chapter 4

W aking up to find that this wasn't a dream is some bullshit.

I spent the better part of my morning crying into my pillow until I couldn't anymore. Then knowing my bandage needed changing and my bladder needed relieving was the only reason I even got out of bed.

What a relief it was not to be using chamber pots or something. I limped into the hallway from the bathroom to find a plate of food sitting on top of a box next to my door.

My stomach growled as I stared at the plate of flakey bread with some sort of jam and chunks of meat. I knew I should eat, but the thought of food made me nauseous again.

I picked up the gifts and took them back to bed, not trying to upset the couple that took me in.

Even though the food was cold, it was delicious. But after not eating for a day, anything probably would have hit the spot.

While I forced down the meal, I eyed the dark brown box that came along with it.

Eventually, curiosity got the best of me. I gripped the lid and pulled it off to find a pair of gently worn women's laced-up brown shoes.

They were ugly, to be honest, and I couldn't wait to wear them.

I put them back in the box and pulled my phone out. I wanted to tell my sister all about this.

Still no signal or messages. Wishful thinking.

God, they must be going out of their minds. My freakin' mother's already a mess. Something like this could just speed that up.

I needed to get the fuck home. Wishing for something and it actually happening were two very different things. I already felt shitty enough as it was for just thinking.

How would I deal with the possibility of never going home? What would I do?

Even if Antoinette and Louis let me stay…

Stay.

I was a lost child. What a terrible feeling. When you understood nothing and hoped that someone else had all the answers.

I couldn't force myself to eat anymore, and grabbed the blanket to burrito up again. It was a short-lived comfort when a knock at the door startled me upright.

Still wearing the bedding, I opened the door to a very kind smile on the other side. " Hello, Melody," Antoinette said.

" Hello ."

Antoinette eyed the half-eaten plate, then the blanket I wore. Contorting her mouth like she was in deep thought, she walked past me into the room and picked up the shoe box.

"They are good?" she asked.

"Oh! Yes, thank you . Thank you so much," I said, realizing I hadn't even thought to thank her yet.

" Merveilleux ." Taking my hand and dragging me to the bed, Antoinette's manner turned giddy. " Mettre sur. Avaient quitté !" she said as I plopped down on the very springy bed.

"What's happening?" I asked as she pulled the shoes from the box and undid the laces on one. "I get it, ok."

It only took a few minutes to get both on. Luckily, they were a bit big, which never happened. My feet were wide and shoes hated them. However, it surprised me they fit at all with the added volume of the bandage.

"We will go now," she said and jumped to her feet. She grabbed my jacket from the coat hanger and gave it a curious once over before handing it to me. "It is a good day."

***

Every step down to the lobby was agony. Not just because of the pain in my foot, but the dread that came with eventually trying to leave without having done anything in return for their kindness.

Antoinette had slipped behind the front desk, looking for something. Louis was still in the same spot as I had left him the night before.

"Antoinette," I hesitated. The rollercoaster in my stomach hit every corkscrew as I got closer to the desk. "I need to get to the Palais Garnier. Can you help me?

The small bag she had fell from her hand to the countertop. She shot Louis a shocked glare. His eyes cut to me, then averted quickly, grumbling something under his breath. To which Antoinette quickly replied, " Sh! Il a fait du bien pour une fois. "

Shaking her head, she came around the counter and took my hands. "No, no. You do not need," she answered. "Stay here. Help. Stay safe."

Her reaction was a little surprising. We'd only known each other a few hours, but she seemed to care so much already about my well being. That's something I couldn't remember feeling for a long time.

"Right. But I need to go there," I replied, a twinge of guilt in my tone as I picked at my thumb.

" Je sais que tu ne comprends pas, mais tu ne peux pas y aller. Il est là. " Whatever she said was behind a worried smile.

However, before I could really attempt to ask again, Antoinette had her arm laced in mine, and was dragging me out the door.

" Goodbye, my love ," she called back to Louis in French I actually understood. Thank you, TV.

And we were gone.

***

It smelled as bad as Times Square. Maybe even worse during the day.Everything looked so different in the day. Vendors back-to-back on the streets, trying to peddle whatever goods they had. Carriages galore. People everywhere.

It was also easier to notice the curious looks I tried to avoid before. I was still wearing my jacket, which I kept zipped up, and my dress which, was still pretty revealing when it came to my legs.

I must have looked like something out of a science fiction novel to them. An alien. I felt like one.

The only person who didn't seem bothered by my appearance spent the whole time talking, and I was grateful for it. Even if she wouldn't help me get to the opera house.

Most of what Antoinette was saying was in French, but that was alright. I enjoyed seeing her face light up. It wasn't until she pointed to a church and said "me and Louis" did I realize she was sharing memories with me. Probably ones she hadn't been able to talk about in a long time.

I regretted taking Spanish instead of French in high school. Which I didn't speak either, by the way.

Whiplash was the name of the game on this day. Without warning, Antoinette pulled me into a small boutique packed to the brim with all kinds of dresses, hats, suits and really nice shoes.

The lady at the counter greeted us. But not before raking her eyes over me like I was Quasimodo or something.

Antoinette chatted with her for a bit until someone shoved me into a fitting area off to the side. The clerk removed my jacket and took my measurements.

I avoided the four large mirrors. It was clear the woman I was the night before was gone, and I was back to "broken" me.

"I can't pay," I said, trying to stop the woman. "Antoinette."

Antoinette ran her hand through my hair, then pinched my cheek gently. "One minute."

The two women left me standing there as they thumbed through crowded racks of garments.

Being in a store full of strange and beautiful dresses was something I never really thought I'd do. Though I do have the "hourglass" figure from the front. The side is all gut and butt. So, things fit differently, and I avoided it. Jeans and hoodies every time for the win.

I missed my jeans.

The women returned rather quickly with about twenty dresses. Each a different color, cut, and style.

Three layers of weird underwear and one corset later, it was time to try on the dresses.

I admit, the corset wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be. I had worn them for costumes before, but was relieved when they didn't crush me in it.

Their reactions to my tattoos were kind of funny. They immediately removed two short-sleeved dresses from the pile. If I were in a laughing mood, that was.

When it came to the dresses, I nixed about seven more of them just because of the collar. I hated anything touching my neck. It's like being choked constantly, even if it's loose.

One after another, I slipped in and out of various garments. Some were gorgeous. Some were so hideous.

At one point, I thought I was kind of having fun. Until I saw myself and remembered where I wasn't... Home.

No matter what style they put on me, I was still an alien trying to fit in, and it showed. But I just needed to look the part to get into the opera house.

"What?" I asked.

It was clear something was off. Their faces twisted up in thought after the seventh dress. Then Antoinette winked at me.

"Ah!" the clerk said and scurried away.

The clerk came back with an excited grin on her face, holding out a long, curly styled light brown wig. A bit darker than my current color. The overall look was subtle and nice, though.

I half expected the five story high ones you saw in the movies.

Their application was a little rough, but eventually we got it attached properly to my head.

"Yes!" they shouted.

It reminded me of how excited Mom got last night. I wished she were here. Something I didn't think I'd say, at least recently anyway.

The stupid hair changed my entire look. And I hated that I liked it. I was a beautiful, proper woman in this fake hair and gorgeous blue dress with black trim.

I'm always beautiful when I'm someone else.

" Beautiful! Beautiful !" Antoinette yelled, clapping.

I guess this was the new me.

To appease my kind new friend, I smiled and curtsied. Now I'd be able to get through town safely. In theory.

I left with a matching blue hat and a few "work" dresses that I insisted weren't necessary, as well as a lot of extra underwear.

The looks I received were noticeably different from my arrival. Men tipped their hats and women smiled. No one tried to distance themselves.

Great. Fit right in.

***

Lunch was delicious. No wonder all the famous chefs were European.

Eating in the corset wasn't that bad. Took a little getting used to, sitting up straighter than usual, but that's alright. At least I could breathe.

During our meal, Antoinette hinted over to a man sitting nearby who'd been eying us since he sat down. There was no mistaking her thoughts. I knew that look.

"Husband," she said.

Relationships of any kind weren't even on my radar. In fact, the radar was left at home, where it belonged. In any case, I couldn't even remember the last time I enjoyed myself with a man.

I mean, maybe if I was stuck here and one day I got lonely enough…

NO! Jesus, no.

The man smiled and nodded. I averted my eyes back to my seared chicken and tomato rice stuff, and shoveled it in.

I felt like a teenager and my parent was delighting in the embarrassment it brought me.

Our last stop for the day was a candy shop. Tasty chocolates and hard candies. We munched on them on the way back towards the hotel. I wanted to enjoy this moment because I had a feeling it wouldn't be like this later.

And I was right.

My body trembled and stiffened when a random cop rounded the corner we were walking towards. Every little hair stood on end. I hadn't felt this fear since I woke up. Today almost had me forgetting about my current reality.

Antoinette grabbed my hands and hugged me with a fierceness that crippled the anxiety and panic. He passed us by without a glance. Then she wiped my face dry.

I hadn't noticed the tears.

"I really need to go to the Garnier. Please," I said.

" Il vous y trouvera si vous y allez. Vous ne voulez pas ?a ." The worry in her tone was real. But this was my only chance.

" Please ."

My French must have been so pitiful, because Antoinette sighed and finally nodded in agreement. "Yes. Okay," she said.