7. Ginger

CHAPTER 7

ginger

"Baby," I breathed, kissing Jules's knee, "you are so fucking beautiful."

She turned red and grabbed a few tissues from the box on her bedside table, keeping some for herself and giving the rest to me. "Sorry about the mess." Her neck flushed scarlet.

Oh, hell no.

" Hey ," I said sharply, taking the tissues out of her hands. Her eyes widened. "Don't fucking apologize for who you are. I understand that not knowing how I'd react would make you self-conscious, but I think you're stunning. And your body in ecstasy is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

Her tears returned, so I quickly cleaned us off and crawled up the bed, pulling her into my arms. She tucked in, her shoulders rising and falling as she cried into my neck.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I'm so sorry that this isn't just… easy." I ran my free hand over her silken hair, petting it.

"You don't have to apologize for who you are, either," she said wetly. "I don't even know why I'm crying, exactly. I'm just so relieved , you know? Like, all of this pain that didn't have any place to go… I can release it."

Fuck, what a perfect way to say that.

"It's as if we can put down all of this baggage we've been carrying around," I said, hopefully in a soothing voice. "I still need to be careful, but nothing about seeing all of you or being with you has set off anything."

"Same." Tears seemed to steal her voice, so I quietly stroked her hair. Jules sniffled and finally settled. "I didn't realize how shitty Eliana had been until you said I was stunning. I haven't felt anything close to that in so long."

Anger flared and my hands curled into fists.

"That bitch must've been a real fucking piece of work." I kissed her temple, wishing I could take her ex out behind the shed. "I mean, who doesn't see how beautiful you are?"

She snort-laughed into my neck, then wiped her tears from my skin. "She seemed to have missed the memo."

I shook my head. "Anybody lucky enough to be allowed into an intimate space with you would have to be the world's biggest asshole not to value how much love you have to give. Not to love you the same way in return."

"She said I was needy."

More anger boiled up in my guts. "Oh, fuck off," I spat. "Seriously, no decent person would act like your very human need for love is a negative thing. Don't you dare internalize that."

She sniffled. "Get out of my head."

I chuckled. "No. Absolutely not. I want to know how you think. I want to learn everything about you."

"Okay, here's something about me: I've never been touched that way before." She blinked up at me, her eyelashes stuck together in a spiky fringe. "I jokingly call it a lady dick, but just as often, I use the regular words for what things are. Cock, balls, head. It doesn't bother me."

"But it doesn't seem to make you feel comfortable, either. Or beautiful," I noted.

She looked to the side and let out a breath. "You treated my glans like a clitoris. I've only been able to accomplish that in my own imagination. I've never been with somebody who let themselves imagine it with me." Her voice cracked at the end. "Sorry. I really don't mean to be a crybaby."

I tightened my grip on her. "Jules, when are you going to get it through your head that you don't need to apologize? I may not look very emotional right now, but that's just because I'm in shock. I really thought I was going to have to… I don't know. Overcome . Talk myself down from a shame spiral. Take a breather." I held up a finger, cutting her off as she opened her mouth. "Which, I cannot express strongly enough how willing I am to do that for you. But that's not what this was."

"It wasn't?"

I kissed her so she knew I was telling the truth. "Do you not understand what a privilege it is to see you relax into an orgasm? Do you not know how dazzling and sexy and feminine you are?"

"Sometimes I forget," she said, gesturing to her softening cock.

"Well, if you want an outside perspective, you are fucking gorgeous. More importantly, you made me feel comfortable enough to have fun."

"I made you feel safe?" she asked, kissing my jaw. "Really?"

"One hundred percent," I answered, finding her lips so we could wrap ourselves up in each other.

After parting for air, I murmured against her eyelashes, "I used to dream about going down on a woman, sucking on that little bean until she was writhing below me."

Jules grimaced. "I'm sorry that?—"

" Ah ." I held a finger up to her mouth. "No. Apologies."

She took a deep breath, as if drawing the strength to not let the worst assumptions rule the conversation, then nodded.

"When I researched the trans experience"—I paused to drop a kiss to her forehead—"one of the things I learned about bottom surgery is that the glans is made into a clitoris. In my mind, that means I was sucking on a clit. A big, fat one."

She giggled, shaking her head as she cuddled into me. "I like it. Though… are you really okay with the fact that I won't be getting the surgery?"

I shuddered. "After reading about the recovery process, I can't imagine going through that without really, really wanting it. Needing it. And I'd never pressure anyone, especially you, into doing something like that. I mean, if you changed your mind, I'd be here for you, but you're the one who needs to be comfortable in your body."

"Thank you," she said quietly, resting her forehead on my chest. "One of the charities I work with provides help to folks who are having to go through gender-affirming surgery alone. We sit with them while they're in recovery, bring them meals when they get back home, and continue to check in with them. I sometimes feel like an oddball because I want something different, but I keep reminding myself the same thing I tell other people: Only you know what's right for you ."

"Agreed," I said, dropping a kiss to her nose and then to her lips. Our kisses deepened, and she rolled us so that she was on top and could drag one of my nipples into her mouth.

"You have the most beautiful breasts," she said with a groan, cupping them and playing with them.

Arousal slicked my thighs as she continued to work my nipples, switching between kissing me and sucking the sensitive peaks.

"Can we take a shower?" I asked, heating up.

"Of course."

We kissed for a few more moments before leaving the bed and going into her large upstairs bathroom. A claw-foot tub sat to the side of a massive spa shower with multiple showerheads.

"Fancy," I murmured, turning on the hot water.

"We Martinezes enjoy our showers." She hugged me from behind, skin to skin, her soft cock brushing my hip. "Is this… Is it okay to…?"

I reached back, my hand landing on her ass. I pulled her closer. "Thank you for asking, but you don't have to be careful with how you touch me or rub up against me. You get to be you. All of you."

She grinned into my shoulder, her happiness palpable. "Do you need something for your hair?" she asked, delicately touching the curls by my ear.

"I should probably at least put it back."

She rummaged through a drawer and pulled out a scrunchie for me. I arranged the thick coils into a loose bun at the top of my head, then stepped under the warm water, letting it spray my face and body as she soaped herself up.

"Don't take this the wrong way," I said, "but even if you were a jerk, I'd still consider going out with you, just for this shower."

Jules cracked up as she added more soap to her pouf. "I don't blame you," she said, sweeping the pouf over every inch of my skin. Returning to my nipples, she used the bubbles to lubricate her touch.

"Fuck, that feels so good."

Her grin was wicked as she took the handheld showerhead and switched it to the massage setting.

"Dirty girl."

"You have no idea," she said, sweeping the water across my breasts.

I hissed and pulled her into a hard kiss, groaning when she moved the showerhead down and turned her wrist.

" Jesus ," I whined against her lips as the hot water pulsed against my clit. I widened my stance, and she dropped her mouth to one of my nipples, catching it with her sharp incisor as she thumbed the setting on the showerhead, changing up the timing.

"You like temperature play?" she asked, her hand on the shower control.

"Never heard of it." I lifted a shoulder. "Show me what you've got."

She grinned, flicking off the hot water. I bit back a scream as icy water pounded my clit. The sudden change in temperature shocked my entire body, and I came, trembling, knees weak from the intensity of it.

She then shot the frigid water at my free nipple, melting my brain with the temperature differential between her hot mouth on one tit and the cold water on the other. She dipped two fingers into my slick pussy, thumbing my clit as she did.

I gasped, unable to keep up with all the shifting gears. Clenching around her probing fingers, I came again so quickly it made me dizzy.

She hung the showerhead up again and turned on the hot water. "Face the wall," she ordered softly.

Too stoned on pleasure to argue, I obeyed. My eyes widened as she knelt behind me. Her soft hands landed on my ass, and she spread my cheeks, groaning.

"I have been wanting to eat this ass for so long. May I?"

Oh, it's going to be like that?

"You may," I tossed over my shoulder, then crossed my arms against the shower wall and leaned my head on them.

Her silken tongue swept across my hole like a filthy secret. I whimpered. "Too much?" she asked, pulling back.

I looked down at her over my shoulder. "Never too much. More. Give me more."

Her grin was a sharp, feral thing, and she held my eyes as she spread me once again. This time, the brush of her tongue was insistent, greedy. As she took me apart, she released a cheek to slide her open palm around the front, the wide circular pressure against my clit and labia at war with her probing tongue. She pushed past the now-loosened ring of muscle, and another orgasm screamed through my body.

"I've never… I didn't know that I could…"

Language remained elusive as she continued to tongue-fuck my ass. She switched up her hand in the front, slipping two, then three fingers inside me while thumbing my clit. Despite the eye-rolling pressure, I was so slick from the multiple orgasms that her fingers slid in and out easily. She flexed them inside me, brushing against my G-spot.

I'd used my newfound interest in dildos to play with that spot but hadn't been overly impressed with the sensation. The combination of her tongue in my ass, thumb on my clit, and curling fingers, however, changed my mind in an instant. Another impossible orgasm made my intimate muscles clench.

She widened her fingers against the crushing pressure, and my knees wobbled. Ecstasy rolled through my body, and I joined her on the shower floor. She chuckled as I first went to all fours, then turned over and starfished on the chilly tile, not even caring what was happening with my hair.

She peered down at me, steam winding around her trim body, her luxe brown-black hair dripping over her breasts, her dark brown eyes shiny with lust and something deeper. I pulled her on top me, yanking her thighs across my hips, suddenly desperate for everything she was willing to give. "Fuck me with your lady dick," I demanded, my voice hoarse.

Her eyes went wide. "You really want that?"

"Apparently."

I understood her hesitation, but something about this felt like I was taking back every moment that had been stolen from me. If she were cis, I'd have wanted her to wear a strap-on and fuck me with it. I laughed at the image, and she hovered above me, insecurity in the depths of her eyes.

"I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing at myself for wanting you to fuck me with your built-in strap-on."

She collapsed, choking with laughter. "I seriously cannot believe you said that."

I gripped her hips, angling her so that I could rub my clit against her shaft. "You know you love it."

Her face went serious as she adjusted herself, and she paused to look me in the eyes. "You're sure?"

"One hundred percent."

The shower floor wasn't the most comfortable place to be doing this, but I needed her. Now .

She entered me, her eyes never leaving mine, as though she was ready to pull away the second I showed the slightest hesitation. Only… I loved having her inside of me. Loved it, and I felt safer and more relaxed than I ever had during sex.

We started to move together, and she pushed her hand between us, working my clit as she sped up her thrusts. "I love drawing out multiple orgasms, but I've never seen someone so sensitive," she whispered as she thumbed me through one orgasm, then another.

"I never knew I could come like this," I admitted.

"I usually need a little bit of downtime between orgasms."

"Do you like having your ass played with?" I asked, my back aching from being pressed into the unforgiving tile. I didn't mind it. Not one bit.

She flushed, dropping her chin so that her hair nearly covered her face.

"You're fucking me with your lady dick, and you just French-kissed my ass. Certainly now is not the time to get shy."

"Shut up," she retorted, then gasped as I clenched around her.

"It's a simple question, Jules. You've got a button back there, and all I'm asking is, do you like playing with it?"

"Yes." She flushed and groaned as I gripped her with my internal muscles. "I call it my G-spot."

"Mm. Nice. Can I play with your G-spot?"

She still wouldn't quite look me in the eye, but her delicate nod said everything. I dipped my fingers between us, gathering my slick in between thrusts, angling us away from the falling water as I slid my fingers between her cheeks. She moaned when I pushed my middle finger inside her, easily finding the soft gland. I petted it, and she arched shamelessly, swinging her hips to dip into me, then back to fuck herself on my finger. I could tell she was close.

She started to pull away. "I'm gonna…"

"Come inside me," I ordered. Her questioning eyes met mine. "I'm taking back what that means. Come inside me." I punctuated my words with a swirling finger stroke, and she let out the most beautiful whimper, her body tensing as she finished with two strong thrusts.

I wondered for a second if I hadn't pushed us too far. The way the tension bled from her muscles, though, told me that maybe we'd both needed to fuck out our inhibitions on the shower floor.

She had to know that the way she approached her physicality was right and good. And I had to have this experience without trauma and shame fucking with my head. The burst of her warmth inside me felt like a healing.

Our eyes met, and as we held each other while she worked me through a final orgasm, I could see who we were always meant to be. My mind flashed to a time in the distant future, stroking my round belly, carrying our child.

For someone who was going to have a backache in the morning, I was getting way ahead of myself. And it didn't scare me at all. None of this had.

The seriousness of the moment broke on a giggle—hers. We kissed again, then painfully, slowly picked ourselves up from the shower floor and rinsed off the evidence of our lovemaking. After drying off, we lay in bed, naked and wrapped around one another.

Apart, our lives had never been easy or typical. But, as we drifted off to sleep, I realized how very good they could be together.