15. Bastard

BASTARD

I now know what it means to foam at the mouth from pure rage. This shit that I was looking at had me two minutes away from that state. And why is it always this bitch? Huh? Why is she riding my back like a fucking ape? Why couldn't she act like other women?

She was supposed to need me after the divorce. She'd been out of the workforce for a while, and it wouldn't have been easy for her to get back on her feet. I would've still been in control. She wouldn't have no choice but to go along with what I wanted, because she would be dependent on me.

I would've had the best of both worlds. I already had two kids, one of each, so I needed no more. So, I would've kept Rachel on the side as the mother and side piece because who else is going to have her with the burden of two kids? I was going to be sure to give her just enough and no more; that way, she'd be stuck.

That was going to be my plan. Fuck her whenever I wanted to while keeping the younger, hotter Wendy as my main squeeze. It would've been best for everyone. That way, Rachel still had a way to scratch the itch, and I still got to play house every once in a while with the mother of my kids while going home to Wendy every night.

But none of that happened. None of it! That bitch was cold and indifferent since day one. I know she was fucking my best friend behind my back. No one can tell me different. How else would you explain the two of them getting married so soon after the divorce.

Fucking bitch! How dare she? How dare she move on? And with him. Why did it have to be him? Anyone else but him. That pain alone was enough to keep me bent over and in bed for days on end. The fact that it was him, the man I had stolen her from that night.

I know the bastard had seen his reaction to her and just knew. But I couldn't let him have her because I felt something too, though maybe not as strong as he did. I knew if he got to her first that, I wouldn't stand a chance.

But it wasn't just that. Because I know Jacob, I knew that if he'd gotten with her, our friendship would have changed. When he's passionate about something, he goes all in and gives it his all. I'd never seen him look at a woman like that before that night, though.

As time went by, I actually put it out of my mind sometimes, but every once in a while I liked to rub it in his face by having her around him while having my hand resting on her in some way. Neither of them ever had any idea that was purposely done and I'd get a silent kick out of it.

I think those nights used to be the best in bed. Then, and the nights after, I got to tell him that she was pregnant. I liked watching part of him die right before my eyes because he knew I was fucking and making a permanent life with the woman he was so desperately in love with.

This is who she chose to fuck around with after leaving me. It's an insult to me and my kids that she's with this guy. And him, some alpha male, he hung around all this time like a lapdog just to taste my sloppy seconds.

I've been battling these thoughts and more the past few months and was getting to a place where I was doing pretty good. The alcohol was getting to a place where I could go days without thinking about any of it.

Days when I would feel so numb, nothing mattered. Today started out just like one of those days. I'd passed out in front of the TV not long after that bitch left this morning after being up for just a few hours. I woke up, reached for the bottle on the floor, and jumped right back on that wagon.

I'd been sitting here minding my own damn business when my phone kept going off like crazy. It hadn't done that in a while so I looked without really looking until I saw it was Rachel.

I didn't hardly recognize her. She's done something different with her hair, it had grown out and was longer than when we were together. She looked kind of how she used to look when we first met, with that sparkle in her eye.

I looked away because I didn't want to see that shit. I read her first comment and saw red. I know that bitch was directing that shit at me. So, what I didn't help her fat ugly ass when she was pregnant. She looked like a fucking whale and nothing at all like the fit beautiful girl I had married.

Even when she gave birth and got her body back in shape, it was not the same. It's not my fault I no longer found her attractive. I can't be the only man who doesn't find pregnancy attractive. I didn't know when I agreed to have a baby that it was going to destroy my wife.

I'd read about women who hardly gained any weight and was under the impression that because she was so fit, it would be the same with her. Instead, she'd gained about twenty pounds and could hardly get up from her chair in the last month.

I didn't find anything attractive about her back then. So why was Jacob in the comments acting as if she was the most beautiful woman in the world? And why were our friends going along with it?

I was so mad I could hardly breathe and got up to pace around the room before I lost my mind. They were all trying to get under my skin. First, it was Susy who kept posting every little thing about Rachel's pregnancy and her new marriage, and something about how she was happy her nibblings finally had a real Dad.

I got glimpses into Rachel and my children's lives through her little tidbits. But then my own mother jumped on that train and then my old friends. Everything was about the babies and how excited everyone was.

There were hints that there were numerous get-togethers every weekend or so, always at Jacob's place. When we were together, she never told me she wanted to host shit. Besides, who wants to hang out in a place with a bunch of kids sleeping upstairs?

I usually went out to meet up with these same people. Jacob was the only one who used to beg off most of the time. Is that when it happened? Were they meeting behind my back on those nights when I was out with the others?

I started to ask that very question but then remembered that first, I was following her under an assumed name, and second, Jacob has a cease-and-desist order against me. One wrong move, and I could end up doing time in jail or have to pay a fine which I cannot afford.

My whole life is spiraling out of control. It has been for a very long time now, but it got worse when those two got married and then again when they announced that she was pregnant. It felt the way I imagine he used to when I would rub our relationship in his face.

On their wedding night, I imagined him touching her, and the same goes for the pregnancy. Not that I knew when either happened, of course, but my mind couldn't help but go back and try to figure it out. Like, they got married on the fifteenth? That means they had sex on that night?

With the pregnancy, it was harder. Even if I knew how far along she was I'd still not be able to boil it down to a particular day or that particular month. It's weird how obsessed I became over every little detail of their lives. But then the bastard blocked me on everything, and so did she.

I can't get close enough to their place to see anything, and he monitors that app for the kids, I'm sure of it. They have sole custody of the kids, so there's no way for me to use that as an excuse to see her and him. They'd just disappeared from view as if he was making a point to make me suffer.

He was living with my wife and kids and by all that I've seen, providing a much better life for them, which I am sure everyone was aware of. And what did I get? This balding, plump ugly bitch who never shuts the fuck up.

Are all women liars? Rachel, when we met, was fun and happy all the time. After marriage and kids, she became this always-tired hag drone that I no longer wanted to be around. But for fuck sake, she was ten times better than my new wife.

At least when Rachel got fat, there was something to show for it, my two kids. But this bitch is just fat and ugly for no reason. I know…. I heard her key in the door, and it cut off my thoughts. I took the whiskey bottle to the head while side-eyeing the entrance to the doorway.

My hand with the phone hung limply by my side. She was acting nervous as hell, fidgety. "What the hell have you been up to that you look so scared?" I started to walk towards her, and she looked so scared. She flinched when I got in her face. "Bitch, I asked you a question."

She didn't answer, but her eyes went to the phone in my hand. I lifted it to my face and looked. "Oh, yeah, I was reading up on my wife and kids. You remember them, don't you? The people you fucked over to get what you want."

That one got to her because her eyes flashed with fire before she looked down and away. "That's right bitch, you should look away. If you didn't come here looking for a sugar daddy, if you hadn't shaken your ass in my face, you crazy bitch, my life wouldn't be in the crapper. Now look, my fucking wife, who was ten times better than you, is having another man's child. How are you gonna fix that, huh?"

I raised my fist to punch her face in, and the stupid bitch said the dumbest thing she'd said to me yet. "We can have our own children!" I laughed, took a step back, and took a sip of my whiskey.

"How you dumb bitch? I've been snipped since before we met."

I turned and stumbled back to the TV, already forgetting what the hell had set me off in the first place.