87. Before

As she was leaving, Bevan gave me a cryptic look that I read as: I know you're lying, and I'm going to get you. And I believed her.

I realised that not only would I lose Neil, but I would never teach again.

I waited until their car turned at the end of the street and then sat down with my phone. The messages had come in at ten thirty-two, while I was taking a bath, pretending relaxation was a possibility.

We made a mistake.

I found the tape and I've watched it.

Message deleted.

Message deleted.

Message deleted.

I'm going to send you a recording. But don't watch it. This is just in case something goes wrong and I can't get it to the police when I want to.

Georgia, please don't watch this. It's not something you need to see.

Stay away from Trevethan.

The last message had an attachment. I stared at it. Tapped it with my thumb. In the frame appeared one of those old pink Disney TVs we all used to have. The mottled grey screen began to shift and I heard my mum's voice for the first time in three decades.

‘Is it on?' she said, and my heart broke. I tapped to close the app, sank down to the ground and pressed my forehead on the cool carpet.

What was Lydia up to? Something at Trevethan that she didn't want me to see. I called her.

‘Frances says she never watched the tape,' Lydia spat. ‘She says she never knew what was on it. She says Tristan is going to stop the search for Jenna – he has police contacts. Of course he bloody does. So I've told them Rose is missing too, and we'll see if Tristan can squash a case for two missing girls. The police are on their way.'

‘Lydia, why do I need to stay away from Trevethan?'

‘We're all to blame for your mother's death. Me, Frances, Mina, Tristan. Dot. We fucked up your whole life. Let me make things right.'

‘I'm not sure that's possible.'

‘No, of course not. But – oh God. I shouldn't have told them Rose was missing. Now I have to speak to them and who knows how long they'll be here and I've already… Georgia, I haven't thought this through. What am I doing?'

‘What are you doing?'

‘I don't want you involved. I don't want you suffering any more for the things they've done.'

‘Trevethan is my house. It's my mum on that tape. I'm involved. What have you done?'

I heard her ragged breathing. ‘It's… I'm hosting a little reunion. I think it's time we all watched that tape and faced up to our transgressions.'

‘Transgressions?'

‘Except, I don't know how long the police are going to be here.'

‘Lydia, just tell them everything. Give them the tape.'

‘Prison isn't enough. Tristan will still sit on his throne of din't-do-nuffin' and Frances and her Goddamn mother will think they did the right thing, protecting their golden boy, and they'll never see – never understand – how this awful, stupid, insane lie they told has twisted everything. They – we – killed your mother. And now Frances offers her own daughter up to her bullies every day, and Tristan's kids are like – they're learning how to get away with murder just by smiling those smiles, and they're just as much to blame for Jenna's mental… her desperation. They destroyed our lives, Georgia.'

‘They destroyed your life?'

‘The guilt, Georgia.'