Chapter 7

CHAPTER7

Elric poked at the ashes from the fire pit, wondering how he could feel so cold with the morning sun shining right on him.

No, he knew how. In comparison to Athan’s heat last night… in comparison to waking up in Athan’s arms, of course the sun didn’t compare.

“Are you ready to go?” Athan asked, picking up his pack. “There’s a village nearby. We should reach it before nightfall. You can eat something more suitable for you than bird food or shadow offal.”

Elric grimaced. Put that way, he didn’t want to eat anything Callan brought him in the future, though he knew he’d have to continue to rely on him. There would be a price, of course, but he would pay it. He wouldn’t let Athan wager for the return of any others, either, because the last time had been painful, soul-shattering.

And he’d realized just how much he’d missed that tiny little memory, so insignificant but at the same time…

No. He wouldn’t think about it.

“Yes,” Elric said instead of paying heed to his own thoughts as he rose. “We’ll need better clothing for when we near Naran. But my funds…” He sighed. “I suppose I’ll have to ask Callan for funds. We can’t show up looking like this. The king would never see us, no matter who I am or what you are.”

Athan gave him a strange look. “Nobody has ever refused to see me. But I suppose I don’t usually ask. Maybe this king will be the first.”

Elric watched as Athan dropped a flame onto the edge of their clearing, and as before, a path opened up ahead of them. When Elric looked back in the direction they’d come, he saw that the plants had all regrown into lush greenery, not a single dead blade of grass to be seen.

The power of life and rebirth, all inside this being that didn’t seem to care about the power he had.

Elric shook away that thought and went to join Athan. “Even if he’d see you, I don’t want to present myself like this. It’s…” beneath me, he wanted to say, but Athan was dressed even more shabbily in just his sleeveless shirt and tattered pants. He looked like somebody who spent his days laboring away.

“You look fine to me,” Athan said softly. “But if it makes you feel better, I’m sure we’ll figure something out.”

For a while, they walked in silence. Elric appreciated the quiet. He didn’t want to admit to Athan how sore he was. Not from the sex, although that was part of it, but the strenuous pace of their walk. His feet ached, though he never complained of the blisters that formed beneath the leather of his boots. He realized it was his own fault for pushing this hard, but he didn’t want to waste any time. He’d already spent far too long outside of court politics. The longer he waited, the more irrelevant his information became.

“Your father sounds like he was a good man,” Athan suddenly said, staring out at the sky.

Elric blinked, almost missing a step. Of all the things to say…

“He was,” he said slowly. “His death was a tragedy.” And it had led to all sorts of repercussions, things he didn’t want to think about. “He was a good ruler. My brother could never hope to be half the man our father was.”

“But you can?” Athan asked. His gaze was still in the clouds. When Elric looked up, the only thing he saw was a lone bird, circling around some spot.

A vulture, ready to eat the dead carcass of some other animal’s kill.

“I would lead as my father would have. I… I remember his lessons. And…” Did he? Elric couldn’t even be sure he remembered it all, not anymore. He shook his head. “No, never mind. Anyway, shouldn’t you be telling me a story? You lost the bet last night.”

Athan finally stopped looking at the bird to meet Elric’s eyes. “Really? I don’t think my stories would interest you.”

Elric frowned, puzzled. “Why would you think that? I’m interested in your tales. You certainly must have had adventures in your time.” Many more than Elric had. It would be welcome to have something different to think about, to distract himself from thoughts of his father, and of Larkin and the dragon ruling in his place.

“It isn’t all that relevant to your quest. So far, you’ve been very… single-minded.” Athan smiled, though, and brushed a lock of hair and fluffy feathers behind his ear. “Very well. What do you want to know?”

Was it really wrong to be focused on his quest? This was his kingdom at stake. He couldn’t just think of other things all the time. But right now, he needed the reprieve from his own thoughts.

“You said you’ve lost three feathers. How did you lose them?” Elric asked.

Athan didn’t answer for long enough that Elric thought he was going to refuse to tell him entirely. Then, slowly, Athan said, “That’s three stories. I’ll give you one. Do you want to know about the first, the second, or the third feather I lost in this life?”

Elric wanted to know about them all, and he’d eventually get each story out of Athan. For now, though, he settled on one. “The first,” he decided. That would tell him a great deal about the phoenix.

“The first feather in this life.” Athan rubbed at his elbow, and Elric wondered if that was where the missing feather had been. “I was young. Not new, but young. I had memories of before, but no feelings attached to them.” He paused to look at Elric. “Feelings are so important. They shape what a memory means.”

Elric had to stop and think about that, and he considered. All of his memories came with feelings, mostly of dark and resentful ones. He had been drowning since he’d lost his father, and everything felt negative. Even his own coronation, which should’ve been a joyful day and a celebration of all he’d earned, had been ruined.

“I met a beautiful young human. Breezy, and light, and full of ideas.” Athan smiled to himself. “It was a happy time.”

“Then they tricked you,” Elric guessed. “They strung you along until you were willing to give them a feather.”

“No,” Athan said, but his smile had turned sad. “They told me they came for a feather. They asked for it and offered nothing but bubbling laughter in return. I gave it to them, fully understanding the conditions. And as soon as the feather was in their hand, they were gone.”

Elric had to fight the strange feeling in his chest, a tightening he didn’t quite understand. It didn’t make sense. He fully intended to send Athan on his way as soon as he’d reclaimed Kithage. He wasn’t like his brother, who’d fuck a monster to take and keep the throne.

Never mind that sex with Athan felt like so much more than simply fucking because of the intimacy it brought…

“That is what people do,” Elric said with a sigh. “It’s the life of someone unique, of a royal, of anyone who holds power. Others wish to take, and take, and give so little in return.” Was he so different? “No one can be trusted.” Not even himself. Maybe even especially himself.

“I learned a lesson,” Athan said, although it didn’t sound like an agreement. “People can say one thing and mean another. But the loss of a feather didn’t hurt as much as the next few years I spent in isolation. I liked my time with the human more than I liked my time alone.”

“It isn’t worth it,” Elric said, shaking his head. “Being with others, always wondering what they want and how they’re next going to stab you in the back—even if you think they care for you.” He fought back memories he didn’t want to remember, things he wished Callan would take because they hurt so terribly much. “At least the human made it clear they wanted only one thing from you. Such honesty isn’t common. I imagine others tried to deceive you for one.”

Athan laughed then. “Like you’re trying to deceive me now, hoping to draw out another story?”

“There is no deception here,” Elric huffed, more than a little offended… Although, yes, he’d been hoping Athan would tell him about another feather. “We’re simply having a conversation. I wasn’t aware I had to deceive you to converse.”

“You just told me I should be looking over my shoulder at all times,” Athan pointed out. “To read between the lines. Are you an exception? Should I trust you? Or will I be happier if I suspect everybody of trying to steal pieces of me?”

“It isn’t about being happy. It’s about being realistic,” Elric countered, watching as Athan shot out another flame to clear a bit more of the path before them. “You’re twisting this all up, Athan.”

Athan stopped suddenly, dropping behind Elric. “If I were realistic, Elric, shouldn’t I have flown off as soon as you knocked on my door? Because if you could see what I do, if you saw the rust and rot and filth all over you, you would surely have told me it wasn’t worth the effort.”

Anger roiled in Elric’s stomach, and he stopped to glare at Athan. “You tell me there’s rust and rot and whatnot, and you don’t explain it. You treat me like I’m some broken thing you need to fix. But I am not broken. I will never be broken. I have my pride, and even your judgment can’t change that.”

“It isn’t judgment.” Athan’s voice was quiet. “It simply is. But I…” He trailed off, glancing up at the sky once more. “Never mind. I told you the story. Take what meaning you will from it, even if it isn’t my meaning.”

“I will,” Elric snapped. “Because you aren’t the authority on how I should understand things. You haven’t lived my life.” There was so much resentment, so much rage, that he nearly choked on it. Something dribbled from his nose, and in annoyance, he wiped it away—only to find the back of his hand smeared with some sort of black substance.

He frowned at it, quickly wiping the back of his hand on his trousers. He must’ve breathed in some of the ash from the fire. That was the only logical explanation, even if the stuff was a bit sticky.

“No, I haven’t,” Athan mumbled. He started walking again, his gaze fixed at the sky. “That bird isn’t finding what it’s looking for.”

“It’s just a vulture.” Elric found the bird again, swooping down but changing its mind and flying back up. “The worst type of bird, feeding off the dead.”

“Vultures eat what others refuse to touch. They clean up the rot and filth, leaving behind a clean landscape.” Athan had the nerve to wink at Elric. “Yes, it’s a metaphor.”

Elric balled his hands up into fists at his sides, not seeing anything even remotely amusing about the words. “So is that what you are, then? A vulture? While I’m just a rotting carcass on the ground, something that needs to be eradicated from the land?”

For some reason, Athan burst out laughing. “If that’s what you want to believe. But I hope you don’t see yourself as a rotting carcass. I might not be able to help you if that’s the case.”

“The only help I need from you is to get an audience with Eoghan and reclaim Kithage from the fucking dragon,” Elric snarled, and again there was that slow drip of something from his nose. “So stop this nonsense about filth and vultures.” He started walking again at last, wiping his hand furiously against his trousers. “Let’s go.”

* * *

It would have been nice to maintain the annoyance and anger for the rest of the way, but it was too exhausting, and eventually Athan started talking about places he’d visited again. Neither of them touched on topics of their pasts or families, which was as close to a truce as Elric was willing to get.

They reached the outpost village a little before sundown. Elric didn’t want to admit just how exhausted he was, but he almost collapsed as soon as he saw the first watchtower.

“I think the inn I used last time was just inside the gate,” Athan said. “I liked their sweet buns.”

“As long as they have baths,” Elric muttered. He reached inside his coat to feel his purse and grimaced. If he could afford a bath. Maybe Athan would be able to chip in.

By the time they actually reached the inn, called, infuriatingly, Lark’s Rest, Elric’s feet were so sore it felt like every step sent needles through his soles. He handed his purse to Athan and said, as casually as he could, “You handle the negotiations.”

This way, he wouldn’t have to say aloud how little he had, and maybe Athan would chip in as well. He wouldn’t have to ask, or worse, beg. He simply had to… hint.

Athan’s eyebrows rose, and a small hint of a smile played on his lips. “Sure. You sit down. I’m sure it won’t take long.”

Elric gratefully sat down at one of the tavern benches. He hoped there was enough in the purse to cover a night here—and the bath he wanted so badly—but he didn’t know.

The phoenix would probably be able to garner a better rate. Elric may have had plenty of experience with negotiations, but those were mostly on a larger scale—not directly to the merchant. Besides, Athan was… Athan, and people liked him for who he was.

Unlike Elric.

Athan walked over to the bar counter and waved at the young woman there. “Hello! My friend and I would like to rent a room for the night, with dinner and a bath.”

The woman smiled brightly at Athan. She was a little plump, with mousy brown hair tied up in a bun. Her clothes had been mended a few times, judging by the patches on them. Her face was scarred up with pockmarks, too.

By all accounts, she was hideous. Elric wouldn’t have employed anybody like her at the palace, that was for sure.

“Of course, sir, can I… Oh, Athan?” the woman’s face lit up. “Is that really you?”

Athan smiled back at her. “Hi, Lisa. You remember me?”

“How could I forget!” The proprietress, this Lisa, gushed. She reached out to pat Athan on the arm. “I didn’t think I’d ever get to see you again! Half my friends told me I was making you up.”

Athan laughed and leaned forward. “Well, you were so young the last time I was here. Children forget me, sometimes. How’s the rest of your family, though?”

Elric frowned at the two, not enjoying the way they conversed so familiarly. She was a peasant, not worthy of their time. But perhaps this was a part of the negotiation tactics Athan was using?

The conversation went on and on, with Lisa growing more and more excited… and finding every opportunity to touch Athan.

He gritted his teeth, trying not to express his irritation. He had no place to resent some commoner for touching Athan, but…

What if Athan wanted to touch her too?

Why did it matter? It wasn’t as though Elric controlled who Athan paid special attention to—but this woman? Truly?

Elric waited another ten minutes before clearing his throat to draw attention to himself.

Athan looked over his shoulder, as if he’d actually forgotten Elric was even there. “Ah, Lisa, sorry. My friend is weary from the road. Do you have a room for us? And a tub of water. No need to heat it.” Athan reached into his own bag and pulled out several coins to place on the table.

Elric couldn’t quite hide his relief for a second, glad his own purse would be returned to him no lighter.

Lisa swept the coins up easily, nodding. “Of course. Only… he’s not going to be fussed sharing a room, is he? I know how those Kithagans are, but we really only have the one right now. Marlene and her boys are in the other, on account of her husband—”

“That’s fine,” Elric interrupted quickly, because he didn’t want to listen to even more useless gossip.

“I’ll help you with the water later,” Athan said, taking the key from her. “Although if you could send food up, that’d be much appreciated.”

“Oh, no need for that. One of the boys will handle it. They need to make themselves useful anyway. Your room is the door on the right when you go up the stairs.” Lisa waved them away and headed toward the back. The kitchen, presumably, although Elric wasn’t optimistic about the food.

The stairs were sturdy, at least, even if they creaked as they went upstairs. Elric was already pushing their room door open when he realized Athan wasn’t following him anymore.

The phoenix had stopped at the top of the stairs to examine the railing, where one of the decorative balustrades was cracked in half.

“What are you doing?” Elric hissed. “Come on. I just want to get some rest.”

Without that woman interrupting again, at that.

Athan ran his fingers over the cracked, splintered portion. “Somebody must have kicked it hard. I could fix it. I just need…” He started rummaging through his bag, pulling out all manner of items that shouldn’t have all fit into the modest-sized bag.

“No, you don’t need anything,” Elric said, trying to keep his voice down even though his tone was authoritative. “We’re here as guests. You paid to stay here. They would have to pay you to fix their stairs in turn. That’s how these things work. Nothing is free, Athan.”

Athan glared up at him. “It’s free if I want it to be. Not everything needs to be a transaction. You can do things because they’re fun, or because you’re kind, too.”

Elric wasn’t kind, though.

“The economy runs on this sort of thing,” Elric said instead, patiently. “You must earn money to buy goods. It’s a flow, a cycle.” Though obviously the phoenix had his own money, which just grated on Elric that much more. “If you barter for the price of the room for your service, that’s one thing. But simply fixing their property with no compensation?” He shook his head. “That just defeats the entire system.”

Athan’s expression morphed into something else—not anger. Elric could have dealt with anger.

It was pity.

He had seen that look on other people’s faces, directed at those around him, but no one had ever given him that look. It infuriated him, and his hands balled into fists at his sides. This was simply how it was. How dare Athan look at him that way!

“Fine.” Athan wrapped his hand around the broken balustrade. His hand glowed, and the smell of smoke rose in the air. When Athan let go, the balustrade was still cracked, still splintered, but the wood was darker. He packed up his things and walked over to the room. “If I wanted to be paid what my services are worth, I’d never do anything at all.” He pushed past Elric into the room, dropping his bag onto the single table.

Elric followed, glowering at him. How was it that Athan could make him feel so very small by uttering a few words—and a few words that didn’t even make sense, at that? He glanced around the tiny room, his lips pursing into a thin line. He’d told the innkeeper it was fine that there was only one room, but somehow, he hadn’t expected that to mean only one bed. The finer inns he was used to had an extra bed for a servant.

“She said there was only one room, not that there was only one bed,” Elric said sharply. “What manner of place have you taken us to? There are surely other inns befitting our stations.”

Athan kicked off his sandals and flopped down onto that one, single bed. “You’re welcome to go find one of those in this remote outpost, and pay them with all your funds, too.”

Elric glared harder at him. “You’re being ridiculous,” he accused.

“What’s the problem? We’ve been sleeping in close proximity for days now.” Athan patted the spot next to him.

“That’s different! That was out of necessity, and where nobody else would… know.” Elric felt his face growing hot. Sharing a room was unseemly, and even knowing the only person around to judge was the proprietress didn’t change that fact.

“I don’t understand you,” Athan answered. He propped himself up on one elbow to look at Elric. “You know how precarious your situation is. You know you don’t have much to hold me. You can’t afford my services, not really, yet you insist I shouldn’t do things for free. You have no money, no power, but you cling to your old life that will never, ever come back to you.” Athan snorted and looked out the one window, where the sun was already setting. “And I know you’re smart. So why are you making things difficult for yourself?”

The words made Elric’s stomach twist. He refused to believe them, though. “I’ll have plenty to offer you once you rid the kingdom of the dragon. You know I’ll be able to pay you what your services are worth.” Even if it meant bankrupting the kingdom—assuming his idiot brother hadn’t already done that with his bleeding heart.

Athan smiled, though he was still looking away. “I don’t want money, Elric. It has no value to me. What I want…” He trailed off.

Elric waited for him to continue, frowning when he didn’t. “Yes?” he prompted. “What is it you want?” If it wasn’t gold, or power, or renown… There had to be something Elric could offer him. Otherwise, why was Athan even helping him? “You have to believe I can offer it, or you wouldn’t be helping me.”

“If I tell you, you can’t offer it,” Athan answered. What was that supposed to mean?

Athan sat up properly, just as a knock came at the door.

“The food you requested, Athan!” Lisa’s voice rang out. She didn’t bother to wait for permission, simply barging in with a tray in hand. “My mother’s famous chicken pot pies.” She wrinkled her nose. “Is it weird for you to eat another bird? I never thought of that.”

Athan laughed. “No. Plenty of birds eat other birds. And I’m sort of at the very top of all birds. A king—or an emperor—of birds.” He winked at Elric, like it was a joke they were sharing.

Elric didn’t get it, if there was something he was supposed to be understanding about the whole thing. But he smiled anyway, because that was what you did when someone was obviously trying so very hard to be funny. “Thank you for the food,” he told Lisa, waiting for her to leave the room so they could eat in peace. He’d have to latch the door, too.

She set the food down and paused at the door. “Did you do something to the stairs? Something about them just… feels different. Less creak?”

“No?” Athan answered easily. “If you find wood that matches the cracked balustrade, though, I can make a replacement. It won’t be as nice as the original handiwork, but it should get you by.”

Elric’s eyes narrowed. No, he’d done something, and he needed to be paid for it. He simply needed to admit to whatever it was. If Elric knew, beyond turning the wood a little darker, he’d have spoken up for Athan himself.

“All right. Enjoy the food! Just come on down when you want the bath. They’ll set it out in the courtyard.” Lisa finally left, and the door shut behind her.

“Finally,” Elric muttered, going to latch the door firmly closed. “The nerve of that woman. What if one of us had been changing?”

What if they’d been fucking?

“I’m sure she’s seen plenty of people in all states of undress,” Athan said. He nodded at the tray of food. “You can have both the pies.”

Elric was starving, but he didn’t want to seem greedy. Unkind words were at the tip of his tongue, but instead, he said, “Are you certain? You haven’t eaten much at all. Is it because it’s a bird after all?” Of course it was, and Athan simply hadn’t wanted to offend the woman. “You could ask for something else.”

“I don’t eat meat at all,” Athan answered. “And I think you’re a lot hungrier than I am.” He bit his lip when he said that. “Too hungry, probably. No wonder…”

Elric sat down at the table, grateful to be off his still-aching feet, and pulled one of the pies toward him. It was still hot, with steam rising off it, but he was too hungry to wait. He took up a spoon and cut into the pastry on top, getting a bite with the filling beneath. He blew on it, looking up at Athan. “No wonder what?” he asked.

“I’m simply trying to figure you out.” Athan came to sit at the table too. He rummaged through his bag and pulled out another small sack of seeds and nuts. “I came here fifteen years ago. Lisa was seven or so. She’d broken her arm and was sitting outside. When I asked her how she broke her arm, she said she’d tried to fly from a tree.”

Athan laughed, a beautiful, clear sound.

“We chatted for a while, and when her mother came out to tell her to stop bothering people, I decided to stay the night. I made the flames in the fireplace jump and shape stories. And when I left, her mother thanked me, because most of Lisa’s friends didn’t have time for her while her arm was broken and she couldn’t run and play in the fields with them.”

Elric took a bite of the pot pie, prepared to choke it down but finding that it was in fact quite delicious. It even rivaled that of the castle’s cooks, which was unfathomable to him. His brows furrowed as he tried to understand that—and what the supposed moral of Athan’s story was. “She’d have only held them back anyway,” he said, shrugging.

“Or they would have learned to enjoy a few slower moments.” Athan bumped his leg against Elric’s. “Your turn. But I want to hear something happy. In payment.”

Elric was mid-bite, and he nearly choked on it. “Pardon?” he said, after he finished swallowing and caught his breath. “Is that what you’ve decided, then? That the price for your aid will be… stories?” He wrinkled his nose. One of them wanted to take his memories, the other wanted to… share them? Was that the way to put it? It was strange either way.

“It’s not really the price. But I thought I would couch it in terms that were more palatable for you.” Athan leaned a little closer, his heat warming Elric’s skin. “I want to get to know you better, Elric. I’m sure I learned much more about Lisa in twenty minutes of conversation than I have about you in the days we’ve been traveling together.”

“That’s because she talks entirely too much,” Elric muttered in between bites. He didn’t want to talk about himself at all, but yes, it was easier that way. If there was a tangible price, he could pay that, instead of wondering what Athan would accept later on.

“She isn’t afraid to share. But she’s never had to navigate politics.” Athan placed a single finger on the table, and Elric thought he smelled smoke. But there was no fire, no smoke rising from the wood. Athan lifted the finger and sighed. “Never mind. If you’re done eating, let’s take those baths before it’s completely dark out.”