21. Chapter 21

T he month is flying by. After Crew's birthday on the sixteenth, it's been nonstop schoolwork and studying. Eat, sleep, basketball, and study. Then repeat. But now that midterms are over and Halloween weekend is here, it's time to let loose and blow off some steam.

Not only am I looking forward to dressing up and partying with my friends, but I'm also super excited because it's the weekend when Olivia flies in. Finally .

We've been planning outfits and sending links back and forth as we determined this year's Halloween costumes. The Eagles Nest is throwing its annual Halloween party Saturday night after the guys' early afternoon home game.

Glancing at my phone, I check the time and her flight checker for the hundredth time. If I don't sit down, I'll pace a hole in our floor while I wait for her rideshare to drop her off. She refused to have me drive and pick her up, saying it was a waste of time. Olivia Reed is forever Miss Independent.

The rapping of knuckles on our door startles me. Bounding down the hall, I whip open the door. Squeals erupt as I come face to face with my best friend. I take in the beauty before me dressed in her signature grunge style .

Liv stands a few inches shorter than me. Her long legs are covered in open fishnet stockings, a leather miniskirt and Doc Martens. An oversized tee is tucked into the front of her skirt while her silvery-white hair hangs down her back in loose curls.

I throw my arms around her shoulders while hers wrap around my waist. We rock back and forth, neither wanting to let go. She all but tackles me as we stumble against the wall.

"I freaking missed you, bitch." Liv pulls away, a brimming smile on her face.

"I missed you! Come meet everyone." She grabs her small suitcase and follows me into the kitchen.

"Hey guys, this is my bestie, Liv." I flick my hand toward the two in the kitchen. "Liv, these are the guys."

"Tyler," he introduces himself as he wipes his hand off and reaches out for her to take it. He tips his head behind him, gesturing to where JP is talking on the phone. "That's JP."

Olivia smiles as JP gives her a nod. Liv and I move away from the kitchen and into the living room, where Crew is stretched out on the couch watching ESPN. "Crew, this is Liv."

At the mention of her name, Crew whips his head in our direction as he springs from his spot and moves to us. Liv and I don't have a chance to react before he throws his arms around my best friend and pulls her in for a hug.

"Thank you for saving our girl." His words are whispered, but I don't just hear them. I feel them. He remembered everything I told him all those weeks ago. My chest squeezes at him thanking her for being there when I was at my lowest of lows.

Olivia wraps her arms around his middle and squeezes him back. Her eyes find mine, and her face softens. The two have a moment, and I can't help the wobble in my chin as tears spring in my eyes. My two favorite people just met, and the sincerity in Crew's voice has me shaking.

The two pull apart, and I watch as Olivia takes a black manicured finger and wipes the smeared liner from her wet lashes.

"Well, fuck." Liv's voice cracks as she gives us a watery smile.

"Did Crew tell one of his stupid jokes already?"

Liv opens her mouth to respond, but I send her a quick, subtle shake as I cut her off. "You know Crew."

Tyler gives a tight-lipped smile and nods as he moves past us and into his room.

"He's hot," Olivia blatantly says. "Which position does he play?"

"Quarterback."

She hums. "I've never hooked up with a quarterback."

"Don't sleep with my roommate." Olivia moves past me, but not before she leans over and whispers. "But you're sleeping with your roommate."

She's got a point.

"So, what's the plan for tonight?" she asks, sitting on the couch in the opposite section from Crew, his legs spread wide to accommodate his large body.

"I don't have any plans. We can do whatever you want. There's a party tomorrow night after the game, and that's all I know." I step over Crew's legs and sit in a space between his spot and the corner where Tyler sits.

"I'm fine with staying in." Liv shifts her shoulders.

"Yes, let's do that, and you can catch me up on all things Arizona."

"It's still hot and dry as fuck."

Crew shifts in his seat, running his palms down his athletic shorts. "Rebel told me you did all of her tattoos. "

"Have you seen my favorite one?" A subtle smirk spreads across Liv's face. I stretch my legs out and attempt to kick my bestie. She giggles as she mimes, zipping her lips closed.

Crew leans forward as he looks at Liv. "But yes, I have seen it." He says the words in a whispered rush just as Harris comes out of his room.

"You guys in for the night?"

We all nod.

"Want to all watch something and hang out?" Turning, I lean on my shoulder and shout toward the kitchen. "JP, do you have to work?"

He comes around the corner. "Nope. I'm home tonight."

I clap my hands. "Good, then it's settled."

"I'm going to go change into something comfortable." Liv stands and slides around the table. "Which room is yours?"

I point toward my room.

"Hey, Bret, want to watch Fast and Furious Four ?"

A half smile spread across Tyler's lips, and I could punch him. The days after our movie night in Crew's room and my vivid dream were incredibly awkward. I could barely look at Tyler without blushing and fumbling over his words. I can't believe he's bringing it up right now, especially in front of JP.

Crew chuckles from beside me, and I hit him in the face with the pillow I had on my lap. "You both suck."

"Wait, what's wrong with Fast and Furious ?" JP bounces his head from Tyler to me and then to Crew. "Does this have anything to do with you three cozying up to each other and pissing Grant off?"

"Oh my gosh, nothing happened." I cover my face.

"Wait, did you all hook up, and no one told me?" Liv props her hands on her hips as she joins us. Tilting my head back, I rest it against the back of the couch cushion .

Tyler laughs. "I'm just fucking with you, Bret."

Lifting my hand, I wave my middle finger toward him as everyone chuckles.

Assholes, the lot of them.

"How's living with three guys? Are you surviving?"

"Pshh, more like thriving. She keeps it interesting here," JP muses.

"Especially when she decides to cook," Tyler supplies, nudging my leg with his foot.

Liv smacks her legs as she jolts forward. "Oh my god, please tell me you didn't let her cook."

"One time," Crew says with his pointer finger in the air as he shivers.

"Is this why you always cooked for us?" I direct the question to Liv.

"Aw babe, you're pretty to look at, but you suck at cooking."

Everyone laughs again as JP smiles. "I'm so glad I missed that dinner."

"How's living above the tattoo parlor?"

Liv practically glows at the mention of her shop. "I love it. The guys have all been super cool. Dex said I should have my chair by the end of the year."

"Dex is the owner?"

She nods. "He's the one I'm renting the apartment from."

"That's badass, girl," JP compliments. "What's the most badass tattoo you've done?"

"I did this insane leg piece on this woman last week. Flowers went from below her knee to her ankle, where a skull rested in the center, and a snake weaved throughout the floral designs and rested on top of the skull." She reaches for her phone and starts scrolling before turning it toward JP .

"Holy fuck." His jaw drops as he reaches for her phone. "Can you do my next piece?"

"Toss it here," I say, holding out my hands. The phone lands, and I zoom in on the design as Tyler and Crew look over my shoulder.

"That's impressive." Crew's voice is laced with awe.

"I don't have any ink, but I'd let you design something for me," Tyler adds.

"Thanks, guys." Liv blushes. She's never been one to take compliments. "Plan a trip and we'll make a weekend out of it. I'm sure Bret's ready for fresh ink."

"Always, babes."

As the TV played in the background, we fell into easy conversation. Our sectional became the hub of our stories, which were filled with banter and laughter. Everything felt right inside our apartment as I was cozied on the couch with my best friend and roommates, who felt like family.

"Oh my god, this is amazing!" Liv shouts over the roar of the crowd as we toss our hands in the air, trying to draw attention to the cheerleader who is tossing T-shirts in the air

The Texas sun beats down on us as we stand among enthusiastic fans in the student section. The fight song plays, hyping the crowd up as we wait for the team to run into the field. Both of us are dressed in Macy Miller's exclusive designs. Liv paired her cropped tee with another leather skirt, while I chose baggy denim jeans with the knees ripped out .

"Welcome to your first college football game," I shout, tossing my arm over her shoulder. "Don't blame me for the addiction."

The band quits playing as silence and vibrant energy fall over the stadium. The crowd, including us, turns our attention to the massive screen on the opposite side of the field. The screen flickers to life as a soaring eagle flashes across the screen, as high-energy music pulsates through the speakers with palpable energy. Quick cuts of past games fade in and out of the screen. The crowd roars with each new clip as the anticipation builds.

The clips flash from game highlights to moments of training camps and practices as the players hit each other. Their faces were sweat-soaked and full of determination. My dad's face moves onto the screen as he gives speeches to the team kneeling before him. "Give it everything you've got," his voice booms and mixes with the music as his fist is held high. "Every play. Every day. Leave it all on the field!"

The video pans to the almost sold-out stadium today before finding the tunnel where the team waits to run out onto the field. Cannons shoot fiery red explosives into the air as the team runs out onto the turf. Shouts erupt, causing the stadium to rumble.

"Holy fuck, I have goose bumps." Liv points to her skin where raised bumps cover her arms.

Scanning the players on our sideline, I find my brother surrounded by Tyler and Crew. The three of them hold their helmets at their sides as they laugh and joke with each other, looking relaxed and ready for kickoff.

Both teams jog out onto the turf field and take their positions. Fans are on their feet as the kickoff song plays "Seven Nation Army" by The White Stripes, causing everyone to jump in place. The sound of the music intertwines with the sound of feet on metal and roaring cheers is a cacophony of noise .

Liv's eyes are wide as she takes in the scene. I've been to dozens of football games, but the start of one never gets old. There's such palpable excitement swirling around. I can only imagine what she's thinking as she takes it all in for the first time, what I wouldn't give to experience a football game for the first time again.

With the ball sailing in the air, it's officially game time.

We stand among the crowd of students as we watch the game unfold.

I have to admit that everything has finally started to feel normal again. I no longer feel uncomfortable as I stand among a group of boisterous people, feeling lost, alone, and uneasy. Having Liv here and after a month of healing, everything feels right in my life. After months of fearing my shadow, I'm finally living life again like normal twenty-year-olds should.

The first quarter flies by in a blur. For some reason attending games live always makes the time go faster. Instead of the commercial break lull on television, breaks are filled with entertainment either on the field or in videos on the Jumbotron, making the interruption feel quick. No one in the student section sits, at least around us, where we stand shoulder to shoulder, screaming our lungs out as we watch our defense stop the Tigers from scoring. Tyler scores for us as he leads the team down the field before rushing three yards into the endzone with a quarterback keep.

"He's so hot," Liv yells beside me as I shake my head. Tyler is beautiful, and if it weren't for Crew, he would be my type, which is the opposite of Olivia's dark and broody who dresses in too much black and leather.

As the second quarter progresses, I find myself glancing around more. The feeling of needing to look over my shoulder hits me, and I feel unease wash over me like a tidal wave. It's a familiar feeling I haven't felt in a while. My mind has to be playing some kind of sick joke on me.

Yeah, Bret, it's just a twisted game. It's only because Olivia is here and emotions from the past have been at the forefront of your mind.

Looking around the sea of bodies, I'm met with unfamiliar faces who offer tight-lipped smiles whenever I make dreadful, awkward eye contact. The student section roars with cheers as I snap my head toward the field. The ball is flying through the air from where Tyler has thrown it down the field. Just when I think the pass will go out of bounds, number eighty-eight lifts his arms high as he leaps in the air. Crew's supersize allows him to get just enough space between him and his defender. I watch with bated breath as he's able to bring the ball down with the grip of his fingertips.

Touchdown! Now that's the kind of catch that ends up on Sports Center.

I jump with the rest of them as we share high-fives with everyone around us. Liv and I tap aluminum beer bottles as we celebrate another scoring drive before halftime. Our section is wild as cheers continue, and the extra-point kick flies through the uprights.

"Guess who's getting laid tonight." Liv leans in close before tipping her bottle to the sidelines, where teammates walk by Crew and tap him on the helmet.

I nudge her shoulder because, yes, she's probably right. Adrenaline is constantly pouring through his veins after games.

"No, but seriously," she shouts. "This is incredible!"

"I told you!" I nod enthusiastically. "This is why I wanted you to go to games with me in Arizona."

"We'll go to more together, especially once all your hot, talented friends make it to the pros. "

"Deal." We clink drinks while the final seconds in the half tick down.

Halftime arrives, and the band takes the field, lining up in formation for the spectacular performance they are known for, as my stomach growls.

"Wanna go fight the crowd with me and grab a pretzel?"

She nods, shaking her bottle. "Let's grab more drinks too."

Squeezing down our aisle, we make it to the stairs, where we have to climb Everest to reach the top. Brynn gave me her front-row tickets to use today. I have to say, the seats are phenomenal, and I need to figure out how she got them so I can secure them next year after she graduates.

Weaving through the crowd, my senses are filled with the smells of freshly popped popcorn and hot dogs as I search for a concession stand without a giant line. Between the noise of excited fans and my happiness radiating around me, I feel like I am walking on a cloud.

"I'm going to grab our beers," Liv says, gesturing to the little convenience store across the aisle from the stand. "Order me a pretzel with cheese, too?"

I nod before joining the long line of hungry fans, which seems to move at a snail's pace. When I finally have our pretzels, I turn to search for her in the sea of red, white, and powder blue, and that's when everything stops.

My body freezes like I've just been struck by Elsa's icy powers.

Just beyond the crowds of people, my eyes lock onto a figure standing a few rows away. My heart stops, and a chill causes my spine to stiffen as my blood freezes, and a cold sweat breaks out over my body.

It's him .

The man who has made the last year a living, breathing nightmare. The real-life boogeyman who is no longer hiding beneath my bed but staring me in the eyes.

Noise fades away as the roaring sound of my blood pumping fills my ears. My stomach clenches as I'm hit with an onslaught of terror that I thought was in my past. The feeling of security from moving states away vanishes in an instant. I'm thrown back in time to being weak and na?ve. The urge to blink forces me into a dilemma of wanting to see if this is a dream or risk blinking and losing sight of him.

This can't be happening. Did he follow Liv to get to me? Oh my god. What if he's been stalking her this whole time, hoping she'd lead him to me? And we just played right into his game.

Panic rises in my chest, my breathing coming in short, sharp gasps. Nausea sweeps over me as my hands holding the pretzels begin to shake. My legs feel like lead. It's as if they're cemented to the ground. The corners of my eyes start to dizzy as my vision tunnels.

I feel exposed and vulnerable. The sense of security I've been building begins to crumble around me like shattered glass.

"Bret! Bret!" A panic-filled voice starts to make its way through my hearing. I begin to blink rapidly as my vision focuses on panicked eyes staring back at me. Liv snaps her fingers in front of my face, trying to get my attention. "Bret. Babe . It's not him."

Slowly, her words start to sink in the more she repeats that it's not him, not the monster.

"You're okay." Her voice is soft and calming. "I'm here with you."

My focus starts to come back as she continues to talk me through the panic attack. I'm forever grateful that she came with me to a few therapy appointments at the beginning. My therapist showed Liv how to talk me through any sort of unease or panic attack .

Her head bobs in front of me, and I'm unsure if she's reassuring me or herself. "I know you're scared right now, and that's okay, but you're safe. You're safe here with me. Now, take slow, deep breaths. Let's do them together."

We breathe in through our noses and count to four—which she does for me. Holding our breath for another four counts before she encourages me to exhale through my mouth as she counts to four again.

My body starts to relax as my heart rate slows and the trembling subsides.

"How are you doing?"

I nod, eyes still bouncing around the faces who stare back at me as if I'm crazy. And hell, maybe I am. Perhaps I'm the girl who loses her shit out of the blue.

"I'm fine." The words come out shaky.

"Good." Liv rubs my arm. "Keep focusing on your breathing, slow breaths. Can you tell me five things you see?"

I take a few more measured breaths and list five things I see. "A weird eagle hat, a TV, the team store, pretzels, and beer."

Liv offers me a reassuring smile. "Good, babes. Want to head back to your place?"

"No." I shake my head. "No, he's not taking this away."

"That's my badass bestie." She squeezes my forearm. I didn't realize she was still holding. "Come on."

Olivia leads us back to our seats, where the game has resumed. Ripping a bite from the golden-brown pretzel, I chew the salty dough and stare straight ahead. The rest of the game is a blur. I go through the motions whenever the crowd cheers, but my mind is no longer present. I've cast a black cloud over our day, and guilt eats away at me .

As the final whistle blows, we stand and clap. The boys pulled off a landslide victory, which keeps the Eagles undefeated. I'm barely able to muster the energy to celebrate.

"Come on, babes," Liv says as another warm smile spreads across her face. "Let's head home."

Home .

Home used to be a cute, quaint two-bedroom apartment in Arizona with my best friend. But he ruined that for me. Now, home is hundreds of miles away in an oversized, four-bedroom apartment with three football players.

It takes some time to get out of the stadium as everyone is funneling through the same exit. As we maneuvered our way to where we parked, I couldn't help but look over my shoulder. Liv reaches her hand out, and I gladly give her the keys to the Jeep.

The drive home is silent as the GPS guides Liv back to the complex. Every shadow seems to hide a threat, every car behind us a potential danger. Exhaustion nips at me from the after-effects of the panic attack as fear gnaws at the back of my mind.