Chapter Nine

J acob sulked on his side of the carriage. "I don't even like fish pie," he grumbled. "I'm quite contented that you don't have to make it for me."

Anna was glad her smile was hidden in the shadows, though she wondered if the white of her teeth was visible. She tried to be a good winner, but it was so difficult when Jacob sat across from her like a petulant child. "Well, that's good, because I have no idea how to make it anyway." She drummed her fingers against her lap, needing to fill their silence. "You shouldn't be so down on yourself. It was a good try."

"Don't patronize me."

"I'm not! Besides, it's your own fault. You were only supposed to hold two cannonballs. No one asked you to try to juggle three."

"Oh really?" Jacob huffed, pinning her with a long-suffering scowl. "You and your new friend were goading me the entire time. I thought if I replicated her act then your brothers wouldn't think of me as such a pathetic, cowardly beanpole."

Anna couldn't hold back her laughter. She giggled until her stomach hurt. "As I said, it was a valiant effort. You're lucky you didn't break your foot when you dropped them."

"I've never hopped so fast in my life," he said, his voice warming despite the pouting. "How would we have explained that to your father?"

"Oh, I'm sure I would have thought of something."

"I'm sure you would have," he said. Moonlight danced across his face as it filtered past the curtain. His words were like a caress, and he held her gaze so long that Anna had to look away. Maybe she was the coward tonight.

Jacob sighed, rubbing his hands back and forth over his thighs. "So, this was all a part of your plan, yes? You brought me to the circus to embarrass me, show me that a woman can, no doubt, crush my skull with her fist."

"Not quite," Anna said. "But when I read that Helga was touring nearby, I thought it important for you to see her."

"I don't understand why. I already told you that I know how strong women can be. This was entirely unnecessary."

She regarded him curiously. "I'm sorry that you didn't enjoy yourself."

"Now, I didn't say that. I just don't understand this obsession you have with proving something to me that I already know. It has me thinking…"

"About?"

"About how maybe you're trying to prove something to yourself instead."

Anna scoffed, ducking her head to peek outside the window. They still had a half-hour before they reached his home. She'd hoped they'd spend it laughing and discussing the extraordinary members of the circus, not investigating her motives. Yet again, the incorrigible man couldn't accept anything at face value. Jacob always had to dig deeper. Hadn't he learned anything tonight?

"Come here."

Anna had been so locked up in her inner turmoil that Jacob needed to repeat the command before it registered.

She tittered nervously. "I'm quite comfortable where I am."

"Oh, come now. You've made enough of a fool of me tonight. The least you can do is come sit next to me when I ask."

"You didn't ask."

"I'm asking now."

Anna nodded, taken aback at the shyness that flooded her—and her willingness to do as he wished. She migrated to Jacob's side of the carriage, though continued to keep her distance, being mindful to keep their thighs from touching.

He watched her awkward dance closely; his eyes tormented her, almost insisting that she open to him like a flower to a honeybee.

As the seconds dragged on, the silence—and the fact that they were pretending this situation was normal—became unbearable; the air inside the carriage was thick and stuffy with restlessness and calculation. Jacob cut into it first.

Anna almost jumped out of her seat when he palmed the nape of her neck. Like a scientist finding a new, exciting discovery, he curled a short piece of hair around his finger and studied it pensively. Everything in her body told her to order him to stop, but she didn't want him to. It had been so long since she'd been touched in such a way. She was like a sunflower stretching for the sun, filling herself with its rays before the night inevitably took over.

"Why did you cut your hair?"

Anna focused on her hands in her lap, twisting her fingers together until her knuckles burned. "I… um… I was sick."

"When?"

"Three years ago. It was a fever. I don't remember much," she said. "Father said I was raving, thrashing about until I lost consciousness. I woke up days later, and by that time the doctors had cut off all my hair."

"Why?" Jacob asked. His voice was so tender, as soft and distracting as the way he ran his fingers across her neck.

Anna shivered. "They told my father that I would die if I didn't. I had long hair; it went past my waist. They said it was keeping me too warm, prohibiting me from fighting the fever."

"I'm sorry," Jacob whispered.

"It's fine."

"No," he said firmly. "I'm sorry."

The words left her in a breath. "Thank you."

"How long did it take you to recover?"

"A few months. My body was always strong," she replied. It was her mind that had kept her in bed for much longer. "I'm perfectly fine now."

His smile was genuine. "Fine enough to play cricket."

"Exactly."

Jacob's fingers continued to weave magic against her skin, caressing her neck in a way that made her want to ball up into his lap and fall asleep until they reached his home. However, the taciturn viscount was in a mood to talk. "Why hasn't it grown?" he asked. "After three years I would imagine it would be longer than this. Not that I don't like it," he added, shaking his head at his blunder. "I like it very much. Very much indeed."

Maybe it was because he asked the question in such an innocent, undemanding way, but Anna had no qualms about answering him truthfully. It was almost a relief to release this side of her instead of always holding back. "I ask my maid to cut it whenever it starts to get long again," she said. "You probably think it's ridiculous, but so much happened and I have no desire to look the same as I did before. I'm the same person, but I'm not. It's important that the mirror reflects that."

In response, Jacob applied pressure at a spot behind her ears that miraculously made the tension in her back release. Or was it her admission?

"I don't think it's ridiculous at all. I understand you perfectly."

Anna smiled shyly. She believed him.

"It suits you, you know?"

"You don't think I look like a boy?"

Jacob's laughter was deep and masculine. "Nothing about you reminds me of a boy. You're the loveliest woman I've ever seen. That's why I let my lust guide me when I kissed you that day." He paused, gazing at her lips. His jaw hardened as he weighed his next words. "That's why I want to let it guide me once more and kiss you right now."

Anna bowed her head. "There it is again. Lust ." The simple sound felt wicked sliding off her tongue. Sensual and forbidden. Evocative.

Jacob canted his body toward hers. "Lust isn't the weak-willed emotion you believe it to be. I could show you if you'd let me."

He placed a finger under Anna's chin, lifting her back to him, and then ran it to her mouth, skimming it along her bottom lip, tracing it back and forth in a languid trance. "I could stare at this mouth forever," he said, his tone silky, reverential. With a smirk, he angled his head to catch her eyes. "But not kiss them, correct?"

Anna was dizzy. She was taking so many breaths, and yet it didn't feel like nearly enough oxygen was getting to her brain. "Correct," she replied.

Jacob's finger paused. He pulled her lip slightly away from her teeth, dotting his skin with the wetness inside. "Because kissing is an act of love?"

He was playing with her again. Testing to see if she would break. "Y-yes, Anna stammered. "I've already told you."

Jacob's smile didn't reach his eyes. They were somber and severe… wicked. "And we are not in love."

"No." Anna vowed to respond with more than one word soon. She came off like a simpleton engaging with him this way, a child. Immature when she was anything but. However, the whirling feelings he elicited from her felt entirely different than what she'd experienced in her past. They felt raw and dangerous, brimming with vivid promise.

Jacob trailed his finger smoothly down her chin, settling once more on her neck. Anna's heart thumped erratically against the lonely digit. The carriage seemed to amplify the pumping. It was dark, cavelike, a hidden grotto designed for bad decisions and wayward intentions.

"Not in love, but maybe lovers," he whispered in a suggestive, gravelly tone that made Anna's toes curl in her snug boots.

She knew the correct answer. It would be another one-word response, but it was the right one. She had let herself get swayed once before in life, and the consequences of that would stick with her forever. Shaming herself and her family once more was not possible.

But she wasn't the child she once was. If she chose to dive into this liaison, it wouldn't be anything like the first. Stars weren't anywhere near her eyes. Love was not what she wanted—or expected—from a man like Jacob. And it never would be.

Just because Anna had declared that she would never marry did not mean she could not experience pleasure.

It was something to think about. Another time.

However, Jacob wasn't in the mood to wait for her to come to grips with her thoughts and worries. He was close enough that his breath tickled her neck; when it skated across her lips, she panicked.

"No," she said, jerking away.

Jacob chuckled. His hand came back to her chin, urging Anna to look at him once more. "I wasn't going to kiss you on your lips," he said.

Slowly, he lowered his head and placed a single, gentle kiss against the same heartbeat that he'd held under his finger. His whiskers rasped along her sensitive skin as he lingered there, flicking the tip of his tongue to taste her. It was a devilishly quick movement, over before it began, though it still elicited a gasp. And then he released her.

All of her.

Anna's chest caved in as she surrendered a breath. She had been kissed before—many times in childish exploration and fervor—but that was the single most thrilling moment of her life.

She wondered if Jacob could say the same.

He settled back in his seat, his legs no longer touching her, while he swiped the curtain out of the way to peer outside.

Disappointment coursed through Anna, and she'd opened her mouth to speak before she stopped herself. From the corner of her eye, she noticed Jacob drawing circles on his knee. It was a small motion, but the hand was obviously shaking. Because of her.

Because of how she made him feel.

No more needed to be said tonight. Even one-word responses were completely unnecessary.