27. Jake & Jenny

27

I 'd never seen the lounge looking so festive before.

Putting everything up with Chance went so quickly, and his height certainly helped to expedite the process. It was nice to decorate with someone as well. The fact that that someone was Chance was a nice bonus. I had a lot of opportunities to admire his figure as he stretched in various ways to assist me.

"Did you bring these from home?" Chance asked as we worked together to fluff the faux tree. From a distance, after it was all done up, I swore you couldn't tell the difference.

"Actually, Lenny and Jolene got them for me last year." I smiled, thinking about how Lenny and Jolene had conspired together after they learned I would be alone at Montgomery over the entire break, pretty much on my own.

They still didn't know the extent of what the holidays meant to me, or how much their act had impacted my life. It almost made me tear up to think about the shock I'd felt as Jolene had shown me everything and told me that Lenny had picked up each item at her instruction.

There was a fake tree with all the trimmings, a giant pack of ornaments, and a star for the top. They'd gotten a dozen packs of Christmas lights to help cover the entirety of the lounge, although Chance and I hadn't gotten to those just yet, and even a single stocking for me to hang on the mantel.

"That was very nice of them," Chance commented.

It was a selfless and incredibly thoughtful gesture. I had never had anyone do anything so meaningful, just for me, with no motivations other than to make me happy.

"It was the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me." I smiled up at him, and he returned the expression.

It took us all morning to finish stringing the lights around the perimeter of the lounge. I'd had the foresight to leave up the nails I had used last year, as it had been an even more arduous task by myself, on a very tall, but rather unsteady ladder I had procured from the garden shed, at the reluctance of one of the groundskeepers. He had been very grateful when I returned it, seeing that both myself and the ladder were unscathed.

At some point, Chance had put on a record, and when the last string of lights was strung, he pulled me into him, swaying with me to the rhythm of the soft jazz coming out of the gramophone's horn-shaped speaker.

"I'm positive this is the best Thanksgiving I've ever had," Chance whispered, using his palm splayed on the small of my back to press me closer to him as we danced.

I looked up at him at the exact same moment he looked down at me. Maybe it was the music or the lights or my heart beating so fast I thought I might be having a stroke, but I pushed up on my tiptoes, and he lowered his head to meet me in the middle.

My second kiss with Chance Harper didn't lack any of the heat from the first, but the heat burned low and slow, embers flickering so hot that if anything got near them, they would combust, needing no flame.

Chance kissed me sweetly, cupping my jaw with the hand that wasn't at the small of my back and letting me lead, as if he knew that if he pushed me too far, I'd pull back. My skittishness wasn't intentional but the fact that he sensed it and knew just how to counteract it made me even more drawn to him.

I opened my mouth, allowing him to deepen the kiss, and his tongue mimicked my movements, only going as far as I was willing to dare myself. Without the buzz of the liquor from our first kiss to taint the experience, I thought I knew what it would be like to kiss him again, but I didn't. I really didn't.

His clean smell was overwhelming in the best way possible. The warmth of his body seeped through every place where we touched, and I liked how he tasted of his morning coffee, strong, and slightly bitter, but in that moment, all mine.

Every fiber of my body was vibrating with every touch, every sensation, every new angle. Chance released a soft moan that had heat pooling low in my body, wanting more of him. I couldn't help myself from whimpering in response.

But then, oddly, Chance started to physically vibrate.

Hesitantly and breathless, I pulled back from the kiss.

Chance groaned in agitation, withdrawing his phone from his pocket. "I—" He looked down at the device. "I need to go downstairs." He pointed a finger at me. "Don't go anywhere. And we're not done with this."

I watched him hurriedly make his way to the fire escape, and pressed trembling fingers to my swollen lips.

Oh fuck. I just kissed Chance.

What on earth had come over me? And I'm pretty sure I had initiated.

I staggered to the couch, my knees weak, and was only able to manage leaning against the armrest, taking in deep and measured breaths as my mind continued to spin.

I shouldn't have done that. Because now how am I supposed to stop?

"Violet?" Chance called from outside the window.

I realized I had no idea how long he'd been gone while I had spiraled and tried to remember how to breathe.

"Can you help me?"

"Coming," I replied, my voice as unsteady as my legs.

When I made it to the window, I couldn't help but let my jaw drop. Chance had two giant bags of takeout food.

"What is all this?" I asked, grabbing the bags from him so he could make it through the window without falling.

"It's not Thanksgiving without good food." He grinned at me, taking both of the bags back the moment he was inside the lounge.

"What?" I squeaked, following him as he strode toward the study table.

"Lenny mentioned a place in town that puts together Thanksgiving meals for those who are less inclined to cook," he explained as he pulled out box after box of food from the bags. "Or for people like us who might be willing or able, but can't fit more than a drumstick in our ovens, let alone a whole turkey."

I watched in awe as he began to open the containers. He'd thought of everything; there was a perfectly cooked and sliced turkey breast, mashed potatoes and gravy, vegetables, rolls, and even an entire pumpkin pie.

"Why?" I hadn't realized I'd spoken the thought aloud until Chance paused to look at me.

He cocked his head, as if he didn't understand.

"I've been awful to you. Hot and cold, keeping you at a distance, threatening you with knives…" I half laughed.

Chance smiled, his eyes crinkling at the edges. "I like a challenge."

"I'm serious, Chance. Why?"

Chance took two steps toward me, closing the distance between us. He gently placed his palm flat on my stomach. "Because I think you feel it too."

"Feel what?" I asked, my voice shaky.

Chance smiled softly as he replied, "The butterflies."

The heat of a blush flooded my cheeks. Looking up at him through my lashes, I slowly nodded, breathing the confirmation he was waiting for, "Yes."

He tilted his head down, his nose skimming the column of my neck, eliciting a hitched breath from my lips.

"I can be very patient. I know you'll be worth the wait."

I swallowed hard, holding my breath as Chance placed a soft kiss just below my ear, before he withdrew.

"We should eat before it gets cold." He dug out plates and plastic utensils from the very bottom of the bag and handed them to me while he made work to open the bottle of wine that had been stashed with everything else. It was only a screw top, so it required no corkscrew.

I worried over how much he had spent on the food. I knew in my heart that he was doing it out of kindness, but I'd felt that before, with Harry, and been proven so wrong, so it was hard not to feel some weird sense of guilt knowing I couldn't pay him back with money. And I was desperate to know how and when he had arranged all of this with Lenny. But I pushed my questions aside and tried to just enjoy the moment, a feat I wasn't often capable of.

This moment, making idle chitchat with Chance over this unexpected but lovely shared meal, felt like one of those times you knew you were creating a memory you would look back upon fondly for years to come. It wasn't just that we had kissed.

God. I can't think about the kiss right now.

No, it was everything that had happened that day. And then it dawned on me that it was the first holiday I had spent with another person in years—nine years, to be exact.

I must have stopped eating or looked like I was on the verge of tears because Chance put down his fork and rubbed gentle circles across my back. He didn't ask me what was wrong. He just knew something was, and on instinct, he comforted me.

"I've been alone for every single holiday for almost a decade," I confessed.

"I'm sorry," he replied sweetly, continuing to rub my back.

After a beat he asked tentatively, "You don't want to go home?"

"I can't." I swallowed the lump in my throat, knowing what was coming next, and having already decided to tell him the only secret that was left to share. If he judged me or ever used this against me like Harry had, that would be it between us.

"Why not?"

"The last time I went home for Christmas was during my freshman year of college. I was terribly homesick. I was constantly worried about my mom, my relationship with my high school sweetheart, Jake, was crumbling, and my best friend—my only friend, Jenny, had been super distant, and I couldn't figure out why.

"Jake was over at my house on Christmas Eve, and while he was in the bathroom, he got a text on his phone from Jenny."

"Shit." Chance grimaced, already seeing where this story was going.

"Yeah, so I guess they hooked up toward the end of our senior year, and then it turned into this big thing, and neither of them knew how to tell me, because they knew I'd be devastated, but they also were fucking in love, so they didn't—couldn't end things." I sighed. "It seems naive now, but we'd been together for years. I thought I was going to marry him. And Jenny—god, I think the worst part was that when I confronted them, she seemed disappointed that I wasn't happy for them. But I was eighteen, still a child, and I'd had my heart broken by the two people whom I had centered my world around, outside of my mom."

"Anyone would have been destroyed if that had happened to them. It doesn't mean any less because it happened when you were young. Getting cheated on is incredibly painful to go through, not just because of the immediate damage, but because you end up blaming yourself. Or at least, I did," Chance offered.

I felt my shoulders soften. Somehow, knowing he had gone through something similar made me feel connected to him through that specific kind of heartbreak.

"Do they still live in town? I hope they wouldn't bother you." Chance was trying to piece together my exact reasoning for avoiding my hometown.

"Oh yeah, they still live there. They have a whole gaggle of kids—they're like this golden couple in town that everyone fawns over. Verona is small, only a couple thousand people. My high school was the same size as Montgomery. Everyone knows everyone, and everyone is in everyone's business. I think half the town knew they were fucking before I did. And years later, everyone's forgotten how their relationship started and how it completely changed my life, but I guess I don't really blame any of them. Who am I to stand in the way of true love?" I hadn't meant to sound quite so sarcastic, but it couldn't be helped.

"You're not meant for a place like that. You need to be somewhere where you can blend in, where you can decide when and where you want to be seen," Chance offered, understanding me on a level I wasn't sure anyone else had before him.

I found myself nodding in agreement. Wherever that place was, it sounded nice. I could blend in reasonably well at Montgomery, but as a teacher, I still felt like the spotlight was on me while I was giving lectures or at the front of the room, so I couldn't quite disappear like I wanted to some days.

The fact that Chance could sense that about me continued to chip away at my walls, which he was expertly dismantling brick by brick.

"Is it really so bad that you can't visit your mom though?"

"The problem is that my mom was just as close to Jake and Jenny as she was to me. They didn't know in school what was going on at home, but when I almost decided not to go to college, they practically staged an intervention, and I told them everything. They were both staying in town, so they offered to check in on her, and they became like family to her.

"I wish I could hate them for what they did to me, but the truth is that I don't know if my mom would have survived without them after I left. She was so happy when all of us were back home that single Christmas, and when I told her what happened, I think she already knew what was going on. She tried to argue that I'd find someone else and that I should forgive them.

"And I know she was just trying to keep the peace, but what I needed was for my mom to comfort me and tell me that everything was going to be okay and agree that Jake was an asshole and Jenny was a lying bitch. But she stood up for them and made me feel guilty for being upset. So now I can't go back. They've made her a part of their family. When I call her, she tells me about them. She's an extra grandparent to their children, she's happier than she ever was when I was with her. I can't take that from her. So I've just stayed away. It's easier that way. For everyone."

I took a long sip of my wine. It was cheap, which I was used to, but it still burned on the way down.

The soft jazz music felt stilted in the background as silence hung between Chance and me.

"I'm so sorry that happened to you, Violet. You didn't deserve that." He gave my hand a gentle squeeze, having moved it from my back while I was speaking.

"I just—" I paused, thinking through what I wanted to say. I looked up at Chance. "Please don't ever use that against me. I don't think I could bear it, not from you."

"I would never." He shook his head.

"I've only ever told one other person—but I shouldn't have, and I can't help how guarded I am, because the most important people in my life have let me down in such spectacular fashion that ten years later, I still haven't figured out how to get over it."

"Violet," Chance breathed, then a moment later, he had scooted forward in his chair and pulled me into a hug that was so tight it rivaled only the way my mother used to embrace me. "What happened was not your fault."

I let out a sob I hadn't realized was bubbling up inside of me, begging to be released. Chance held me there for a while, soothing me with his warmth and the simple comfort of his arms around me.

Eventually he released me, wiping an errant tear from my cheek and tucking my hair behind my ear. "We need to make sure this is a good holiday season for you then. We have a lot of bad memories to overwrite." He cut a piece of pie and slid the plate toward me, again sensing what I needed was a way to lighten the mood to pull me out of my dark memories.

"I've already got down the perfect Christmas Eve," I admitted. It was something nobody knew because I'd always been alone to celebrate the holiday.

"Oh yeah? I want to hear all the details." Chance grinned in between forkfuls of pie.

"Well, the perfect day always starts with sleeping in," I began.

Chance laughed. "Of course it does for you."

"You're just mad because you're a morning person not by choice," I argued, knowing he swam early most mornings. If he was running late, I could smell the chlorine on him if I passed him in the hallways at school.

Chance shrugged at the accusation.

"For breakfast, I get these frozen croissants from the market in town. I have to put them out the night before to proof, but they bake like a dream, perfectly flakey and crispy."

"We're definitely getting some of those." Chance nodded in agreement.

"I watch holiday movies all day on my laptop. Last year I watched them up in the lounge, with the fire going—it was perfect. And I only stop them to make mac and cheese from scratch for dinner."

Chance half choked on his bite of pie. "You can make it from scratch?"

I nodded, unable to hold back the smile on my face, so pleased that such a simple feat impressed him that much.

"I also have to get a bottle of sparkling cider. That was the one thing my mom would always splurge on for Christmas, so I have to have it."

Chance continued nodding.

"With the lounge at my disposal, I added one last part to the tradition. In the evening, when I was ready to wind down, I put on the Bing Crosby Christmas album, made myself a cup of hot chocolate—you can be in charge of that this year." Chance smiled, nodding emphatically. "And I watched the snow fall while sitting in the window seat." I motioned toward one of the window benches that was perfectly nestled in the bay windows along the wall opposite from the bookshelves.

"What happens if it doesn't snow?"

"That's the best part. As long as there's snow on the roof, it blows off the eaves and always looks like it's snowing from the window seats." I took in a deep breath, smiling as I remembered how cozy it had felt last year. I had been able to arrange everything in the lounge by then, but was just starting to alphabetize the books. But finding the lounge had been the best Christmas gift I'd ever gotten. I needed it. My soul had needed it. It still did.

"And you're really going to let me enjoy your traditions with you this year?" Chance asked hesitantly. "Last I checked, you weren't sold on even being friends."

I chuckled, shaking my head. "Yes, I suppose I would consider you a friend at this point."

"Maybe we can just be friends that make out occasionally?" Chance's trademark smirk turned devilish.

"Let me finish another glass of wine and you might get your wish." I grabbed the bottle.

Chance rolled his eyes. "That's not—" He stopped himself, turning serious all of the sudden. "I meant what I said earlier, about waiting."

I glanced up at him, setting the now empty wine bottle on the table between us. "I know," I said softly. "I don't think I'm ready yet…" I paused, averting my gaze while I gathered the courage to complete my thought. I looked back up at him, his eyes a storm of emotion. "But I want to be. I'm—I want to try."

Chance's throat bobbed as he swallowed, the impact of my admission hitting him with the full force with which I had intended it to. "You mean something to me, whether you want to or not, so I'll be here when you're ready."

I nodded. I knew I should have been more concerned about the school catching wind of everything, but maybe everyone who had been encouraging me was right, that the school didn't enforce their stupid rule. And as my trust in Chance bloomed, I really believed that he would do whatever he could to keep it a secret.

"Do you think we could maybe start your holiday tradition a little early?" he asked.

I cocked my head. "A month early?"

"It's Thanksgiving. I know the perfect movie." He smiled.

"Okay," I agreed.

After getting his laptop set up with the movie, Chance wrapped his arm around me, pulling me into his chest. He must have sensed me stiffen at the closeness, so he said, "Don't worry, I won't try anything. I promise."

I relaxed upon hearing his words, and felt myself drifting off not long after. As I was surrounded by the warmth of his body, I listened to the steady beating of his heart and realized I wanted it to belong to me. I needed to find a way to trust him with mine; that was the only way—a mutual exchange.

I had to get over the fact that uncertainty would always be a possibility, but it didn't mean I shouldn't try. There were no guarantees in life. There were no guarantees that love would last, but we were also not guaranteed there would be another tomorrow to try again.

As I ruminated over the possibilities, I felt Chance's warm breath against my skin just before he placed a soft kiss at my temple and whispered, "Goodnight, little muse."