Chapter 35

Chapter Thirty-Five

RYLAND

“I don’t feel very good,” I say as I put the truck in park, Aubree and Wyatt’s farmhouse right in front of us.

“I know, but I promise, it will be okay. Just be honest with her.”

“Yeah.” I push my hand through my hair and stare at the house that once was mine, a house that I moved into when my sister was sick. A house that I watched my sister slowly die in. A house where I had to witness my sister say goodbye to her daughter. And a house I thought Mac would grow up in—that was until her entire life fell apart.

Now, it’s a reminder of what she lost, and like Gabby said, she’s lost so much. She can’t lose me too.

We took the night last night for me to gather myself. I was too fucking emotional, still too raw to talk to Mac like I need to speak to her today. Instead, I spent the evening with Gabby, lying in bed together, in each other’s arms. She showed me just how much she loves me by never leaving my side, by wiping my tears when they flowed, and by never once judging me but rather reiterating how she thinks I’m such a good man.

The affirmations took a while to set in and for me to believe, but as the night went on, and the more she repeated herself, the more I took her examples into consideration, the more I realized just how right she was.

I’m not my father.

He was a selfish man. A disgraceful man. An addict. An abuser. He didn’t know what love was and had no intention of ever showing any of us what love could be.

I am a selfless man.

I’m a man of honor.

I’m a gentle, understanding man.

I’m a protector.

And I’m a man who can love. Who has love to give and love to receive.

That will never change.

Therefore, I’m nothing like him, and I keep repeating that in my head, over and over again, forcing myself to believe it.

“Come on,” Gabby says. “She’s waiting in there.”

I nod, then unbuckle my seat belt. We get out of the truck, and I meet her at the front. I take her hand in mine, leaning into her for the support that I need to get through this.

We make our way up the porch stairs, and I lead the way into the house where I find Aubree in the kitchen cleaning up breakfast. She glances over her shoulder and turns off the faucet when she sees that it’s me.

“Hey.” She walks up to me and pulls me into a hug. “You okay?”

I nod. “Yeah.”

“You sure?”

“I’m good, Aubree.” I offer her a smile, and that’s all that needs to be said.

She gets it.

She’s been there.

We’ve all had our breakdowns in this family. What matters is that we keep rising from those breakdowns, and we keep coming back to each other. We keep leaning on each other.

Aubree looks at Gabby and asks, “Are you okay?”

Gabby smiles and nods. “I’m good. How’s Mac?”

“She’s upstairs with Wyatt, most likely playing horsey.”

“How was she last night?” I ask.

“She was okay. We watched a movie and had some ice cream. She asked about you last night.”

“She did?” I ask, hope blooming in my chest. “What did she say?”

“She asked if you were okay. If you were alone, because she didn’t want you to be alone. I told her that Gabby was with you.”

I don’t know why, but that chokes me up.

That little girl.

So fucking sweet. And after everything she’s been through, she can sit there, in her feels, and worry about me being alone.

I love her. I love that little girl so damn much.

“Can I go see her?”

Aubree nods. “You know where to find her. Send Wyatt down here.”

“I will.” I turn to Gabby and tilt her chin up. I gently kiss her and whisper, “I love you.”

“Love you.”

With that, I move up the stairs to the first bedroom door, where I hear Mac’s little voice. I pause for a moment, listening in on their conversation. Wyatt is a horse, and Mac’s telling him how beautiful his mane is. Wyatt makes a few horse noises, and I chuckle to myself, letting that lightness lead the way as I knock on the door, then push it open.

Wyatt is on all fours, wearing a long black wig while Mac combs his hair.

“Uh . . . hey, man,” Wyatt says, looking slightly embarrassed.

“Hey.” I smile. “Think I could have a chat with Mac for a moment?”

“Yeah,” he says, removing the wig and setting it aside. Wyatt stands and starts to move past me but stops and whispers, “The wig was my idea. Don’t let Aubree take the credit.”

“Odd thing to be proud of.”

He chuckles. “It was a hell of an idea.” He pats my shoulder and then shuts the door behind him.

Mac sits on the floor, not looking at me, so I take my time and move to the floor right next to her. “Hey, kiddo,” I say. “Can I talk to you for a moment?”

She nods but picks up a horse figurine and starts combing the hair.

“Can I steal your full attention? I really want you to hear what I have to say.” She sets down the horse and looks me in the eye. “First, I want to say that I missed you last night.”

Her lips curve down as she says, “I missed you too.”

“I’m glad to hear that because yesterday was a tough day.” She nods, and I take her hand in mine. “I need you to know that I’m sorry about what you saw yesterday. That’s something you never should have seen.”

“Was that man hurting Gabby?”

“Yes,” I answer, wanting to be honest with her. “And I saw him hurting her when we were on the Ferris wheel.”

“Why would he want to hurt her?”

“Because he’s a bad man,” I say. “And I didn’t want him hurting her, so I wanted to do something about it. Now, I should never have hurt him like that. That was wrong. And that’s what I’m sorry about. I’m not sorry about protecting Gabby, but I am sorry about how I went about it.”

“It was scary.”

I swallow the lump that forms in my throat. “I know, and I’m sorry you had to see that. I never should have scared you like that. I was very angry, and instead of thinking about my actions, I did what came naturally, and that was wrong. I’m sorry.”

She nods and looks away.

“You know I love you, right?”

Her eyes meet mine, and she nods. “I love you, too.”

“Yeah?” I ask, that lump forming again.

“Of course, how could I not love you?”

That makes me chuckle. “I really don’t know.” I open my arms. “Come here.”

She stands, then leaps into my arms, squeezing me tight. I wrap my arms around her, my eyes closing as tears form in them again. I’m so grateful for her forgiveness. For her love. For her little self. And I now realize how lost I would have been when Cassidy passed had I not had this sweet baby girl. She has helped me so much through my own grief, and I honestly don’t think I could live without her.

When I came to help Cassidy after her husband passed, I didn’t think this is what my life would turn into, but I wouldn’t trade it for a thing . . . well, maybe that’s not the truth. If I could wish for anything, it would be to have Cassidy back, for her to beat the cancer so she could witness just how amazing her little girl is.

Cassidy not being around to watch MacKenzie grow up will always sit heavily in my chest. With each passing day, there’s always something Mac does that I think about how Cassidy would react, how she’d smile . . . laugh . . . steal a picture, take a moment.

This means that I’m now in charge of being that person. And yes, this might have been a minor setback, but it won’t be the end. Mac and I have a very long way to go.

When Mac pulls away, I ask, “So . . . do you think I can still be Uncle Dad?”

She nods enthusiastically. “You’ll always be Uncle Dad.”

I smirk and tip her chin up. “Good, because I have no intention of ever changing that.”

“What about . . . what about when you marry Gabby?”

“You think I’m going to marry her?” I tease.

“I think so.”

“Do you like her?”

“I do. I do. I do.” She cutely jumps up and down.

“So if I did marry her, you would like that?”

“Yes! But . . .” Her nose crinkles. “Does that mean I have to play with her brother?”

I let out a laugh. “He’s a fun guy, I promise. Watch, next time you see him, he’ll play with you.”

“Okay . . .” She thinks for a moment. “But what about when you marry Gabby?”

“What about it?”

“Will your name change?”

“Oh.” I chuckle. “No, it won’t. I’ll always be Uncle Dad.”

“Always?”

I tap her nose. “Always.”