22. Sven

twenty-two

There's a cold kernel of displeasure that's making this harder than it needs to be. Kandi says I need to let my walls down, but she's wrong. I need to erect them and fortify them. I can't let them see who I really am.

I pad through the house, silently searching until I find him sitting alone in his office.

Just having him in my sights, I find the disquiet inside me easing. He's the most beautiful man I"ve ever seen. He's also the smartest. I know him so well, I can tell there is something deeply wrong with him, and right now, Adrian is sitting in a storm of his own making. His jacket is gone, and his shirt is hanging open.

"Are we going to talk about it? What's wrong with us? I've tried to put my finger on what went wrong, and all I can come up with is that sex with me was awful for you."

Addy looks up, his blue eyes find me and shutter, which pisses me off. Why is Addy keeping secrets from me?

I ease into the room and stalk towards him, where he's sitting on his office chair, and grip his nape. He shoves my hand off and stands up. I don't give him even a second to move away from me. I'm in his space, pushing him up against the wall, but unlike with Kandi, Addy spins and shoves me back.

I capture his wrist and jerk him towards me. He grips my throat with one huge hand and puts pressure on it. I still, my chin tilted up.

Addy growls. It's such a raw, wild sound. "Hypothetical question." He pauses and squeezes my throat slightly. "Are you listening?"

"I'm listening," I say in a low tone.

"If someone did something irrevocable and couldn't remember it, would you tell them?"

"How irrevocable?"

"Life changing," Addy whispers. "Something that will be with them forever."

I search his eyes. Yeah, this pensive side of Addy is deeply concerning. "Whatever it is, it will be okay."

"It's self-preservation," Addy murmurs, almost like we're having a debate. "Trauma related. Something. Ethically, this could be the worst thing I've ever done in my life. But…"

"What?"

"You gave me no fucking choice," Addy growls. "How can I possibly live like this? After what happened to her, how can I allow it to go on?"

I don't know what's going on, but he still has hold of my neck, and the atmosphere feels charged, dangerous.

"Adrian," I whisper. "What's wrong? I'll fix it. Whatever it is, just tell me, and I'll take care of it."

He focuses on me, and it's like he's seen me for the first time since I walked into the room. His eyes darken, and his fingers flex. "I should tell you. I really fucking should. Perhaps it would be better to show you?"

"Tell me what?" But even as I say the words, a shiver ripples up my spine, and I get this thought that whispers, I don't want to know.

"Tell you," Adrian leans in close, his lips brushing over mine, but the kiss lacks kindness. It's cruel in its gentleness, and my hackles rise. "Perhaps I should just return the kindness. No questions, no conversations. I should just…take. What's. Mine."

Adrian reaches for his belt, undoing it with one hand and snapping it out of his pants. Despite the warning inside me, I lean towards him, needing to get closer.

I reach out and push his shirt back, sliding my hands up his hot skin. Addy doesn't even acknowledge me.

"Kneel," he growls coldly.

For a moment, I hesitate, but I allow him to push me down to my knees by my throat.

"Look closely, Sven. Really close."

Well, this is strange and not very sexy. And, wait, Adrian isn't even hard? Am I misreading this whole situation?

I look him over, leaning forward to get a taste, only for him to slam his palm against my head and hold me back.

But then I spot a ring of red, swollen flesh. Once I spot it, I can't unsee it no matter how much I might want to. Jealousy churns through me, making me ill.

Who? I inhale, desperate to catch the scent of the alpha I'm going to murder. I lean against Adrian's hand, pushing to get closer. I get close enough to catch a whiff of licorice….

Wait.

Is that…mine?

I let Adrian push me back and fall on my ass.

"How?"

He snarls at me, yanks up his pants, then the anger breaks. His shoulders slump, and he crashes to his knees in front of me.

"Sven, it's okay, breathe." He shakes his head and grips my shoulders. "Hey, you big jerk of a soldier, breathe. What did I just tell you!"

When did I stop breathing? What is that rasping sound?

"That's my bond…" my lips are moving, but I don't feel like I'm talking. I feel like I'm falling backwards off a cliff. A surge of possessive pride floods me, leaving my head whirling and me clutching Addy's wrist.

Mine.

That one word sinks into me like a tsunami warning blaring into the night sky. Every part of me comes alert, adrenaline and fear flood my system, leaving me cold and feeling like brittle glass.

I can see the way the light from the lamp bounces off his cheekbones. How his long lashes sweep down and up as he blinks. There's a single tiny freckle to the right of his cupid's bow. He's solid, a wall of concrete that I can't move. My strength meets his over and over, and neither of us breaks. It's been that way for all these years.

And then I went and did that.

I push his pants open so I can look down at the teeth imprints. I reach out slowly to run my fingers across the healing wounds. Addy flinches when my thumb touches his skin, but I'm lost in the cyclone of feelings that open up in me.

I can feel him inside me. Deep in my chest, like there's me and there's a door, and on the other side, inside me all this time, Addy's been there. I press my free hand to my chest, aching because I can feel him. All of it, the pain, the uncertainty, the fear, the anger. I don't know why I'd imagined these bonds to be small. Addy is a behemoth, staring through a keyhole of my bond.

I lick my dry lips. "When did I…"

"Four days ago."

I squeeze my eyes closed. "I stepped away. I tried so hard to do the right thing."

"You need to tell me what's going on," Adrian growls. He stands up and yanks his pants back up and buttons them. "Now. If you're going to stay here, I need to know you're safe to be around Jade."

"I'm as safe as I've always been," I say evasively and try not to show how much that question hurt me.

I snap my head in the direction of the bedroom. What is that? Adrian follows my gaze and frowns. I rub at my chest. There is something calmer, mellow, silky smooth, but pleasant inside me. It rubs up against me like a cat.

It's not the omega.

I'm halfway to my feet when the answer hits me, and I stagger sideways, falling to my knees a second time.

"What's wrong now, Sven?" Adrian sounds tired.

"I did it to her as well," I whisper in horror.

I get to my feet and grab for the door. Adrian gets there first, cutting me off.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going away. I have to."

Adrian's face gets harder. Colder. "Don't make me be this person, not with you. I'm not letting you do this. Not to me. Not to Kandi, and not to that omega. Your time just ran out, Sven."

I shake my head. "I don't know what you mean."

Adrian searches my face. "Stay with me, Sven. Stay with Kandi. We need you."

I bark a laugh. How ridiculous. "You don't need me to stay. You need me to go far, far away."

Adrian looks up at the ceiling. "The bond only works one way right now. I can feel you, you can feel me, too, except you can shut it off. Ignore it. Pretend it's not there. And I will ache for you, yearn for you. Need my alpha because there is a bond started but not fulfilled."

I nod my head sadly. "That's the way it's got to be."

Addy sags. He looks utterly defeated. "Can I just hug you before you leave? I promise, I won't try to make you stay."

I weigh his words but, at last, nod. He steps into me, hugging me tight, leaning down so his breath wafts against my neck.

"I love you, Addy," I say it easily. Our last goodbye.

"Yeah," He says contemplatively. "Then you should have remembered who I am," Adrian snaps.

His words confuse me, and it takes me a moment too long to realise what he's talking about. But then I'm silent, shouting in pain as his teeth burrow deep into my skin. A feeling of completeness hits me, heavy and warm. It feels like him, and now there is a connection, golden, stronger than anything I've ever felt, bridging us.

He pulls back and laps at my neck. I can't move in his arms. He wouldn't let me, even if I wanted to. I should never have taught him how to fight me. I don't know how much time passes. My mind is reeling. I'm struggling to grasp the events of the last hour, but Addy is still holding me, and I don't feel like I'm going to fall apart. But when he reluctantly pulls away from me and steps back, it all falls on me, drowning me.

His last words come back to me. My eyes lift to meet his. The Lone Alpha. The doctor with a reputation for being heartless. For being cold and ruthless. He's killed before. We've never discussed it, but I know he has. I recognise it in his eyes.

My Adrian. My ruthless son of a bitch bastard mate.

"You little shit," I hiss at him.

He shrugs his shoulders. "Leave me now, Alpha. I fucking dare you. I'll drag your ass kicking and screaming back here."

With that, he turns and walks out of the room. I stand there, fists clenched, staring at the closed door while my temper soars. Lord knows I want to follow him. I fight it hard, but Addy is not someone I can let walk away from me.

I stalk him through the house and find him in the kitchen, the omega standing between us both. She looks up at me and smiles. So small, so innocent. Someone a person like me would completely break.

An omega that someone like me would destroy.

"What are you doing up?" I growl at her.

Her smile falters, and she holds up ice-cream. "Kandi and I wanted some."

Adrian leans back against the counter with his arms folder, waiting. He raises an eyebrow in direct challenge. It drives my inner self up the fucking wall.

But she moves, and I focus back on her, on the way her hips tilt to the sides. She paces towards me and places a hand on my arm. I want her. I want those clothes gone. If I had my way, I'd bury my face in her pussy until all I can smell and taste is her. Why are these three my weaknesses? Every one of them pulls at me.

"Sven, you're bleeding."

I lift my eyes and glare at Addy. "Yeah, I am."

"I'm still waiting for the answer to my question," Addy snaps in warning.

Jade moves closer still. I sweep her into my arms, glaring at Addy. Daring him to stop me.

I lose thought of what I'm doing, almost as soon as her chest hits mine. She feels so good in my arms, tiny and perfect. Her scent is strong and sweet, with just a hint of bitter. I lift her up, and she melts against me.

Yes.

BOND HER!My mind screams.

I tilt my head down, and her lips press on mine. I open my mouth and press my tongue against hers. Her scent is in everything now. Her small hands run over my scalp, down my neck, and across my shoulders. I kiss and nip at her lips until she's mewling in my arms. This spinning, crazy ride has no end.

I break away and spot Adrian's molten stare. Fuck. NO! FUCK! I pry her off me and set her down and back up.

"Fuck. What was that?"

"Preheat, by my guess," Adrian says with a mocking wink.

"Are you having fun? You have no idea what you've done," I snarl.

"So tell us," Kandi says from the doorway.

I turn, finding all three of them now in the kitchen, blocking me in. I'm trapped. My panic flares.

Adrian pushes off the counter, walks to the backdoor, and kicks it open. "Run, if you must."

"You won't stop me?" I snarl.

"I promised I wouldn't."

He had. He promised he wouldn't before he bit me. I reach up to touch the wound on my neck. When I touch it, the connection between us gets louder, and I can almost feel him.

"You'll come back," Adrian says coldly. "You'll come back or I'll come get you and, Sven, for every day you're gone, you will be punished."

"Punished? Who the fuck do you think you are? How do you know I'll come back?" I snarl at him.

"I know you'll come back because you love me. And you love her. And you're falling for her. Because two of us wear your mark, Alpha, and the third is begging for it. That's how I know that no matter how far you run, you will come back."

Adrian has advanced, crossing the room, closing the space, making every fear I've ever had in my life a reality.

"So go. Because you need to try. But don't fight it for long, Sven." Adrian dips his mouth down and licks up the side of my jaw. "I'm tired of waiting."

I shudder as he steps back.

Apparently, this is what Adrian's been heading for this whole time. This is what he looks like when he cracks.

There's a war inside me, demanding I stay. Screaming, I leave. Two sides, fear and yearning. Responsibility and need. Desire and shame. My past flashes in my mind, and Adrian winces. His eyes widen.

"What was that?" He sounds uncertain.

Terror makes my mouth feel like it's full of cotton wool. I stagger back, away from him. One, two, three steps, before I whirl and throw myself out of the backdoor and into the night.

Running. Again.

Like I always do.

But I can never run far enough to escape the past.