Chapter Three

Chapter Three

Uh … what?

A surprised laugh almost bubbled out of me. He had to be kidding. He had to be. But … the gaze that was locked on mine held no humor, only an intense resolve.

Clutching my tablet, I openly stared at him, my heart pounding a little too fast. I felt planted to my chair by shock, unable to move. Thoughts were gushing around my brain too fast for me to process.

He didn’t push for a response; he simply sat there taking leisurely swigs of his drink, his incredible eyes never leaving me.

I hadn’t once considered that his purpose in asking me to come here was to discuss our fallback pact. Not once. I mean, we’d laughedabout it back then. Okay, so it was more that he’d let out a low chuckle while I’d laughed, but still.

It had been something I’d proposed on a whim after hearing of a couple who’d acted on such a promise. I’d thought it was cute, thought it would be funny to suggest he and I do the same … not expecting him to do anything other than snort. Instead, he’d agreed. But I hadn’t believed he truly meant it.

I licked my lips. “Dax, we were just joking around back then.”

“I wasn’t,” he claimed before taking another easy sip of his drink.

“You can’t be serious.” The words came out on a whisper.

“Why not?”

My gaze bounced around the room. “Is this … If you’re helping someone Punk me right now—”

“This is no prank, no game.” He very slowly cocked his head as he studied me intently. “You didn’t think I’d remember our pact?”

“No. Nor did I think you’d taken it seriously.”

A faint line dented his brow. “I would never enter into any pact lightly.”

I threw him an impatient look. “Dax, be real. This wasn’t a harmless ‘we swear we’ll be BFFs forever’ promise or something like that. We’re talking holy matrimony here.”

“I’m aware of that.”

I felt my brows draw together. “You want to marry someone you don’t even consider a friend?”

“It’s not as if we’re anything close to strangers, Addison,” he said, lowering his mug to the coffee table. “We might not know a great many personal details about each other’s life or have a friendship of any sort, but we have a familiarity that’s not common for those who had nothing more than a fling.”

That was true. I couldn’t claim to be aware of his fears, secrets, goals, and other private details, but I knew him on more than a superficial level. But it made no difference, given that we weren’t in sync on a very important matter. “We made the pact before I learned you don’t want kids. Maybe you’ve forgotten, but I do.”

“I didn’t want them back then. That changed somewhere along the way.”

Oh. Still, it didn’t thereby follow that it made perfect sense for us to live up to our pact. “How is it you’re so sure I’m single?”

“I have many sources. It’s how I keep my finger on the pulse of all that goes on within Redwater.” Bracing his elbows on the armrests, he steepled his fingers. “Where do you see yourself in five years?”

At the moment, while two of my main life goals seemed so out of reach, I didn’t have a clear vision. It must have been written all over my face, because he gave a slow nod of understanding.

“If you live up to the pact we made, that uncertainty you’re feeling will go away. You’ll know exactly where you’ll be.” He hiked up a brow, adding, “Aren’t you tired of arranging weddings for everyone else? Aren’t you finding it difficult watching the couples around you start their own family?”

Both were rhetorical questions. I’d been honest with him all those years ago about what I wanted from life. It wouldn’t be hard for him to discern where I was mentally at right now.

Unable to believe we were actually having this conversation, I shook my head in incredulity and switched off my tablet. “This is nuts.”

“Why? Because it’s not a conventional way of entering into marriage? That doesn’t make it outlandish.”

“But it does seem odd that you’d wish to do this.” I slipped my tablet back into my satchel. “It’s not as if you struggle landing women.”

“Dating doesn’t always amount to anything. Neither do serious relationships. We can both attest to that, can’t we?”

Well, yes.

“It may seem odd to you now that I’d consider this. But if you reach the age I am today and are still single, you might have a different perspective. At thirty, I would have told you I’d be committed to someone by now. A lot can happen in five years. But you know something, Addison? A lot can stay the same. Nothing about my personal circumstances has changed in five fucking years. That could be you.”

That was what I was afraid of.

“Do you wish to take that chance? Do you want to let life happen to you? Could you really be satisfied with plodding along as you have been, knowing you’ll be taking the risk that all you’re doing is allowing more time to pass you by? Wouldn’t it instead be better to take control and ensure that you meet the life goals that have so far eluded you?”

I’d forgotten how good he could be with words. “You always know what to say to sway people into giving you what you want,” I muttered.

A brow winged up. “Are you implying that I’m manipulative?”

“Yes.”

One corner of his mouth tipped up. “There are worse traits to have.”

Feeling a restless energy begin to build inside me, I pushed to my feet and strode to the large windows.

“Don’t close your mind to this, Addison. Don’t reject it out of hand. Consider it for a moment. Really consider it.”

I was. Which unnerved me, because I should surely be walking out the door. I should be saying a very emphatic no, thank you. I should be set on instead searching for a man I could build a life with—a man who, unlike Dax, loved me.

But … I’d tried that. It had come to nothing. More, love had given me no guarantees in the past.

Love hadn’t stopped my exes from later hurting me in some way; it hadn’t meant they remained loyal; it hadn’t ensured that—in the case of Grayden—they didn’t leave me for someone else.

Maybe I was just bad at choosing men. But then … Lake hadn’t been a bad choice. And honestly, neither had Dax—he might not have loved me, but he hadn’t hurt me. He hadn’t broken my faith, hadn’t tried using me to further his ambitions, hadn’t cared about my trust fund in any sense.

The things he was now saying … I wasn’t stupid. I knew he was playing on my fears by painting a picture of what could be my life at thirty-five if I continued having such bad luck with relationships. That didn’t mean it wasn’t working.

One of the reasons it was working so well was that there were more risks of pregnancy-related complications for women in their thirties. I’d already miscarried once before—that was four years ago, and very few people knew about it. I didn’t want to have to go through that again; didn’t want to increase the risks. Which made me feel even more pressured to find something serious.

“We could make it work, Addison,” he said, still so cool and confident.

I turned to face him. “And you’re ready for marriage? Parenthood?”

“I am. Aren’t you?”

“Yes. But do you really see this as the right route to go down?”

He pushed to his feet. “Arranged marriages aren’t rare, you know. They happen all over the world for one reason or another. They may, in many cases, be more like business transactions—at least initially. But a successful marriage can still be built on one.”

“Our fling didn’t go anywhere, so why would you think we’d have a chance at making a marriage work? That’s a little backwards, if you ask me.”

Lazily making his way toward me, he said, “We didn’t try to make what we had work. We decided it would be temporary because we were focused on other things—for you, college; for me, business. We also weren’t on the same page when it came to what we had in mind for the future. That’s no longer a factor.” He halted a mere foot away. “I’m sure you heard about my exes who sold their stories.”

I nodded.

“What bothers me more is that those relationships proved to be a waste of my time and energy—I’m not a man who wastes either, and I don’t intend to do it again.” He tilted his head. “Do you not resent how much time you lost to the relationships you strived to make work?”

I exhaled heavily. “Yes.”

For me, it wasn’t merely about having wasted my time and energy, though. It was also about hope. I’d invested so much of it in each serious relationship, I’d thrown myself into them, wanting so bad for them to amount to something. They never did.

“Then you understand,” he said.

I did. I got why our fallback pact would appeal to him. He’d given up on trying to build a real and long-lasting relationship with someone. Sealing business deals was what he did best; what he knew. And so he was taking that approach to secure the future he sought.

He smoothly glided closer, inadvertently blanketing me with the masculine, intoxicating scent of his cologne—as if he wasn’t potent enough without it. “You already know what it is to be mine, so you know what you’d be walking into. More to the point, you know you can rely on me. You know I don’t need your money or your connections.” Heat bled into his eyes. “And you know we suit well in bed.”

The low, deep pitch of his voice sent a wave of goosebumps sweeping up my arms. My body knew that pitch. Responded to it instantly, tightening; tingling; firing up.

“Just the same, I know what I’d be walking into. You’re dependable. Honest. Principled. Not a user—I’ve known too many of those.” He dipped his head slightly, his eyes darkening. “You also take my cock like it’s what you exist for.”

Those words were like a tongue dragging its way up my spine. The fucker could wield dirty talk like a sexual weapon. “Don’t.”

One brow slid up. “Don’t what?”

“Use that bedroom voice on me or hit me with trigger words.”

“I’ll use whatever I have in my arsenal to get what I want.”

Not a shocker. “It doesn’t bother you that this wouldn’t be a, you know, love match?”

“No. I’ve known plenty of couples who walked down an aisle because they loved each other, but then they later divorced. Love doesn’t ensure that a marriage is successful.”

Well, he had a point there. “You act dismissive toward love, but you had it once. You know it’s not something to be waved away.”

His jaw minutely tightened. “You and I have that in common, don’t we? We both had something good once. We both lost it. And we’ve both failed in our attempts to find it again.”

I narrowed my eyes. “You don’t think you ever will, do you?”

“No. Do you?”

Swallowing, I briefly looked away. “I used to think I might.” But even with Sabrina’s assurances, I didn’t feel hopeful.

“My exes like to claim I’m incapable of love. It isn’t true. But the fact is I’ve only ever loved one woman. I’ve cared for others, but that was as far as it went. I don’t foresee that changing.”

Or he didn’t want to feel so deeply for another again. If so, I could understand it. The pain that accompanied that kind of loss could make some people determined to never experience it again, even if it meant forever being alone.

I might be wrong in thinking it applied to Dax, though. As I recalled, he’d always held himself apart from others, even before Gracie.

Whatever the case, it was evident that entering into a marital life that was essentially a formal agreement appealed to him greatly. I suspected it was partly because there would be no pressure for him to feel the emotions that kept a typical marriage alive—something he didn’t believe he was capable of doing.

“Wouldn’t you at least want to care for the person you’re tying yourself to?” I asked. “Wouldn’t you rather they mattered to you on at least some level?”

His gaze flitted over my face, hyper-focused. “You have … value to me. Not many people outside my inner circle do.”

“That’s nice and all, but do you really think you could tie your life to that of someone you’ll only ever ‘value?’ Do you honestly believe you wouldn’t eventually come to resent that your marriage has about as much emotional importance to you as a toaster?”

Humor flashed in his eyes. “A toaster?”

“You know what I’m getting at. To you, this will be no different than a corporate agreement.” I cocked my head. “Be real with me, Dax, do you even care who you marry? Because I’m getting the sense that you don’t; that it makes no difference to you, since you don’t envision yourself becoming emotionally invested.”

His brows met. “I would never be indifferent toward something as serious as my choice of wife—a person I would have to commit to, live with, raise children with. Pact or not, I wouldn’t have made this proposition to you if I didn’t believe a marriage between us would work.”

“How can you be so sure it would?”

“Because we’d refuse to allow anything else. We’re both determined people who throw ourselves behind whatever we do and take our commitments very seriously. If we walk into this intent on ensuring it stays strong, that’s exactly what will happen.”

It was really starting to get annoying that he had an answer for freaking everything. I carved my fingers into my hair and held it in place at the back of my head. “Look, I understand why an arranged marriage would appeal to you—”

“It appeals to you, too,” he maintained, his eyes boring into mine; daring me to contradict him. “You would have walked out of here by now if it didn’t.”

“There’s some appeal in it, yes. But …” I trailed off, releasing my hair with a sigh.

“The problem here is you feel that you should brand it a crazy idea. You feel that you should reject it merely because arranged marriages aren’t common. But why does that have to matter?”

Truthfully, I guessed it didn’t. I’d organized weddings for couples who weren’t in love. They were still positive about their future; still happy to be moving forward with their lives; still determined to take their vows seriously. I’d respected them for it. There had been times I’d come across them years later happily walking hand in hand or pushing strollers.

“Who gives a fuck what other people typically do, Addison? Only you know what’s right for you. Only you know if searching for some supposedly all-important emotion is to you really worth putting the things you want from life on hold.”

I should really gag him or something. He was making too much sense, and I wasn’t sure I wanted him to. “If we did this—and that isn’t a yes, I’m just curious—when would you want to get married?”

“As soon as possible. I see no reason to wait. And if we were to set a date far off in the future, you’d spend the time in between second-guessing yourself.”

Oh, so true.

“I’m sure, given your experience with organizing weddings, you could arrange for ours to happen quickly.” It wasn’t a query; it was a confident statement.

I studied his face. “This is really, truly, honestly what you want?”

“Yes. It was your idea, remember?”

“I suggested we make the pact, but I didn’t actually think we’d need to go through with it. Admit it, you didn’t think it would come to this either.”

“I doubted it would, but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t serious when I agreed. Whether or not you meant it all the way, the fact remains that you promised me you. Are you going to keep your word or not?”

“I can’t quite believe you’re holding me to it.” Needing some breathing room, I stepped back, reeling and so damn overwhelmed. It was hard to think when he took up so much of my personal space. “Look, I can’t give you an answer right at this moment. This is a lot. You’ve had an opportunity to ruminate on it—and I’m sure you did plenty of it before you contacted me. I need that same opportunity.”

He twisted his mouth. “You still have a week before your time is fully up. Take that week to think about it. The day after your birthday, I’ll come to you. And I’ll expect an answer.”

I licked the inside of my lower lip. “Okay.”

“I want you to promise me that you’ll genuinely think about it—no closing your mind once you’re alone.”

“I’m not dismissing the idea, Dax. I just need time to properly go over it in my head, and I’ll do it with an open mind.”

He gave a satisfied nod. “Good girl.”

I narrowed my eyes, cursing my stomach for clenching. “I said no trigger phrases.”

His mouth hitched up. “Did you?”

God, he could be a handful.

Turning, he slowly prowled away. “You have my email address. If you reach a decision before the week is up, or you have questions between now and then, contact me.”

Crossing to my satchel, I picked it up. “Will do. I’ll, uh, let you get on with your day.” I headed for the door.

“One last thing.”

Pausing, I half-turned toward him and arched a questioning brow.

He planted his feet, his gaze once more boring into mine. “When you’re weighing up whether or not to honor your word, ask yourself something: Would you regret saying no five years from now if your personal goals remain unmet?”

I scraped my teeth over my lower lip. “All right.”

“I’ll be seeing you soon, Addison.”

I gave him a quick nod, left the office, and said my goodbyes to Benjamin. Outside the building, I blew out a long breath, mentally rocked.

God in heaven, I’d walked into that place expecting to discuss organizing a potential event and I’d walked out with a proposal of marriage to mull over.

Except … it wasn’t a real proposal. It was more of a suggested business deal. And I had a week to decide what to do about it.

After sliding into my car, I let my head tilt back to hit the headrest. Part of me couldn’t quite believe I was willing to consider going through with his suggestion. Another part of me thought I’d be stupid not to at least give it some thought—the same part of me that believed there was a good chance I’d end up a spinster.

Dating could be stressful even if you didn’t have marriage in mind for your future. A lot of pressure often came with it. It could be a rollercoaster at times.

It hadn’t been easy to move on after losing Lake, but I believed a person’s heart could be big enough to experience such a depth of emotion for more than one individual.

I’d eventually jumped back into the dating sea. It was often said that there were plenty of fish there. True. But sometimes you had to do an awful lot of fishing before you hooked a good one. And sometimes that fishing resulted in nothing, no matter how much effort you put into it. And sometimes you then got lonely as hell.

On how many occasions had I taken someone I barely even liked to a party or dinner as my plus-one just so I wouldn’t be alone? How many times had people offered to set me up with someone while giving me a pitying smile?

And God, the amount of instances where I’d agreed to a date only to realize the person opposite me merely wanted a booty call was plain annoying. As were the occasions on which people asked why I had such an aversion to relationships. Like they’d assumed I either had commitment issues, preferred to be single, or refused to move on from Lake.

Then there were people who decided I must be determined to put my work ambitions before anything else. They’d tell me that I needed to get my priorities straight; they’d remind me I wasn’t getting any younger. Nice.

Dax had offered me a solution. Not only an alternative to playing the dating game, but a way to ensure that my future went how I wanted it to go. And so many of the things he’d said had made sense, just as many of the points he’d made were valid.

No one could deny that he’d mastered the art of persuasion, could they?

I switched on the engine and drove back to my office building. Sabrina immediately leapt on my ass, wanting to know how the consultation had gone. Needing more time to chew on his suggestion alone, I chose not to mention it to her. Besides, I knew what my oh-so-daring friend would say anyway: Something along the lines of Go for it—if it doesn’t work out, you can leave him.

“He wants to hold a company event to celebrate some key milestones,” I lied as I strolled into my office.

Watching me settle at my desk, she narrowed her eyes. “Something’s off with you. You seem distracted.”

“Of course I am. I spent what felt like hours in a confined space with a man who kickstarts my body’s motor simply by breathing.” It wasn’t a lie.

Her lips curled. “So your hormones didn’t react any less enthusiastically to him this time round?”

“No, they didn’t. And you’re not supposed to find this funny.”

“I don’t!”

“You’re snickering to yourself.”

“I am not!”

“Liar. Now get out. I have an event proposal to type up.”

I spent the rest of my morning sending and answering emails or making and taking calls. There were always meetings to arrange, appointments to schedule, and vendors or clients that I needed to follow-up with. My focus was somewhat shit, since I had Dax’s words dancing around my head.

That focus didn’t improve in the afternoon as I went scouting venues with Sabrina, or when I later spent more time in my office handling emails and phone calls. Hating that I wasn’t able to fully concentrate, I was glad when my workday reached its end.

Once I’d compiled my to-do list for the following day, I headed home. Walking into the living room, I found Alicia lounging on the sofa, her fingers tapping the keys of her laptop. “I need your help making a pros and cons list,” I said, no hellos.

Her gaze briefly darted to me. “Pros and cons to what?” she asked, resuming typing.

“To whether or not I should marry Dax Mercier.”

And the laptop almost slid off her lap. “What in the fuck?” she burst out, her eyes wide. “He proposed to you?”

“Sort of.” I braced my satchel beside an armchair and then sank into it. “Back when I was young and stupid, I laughingly made a pact with him that we’d get married if we were both single when I turned thirty. He’s holding me to it. Mostly because, essentially, he’s done with dating and wants to take control of where his life is going.”

Gaping, she placed her laptop on the coffee table. “And you’re considering this?” The question was empty of judgement.

“I wasn’t at first. But some of the stuff he said and the questions he threw at me really got me thinking.”

She scooted forward on her seat. “What kind of things did he say?”

“He asked where I saw myself in five years, and the question hit me hard. Look, I’m grateful for all I have—my family, my friends, my business, my home. I never take any of it for granted. But what I did take for granted was that I’d be married with kids at this point in my life. You know me. I visualize what I want. I work toward it. And I go for it.”

“You usually always get it.”

“Not this time, though. This isn’t something I’ve been able to make happen. I’ve tried. Hard. But it’s something you can’t force.” I rubbed at my temple. “I didn’t realize I’d started to give up on meeting someone until I found myself contemplating going down the sperm donor route.”

Her lips parted in surprise. “You never told me that.”

“I never told anybody that. The point is I’m almost thirty, and I don’t have the things I really want in life. Who’s to say my situation will be any different in five years unless I make it happen?”

She bit into the inside of her cheek. “You could still meet someone between now and then.”

“I could. But I might not.”

“Wait, I thought Dax doesn’t want kids.”

“It seems he changed his mind,” I said with a slight shrug. “I’m not saying I’ll definitely do it. But I do need to look at this from every angle. I need to identify every pro and con. And I’m really, really hoping you’ll help me with it.”

Alicia slowly dipped her chin. “Then that’s what I’ll do.”

I felt my shoulders droop in relief. “Thank you.” I plucked a notepad and pen from my satchel and then sat beside her on the couch. “Right. To properly do this, we both need to be as objective as possible.”

“Okay. You’ll be doing most of the thinking, because you know him better than I do, so I’ll do the writing.” She took the pen and pad from me, drew a vertical line, and then added the titles “pros” and “cons.” She cleared her throat and sat up a little straighter. “Let’s start with the pros.”

“I won’t have to worry that he’ll cheat—he’s far too loyal for that, and he’d see it as disrespecting us both.”

She scribbled “trust” on the list. “What else?”

“I’ll finally have the thing I want most without the use of a sperm donor.”

“A true pro,” she said, writing my point down. “Not that there’s anything wrong with using sperm donors. I would just rather you weren’t raising a child alone. Being a single parent can’t be anything close to easy.” A smile tugged at her mouth. “You know, you two would make cute babies. That should go on the pros list. I mean, who wants an ugly baby?”

I frowned. “No babies are ugly.”

“If you say so.”

Once she’d finished jotting down “cute babies,” I went on, “Unlike with some of the guys in my past, it won’t be an issue for Dax that I have money.”

“Yeah, his wallet is thicker than yours. And he’s smart and successful and has his shit together—all bonuses.” She scribbled them down and then said, “Being married to him would sure help your business. I know Sapphire Glade doesn’t need help. But let’s face it, people will want to hire Dax Mercier’s wife. Oh, and we mustn’t forget to note that he’s hot as a motherfucker.” She did just that. “Is his dick pretty sizeable?”

I felt my eyes widen. “Seriously, Alicia?”

“What? You can’t say such a detail wouldn’t count as a pro. He walks like a man who’s gifted down south, but I’ve known guys who do that and yet don’t have the big equipment to back it up. Is he well-equipped or not?”

“Not.”

Her face fell in disappointment. “Really?”

No. “Maybe.”

She fired me a look of supreme exasperation. “Forget I asked.”

“Planning to. Now, moving right along … His family is solid, and our parents get along. That shouldn’t be overlooked—Dad doesn’t like most people.”

“That’s true,” she agreed, noting it. “Another pro is that you can finally be done with the dating scene.”

I nodded. “There’ll be no more pressure to find someone who I could be serious about. Oh, and I don’t have to worry that Dax has an ulterior motive for getting close to me—he doesn’t need anything from me.”

“Except your hand in marriage. But yeah, I get what you mean.” After she’d added the new points to the column, she sat up with a smile and said, “Ooh, I’d get to be a bridesmaid.”

I felt my brow crease as she wrote it down. “This is about pros for me.”

“Do you have more?”

“He fucks like a god.”

Alicia chuckled. “Oh, that’s a definite plus.” She noted it and then scanned the list. “You know, this guy is looking more and more attractive as we go on. If you decide you don’t want him, introduce us; I’ll totally consider marrying him.”

I didn’t like how that idea made my stomach hurt. “I thought you were done with men for a while.”

“I could make an exception. Now back to the list … You marrying Dax would make Felicity’s head explode. She’d hate that you’re her cousin-in-law.”

“I’m bitchy enough to find that a pro.”

Alicia smirked. “Me, too. I’m totally writing it down.” We both fell into a pensive silence. She broke it after a few moments, saying, “Huge pro: You’d be moving out, which means this house would then be vacant and I can buy it from you.”

I sighed at her. “Again, this list is for me.”

“Don’t be selfish. I’m important, too.”

I rolled my eyes. “All right, what else?” I twisted my mouth, thoughtful. “I can’t think of any more pros.”

“Me neither. Time to move onto the cons, then.”

“Okay. Well, first of all, we don’t love each other. And I don’t see that changing. He has completely given up on finding someone he can feel that strongly for again. I’m not even sure he actually wants to be in that emotional position a second time. Not that I need him to love me, especially when I’m not even sure I could return the favor. I just mean it’s a sad situation.”

“Yeah.” A frown slipped over her face. “Honestly, I’m not a big fan of love, though. I’ve only ever been hurt by the guys I fell that hard for.”

“Yeah, same here. With the exception of Lake, of course.”

“But the point remains—love can be more trouble than it’s worth, right?”

Right. “So this isn’t necessarily a con, then,” I mused.

“No. I’d say it can go on both lists. Because just maybe it wouldn’t be bad to build something long-term with someone who you don’t so deeply adore, because then they don’t have the power to hurt you. Or maybe I’m just being cynical. Whatever the case, I’m writing it down in both columns.”

While she did so, I continued, “A big problem is that Dad and Ollie will probably pop a vein on hearing I’m sticking to a fallback marriage pact rather than marrying for love.”

Her nose wrinkled. “Again, though, is that really a con?”

Considering it for a moment, I hummed. “It can be fun to watch them lose their shit. Plop that on both lists. Also add the con that, since this is a business arrangement rather than a love match, there’s a higher risk of me and Dax divorcing.”

“Why would there be a higher risk?”

“He could grow to feel trapped, or meet someone who he’d feel suits him better. He wouldn’t cheat, but he might want to wiggle his way out of the marriage. The same could apply to me, really.” I gave her time to add my new points to the cons column before I went on, “He’s bossy and controlling and a total meddler.”

“Such is the nature of an alpha male. But you’re used to dealing with them, so I’d say you’ll handle it fine. Even so, I’ll jot it down.”

Biting my lip, I searched my mind for more negatives … and came up blank. “It’s worrying me that I can’t think of more cons. Why can’t I think of more?” There had to be some.

“Maybe because you don’t want to, so you’re indulging in the bliss of ignorance.”

That was what concerned me. I sank further into the sofa cushion. “Do you think I’d be stupid to say yes?”

“No. Arranged marriages can work. And we have a list of reasons here why he’d be a good choice of husband for you. Or me.”

I huffed and tipped my head back. “He said to ask myself if—should I say no but then my circumstances don’t change over the next five years—I’d regret the decision I made.”

“And would you?”

I rubbed at my forehead, reluctantly admitting, “Yes. Marleigh talks about soul mates and stuff; about Ollie being hers. She believes everyone’s other half is out there to find—plenty of people all over the world do. I don’t know if I believe it’s real, but I know I clicked with Lake in a way that I haven’t with anyone else. And if things keep going that way, I really could be alone in five years. At that point, I’d definitely give up and just go find a sperm donor. So would it really make much difference if I instead married someone for the purpose of having kids and all that jazz?”

“Not really. I’m sensing there’s a ‘but,’ though.”

“But if I do say yes, I might spend my life wondering if I made the right choice or if I would have met someone I connected with if I’d only waited. It’d be unfair to Dax if I was doing that, wouldn’t it? Unfair that a part of me was all caught up in what ifs?”

She angled her body toward me. “I don’t think you’d do that.”

“Why not?”

“Because by then, you’ll have babies. And you’d never want to imagine a life that didn’t include them. Without Dax, they wouldn’t exist.”

I did a slow blink. She was actually right. I’d have not one regret, because it would mean wishing away the existence of my kids—that was something I’d never do.

She gently poked my shoulder. “I think you’re more worried that he’ll be caught up in what ifs.”

Again, she was right. “He seems so sure about all this. So confident it’d pan out for us both. But I don’t know if he’s really considered what it would be like to share his life with someone he feels no attachment to. He sees the positives, but maybe not the negatives. Or he just didn’t mention the negatives because they wouldn’t add weight to his ‘You should totally marry me’ argument.”

“That’s certainly possible.” She placed the notepad and pen on the table. “Think on all this some more if you have to. It wouldn’t be wise to rush into making such a decision anyway. But if after chewing on it more thoroughly you genuinely believe it could be the right thing for you, I see no reason why you shouldn’t do it. In fact, I say go for it.”

“Because you want what’s best for me, or because you want my house?”

“Can’t it be both?”

Rolling my eyes yet again, I gave my head a slow shake.

“A good person to talk to about this would be Brooks,” said Alicia, referring to the friend Dax and I shared. “He knows you and Dax well—if there are cons we haven’t seen, he’ll spot them.”

He would. Plus, he often gave good advice. “I’ll call him tomorrow.” Since Brooks now lived in Africa and I wasn’t in a position to go traveling, I couldn’t talk about it with him in person.

“Did you ask for Sabrina’s opinion?”

“I don’t need to. I know she’ll urge me to do this—she’s the opposite of risk averse.”

Alicia allowed that with a tilt of her head. “Harri would be behind you—once she got over the shock, of course. Mom and Dad? Probably not. Ollie will want you to have what he has with Marleigh, so he’ll be against it. But they’ll all support your decision because they love you. Eventually, anyway.”

“I wonder how Dax’s family would feel about it.”

“I don’t think he’ll care how they feel, personally. It’s well-known that that man goes his own way in life. If he’s decided he wants you, no one will talk him out of making you his.” She paused. “Maybe not even you.”