, she'd always had a dream; hers was to write a book. And so, I knew she understood.

‘It was like we had meant nothing,' I said, my voice smaller than I wanted it to be.

‘No way,' she said firmly. ‘He loved you once. There was no way he couldn't have.'

I smiled. ‘Well, that's very sweet but even if he didn't lie for the whole year we were together, he left me in the end so he didn't love me any more then.' I sighed. ‘This summer, I decided that I was going to focus on my career. I deleted my dating apps, I decided against any more shit dates that didn't go anywhere, or the ones who slept with me only to ghost me straight after. How has that decision turned into working with my ex-boyfriend?'

‘No, you're right,' Liv said. ‘You should stick to the plan. Focus on your career. Screw Noah. You're better off without him and I bet he regretted leaving you. You're the winner here.'

‘I don't think so but I appreciate the pep talk.' I sat up straighter. ‘You're right about one thing though. Why should I let Noah chase me away from the job I've wanted since I was a kid? This is young bookworm Stevie's moment. And Noah is not going to put me off.'

Liv beamed at me. ‘So, you'll go back?'

‘It took me years to land a job in publishing. And Noah said that I will be practically running publicity for now. So that will get me some great experience for my CV. I will treat Noah as my boss, and my boss only. I will act like we didn't know each other before. I won't mention our relationship at all,' I said emphatically.

‘And you could always look for another job in six months,' Liv said.

I tried to think about the idea of working with Noah for even six months and it made my confidence shake a little bit. I tried to not remember how upset I had been watching him walk away from me the day he told me he was going to New York, but it was imprinted on my heart. Time heals wounds, sure, but it doesn't make you forget. And Noah hadn't been forgotten no matter how hard I tried. It was not going to be easy to work together and act like I hadn't been hurt by him. But what was the alternative?

‘You're right. I can use this to get experience under my belt then move on as soon as I can.' Six months was nothing when you thought about the fact I'd survived five years without him. I nodded. ‘This was a real shock but I can do this, can't I?'

‘Yes, you can,' Liv agreed firmly. ‘This job is what you've always wanted. It doesn't matter that Noah's there; you'll probably hardly see him if he's the boss anyway – he'll be busy all the time, under pressure as it's all new… and he'll steer clear of you too, surely?'

‘Let's hope so.'

We finished our coffees and Liv had to go back to work. I went outside and thankfully saw the rain had eased, so I walked back to my flat and when I let myself in and I was alone again, my bravado wavered a little bit. I leaned against the wall and tried to slow my heartbeat down.

The sight of my flat helped a little bit. I'd moved in here soon after Noah had left. Before that, I'd shared with two other girls. Once I started seeing Noah, I'd spent more time at his place than at home. So it had been healing to have a space all to myself to try to get over him. I had to make a new life for myself, and I had done it. Even if this flat did resemble a shoe-box. I rented it from a family friend who let me pay well below the average rent in Islington because they wanted someone they knew and trusted.

The flat was just one main room with a tiny kitchen and lounge area with room for just one sofa and a TV then my bedroom with bathroom attached. I liked to think of it as cosy but that really was being kind. Still, it was all mine and it allowed me to live in Islington, which I loved.

I peeled off my work clothes, pulled on a comfy loungewear set and headed into the kitchen area to make something to eat. Before I left this morning, I'd been too hyped up for my first day to eat and now I was starving. I made a bacon sandwich then curled up on the sofa to eat it. I pulled my phone onto my lap and, knowing it was better to be armed with as much information as I could find before I faced work again, I googled the takeover of Turn the Pages, and specifically Noah Anderson, our new CEO.

Noah rapidly rose through the ranks of US publishing giant Matthews Wood Publishing from editor to publisher and then deputy CEO. Recent acquisition Turn the Pages is the UK's third most successful publishing company and the takeover will net Matthews Wood Publishing shareholders millions. Anderson has been given the job of CEO, moving back to London to take over the company, and having earned a ruthless reputation for getting results. Industry insiders predict he will take the publishing company all the way to the top.

I winced at the mention of Noah's American career, knowing that it started when he left me in London. And then I felt angry. The article called him Noah Anderson and there was no mention of the reason he worked for Matthews Wood Publishing. Despite trying not to, our relationship flashed through my mind.

After we'd met in the bookshop, Noah had swept me up in romance and I'd fallen fast. It had been a whirlwind of dinners and drinks, book shopping and walks by the river on a Sunday, and sleeping over at his flat. His flat had a river view and he worked at a small publishing company as an editorial assistant – a job I could only dream of. He had felt like everything I wanted.

The only thing I had wondered about was, despite the fact Noah had regularly met my family and got on with them brilliantly, I'd never met his. He told me they weren't close but I was worried he didn't think I was good enough to introduce to them.

So when he told me that he was leaving for New York to start working at his father's publishing firm over there, it all clicked into place. Why he had such a lovely flat working in a junior role in publishing, why he'd not told me anything about his parents. His father was rich and powerful and Matthews Wood Publishing, the company he left me for, was owned by him. Because Noah Anderson used his mother's maiden name at work to avoid accusations of nepotism. But he was, in fact, Noah Matthews.

I shook off my bitterness about Noah's lie and scrolled to the next article in the Google search results.

Staff at Turn the Pages had a huge shock this morning when the takeover by Matthews Wood Publishing was suddenly announced. Everyone outside of the board of directors was unaware the company was even in takeover discussions, and many were handed redundancies as the company looks to restructure and bring over employees from America to make changes and grow the business.

A shock was an understatement, I thought. I felt so sorry for everyone who had been given their marching orders so abruptly. Including Annie. She had seemed like someone I could learn so much from. Now, I had no idea what working there would look like.

I looked at one more article.

Noah Anderson, New York's most eligible bachelor, is moving to London to take over as CEO of publishing company Turn the Pages.

I threw my phone down. I did not want to know about his personal life, although it did help a little bit to know he hadn't got married since he left me. And I hadn't either. My heart – left pretty fragile by him, I'm not going to lie – hadn't found anyone to fall for. I had used dating apps, said yes to party invites, gone to London's hottest bars and clubs, but despite going on my fair share of dates, there had been no one I'd really clicked with – certainly no one that I'd fallen in love with. So I had decided to concentrate on my career, and it looked like he had too.

I decided to give myself one nostalgic trip down memory lane before waking up tomorrow as a cool cucumber who would treat Noah as her boss, and her boss alone. I scrolled back on my phone to the photos of our time together which I had not been able to bring myself to delete.

Pausing when I reached one of my favourites, I stared at the screen. A selfie Noah had snapped of us looked back at me. We'd been in bed together in his dreamy London flat. It was the morning after the first time we'd slept together.

God, I remember that night so vividly, even now. Noah had taken me by surprise in the bedroom, telling me what to do in a way that turned me on so much, I had had the best orgasm of my life.

I want you on top of me so I can watch you riding me. I'm going to fuck you so good, you'll never want to be with anyone else.

It had been so hot. No man had ever been like that with me and I'd loved it. We had barely slept. We couldn't get enough of one another. When we finally did sleep, we woke up snuggled together and that's when he took that picture. In it, we're smiling at one another as if we're each other's whole world.

When had he decided that was no longer the case?

Clicking my phone to the lock screen, I decided that whatever sick joke the universe was playing on me, I was not going to let it ruin my new career. I just had to get through six months of pretending Noah meant nothing to me and then I could find a new job.

I could do this.

I had to do this.

Because there was no way I was letting him know how much I'd missed him these past five years. Or how much I had loved him, pretty much as soon as we'd met in that bloody bookshop. I'd spent a lifetime reading romances and finally, I'd met my leading man. I thought I was about to get my happy ending. But real life wasn't like books. And Noah had decided I wasn't the one.

He'd walked away from me, but this time, I would walk away from him.