Chapter 20

20

DES

A lex places his tray on the floor. "Is your sister back tonight?"

"Staying with the MMA fighter, apparently," I say, glancing at him.

He leans over, pressing his face into my shoulder and inhaling. I pull back, and he chews the inside of his cheek, eyes on my knees as the color rises in his cheeks. He clears his throat.

"You always smell so nice."

"It's my shower gel, which you could use if you stayed over," I say, shrugging and picking up my wine from the coffee table and taking a sip before turning back to the screen where Abby is explaining some forensics to Gibbs and the team. NCIS. The best.

Making these jokes from time to time with Alex is my way of reminding him that he's always welcome to take this further. He's staring at the side of my face, so I turn my head. "What?" I say.

He leans in again, eyes tracking mine, and soft lips find my jaw, trailing up toward my ear. My eyes flutter closed as he slides his hand to the back of my neck. It's the first time he's done anything remotely like this, and I bring my hand up to his hair, fine and silky under my palm. This is the first time I've touched it . Holy shit. I've watched him flick it out of his eyes every time I've seen him, but I've never let it run through my fingers.

"Des," he croaks like someone has a vice around his throat, and I open my eyes, turn my head, and his mouth finds mine blindly, urgent and demanding as I shift back onto the arm of the couch. He follows me down, his lips never losing contact even for a second, and I press my hand into his chest, fingers splayed. God, what is this? I want to make the most of every bit of it. My other hand crumples into his shirt, and he moans into my mouth, biting my lip, and the speed of it is like a flame catching paper. A hand invades my hair, and there's nothing but the soft feel of him and his tongue playing with mine. More, more, more .

My hands drift down his sides to where his shirt is tucked into his pants, and I pull the fabric up and slide my hand beneath the cool cotton, finding hot tight skin that tenses under my fingers as I trail them down his abs. He's solid muscle. He's been holding out on me. Drifting around his back, I'm trying to explore him everywhere, but he breaks the contact, our eyes locking as he lifts up and latches on to the collar at the back of his shirt, pulling it up and over his head.

And oh, look at this! He's gorgeous: muscley and skinny, smooth and pale, and I skim my palms all over his chest as I harden in my jeans.

His eyes are almost wild as they meet mine, groaning as he comes back down, sucking on my neck again.

" Des. "

The hard length of him is solid against my hip, and I shift, wanting to get him pressing into me where I need him.

"This is so good," he groans. "I've never …"

A tremor rolls through him and I still. What? Why is he …? Oh! Jesus. He's never done this with a guy . I blink up at the ceiling. The dim light of the side lamps cast a honeyed glow over the whole room, and I run my hands down the warm skin of his back.

"But you sent me a photograph of you having oral sex with someone …"

A disgruntled noise rumbles in his throat. "Jesus, that photo. I was taking pictures and he pulled up my T-shirt and kissed my stomach."

"That was it?"

He nods into my neck.

Oh fuck. This explains everything, all the reluctance, the desire for slow. And my chest expands, so fast. The idea of being his first? God. I shift, trying to pull his face up from where he's buried it under my jaw so his eyes will meet mine, and he reluctantly lifts his head. His face is flushed, damp hair curling over his ears and his temples, and my gaze flicks from one eye to the other, over his long dark lashes, sun-in-autumn eyes.

"You've never done this with a guy?"

Pink builds on his cheeks, and he buries his head back in my neck.

Grinning up at the warm shadows, I say, "Alex, talk to me."

He moves his head back and forward against my throat.

"No, you won't talk to me? Or no, you've never done this with a guy?"

"Messed around," he mumbles into my neck.

"Define messed around," I say, and he lifts his head to my wide smile.

His eyes flutter as he looks to the side. "Are you making fun of me?"

"Are you kidding? Do you know what this does to me?" I push my hips up into him. "That I might be your first? Your first guy ?"

He groans again and tips his head down onto my sternum. "It's embarrassing."

Stroking my hand over his hair, I pull on it gently, bringing him up again.

"No," I say, leaning up to press my mouth briefly against his, "it isn't. It's a turn-on." I lift into him again and his eyelids droop.

"I've messed around: kissing, hands under clothes, touching."

"Touching penises?"

"Not hand-to-hand combat, no."

Oh my God, he has such a delightful way of putting things.

"Coming in pants?"

His eyes go wide. "Des, for heaven's sake!"

"Well?"

"No! okay? Jesus." Then he rolls to my side, back to the couch. "God, this is so embarrassing. You're like this gorgeous, experienced gay guy, and I'm like this hick Jewish kid that can't even …" I press my finger against his lips.

"Alex, come on, it's not like that. I'm overwhelmed here, that you might do this with me … Have you done it with a woman?"

"Yeah, twice."

No wonder he was horrified at the debauchery that is Crush. And going to Jake's! Holy shit. What the hell was he doing on Grindr?

"And?"

"Not good. I wasn't into it … you know?"

"I've never touched a girl."

"I was so confused. I didn't like touching their …" He gestures down to his crotch. "or their breasts or …" He trails off with a shudder. "I felt like a weirdo, a creep even. Like I was violating them. That doesn't even make sense. But then I got interested in half-naked pictures of men, and I started exploring. And recently Grindr, obviously."

Tilting his head, he stops, eyes roaming my face as my teeth grind. The thought of all this sweetness with some other man … with that guy at Jake's … I just can't … but Jesus, that's so hypocritical. The number of hookups I've had from that app would probably shock me, never mind Alex.

He tries to sit up. "This is stupid. I'm a fool to think that a guy like you, gorgeous and successful, would really be interested in someone like me. How could I be so na?ve?"

"Alex, will you stop, okay?" I grab his hand and press it into my cock. " This is what you do to me. I'm beyond turned on here."

He closes his eyes for a second. "I feel like an idiot," he whispers.

"Don't." My voice is a rough croak. "This is amazing. Don't spoil it."

His eyes wander over my face and my head, and he bites his lip, chest deflating as he props himself on one elbow beside me and reaches for a curl on my forehead.

"You're all rumpled."

I grin at him. "Are you saying I've got bed hair?"

He smiles. "A bit. It's like I've had my hands in it."

Lifting my head up from the arm of the couch, I place my lips against his, trying to coax him back over me and it doesn't take much. He follows me when I lie back down, shifting over me and tangling his tongue with mine, and my fingers drift down his chest to the button on his jeans.

"You want to do this?" I'm not going to take him down a path he's not ready for, or maybe worse, one he'll regret later.

"Oh God, I do," he says.

Okay then. My hand slides over his cock as he pushes his hips forward. He's rock hard through the denim, and big. Damn, this is so nice .

"This is amazing," I whisper, and he props himself up with his hands on either side of my head, watching as I start to unbutton him. As I fiddle with the buttons and pop them out of the soft material, his length brushes my knuckles and I stroke up his erection with the back of my finger. His eyes close and red climbs up into his cheeks. Easing down, he traps my hand between us and he's hard and I'm hard and … Oh God … I grind up into him, his smile latching on to my mouth.

"It's not lame?" he mumbles against my lips.

"Are you kidding? It's so good," I groan. My other hand snakes around to slide into his now loose pants and I grab his ass.

Tangling his tongue with mine, we kiss and kiss, long slow strokes of the tongue, hips pushing together, and I wiggle my hand free to grip his backside with both hands as I press up into him.

"God, Des, I want this off," he says, balancing on one hand and pulling at my collar.

I grin up at him. "Yes, sir," I say as he sits back on his heels between my legs and starts unbuttoning my shirt from the bottom as I start at the top. As it flaps loose, he leans over to kiss me and his fingers find my chest and slide over my pecs, nipples tightening.

"I admired this at the club and I … Oh my God, I wanted to put my hands all over you."

Mouths latched together, I push up, shrugging to get the material off my shoulders as Alex shoves at it and I wriggle my wrists free, flinging it behind me. His hands trail down to the buttons on my jeans and he stills. My mouth curls up against his.

"Is there a reason you're hesitating?"

This gets me another shy smile, so I reach into his boxers and wind my fingers around the hot velvet length of him. He's so weighty in my hand that I almost fumble, running my thumb over his smooth tip, and his eyelids droop as a fever climbs higher on his face. I love this messy heated version of Alex, the pink cheeks and the way his pupils take over the color of his eyes. What would sweaty and desperate Alex look like? My thumb circles his cock, and he widens his legs, pushing his pelvis forward into my touch.

" God. God. " The words huff out a shuddering breath. "So hot."

I laugh, leaning up to kiss him. "Good."

His hands fumble, now working on my buttons. Then he grabs my hand on his cock.

"Stop, stop," he gasps, resting his forehead against mine. "I need to concentrate on you."

Flicking through the buttons on my fly with shaking hands, he palms my erection, exploring my shape through the fabric.

"I've fantasized about this a lot," he says, hand stilling on me. "I want to take my time here."

He's fantasized about this? A shiver coils through my body. Anything he wants to do, I'm up for it. I lean back on the arm of the couch and put one hand behind my head.

"Have at it."

He pulls at my now open jeans, and I lift my ass so he can slide them down and off. Standing, he shucks his off, too, and leaves them in a heap on the floor, then he climbs back over me, a knee on either side of my hips. I want to ask him whether the couch is okay, but there's some magic spell happening here. It's all so earnest and raw, he's so intense, so focused on enjoying this, that I don't want to spoil it with anything silly like where we are . I want to sink into the heat and his glorious body, which I'm getting a proper look at now. He's sexy in this unexpected way, not built like guys who spend endless hours in the gym, but muscly, like an athlete. Moving my hand from behind my head, I run it up his thigh.

"How did you get toned like this?"

He shrugs. "Played a lot of sports in school, and now I do a few weights, and there's the running." Peering down at himself, he makes a face. "I'm too skinny for a gay guy, yeah?"

He said gay .

I want to take all his insecurities and throw them out the window, but I can also remember how I felt the first time I was with a man, how overwhelmed and excited I was, but also how I kept covering myself up. Where did my confidence come from? Most likely from lots of good sex, men enjoying me . I want to give him that, too.

Running my palm up his leg, I grab his hand and place it over where I'm hard. "I'm not thinking you're too skinny, Alex."

Looking away, he gives me a slight smile, and I tug on his arm to bring him down and over me again. His cock has retreated now below the waistband of his boxers, and he shifts, almost gingerly putting his crotch against mine, both of us watching as he does it. God, I want to see our naked cocks together .

Alex gazes up at me, eyebrows raised.

"Did I say that out loud?"

My cheeks heat a little as he nods, and I grin. But he must agree because he pushes at the fabric on my hip, and I lift so he can ease all the material down to the top of my thighs as my cock springs free, heavy on my stomach. His eyes widen, lips parting.

"Oh fuck, Des, this is …" Trailing off he wraps his hand around me, hot palm cradling my erection, his thumb exploring my tip. "You're not …"

"Circumcised?"

"Yeah."

"My mom didn't want that."

He frowns.

"Just move the skin up and down. It's actually much better, you'll see," I whisper.

The tips of his fingers flutter over my foreskin and an electric current buzzes down my length and into my pelvis. I can't help but rise up into his hand. And as I do my foreskin pulls back and the expression on Alex's face is a delight, his mouth a perfect round O. He does it again, without my assistance this time, and my whole crotch and ass tighten. Fuuuuck.

A few more strokes, still tentative. "I like this," he says, voice hollow and awed.

Jesus. "Harder."

"Seriously?"

"Yes, God, yes , Alex."

His hand tightens as he strokes down and sensation burns down my legs, tightening my butt as sweat blooms all over. My head tips back as my eyes roll into the back of my head.

"Des," he croaks.

"What?"

"You look … this is …" He shakes his head, lips parting, color high on his cheeks. "Amazing."

A choked laugh gurgles out. "Don't stop. Don't you dare stop."

"I won't, I won't."

He leans forward into a kiss as I trail my hands down his taut abs, reaching under his waistband again. He's like fire in my hand, and I skirt downward finding the soft skin farther back. I want to explore every inch of this. A loud groan rocks out of him, and my eyes shoot up to find his eyes have closed, his throat moving as he swallows. God, I want to see him naked. Now. My other hand scrabbles at the material on his hip, and I have to let go of his cock to move his boxers down and off, but I'm rewarded with my first glimpse of him. He's mouthwatering. And boy do I want to put my mouth on him, but I know instinctively that it's too early for that.

He looks shy. "I can't believe I'm naked. With another guy." A shiver dances across his shoulders. "I want to cover myself up."

"Don't you dare. Let me enjoy this. Look at you, Alex." I beckon him closer. "Come here."

He straddles my thighs again, leaning forward, and my eyes roam all over him as his lips part.

"Oh, oh, oh." Eyes fluttering closed, he lowers himself almost gingerly on top of me, and something about his caution lights me up. I'm as hard as a rock and everything he's doing is ramping it up: hot, fascinating. My hand slides up his chest around the back of his neck, pulling him down, and he relaxes into me. Being naked like this with his cock pressing into mine …? Dear God. Rubbing myself against his length, I slide my hand down his back to his ass, and I feel it under my hand when he tenses, pushing his pelvis forward. We're trapped together, rubbing, restless, eager.

His mouth is sloppy on my face, missing my lips at first and trailing down my chin, coming back to bite my lips. Yes. Fuck. Yes. When his hips really start to move, I reach down, wrapping my fingers around him and causing him to do a full-body shudder when he thrusts. He stops and rests his forehead against mine, and in the distance the air conditioner kicks higher with a whoosh.

"Please, Des, please. "

He sounds broken, propping himself up on one hand, his head bent and looking down, his other hand trailing down my chest to my erection.

"I want you to come all over me," I say, watching as the head of his cock disappears and reappears between my fingers. "God, look at that," I say, sliding my thumb over his slit.

But his hand is on me now, and I lose all sense of reasoning. All I can do is twist up into his touch like he's struck a match. We're moving fast now. Red builds in Alex's face, sweat seeping down his temple, a sheen of damp on his chest. His sweat is all over me, mixing with the heat of mine. This quiet, shy guy, unleashed, suddenly. An Alex I've never seen before: wanting, driving.

"You look … I'm so … I'm close, close. Fuck." I choke it out between gritted teeth as I slide my hand from his backside to his balls, stroking as he arches on a gasp.

"Yes, Des. I'm … oh, oh, oh."

Screwing up his face, he starts to shake and my own orgasm climbs up my shaft. I shift my hips faster as his cum lands on my abs and my chest.

"Oh, oh, oh," he says and jerks as his release rolls through him.

His fingers tighten on me, thumb rubbing, and now I'm gone. My ass and legs lock up, tingles start in my toes, and then I'm there, tipping over the edge on a long groan.

When I open my eyes, his flushed face is staring at me eyes wide. He collapses down on me, nuzzling into my neck.

"Dear God," he mumbles, lips moving on my skin. " Des. "

Laughing up at the ceiling, I squeeze his ass. I want to tell him I love him, but that would be crazy, right? I'm floored by how different it is having sex with someone I feel this way about. While I think I loved George, God did I hold back. He was so careless with my feelings.

I kiss Alex's temple. "That was so hot."

"Really?"

I pinch his butt at the surprise in his voice, and he lifts his head and gazes at me. So I raise an eyebrow at him. "You couldn't tell?"

His flushed face goes a little pinker. "Well …"

Honestly, I want to dance down the streets and swing from the lampposts.

"You're staying over, right?"

His eyes go even wider.

Squeezing his ass again, I lean up to feather my lips across his. "I want to curl around you all night."

This gets me a sigh and he closes his eyes. "I want that too, believe me. But I need to go home. My parents …"

"Can't you come up with an excuse? Say you're crashing with a friend in town?"

"Let me find a cloth." He gestures down our bodies, and I nod as he levers off me. Stretching out, I close my eyes, wriggling: I'm like a well-worked piece of leather, soft and pliable.

Next thing I know, something damp is moving gently over my stomach and I blink up at Alex. There's no sign of what we just did on his torso. I pout. "I wanted to clean myself off you," I say, and he laughs.

"Next time." And of course the joy of all this is that there's going to be a next time.

"If I stayed, I'd have to find someone to cover for me. There'd be too many questions, Des. I'm sorry," Alex says, mouth flat.

I pull a face then stretch up and kiss him, and his lips part as he shifts, climbing back over me and settling down between me and the back of the couch.

"It's fine," I say. "I know it's difficult …"

"It's not fine," Alex interrupts, tracing my nipple with his finger. Goosebumps break out, and my skin goes tight as he leans forward. "I want to stay, Des." Latching on to my chest, his tongue moves over the hard nub … and oh God, where did all this come from? He's gone from slow and no touching to this. Pushing my chest up into his mouth, my hand invades his hair as he groans.

"I'll arrange something so I can sleep over another night with no questions," he mumbles into my skin.

I smile at him in what must be a really dopey way. "Sounds amazing, but you're not leaving before we've showered together, and I've soaped this all over." I place a hand on his chest.

He groans running his fingers down my abs. "You're beautiful, Des, I'm awed that …"

I press my finger to his lips and shake my head. "Stop. Shower."

After Alex has left, I lie like a starfish in my big bed, cooling off. His face. Oh God, his face . Like the whole thing was such a thrill. My heart clenches and trips over. Already I feel like I can't lose him, that I'd do anything for him. The noise he made when I first touched his cock. The thought makes me hard again as I stare at the shadows on the ceiling, and my hand finds Mitzi's soft fur.

My phone vibrates and the screen lights up on the bedside table, so I roll over to switch it off, but it's a message from Alex. Expecting a sweet good night, I swipe to WhatsApp and a photo pops up. It's his hip and his hand, the shadow of his cock behind it. I harden more. He's a minx! What's he going to be like after months in the gay world? Will I still have the adorable, shy guy I have now, or will he get lost in the endless partners and abundant sex on offer? My gut sours, but I examine the picture anyway, then press the button to call him.

"Hey," he says softly.

"What is this photo?" I demand and this gets me a choked laugh.

"‘Specially for you," he says.

"You're bad. Now I'm hard."

He laughs then whispers, "Talk me through it, Des."