Chapter 38

‘It's been A MONTH,' I said to Liv later as we walked side-by-side through crunchy fallen leaves in the park by my Islington flat. It was kind of crazy to think we'd met in this very park when I was on my way for my first day at Turn the Pages at the start of October. It was now November and so much had changed.

‘You can say that again,' Liv said. ‘I thought you starting a new career would change a lot of things but never this much.' She slipped her arm through mine. ‘I'm so proud of you. Not only did you get your dream job but you smashed it.'

‘We don't know where it will be on the bestseller list,' I reminded her, but I smiled. ‘I feel like I'm finally doing what I was meant to do. I know you know what I mean.'

She nodded. ‘I just need to get a book deal and I'll feel the same.'

‘You will, your agent is so enthusiastic about your book. And I love it. And my taste is never wrong, I say humbly.' We both giggled. ‘I don't know what will happen next. Noah's dad is thinking it all through. I really don't want to leave though; not when I feel like things are only just getting started at Turn the Pages.'

‘And with Noah too,' Liv said. She saw me smile at the sound of his name. ‘I'm so happy you guys are getting your second chance.'

‘Me too,' I confessed. ‘But I'm still nervous; I can't help it. I didn't see us ending last time. What if I'm making the same mistake again?'

‘Do you feel like you are?'

I shook my head. ‘No. We are older and wiser. We have had our time apart and both hated it. Noah has been through a lot. He's different now. I know how he feels this time around. And reading those emails he sent me when we weren't together – they are so honest and vulnerable. I feel like he finally let me in. And I love him the more for it.'

‘They sound amazing,' she said with a sigh. ‘It's just so romantic. I'm rooting for you two. I remember you telling me it felt like he was the one who got away, and now you know that he felt the same way about you. It was fated.'

‘You're more of a hopeless romantic than me,' I said with a laugh. ‘But look at us now. We found our leading men, and so close together too.' I gestured to the trees. ‘I always said autumn was magic. New beginnings and change in the air.'

‘I hope what comes next is even better.' We turned towards my flat. ‘So, how are you feeling about tomorrow? I love how you go all in on life, Stevie. I need to be more like you.'

‘Wait and see if it's a disaster first,' I said. ‘If me and Noah are for keeps this time around, and I really hope we are,' I said as we walked down my road, a scattering of orange leaves lining our path, ‘then there's no point in waiting. Noah kept me from his family last time and that put a huge wedge between us. He wants to heal things with his father and I want to help, but I also want my parents there. They knew me and Noah before, and how it ended; I want them to be part of it now. And to make sure I'm not doing a completely crazy thing in giving him my heart again.'

‘Mr Matthews sounds scary but your parents will put him in his place if he is horrible to you again,' Liv said. ‘And it seems like Noah has decided things need to change or he will walk away. That's so brave. And I bet you've given him that courage.'

‘Looking back, Noah gave me the courage to change my life. It's weird to say that when I felt so broken-hearted when he left me.' I let us into my building and we went up to my flat. ‘But I was content to let life happen to me; now I want to make things happen.'

‘I get that. Him leaving shook up your picture of the future and you decided to do what you wanted to do because you already knew what it was like to lose something so it was easier to go after what you wanted. You felt less fear. I think Noah is the same. Seeing you again has made him see what's wrong in his life and he's trying to make it better, and be better for you.'

‘Coffee?' I asked, going to the kitchen.

‘Always.' She leaned against the counter as I made us two iced coffees. ‘So, how will you feel working with Noah from now on? I'm not sure I could take orders from Aiden if I'm honest.'

I hid my blush thinking about taking orders from Noah in the bedroom. ‘Yeah, we do need to talk about that,' I agreed. I had been trying to convince myself Noah was just my boss but now that was over, I had to navigate how it would work if he was my boyfriend and my manager too. Not that he'd said the word ‘boyfriend' yet. We hadn't had the future talk. ‘One issue at a time. First, Noah's father is meeting not just me but my parents tomorrow,' I said, handing her a glass and taking one for myself.

That had been my idea. A way to help Noah and his father heal and also for my parents to see Noah again. It was potentially crazy but like Liv said, I saw no point in holding back this time around. Things had gone wrong when Noah had kept things from me and I hadn't pursued my dreams; now we wanted to be honest and open and support each other.

‘I'm really nervous about it,' I admitted.

‘It'll go well. No one can be grumpy with you around,' Liv said encouragingly.

Noah had said something similar and I liked that was how they both saw me. I had my tough days like we all did but Liv was right. My heartbreak over Noah had made me determined to be positive and focus on what was good because otherwise I would have turned bitter and cynical and that wasn't me.

I held out my iced coffee. ‘Here's to curing grumpiness, our careers being successful and our love lives being like the ones in our favourite books,' I said, and with a grin, Liv clinked hers against mine.

I woke up with a jump when my alarm went off. It was dark and rainy when I climbed out of bed and nerves settled in my stomach as I got ready for work. Not only was I going to see Noah and his father in the office, and see them with my parents later, but today was bestseller list day. Mr Matthews might be opening up to his son but I knew his business face would very much be on still and he didn't need any excuse to replace us with people from New York. I got the feeling that was his preferred option so Bitten's sales needed to be strong enough to change his mind.

As I walked to work, I passed by a bookshop and peered in the window. I was happy to see a stack of Bitten copies in there. It was still doing brilliantly on Amazon, rising every time I checked, and I was getting emails all the time from people asking for reading copies or wanting to interview Deborah, but the proof was always in the pudding. Just because in our book world it seemed to be popular, it didn't mean the sales would translate. But I bloody hoped that they would.

Crossing my fingers while I stood in the lift, I tried to take a few breaths. I straightened the headband in my hair as the doors opened and I walked through to the office.

‘We are so glad to see you,' Emily called as I walked over. Gita was by our desks. ‘Are you as nervous as us?'

She didn't need to explain why she was nervous. I hung my jacket over the back of my chair. ‘I am terrified,' I confirmed. ‘Have you seen Noah?'

‘He's in his office with his father,' Gita said. ‘They looked a little tense if you ask me.'

‘They always look tense though,' Emily reminded her.

‘We are all tense today,' I said, hoping Noah and his father had been able to talk about their relationship and not just work things. ‘Let's just focus on our next campaigns and wait for the bestseller list to come in.'

I glanced over but I couldn't see into Noah's office. I hadn't heard from him since we'd left Starbucks. I knew he was focusing on talking to his father, and we'd be spending the evening together, but I wished I could see him. It would help my nerves. I sat down at my desk knowing it was going to be hard to do any work while we waited to find out how Bitten had done.

As the rest of our colleagues came in, I could see everyone was feeling the same way. We all glanced at each other as we tried to work and the office was as quiet as the first day when everyone had found out about the takeover. We were all on tenterhooks. And Noah's office remained shut, he and his father out of sight. But they were never out of my mind.