Chapter 26

26

ALEX

T he supervisor on the analysts' floor sends a Slack message asking me to pop into her office just as I'm packing my bag for the day. I catch Mei's eye and make a face at her. I've never been called in to see Marie, but she has—plenty of times. Politics around China, apparently.

When I slide in the door, Marie peers at me over her screen. "Alex," she says, "Alex Sachs , isn't it?" Her mouth twists sardonically. "Any relation?"

What do I say to that? Yes, but not in the way you think?

"No."

She nods. "I got your report on technology companies."

Ah, okay. I sent it to her weeks ago.

"It's taken you quite a while to put it together."

Well, that is true. "Tracking down information on each company's financial performance prior to listing took some time. You approved that data subscription for VC-backed and private businesses so I could dig further into that."

"Ah yes, I remember."

Does she? "Things move fast in the tech field, so I could review it again for you?"

She waves her hand. "That won't be necessary." Her beady eyes narrow. "It was a competent report. Plenty of detail. I'm sending it on."

"Sending it on?"

"Circulating it within the company. Most reports aren't good enough for that."

What do I say to that? And hang on, all the previous stuff I've produced this didn't happen to? What did they do with it? Is there some research slush pile like a trash chute?

I swallow. "That's good."

"Keep it up, Alex. We like fresh ideas." Her head swings back to her screen and she starts typing. I'm dismissed.

As I walk out, people are still at their desks, heads bent. Do they know their reports never make it past Marie's desk? And as I'm going down in the elevator, I start to wonder about this job. It's as boring as hell, but maybe I could make it work. Maybe my dad would be proud of this, proud of me .

My sister Rachel calls me as I step into Penn Station.

"Rachel, thanks for calling," I say sarcastically.

"This guy you're dating, have you told him about the Sachs family, the money?" No preamble at all—she launches straight into it.

God, not her too. Tom made it sound like we're part of some New York elite, which is crazy, because we absolutely are not. It's all bullshit.

"What the hell, Rach? And how do you know I'm seeing someone?"

"Tom called me."

Oh, fuck. What the hell is he doing contacting my sister? This is all getting a little too close to home. Rachel was the one I confided in when the whole thing with Tom went down. And he understands exactly what pressure he's applying by calling her, the asshole. But the fact that even one member of my close family is aware of my personal business? Not good.

"Have you told him, Alex?"

"About what?"

"The assets," she hisses. "Nana will die someday, Alex. There's money in trust."

I don't believe there are any trusts, it's just my dad's ploy to force us all to do his bidding. And even if there were, Nana could last a long time. Any inheritance would come to my dad, not us, and that's before it's divided up among his five brothers and sisters and millions of cousins. She's living in cloud cuckoo land. "There's nothing coming to us any time soon, Rachel. If you're hoping for that, forget it."

"Do you listen to Mom and Dad at all? We have to be careful. Date people we know , people we trust ."

She means people from our community. Is that where this is coming from? Is she worried about the guy she's dating, Levi, and how the whole thing will be viewed?

"Then there's the whole gay thing, of course," she adds.

What does she mean by the gay thing ? She is such a stickler for the rules. I detest the way my father has imposed his will on us all, but particularly on my sisters. But to be fair to her she was awesome when all the trouble started with Tom, talking to our parents and calming things down. Telling them it was just a blip, that every guy experimented. Do I love her or hate her a little for that?

"How did you meet him?"

Ugh. "An online app."

"Jesus Christ, Alex, are you insane? That's an excellent method of people not finding anything out about you." Her sarcasm bleeds over the line. "Please tell me you didn't post your picture on there."

"Not a picture of my face, no."

"You take such stupid risks. It's so easy to put two and two together online."

"How would someone put two and two together?"

"All it takes is one photograph."

Ugh. My mind flits over all the photographs I've sent Des, and a shiver runs down my spine. None were identifiably me, though—right? But why would I worry about it? All this paranoia is ridiculous. No one is interested.

"I'm aware of that, Rach," I say, through gritted teeth. "Anyway, what do you mean, the whole gay thing ?"

She pauses on the other end of the line.

"Mom and Dad are going to flip, Alex. You remember what happened last time."

"I know, I know. You smoothed it all over for me." Sighing, I stare at the pedestrian lights and the red hand counting down. Eleven, ten, nine …

"So you've decided you're gay now, Alex, not bisexual?"

From the tilt in her voice, I can tell she was hoping I was just experimenting, but it's never been like that for me. Ugh, lies . People start streaming across the intersection, and I'm almost bowled over as a man with a backpack pushes past.

"Things have changed a bit recently."

"What? Why? Since you met this guy?"

How much do I want to tell my sister?

"Yeah, he's a good person, Rach. I like him a lot."

A heavy silence settles over the line.

"What is it?" I say as I'm passed by a man with a dog riding in front of him on his skateboard.

"It doesn't bother you?" She sighs. "It's an issue, Alex—all the fallout from something like this. Parts of the family won't be happy with …"

"I don't give a fuck if ‘parts of the family' are unhappy."

"God, Alex! All you think about is yourself. Never about how it affects the rest of us. Some people won't talk to us anymore."

"That's their problem."

"We've had so much support. Do you even think about that? The college funding, invites to summer homes, prospective partners." Her voice catches. "I don't know if that'll continue if you keep on down this path."

Down this path. And this is how it works, this pressure to conform. Like the drip, drip, drip of a broken tap. Don't step out of line, don't say anything controversial. This must be about Levi's family's reaction. What can I say here? I can't bend my life to fit hers.

"It's not like I have a choice."

"Well …"

Oh my God. "Don't, sis. I'm gay, okay? I'm just not interested in women. Not that way."

"Jesus, Alex. Why do you always choose the most difficult route?"

"Surely that would be to become a Buddhist?"

"Don't joke about it," she harrumphs. "Must be a youngest child thing."

"God, you sound like Mom," I growl.

A car blares its horn at me as I start out into the street. Christ. I'm going to kill myself before I even make it to work. Thank God I'm having this conversation on the sidewalk and not on the train. The idea of someone listening in …

"Anyway, I'm not sure you'd get any money if you come out as gay."

Jesus . I'm going to ignore the prejudice in that statement because it's not worth the argument. "There is no money, Rach."

"Of course there is, Alex! At the very least Dad has some, and Nana …"

"Nana is going to leave whatever she hasn't spent to a dog home."

And how could I do this? Throw away my life, who I am , for some tiny inheritance my dad wants to dangle in front of us?

No, I'm not doing that. The boredom of my job is bad enough.

"Just think about someone else for once in your life, Alex," she says and then she hangs up.