Chapter 30

MAC

The moment Elodie walked into the restaurant, I wanted to fall to my knees and beg her for forgiveness. It didn't help that she looked absolutely gorgeous. She wore a simple gray dress with her hair up in a bun, but it was the prettiest I'd ever seen her.

Damn, was I deep in it.

I couldn't keep my eyes off her when she sat down across from me. I drank her in like a man parched.

Andrea, along with my publicist, Olivia, had been the ones to suggest that I do an interview. At first, I'd balked at the idea. My private information was already out there—why make shit worse?

"Wouldn't you rather get to set the record straight?" Olivia had asked me.

Andrea had nodded along. "You should get to tell your side of the story. Otherwise, the speculation will continue."

"So should I call the guy I caught in my fucking bushes?" I shot back.

"I think we can do better than the guy who wrote the first story," Andrea said dryly.

I had started pacing my dining room. Although I'd wanted to tell these two women to go to hell, I knew that deep down, they were right. I needed to set the record straight. I needed to stop running away from my problems.

"I'll do it," I'd said finally. "But only if Elodie interviews me."

Olivia's eyes bugged out. Andrea let out a surprised guffaw.

"Oh shit," said Andrea, "you're serious."

I folded my arms across my chest. "It's either her or nobody."

"Mac, you can't have your ex interview you," said Olivia.

"Why not? Is there some law against it?" I asked. "It's not like she isn't an actual reporter."

Andrea rolled her eyes. "No, but it seems sus all the same. And it could also backfire spectacularly. Will Elodie even talk to you now that you've ended things?"

"She's the one who warned me that her paper was onto me," I pointed out. "I'm certain she'll take the assignment."

Olivia sighed. Andrea sighed. I had just waited impatiently.

"Do you think he knows?" Olivia asked Andrea.

Andrea glanced at me. "Maybe?"

Now, I was seriously annoyed. "What do I not know?"

"I mean, you've never acted like this about a woman before," Olivia said. "The few times I suggested that you take your relationship public, you've acted like I'd asked you to set yourself on fire."

"And now you want this woman to interview you?" Andrea said. She raised her eyebrows. "That's a big step. People might think you've got actual feelings for Elodie."

I scowled. I wasn't about to spill my guts to these two women, but I wouldn't disagree with them either. I missed Elodie. I wanted Elodie. I loved Elodie.

I'd realized it after she'd come to warn me about Darren. No—I'd probably loved her long before that. It just took me way too long to get my head out of my ass. Even worse, Olivia called me after setting up the interview with Elodie to tell me that Elodie had apparently put in her notice at her job.

"So she's not doing the interview?" I'd asked.

"She's doing it as her last assignment. Her boss told me all about how she agreed to interview you, but she didn't want money for it. She's just doing it as a favor? I don't know. Her boss sounded pissed."

I had stared out my living room window, at a loss for words. I knew how much Elodie needed her job. How was she going to make do without it?

"Why would she agree to interview me for free?" I asked aloud.

Olivia had snorted. "You know what? You think long and hard about that one, my dear. But I'm pretty sure it has something to do with her having feelings for you."

Now here I was, sitting across from the woman I loved, and I had to restrain myself from yanking her into my arms and kissing her. Showing her how much I loved her and wanted her and needed her.

"Can you tell me about growing up with your dad, the pastor?" That was her first question.

I could almost believe she didn't know the answer. I felt the familiar shame and anxiety creeping up my throat. But I wasn't going to let my past dictate my future. Not anymore.

I told her what she already knew: about how my dad had always been strict and had expected me to follow in his footsteps. How I'd struggled to be the perfect Christian boy. How I'd never lived up to my parents' expectations.

Elodie then asked me about my dating history, and specifically about me dating married women. It was strange talking to Elodie about these subjects. Maybe it was because I'd already told her everything. Or perhaps it was because she didn't seem like the Elodie I knew.

This was Elodie, the reporter, in front of me. She had a job to do. Seeing her work made me fall even harder for her at that moment. When we got to the end of the interview, Elodie folded her hands. "Why did you want to do this interview, Mac?" she asked quietly.

"Because I want to take back control of my own life," I said finally. "I'm tired of running away. It only creates more speculation anyway. So I'd rather give my side of the story and take the reins of the narrative."

"Is there something specific you want people to know?" she pressed.

I swallowed. "I wanted to say that the rumors are true. I am a member of a sex club. I like BDSM and have for a long time. And you know what? I'm not ashamed of that fact. Not anymore." I leaned forward, my gaze intent on Elodie. "I'm not going to apologize for what I like to do in private with other consenting adults. Nobody else should either. Everybody spends too much time and energy judging what other people do. And you know what? Fuck that. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of being a prisoner of other people's opinions."

Elodie smiled. "Off the record, are you sure you want me to include all that?"

"If you don't print it, I'll sue you."

She chuckled, shaking her head and scribbling something down on her notepad. I waited for her to look back up at me.

"This is also on the record," I said. I kept my gaze glued to her beautiful face. "Most of all, I wanted to do this interview because I wanted to apologize to you. I wanted you to trust me, but I couldn't do the same for you. I'm sorry, Elodie."

Her eyes filled with tears. "Mac . . ."

"No, let me finish." I took her hand. "You're everything, baby. You're the most incredible woman I've ever met. You gave up your job for me. You're doing this interview pro bono, even. The only thing that's your fault is making me fall in love with you."

Her eyes widened. "What?"

"I love you. I know I said we weren't supposed to fall for each other, but I did. Do you still love me? Because if you don't, I'll spend the rest of my life proving to you how much I love you and to make you fall back in love with me."

Elodie laughed and then sobbed. She was just shaking her head over and over again. "Of course I still love you, you idiot." She wiped her eyes, laughing again. "How did you know I'd quit my job?"

"Your boss told my publicist. He sounded pretty annoyed about it."

"Roy is annoyed about life in general."

Seeing her there with tears spilling down her cheeks broke my restraint. I got up and pulled her into my arms.

"Do you love me?" I demanded.

"Yes, I still love you. Do you love me?"

"Didn't I just say I did?"

She poked me in the chest. "Say it again. I forgot."

"I love you. I love you. I love you." I wrapped her tightly in my arms. "I'm never letting you go, Elodie Andrews. And you can put that on the record, too."