chapter 28

N othing like the shattering of reality to ruin a moment. My hands flew to his mouth. "No. No. No. Please don't," I whispered, staring into the most confused, panic-stricken emerald green and stone-gray eyes. "Shit."

A thousand miles an hour my heart beat. If I didn't get somewhere safe fast, I was going to pass out.

I slid out from beneath him quickly, trying to scurry away like the scared little mouse I really was.

Erique stayed frozen in place, staring at the spot I had just laid in wait for him. "I do not understand," he said.

The hurt in his voice was a vice grip on my heart. Something I pretended to ignore as I forced myself across the rooftop to my escape.

Before I could get close enough, Erique grabbed my bicep and swung around me, grabbing the other. "Why?" he asked, searching my face trying to find an answer.

I took his face in my hands. "You did nothing wrong." My lips pressed to his. The weight of him leaning into it broke me. "It's me. And this fucked up situation I'm in."

I stepped out from his grip and continued my course. "And those words… Those words only make people suffer." Look at us now. Look what will happen when I leave.

Love. What a wonderful fantasy.

The many times I was told how "loved" I was after an ex got caught cheating. After they were called out for how badly they treated me. All the lies. Nothing but "love".

My mother was told over and over how loved she was when she was held down or thrown through a door as we had no choice but to watch.

When has love done anyone any good? Even if you think you feel it.

Even when you believe him when he says it.

"But you want me?" he asked. His voice deep and dusty, as if he could choke on his next words.

In so many ways.

I stopped as my shoulders slumped and spun around. "Yes. Of course I do," I said. Erique hurried the next few steps to me, capturing my elbows in his hands as I gripped on to his forearms, trying to stand on courage. "Please, try to understand. All this takes time. And I don't know if I have that. And…" There are things I can never admit, like how I feel for you.

"What does that mean? You always speak of time. That you would be gone from me one day. That it should stop me from giving this wretched heart to you," he said. A flicker of candlelight reflected in his emotional eyes, highlighting the watery glisten across them. "I have loved you, Melody, for so long now."

The words continue to burn. Ache.

It's what I've wanted—but I don't. It'll mean nothing in a few months. Weeks maybe. And what will be left of me after will be a pile of broken sadness again.

"You can't understand. And that's the point. And I should have known better. But you were just so…" Good for me . "What about Christine? I…"

Lips pressed against my wrist, easing my mind. What a trick.

"What I thought I felt for her once upon a time was not love. Nor anything that compares to what my being screams for you. I have dreamt of you, Melody. You are here, with me. We will write stories for my music and whatever else you desire. I have told you, I would give you everything.

Inexperienced as I am with matters of the heart and body, I knew, though I denied it, the first time I held you that you would be my undoing."

I let go and turned my back on him. To let him go. To hide the tears from falling. Hide any other stupid truths or lies.

The music that still played through the vents changed as they were just getting to the third act. The Priest's Confession.

Ironic.

Flames danced on top of melting candles. The beautiful glow made my lip quiver and my eyes water more. The sight of the city around us. The golden angels. Bronze pegasi. And at the center of it all—him.

Reality was harsh.

I would be fine. Like always. In time.

Time.

"I forgot where I was," I said, my voice cracking through the pain. "I don't know what I was thinking. I can't write with you. I can't sing as you want me to. I can never give you what you need. What you deserve. Because I'm…" Broken .

Flames still flickered in melancholy eyes. Light glinted off his ring as his hands fidgeted at his sides.

"You're so beautiful, Erique." My arms crossed my midsection. "It's not fair."

I stared at the paneling of the roof and followed it the rest of the way. Every step was agony, but this was for sure the right thing to do. I had played in fantasy land for too long now.

Then why did it hurt like this?

The knob was cold in my shaking hand. I wanted to look back at him again. Just to cement the image of him surrounded by the glow of light. But I know me, if I looked at him again, I wouldn't be able to go through with it.

We were having the perfect night and I fucked it all up again.

A firm arm wrapped around me before I could twist the knob.

"Don't." His voice was soft.

"I have to. I can't want this."

"Don't," he said again, managing no more than a hoarse, desperate whisper as he crossed another arm around me, latching onto my shoulder.

My human safety belt.

"I can't…" I said.

"Do you want me to let you go?"

"I should."

"Why?"

Was this the time for the truth? All the truth? I was going to be sick, it hurt so much. "It terrifies me," I said. "And there's a lot you don't know."

"I want to."

"I can't tell you."

My heart beat mercilessly against my ribs harder than when we were in the throes of passion. I wanted to be in those moments again. Not here.

Suddenly the savage beating eased slightly as his hands found mine. With a gentle tug, he turned me to meet him. "Though you do not love me, do you still wish to have me?" he asked.

"Don't say it like that."

There was something inviting in the calm warmth of his eyes as he awaited an answer.

"There are so many unknowns, Erique," I said.

"Seas part and flowers bloom when you say my name." He kissed my hands. Then my forehead. It was like submerging into a hot bath after a long day.

"I can't promise anything," I answered.

"I'm a patient man."

My brows raised in surprise.

"When it matters," he added.

"But what if you aren't? What if I can't…?"

He tilted my head upward. "Shhh," he said and kissed my lips. "Time is fleeting and all we can do is watch, love."

My hands found his face. Then slid into his dark hair. He squeezed me tightly. Why did he feel like home every time we touched?

No. He's not. This place isn't. I can't forget again.

Erique lifted me and twirled us around.

"Stop. You're going to hurt yourself," I cried out.

"You're a feather," he said as my feet touched down again.

My hands trailed from his face, down his chest to his stomach, stopping at the rim of his trousers. Since his suspenders were still off, we could just pick up where I stopped us.

His hands caught mine. "Not until you love me."

"But… That's not fair to you. Or me," I whined.

"It is not my favorite idea. But I will not lay with you until you are fully mine."

I nodded rapidly. "Yeah. I totally respect that," I said. "What exactly does that entail?"

"Simply that. Until you love me, my Heart ," he said. Then his eyes darkened as he pushed me back against the door and pressed himself to me. I loved when he pressed himself against me. "And until then..."

His hand traveled up beneath the skirt of my dress, finding the soft, wanting area between my thighs. "…I want to make you do that around my fingers again."