11. Chapter 11

" O h my gosh, you guys were incredible last night." I can't contain my excitement as we climb the stairs to our apartment. It's mid-afternoon when we arrived back on campus. Last night, the boys crushed Western Ohio forty-two to three.

The drive home from the football facility was unusually quiet. As I looked over my shoulder at the three guys trailing behind me, I saw their exhaustion.

"Thanks, Rebel."

"Rebel?" I can hear the accusation in JP's voice at Crew's slip of the nickname he gave me. I busy myself with unlocking the front door because the blush on my cheeks would give a few things away.

"Uh, yeah, you know she kind of rebelled and moved here." His explanation is full of holes.

"What's that?" Harris interrupts. He reaches above my head, where an envelope is taped to the door. I was so busy trying to unlock the door that I didn't even see it. "It's got your name on it, Bret."

Dread settles in my stomach like a lead weight as fear creeps through my skin, causing my body to tremble. This can't be happening. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, you all right Bret?" Tyler's right by my side.

Clearing my throat, I take the envelope out of his hands and push open the door. "Yeah, I'm fine. "

"You sure?" JP asks as they follow me inside. I can feel their silent questions.

"I said I'm fine." Moving through the hallway, I grip the envelope tighter as I step inside my room.

As soon as I step into my room, relief and security wash over me, as false as it may be. I could feel the panic wanting to pull me under like waves crashing in a hurricane. The midnight blue comforter and vibrant, jewel-toned floral pillows on my full-size bed seem to absorb my distress. The greenery from my faux plants offers some semblance of peace. The drawn blackout shades block out the chaotic world, allowing my room to be the haven I'm desperately searching for.

Tossing my duffel bag on my floor, I take off my sneakers before climbing into bed. Cocooning myself between my soft sheets, I close my eyes and practice a few breathing exercises. I can feel the heaviness of not knowing what's inside the envelope weighing down on my safe place. But I'm not ready to open it. I'm not ready to face the reality that I'm not safe here. He'll always find me no matter how many miles I put between myself and Arizona.

A knock on the door startles me as I flicker my eyes open. The breathing exercises must've done the trick. I didn't realize I had dozed off.

"Come in." Clearing the sleep from my voice, I bring my arms over my head, stretching out the stiff muscles.

Familiar blond hair is the first thing I see as the door opens. "Damn, it's like a cave in here. Are you secretly Batwoman?"

"Shh, don't tell my secrets. "

His lip tips up in a smirk, but he hesitates to step inside the door. I follow his movements as he places his hands in his khaki shorts pockets sans shirt. Reaching over, I flip on the lamp from my bedside table. The light cascades the room in a warm glow.

"Holy shit," I gasp as my eyes land on the enormous black and purple bruise on his rib cage underneath his cross tattoo.

He hisses as he glances down, running a finger over the bruise. "Yeah, that last hit hurt like a bitch."

Late in the fourth quarter, Crew jumped to catch a high throw from Tyler when the defender came out of nowhere and drilled him in the rib cage. It was a brutal hit, and Crew hit the ground even harder. He was on the ground for a few minutes as he regained the wind that had been knocked from him.

Crew shifts his weight from one foot to the other before running his hand down the back of his neck. I've noticed that's a tell of his when he's feeling nervous or uncomfortable.

"Just spit it out, Crew."

His eyes bore into mine, and I fight the urge to cower underneath my asylum of blankets. "What the hell was that earlier? What was in the envelope?"

Shit, the envelope. I fell asleep and never opened it.

Scanning the room, I find it on the floor beside where I tossed my duffel. Crew's gaze follows mine as it lands on the white paper.

He's bending down and picking up the tainted letter in two strides. Flipping over the envelope, he inspects it as if he has x-ray vision and can see inside the sealed envelope. Crew's long legs eat up the space separating us, and before I know it, he is hovering above where I am still sitting in bed. White envelope in hand, he stretches his arm out for me to take the letter. With jerky movements, I do just that .

Nibbling on my lower lip, my fingers tremble as I slide one between the sealed paper. The crinkling of the seal breaking has my nerves completely frayed.

Breathe, Bret. Breathe.

The mattress dipping has my attention snapping up. Crew is sitting opposite me, watching me. There's comfort in knowing that I'm not alone. When my mind is screaming to run and not trust any man, Olivia pops into my head, reminding me that they aren't all like him and that I need to listen to my gut. If I get the ick from someone, then I need to trust that, but if there's the tiniest bit of spark, I need to listen to it.

Being in Crew's proximity is like igniting a volcano. My emotions pour over like hot lava. I can't get enough of him. There's something deep inside of me that is tethered to him. I knew it at Christmas, and I knew it when I saw those mocha eyes the day I showed up on this doorstep.

The seal gives free, and hesitantly, I slip a finger inside. Pulling out the contents, my body sags when I realize it is nothing—absolutely nothing to be concerned about. A tri-fold pamphlet with all of the details surrounding the intramural basketball league I applied for and our game schedule sits inside. There's a sticky note attached to the pamphlet explaining that the student in charge of intramural sports lives in the complex, and he decided to tape it to my door to save a stamp and the delay in mailing it.

"Okay, I'm going to go ahead and assume that's not what you thought was inside the envelope?" Crew's deep voice startles me. I was so concerned in my head that I forgot he was sitting in front of me.

I shake my head but don't say anything else. I know what's coming, and I don't think I can avoid it now after my reaction. And the thing is, I want to trust Crew. I mean, I do trust him. I wouldn't have slept with him the other night if I didn't feel an emotional connection.

"How much time do you have?"

He glances down at his smartwatch. "We need to leave for family dinner in an hour."

I nod. An hour, I can purge my fucked-up story and still have time to get myself together before I'm forced to attend a dinner with a bunch of people I don't know or barely know.

"My ex-boyfriend has been a bit of a bastard since we broke up in the spring."

Crew's fists tighten, and his body goes rigid. "Did he hurt you?"

My heart warms at the protectiveness he exudes. He's a lot like my brother in that regard. They both carry around BBE, Big Brother Energy. As much as I wanted to yell out, "Yes, he hurt me," I couldn't bring myself to say that. Call it denial, but he's never physically hurt me. But the mental toll he's taken over me, now that shit hurts.

"Chad and I met at the beginning of the semester last fall at a party."

"Wait, his name is Chad?"

"Yeah, it should have been my first red flag, right?"

His brows raise as in an "obviously" remark.

"Anyway, we met at the party and kept bumping into each other the following week. It felt like fate…" I let the words trail off as I reminded myself that Crew was the one in my room. Chad isn't here and didn't send me the envelope that caused this spiral.

Sliding higher on the bed, I rest my back against my headboard and pull a pillow into my lap, stroking the fabric. I need something to keep my hands busy.

"Everything started great. He was attentive, always wanting to go on dates and spend time together. He'd drop off little surprise packages with my favorite treats or a black coffee in the morning. I really started to see a future with him." I pause and let out a huff of air through my nose. "Hell, I even gave him my virginity."

Crew shuffles in his seat but doesn't interrupt, and I appreciate his silence.

"It wasn't like I was saving it for anything special—the time had just never risen to lose it. Growing up, we were always moving, or Grant was overprotective whenever I was around a guy I met, and I never felt comfortable losing it. But Chad kept pushing until one day, I finally gave in. To say it was underwhelming would be an understatement." Clearing my throat, I pick at the pillow in my lap. "Anyway, us sleeping together must have triggered something in his pea-sized brain because that's when the raging jealousy and controlling started. He planted these seeds of doubt and insecurity, which I soon started believing."

The words feel vile coming out of my mouth. I still struggle with how na?ve and stupid I was to let this boy , because let's face it, that's what he was, control me. But when someone you're attracted to starts to water the inner voice inside your head, those insecurities start to grow until they bloom. He would see the way that my mom would talk to me. Even though she was loving and supportive, she still disapproved of some things.

Chad picked at those conversations by telling me that my parents wanted to have control over me and that I was their little puppet who did whatever they told me. How they didn't appreciate me for who I was and how I needed to loosen the strings between us since I was no longer under their roof.

And the weak part of me that wanted to be in a relationship, who wanted to know what it was like to have a boyfriend, started to think he was right. I put distance between my parents and brother.

Once the first seed was planted, he started in on my friendship with Olivia. Everything spiraled out of control from there. Chad was doing everything he could to isolate me from everyone else so that I would only rely on him.

I hated myself for it. I thought I was stronger than that, but I was blind. Utterly oblivious to his manipulations.

"He manipulated me into isolating myself from my parents, Grant, and friends, especially my roommate, Olivia. When Grant and Dad visited me last fall, I was a shell of a person. They met Chad and instantly disapproved of him. Grant tried talking to me about him, but I was already too far gone. Chad's words replayed in my head that Grant didn't want me to be happy. Grant and I had our first major blow-up. Sure, we fought, you know what it's like to have a younger sister, but this was different."

With a shaky inhale, I tilt my head to the ceiling. This next part still hurts. It still makes my chest crack as the guilt and humility come back in force. Tears spring in my eyes, and as they trail down my cheeks, I don't brush them away. I let the pain wash over me as I allow myself the opportunity to feel the pain. Because feeling it is a reminder that I'm still here. I'm sitting on a bed, and I'm not alone anymore.

I can feel Crew's energy vibrating, and I hate that I'm dumping all of this trauma on him, but for some reason, I trust him. From the moment we met, I knew there was something special about Crew Riggsby. I thought I knew fate when I met Chad, but I was clueless.

"Eventually, the dates turned into nights at his apartment. He never wanted to go out anymore. Our time together was always spent isolated in his apartment, where we would do nothing but sleep together no matter if I was in the mood or not. He would use his smooth-talking words and my fragile state of mind to coerce me into sex. It was never rape, he never forced himself on me in that regard because I always gave in, but it was like he had me under some kind of mind control. I can't explain it .

"One night, after a particularly rough day, I decided I couldn't take it anymore. I hated who I had become. I hated how my friends had abandoned me, and I couldn't blame them. My relationship with my family was almost nonexistent, and I was starting to lose Olivia. I wanted it all to end."

Sobs erupt as the pain cuts through me at the memory. Crew's large arms wrap around me as he pulls me into his chest. My cheek hits his warm skin as I let my tears pour over him. His large hand rubs circles on my back in slow, calming movements.

With Olivia's help, I've been working on rebuilding myself for the past four months. I started therapy, and Liv took me to yoga and meditation classes. She helped me see that I wasn't broken and encouraged me to fight back. I'm no longer that weak, na?ve girl anymore with fragile mental health, which is why I hate that I'm allowing Crew to see me break.

I'm stronger than this.

Letting out one last shaky breath, I sit up as Crew's arms drop away from me. I can't explain it, but I instantly miss the warmth of his embrace.

"Jesus, Bret. That's some fucked-up shit." His voice is soft, but I can hear the anger underneath. Crew reaches up and wipes the tears from my mascara-streaked face.

A dark chuckle escapes. "That's not even all of it."

"There's more?" With wide eyes, he runs both hands through his blonde hair as his head shakes.

"The day Olivia found me in the bathroom with a bottle of pills in my hand. I was ready to end it. To swallow away my demons and drift off to another world. She saved me that day. We sat on the bathroom floor and held each other while we both sobbed. Liv helped me see the light, and she helped me end things with Chad .

"But it didn't stop. Even after ending things with him, he would still pop up out of the blue. Gifts, flowers, pictures, you name it, were left outside our apartment or on my windshield. I'd see his car drive by the apartment and even places I frequented. Everything escalated until I found myself turning into a hermit. I never left the house alone. I quit going to the court, getting groceries, and everything.

"For two months this summer, I kept to myself. The only way I could think to get out of the situation was to leave. Finally, luck was on my side. Grant told me about his friends needing a roommate, which brought me here. So when I saw that envelope, I thought he had found me."

A long sigh escapes Crew, and for a moment, neither of us says anything. For a moment, I think that the bubble we've found ourselves in has deflated. But leave it to Crew Riggsby to surprise me. In a flash, he's cupping the sides of my face in his strong hands and pressing his lips to mine. At first, I don't move, the shock paralyzing me. I thought for sure he'd run for the hills. But with every step of the way, Crew Riggsby surprises me and sweeps me off my feet.

The moment ends before I can react, but he doesn't go far as he presses his forehead against mine. "I'm so glad you're still here." His words are a whisper.

I'm so glad I'm here, too.

Deciding I can't take this vulnerable state any longer, I slide out from beside Crew and stand on my feet. With my palms, I wipe the moisture from my face.

"Okay, enough of that."

Crew turns his large body, which looks surprisingly good on my bed until he's facing me. His muscular legs stretch out on the ground. "For now. I will need to know how to find this fucker and break his neck. "

"Later. Right now, I need you to keep this information to yourself."

"Rebel," he groans my nickname, and the words heat my insides. "Promise me you'll tell your family, tell Grant, sooner rather than later."

"I will." He eyes me skeptically. "Really, I will. But right now, I want to go see what this whole family dinner is about."

Because the truth is, I miss having friends and a place I can feel comfortable in. I know my past won't stay behind me, but I need to pretend right now.