32. Mickey

CHAPTER 32

MICKEY

Mickey melted into Ethan. The kisses he pressed against Mickey's skin made him burn inside. Need clawed at him. Warmth pooled in his belly. He turned slightly, their noses gently bumping together. Mickey felt the way Ethan smiled as he kissed him. A soft brush of his lips like he was kissing something precious and delicate. Like Mickey might break.

Mickey was done breaking. Done not believing he was worth things like safety. Happiness. Love. Tonight had taught him that he mattered. Colby, Taylor, Jonah, even Shane, who'd become like a big brother to Mickey over the past few weeks, had all looked out for him today. And then there was Ethan. Steady and strong, but Mickey had seen the cracks in his stoic, unflappable veneer.

Ethan cared. He cared more than anyone Mickey had ever met. Mickey's stomach fluttered when he thought of being on the list of people Ethan cared about. But his heart melted every time Ethan said he loved him.

Mickey had heard the words before, but not with such a depth of affection behind them. Lance had used them as a weapon. His mother, as an obligation. Ethan meant them with every fiber of his being. With every atom in his body, he meant those words. And his actions backed them up. Ethan only wanted Mickey to be safe and happy. Cared for.

He skated his fingers over Ethan's stubbled cheek, smiling at the way the five o'clock shadow scratched at his fingertips. "I love you," Mickey whispered. He'd said the words before too and he'd always thought he'd meant them. But maybe he'd been pretending too. Pretending to love Lance to get away from parents he couldn't pretend to love anymore.

But there was nothing imaginary or put on about the way he loved Ethan. He slanted his mouth over Ethan's and pulled him into a kiss. Licking his way into Ethan's mouth, he sighed, going practically boneless in Ethan's lap. Strong arms encircled him, a hand cradled the back of Mickey's head, fingers curled into his hair. Ethan moaned and tightened his hold on Mickey.

If the universe would allow, Mickey would have liked to live in this moment for a million years before moving on to the next. He wanted a lifetime of just kissing this man, of being kissed by him. Of knowing that whatever he put into this relationship, he'd get back ten-fold. And he wasn't sure what he'd done to deserve it, but he didn't care about that anymore. Ethan loved him. Just thinking it made Mickey practically giddy.

Ethan broke the kiss and went back to pressing kisses down Mickey's neck. His body erupted in goosebumps, like every inch of his body was voicing that it wanted to be next.

"We should… bedroom," Mickey managed to say, despite how distracting it was to have Ethan kissing him, making him shiver and shake.

"There's a perfectly good fireplace right here."

Mickey couldn't help the laugh that bubbled out of him. It was like he was so full of joy that it had to escape somewhere. Suddenly Ethan's arms tightened around him and Ethan stood, nearly effortlessly, with Mickey cradled in his arms.

"Holy shit!" Mickey laughed, breathless and lightheaded.

Ethan looked at Mickey, unbothered by the weight in his arms. "Bed or fire. Make your choice."

"Ooh, choose your own adventure sex. Fireplace."

With Mickey still in his arms, Ethan went to the floor in front of the fire and set Mickey down, then blanketed his body with his own. Pressing Mickey's legs apart he settled between them. Mickey twined his arms around Ethan's neck and gave himself over to Ethan. The man who loved him and wanted to protect him and keep him safe. The man Mickey wanted to be all those same things for. He wanted to be safety and love and protection. Partners in every way they could. Boyfriends. Lovers. Friends.

Soulmates.

Ethan kissed Mickey deep and slow, their tongues twined together, dancing and stroking, stoking the fire between them. Ethan's hand slid up underneath Mickey's shirt. He arched into the touch, moaning into Ethan's mouth.

Mickey grabbed the back of Ethan's shirt and pulled it up, gathering the fabric as Ethan continued touching and kissing. Ethan stopped, letting Mickey remove his shirt, and then helped him out of his own.

His dick was so hard it hurt, pressed against his zipper, aching and throbbing. Needing. Wanting. Waiting. Mickey ignored it and slid his hands up Ethan's chest. Mickey could never get tired of looking at Ethan like this. Half-dressed, but the look in his eyes exposing everything.

Mickey traced Ethan's lower lip with his finger, gasping when Ethan wrapped his mouth around the digit. Holding Mickey's gaze, Ethan swirled his tongue around the finger and sucked it like a cock. God, Mickey's dick twitched jealously.

Huffing out a laugh, Mickey pulled his finger out of Ethan's mouth, and yanked him down into a kiss. As happy as he knew he'd be just kissing Ethan, it wasn't nearly enough tonight. Mickey needed to be closer. He arched his hips, bumping his erection into Ethan's, moaning into his mouth when Ethan ground down against him.

Their kissing grew deeper. Harder and more frantic. Frenzied almost. Driven by lust, Mickey slid his hands down Ethan's back, blunt nails pressing hard into flesh. Then he grabbed Ethan's ass and pulled him in tighter, pressing their cocks together through too many layers of fabric.

"Need you," Mickey confessed against Ethan's lips. It was a confession and a promise all wrapped up in one. He'd always need Ethan. His laughter and his music. His heart, that was big enough to care for the whole universe, but had carved out a special spot for Mickey.

"Lube." Ethan laughed against Mickey's skin. The puffs of air washed against him blowing the rest of Mickey's lingering sadness away. There wasn't anything Ethan couldn't do. Except maybe magic lube out of nowhere.

Putting a hand on Ethan's chest, Mickey urged him to give him some space so he could sit up. "You get comfortable. I'll get the lube."

Mickey got to his feet and hurried down the hall. He grabbed the lube from the nightstand and, before returning, made a note to stash some in the living room for future encounters.

Ethan was fucking gorgeous. Naked from head to toe, he'd stretched out on his back, his head pillowed by his arms, which were tucked behind his head, giving him a casual kind of sexiness. Mickey bent and set the lube on the floor, then slowly popped the button of his jeans. Ethan's smile widened and Mickey watched the way Ethan watched him. Nothing but love and lust, or maybe naked appreciation in his gaze.

Yanking the zipper down, Mickey kept his gaze on Ethan. He had countless things he wanted to say about how he felt. About what this meant. Later. He could save all those confessions for later. He didn't think his brain was good with words right now anyway. It had been reduced to single words. Want. Need. Love. He sent little prayers out into the universe that he'd get to keep this.

Ethan made an appreciative noise when Mickey slid his pants down and kicked them to the side. He lowered himself down, straddling Ethan. He pressed their cocks together and they both let out a groan. Ethan's hands were already on Mickey, gripping his ass, sliding up his back. Pulling and holding and setting Mickey on fire with the heat of his touch.

"Mickey," Ethan moaned, gripping him tight, keeping him close, arching up to get closer.

"I know." Mickey swiveled his hips, pressing their trapped cocks together. It made him hot all over. Breathless. Needy. God, when was the last time Mickey had needed someone half as much as he needed Ethan? Probably never.

"I know," he repeated the words and leaned down, brushing a kiss against Ethan's cheek.

Ethan turned his head, captured Mickey's mouth with his, and they stayed like that for a long time. Grinding slowly, kissing deeply. Driving Mickey slowly mad with desire.

Mickey sat up and reached for the lube. "Need you in me."

Ethan's hands roamed Mickey's body, thumbs brushed over his nipples, and he swore as he fumbled the lube.

"Shit." Mickey laughed and tightened his grip on the bottle.

"Sensitive?" Ethan smirked as he did it again, but this time Mickey was prepared and didn't nearly jump out of his skin.

"Mock me later. Fuck me now." Mickey leaned forward and kissed Ethan. At the same time, he reached behind himself and smeared the lube around his hole, pressing it inside him the best he could. He didn't want a ton of prep. Enough to not hurt, but not so much that he couldn't feel Ethan stretching him open, making room for himself in Mickey's body.

He wanted that burning connection. That simmering heat of pain turned pleasure when Ethan slid inside. If he felt it days later, he'd welcome the ache. When he was as ready as he wanted to be, he coated Ethan's cock in lube, watching the way Ethan's body twitched as he fought to stay still and pliant, a subject to Mickey's whims.

Mickey watched the way the muscles in his neck tensed when his palm slid over the head of Ethan's cock.

"Mickey, please." Ethan took a deep breath.

Mickey leaned in and ghosted his mouth over Ethan's plump lips. "I like it when you ask me so nicely."

"Please," Ethan said again. And again. Like a mantra. Even when Mickey reached back and lined Ethan's dick up with his hole, Ethan kept begging. He'd reached for Mickey now, cradling his face in his hands. Taking a deep breath, Mickey closed his eyes and concentrated on the way Ethan's cock pressed insistently against his hole. The first initial stretch and the sharp burn. It ebbed, fading, dulling down to an achy throb as Mickey took Ethan deeper. By the time Ethan was all the way inside, Mickey was panting. His chest heaved and his whole body felt amazing.

Ethan's thumbs swept over Mickey's cheekbones and he pulled Mickey down into a kiss. Open-mouthed and full of passion, of love, all for Mickey. He would have swooned if he'd been able. But he was stuffed full, stretched thin, and desperate to get off.

They kissed like it was the last thing they'd do. Like the world was going to end, or begin. Their kisses were nothing like Mickey had ever experienced. He'd never been so wholly consumed, undone, by the way someone's mouth met his, but Ethan had him trembling, quivering, threatening to come apart.

Rocking back and forth, Mickey built up a rhythm that soon stopped, allowing him to sustain his kisses with Ethan. Instead he pressed his hands against Ethan's solid chest, straightened his arms, arched his back and ground down, fucking himself harder and faster on Ethan's cock.

His own dick bobbed gracelessly between them until Ethan took hold of it. Mickey moaned, long and low, and he had to stop himself from coming on the spot. There was no way he was going to last and maybe that was Ethan's plan because he stroked him faster, harder, the way Mickey liked it best. Like he could feel how fucking crazy about him Ethan was in his touch. In the almost-too-tight grip he had on Mickey's cock.

Mickey felt everything from the way the floor bit into his knees, to the drop of sweat that beaded on the back of his neck and slid down his spine. To the way Ethan's mouth felt as it hovered near Mickey's, kissing the corner of his parted lips. Then he was coming so hard he saw stars. Saw the universe, infinite and endless, stretching out around him. He writhed and moaned, rocking back and forth, taking Ethan faster and deeper, wanting—needing—to feel every inch of him.

They were kissing again for real, all tongue and heavy breath as Ethan continued to tease Mickey's spent cock past the point of comfort. And then some. Because it drove Mickey the kind of crazy he liked to be. Ethan was coming too, with Mickey's name on his lips, pouring out of his mouth like a prayer.

Mickey collapsed on top of Ethan, not caring about the mess between them, or the one he'd make later when Ethan's cum started to leak out of him. Ethan wound his arms around Mickey and brushed the hair off his sweaty brow.

It was a while before either of them spoke, but Mickey eventually found his voice. "Sometimes," he began. "Sometimes, I love you doesn't seem adequate enough for the way you make me feel."

Ethan's hand stroked down Mickey's back. "I know exactly what you mean."

"Do you?" Mickey laughed. "Because I'm not sure I do. I love you, but it's bigger than that. I don't want to be without you."

Mickey prodded the saying in his mind, poking at it, seeing how it felt. It felt…right. "I want to keep you." That felt right too. I love you felt right, just not big enough to fill the space the feeling occupied.

"You're in luck, because I want to keep you too. You're it for me, Mickey."

"I'm still a mess," Mickey scoffed.

"It's okay to be messy, Mickey. It's okay to be lost, and scared, and whatever you need to be. You can be all those things with me. Okay?"

"I know." Mickey moved and let Ethan's cock slide out of him, even though he hated the loss of it. Mickey thought of curling up on the floor next to Ethan, but he wanted to be safe and warm in Ethan's arms and he didn't want to move until morning. And maybe not even then. "Let's go to bed."