9. Adrian

nine

The knocking on my door is insistent. For a moment, I'm confused because very few people knock on my door, and no one at this time of night. I tug my jumper down from where it's wrapped around me when I passed out on the couch and rush to open the door before whoever it is awakens my neighbours.

Kandi pants, looking around wildly. "Tag, you"re it. I gotta go kill an alpha." She shoves Jade into my arms, and then jogs back to Sven's car, where the two of them start very loudly arguing.

I watch for a long minute, and then decide I don't give a fuck.

"Hello, Jade."

Jade backs up out of my arms and wraps her arms around herself and sniffles. She actually sniffles, and I can't help it. I wrap an arm around her shoulders and usher her into my house.

"Why did Kandi, uh," I trial off struggling to find a word that isn't offensive.

"Dump me? Abandon me? Ditch me like a stray dog?" Jade folds her arms under her breasts as she slouches on my couch. I have to admit, I like her there. Alot. "She's so clean, and I have this thing where I tend to," the tiny omega turns red and fails to meet my eyes, "I just, I can't help it. I'm clumsy or something."

"I see."

"So, I accidentally dumped the dinner on her couch, but I didn't know I wasn't supposed to sit on the couch, she had told me not to put the plate on the table, but she never mentioned there were place mats." Jade huffs. "And Sven was there, trying to get rid of me, the big meanie, and the more he was trying to get rid of me, the more I wanted to cry, and the more I wanted to cry, the harder it got to not do stupid things, and then Kandi was yelling," she's yelling now and crying, "and Sven was saying ‘I told you so' in his big fat head voice, and they just decided to drop me here because, apparently, you are as messed up as I am, but you're not. Because at least someone wants you. Because I want you, and I think you're perfect."

I have no words. She's wailing, breaking down in a way that reminds me of why I hate waiting rooms, but my reaction is entirely opposite. When I see Jade cry, I feel this panic, this need to fix it. Where has my apathy gone?

She thinks I'm perfect? I try to hide the smile, but I can't. No one's ever said that to me before.

"Jade, someone wants you-"

"Trevor the Toad doesn't count," Jade snaps. "You don't want me, even though we're scent matches. Sven and Kandi just ditched me. My entire pack isn't a pack, and I'm all alone. I'm a broken omega!"

Oh, gods. I whip my head around my house, searching for something, anything, that can help me, and remember the ice cream in my freezer. Simon said he keeps it for Onyx at all times because it's her ‘go to' when she's sad and broody.

"Hold that thought." I rush off into the kitchen. I'm almost afraid to leave her alone. What kind of disasters can she create? I grab the ice cream and two spoons, hesitate, and then grab the can of whipped cream as well.

Okay, so she's a little mini bomb, but it's not that bad. She's on the couch, wrapped in my blankets, the coffee tables have been moved, the channel on the TV has been changed. She just shifted everything just a bit out of how I would have them.

I honestly don't mind, though, I think, and sit beside her. I hand her the ice cream and the spoon. She takes them and sniffles again.

"Thanks."

"Sven and Kandi have some stuff to sort out. I'm sure that's why they're being odd tonight."

"Sure," Jade says morosely around a mouthful of ice cream. "How to get rid of their unwanted omega in three hours or less?"

I bite back a smile. "You can stay here. Even when I move out, you can stay-"

She stops eating, pushing the ice cream aside, and curls up deeper in the blankets.

"I'm going to sleep now, I think. Thanks for the ice cream."

"Oh, sure." I know exactly why she's cut me off, but I don't know how to make her see that this is the best option for everyone. If I leave, I get out of Kandi and Sven's way, allowing them to have happiness without the questions and doubts. And Jade…well, she deserves more than just a grumpy alpha with no friends.

I wait for her to get up, but when she doesn't, I let out a growl before I can stop myself. She shudders, and I almost bite my tongue. Why can't I just be friendly? Fuck it. I bend down, scooping the omega and all her blankets off the couch, and carry her down the hallway to my bedroom.

I dump her on the bed. She flails around until she gets her balance, gets on her knees, and glares at me. All fiery eyes and heaving chest. I trail my gaze over her body, unable to stop myself.

"What do you think you're doing?" Jade snarls.

"You sleep in here. I'll take the couch."

Her expression falters, and she licks her lips. The movement, I know it's unconscious, innocent, but on her, it's so seductive I take a half step towards her before I catch myself.

There's something about having this woman, this tiny little pocket omega wrapped up in my blankets, in my house, in my freaking bedroom, on my bed, staring at me. It's bringing out a side of me that I"ve fought hard to keep hidden.

As the low growl thrums in the surrounding air, I half turn, but she lunges across the room, bringing with her a swirl of blackberries, tart and sweet, and then her small hand lands gently on my arm. I whip around, leaning over her, my arm capturing her above her lower back before she can retreat.

She smells so sweet. I lean towards her, watching her eyes fall closed, her lips are shiny where her tongue has moistened them. I want to taste her. My cock twitches, and I close my eyes, moving even closer. We're parted by the thinnest barrier of air. I can feel the heat of her, the warmth. She exhales, and it goes straight into my lungs. I want her.

No, wait. I pull back, and her eyes snap open. For a heartbeat, there is pure devastation and uncertainty in her gaze, and then she shrugs.

"Fine. I'll sleep in here. You take the couch."

"Jade," I protest, but she sighs heavily, her shoulders slumping.

"You leave on Friday, right? So what happens to me?"

"You can stay here in this house. I'll make sure it's okay. I'll leave you everything, all the furniture. You can have a fresh start, make a new life. Kandi and Sven will protect you until Trevor is caught."

"Okay, sure, Adrian. Thanks."

Her tone is all wrong, but I can't think of another way to reassure her. I'm scared that if I go near her again, I'll take her, and I won't stop until I bury my knot inside her.

I retreat carefully towards the door, and then leave before I can change my mind and go back. It takes me far too long to find my phone, the scent of her in my house is distracting.

"Sven," I bark into the phone when he finally picks up. "What the fuck was that?"

"Don't use that tone with me," Sven growls

"Do you have any idea how awful you both made that poor girl feel?"

Sven grunts. "I'm surprised you care."

"I'm not a monster," I almost shout. I get up and start pacing the lounge room. Every part of it is soaked in memories of Sven and I. But, for the first time, this is not okay. He can play his games with me, that's fine, but I can't watch him hurt this tiny omega, especially not when he didn't see what she looked like that first night. Her dead eyes, the fear she couldn't erase, it soaked the air.

Tonight, she hadn't been afraid. She'd been resigned. I don't want her body bruised and broken with no life in it.

"You could always stay, Addy."

I close my eyes. "And wish for things I can't have?" I whisper.

"You can have her," Sven murmurs back. His voice is hauntingly sad.

"She deserves better than someone like me. She is light and good, and I'm, I'm me."

Sven stays silent on the other end of the phone. We both know he doesn't agree with my self-loathing. Sometimes, I wonder what would have happened if he'd claimed me. Would I still hate myself so much? I can't tell.

"I have to go," I say in exhaustion.

"Don't leave," Sven says suddenly.

"Are you asking or telling?"

"Both. Don't go. Stay here. Stay with her. She needs you. Stay with me."

I inhale roughly, squeezing my eyes closed. "You don't mean it."

"You're my best friend, Addy. I don't want you to go."

"I can't be this anymore with you," I admit with more regret than I have words for. "You're my best friend, too, and I love you far more than I should. And that's the problem. I love, and you care."

"Not true," Sven growls.

"I'm leaving on Friday." I hesitate, hating myself for asking. "Will I see you before then?"

Sven is tense, silent. "I have to work."

The blow is bitter. I should hang up, yet I cling to the phone as the silence between us grows.

"Addy, I-" Sven cuts off with a groan. "Good luck with your move."

He hangs up before I can say anything. My hand and the phone drop to the couch, and I wonder if this hole inside me will ever heal enough to let me live again.

I remember every minute of our friendship. Meeting him by accident at a bar, just two lonely men looking for a quiet drink. I went back a week later hoping to run into him. Our connection was instant. When I met him, it felt like I'd known him for a thousand years. Conversation was easy, the light flirting was intoxicating, and the casual touches filled a hole that had been growing in me.

But we never crossed the line. I think in the beginning, it didn't feel romantic. It felt more and less. Love, at least on my side, grew slowly and over time. My friend became my crush and became the man I loved. It felt like in all the world, I'd found someone like me, someone who just got me. I wasn't alone so long as he was in my world.

But, somewhere down the track, it became a situation that left me hurting and lonely more often than not. It became unhealthy and one-sided.

I walk to my kitchen and start pulling out the piles of paper I hurl into the drawers whenever our mailman visits. I throw three quarters away, and I'm almost done boxing up the last few cupboards when I see a shape stepping up on my porch. I open the door and walk out and find nothing.

I shiver and turn slowly, but just as I turn towards the right, I'm slammed up against the wall of my house. My hands are ripped up and pinned. It doesn't matter because I can smell licorice.

My cock gets hard instantly, and I lean towards him, inhaling deeply.

"Sven!" I moan.

"Addy," he growls back. "I can't…I just fucking can't." He leans closer, brushing our noses, and lets go of a breath he's been holding.

I lace my fingers through his, holding him in some small way as he slowly closes the distance until our cocks are aligned, and his mouth is hot on my cheek.

"Addy," Sven whispers. "You can't leave me. I won't survive it."

"But, Sven, I won't survive living without you," I whisper back. "I'm drowning with every day that we spend like this."

He groans, and then turns his head just a fraction. His lips brush the corner of my mouth. I hold still, allowing him to do it. Letting him choose.

"Why do you taste like freedom?" Sven moans, and then his fingers clutch harder, and he grinds himself into me, but I'm lost because Sven is kissing me.

His tongue steals into my mouth, his lips are softer than I'd imagined, but he leads the kiss with skills that leave me breathless and like putty beneath him.

Sven tears his mouth away from me and leans back to look into my eyes. "Oh, fuck, you're going to be the death of me. I just know it." He leans in and presses kisses up my jaw, mouthing and nipping.

"Sven," I whimper.

"Hush, I'm thinking," Sven growls and thrusts his tongue in my mouth. All thoughts vanish, and I give myself over to the kiss.

We kiss until my lips feel twice their size, until I'm burning up and feeling like just a simple brush of his hand against my cock would make me blow in my pants.

He drops his head on my shoulder. "I need to talk to Kandi."

Reality drops a bomb on me. I feel cold and ill. I didn't think.

"Fuck," I whisper. "We should not have done that."

"You're staying!" Sven growls and pulls his hands free. He slides them down my chest, and then back up to my heart. "You're not leaving me. I'm not asking, Addy. I'm fucking telling you. Don't you dare leave me."

I stare at his face, seeing the determination written there. "Three weeks," I say to him. "I'll give us all three weeks to see if we can work out what's going on."

Sven hesitates, and then nods. "Fine, three weeks, but-" He tilts his head and melds our lips together, swallowing my moan.

"Oh, you taste so good," Sven murmurs when he comes up for air. "I'm going to talk to my girlfriend."

"She's going to kill me," I mutter darkly.

"What makes you think she doesn't already know?" Sven says with a shrug.

I frown. "What does that mean?"

Sven kisses my cheek. "Goodnight, hot stuff."

"Sven! What does that mean? Sven?" I stand on the porch and watch as he disappears down the drive. A few minutes later, I hear a car leave, only then do I reluctantly go inside. Hope seeps out of me, giving me this strangely unsettled feeling that is new and untested. It's strange, but I almost think I smell sweet blackberries, too, but when I check on her, the omega is sound asleep.