18. Cagan

18

CAGAN

I t’s been so long since that magical night with Hayden. It seems like another lifetime ago now, like a half-remembered dream. Now, I find myself running for my life, my lungs burning, through a living nightmare of fire and chaos.

Everything is ablaze, great plumes of black smoke roiling into the darkened sky as far as my eyes can see. This is a disaster of the gravest order for my clan. Acrid smoke sears my lungs with every panicked breath I take. Around me, the world I know crumbles to ash before my eyes.

I can barely see through the choking haze and the hot blood running into my eyes from a gash on my brow. In the distance come the screams of the dying. The enemy has infiltrated deep into our lands tonight, leaving utter destruction in their wake. They stain the earth red with the blood of my kin.

I fight alongside my clan, striking down foes in a desperate bid for survival, yet my heart is not fully present in this battle. For all I can think of is my beloved Hayden, alone and unprotected somewhere out in the vast wilderness beyond this carnage.

Has she seen the ominous glow of flames on the horizon from her camp? Can she hear the distant screams and clash of weapons carried on the wind? Does she know to flee this spreading havoc?

Sick fear for her safety twists my gut, each imagined scenario more horrific than the last. I never should have left her vulnerable and exposed! My mind paints gruesome images of her captured by leering invaders, abused and tormented cruelly while I am trapped here, unable to save her. Or lost and alone, weeping as bloodthirsty beasts close in through the darkness. Hayden, beloved, I pray desperately, hide yourself until I can come!

Rage and anguish war within me. Every fiber of my being strains to break from this conflict, to go to her. I roar and cut down two more enemies in my desperation. Hold on, my love! I will reach you, I vow fiercely.

I continue to cut down faceless foes, their dark blood mixing with rivers of my kinsmen's. They pour forth like an endless tide bent on our annihilation. My clan seems gravely outnumbered and we are losing ground rapidly. This battle may well be our last.

But I cannot allow myself to sink into despair, though it nips at my soul. Hayden is still out there waiting for me. So, I fight on with every scrap of strength left in my battered body, my only thought is to survive this carnage and return to my love. In this moment, her shimmering eyes and gentle smile spur me forward when all other reason flees.

The smoke from the fires continues to blot out even the moon and stars above, casting the world in a hellish gloom. Still the enemy comes at us in waves, an endless tide of ravaging violence. My sword arm grows weary and my wounds slow me down. But I roar in defiance and fight twice as savagely as before. I cannot fall here, not with my love for Hayden burning deep in my soul still. I must live to look upon her beloved face again.

The desperate battle rages late into the merciless night. Members of my clan fall by the dozens around me, the thirsty earth growing ever more soaked with rivers of the dead. But finally, as dawn's light starts to peek over the horizon, the rampaging enemy at last begins to retreat, disappearing back into the smoldering ruins. They have withdrawn for now.

I collapse in a battered heap, too exhausted to even sheath my gore-slicked blade. Hayden, my shining light, I whisper silently into the ether. By some miracle I still live.

Stay strong for me, my love. I will come for you soon, even though it takes my very last ounce of strength. Nothing will prevent me from returning to your side one day.

As I lay there, catching my breath amidst the bodies of the fallen, my thoughts inevitably stay on Hayden. Six endless months have passed since I last held her soft, supple body against mine, heard her sweet laughter, kissed her tender lips. With each rising sun, my longing for her grows, an acute and relentless ache within my chest. Not being able to be near her and see her smiling face kills me inside.

I don’t know where she went. She left without a trace, but each day, I have the hope she will return to her little camp again.

Slowly recovering from my injuries, I continue to worry about her safety. What if the enemy has got to her? They have to pass her camp to attack. The only solace I can cling to at this moment is the discovery I made a few days ago. Near her camp, there were wild berries freshly picked, a small fire pit still warm with glowing embers. Evidence someone was there recently. It had to be her! My heart swells with hope at those small signs of life.

The thought of seeing her after so many lonely moons apart makes my heart begin to race! Unable to contain my anticipation, I immediately break from my clan without a word. I have to reach Hayden's camp with all speed and assure myself she’s alive. Nothing else matters but holding her in my arms again.

As I crash recklessly through the brush, a sickening sight arrests my pounding feet, turning my blood to ice. Hayden's camp, the lean-to I had carefully camouflaged and reinforced, now lay in utter ruins. The crude wooden supports I had built are smashed to splinters, the concealing brush ripped violently away. Everything is destroyed, the entire area ransacked.

"Hayden!" I roar desperately, my anguished cry echoing through the now lonely glen. There came no answer but the frantic thunder of my own dread-filled heart. No, no, this could not be! Spurred by panic, I rummage through the rubble like a mad beast, overturning the whole area, searching for any evidence my love had survived.

There are remnants of her camp scattered about – half-eaten wild berries, a few pieces of clothing hanging on a nearby tree, even some vegetables near the opening of the lean-to. All signs she had been here just hours before, yet now gone without a trace.

Rage and grief war savagely within me. Who did this? Did someone take her? If so, I will rip them limb from limb! Falling to my knees, I yell desperately up at the sky, "Hayden, please! Give me some sign you are alive! Some small hope to cling to!"

But only a cruel silence answers my desperate plea. Ultimately, I throw back my head and scream out my grief and frustration into the night, the shattered ruins seeming to mock my failure to keep her safe.

I force myself to rise on creaking limbs, knowing others from my clan would come searching for me soon. I had to be gone before then. With hurried purpose, I search the area one last time for any clues as to where she might have gone or who had caused this destruction. But the debris yields nothing. I feel myself losing all sense of control.

Just when black despair threatens to swallow what is left of my soul, a dry twig snaps behind me. I whirl around quickly, a snarl on my lips, to behold a rebel emerging stealthily from the shadows of the trees. In his hands, glints a long, jagged machete already stained red.

The sight of this enemy causes rage to explode within my core like the birth of a volcano. Fresh strength surges through my spent limbs. Here was someone who might know where my heart's treasure was!

"You!" I thunder. "What happened to the woman who dwelt here? Did you take her somewhere?"

With a bellow of pure bloodlust, I charge the villain, seeing only a haze of crimson before my eyes. The man's expression briefly flashes with surprise before he meets me with his own yell of challenge. His filthy blade slices the air where my throat has been but moments before. I batter it aside with contemptuous ease and land a crushing backhand to his jaw that sends him crashing to the earth, spitting blood and teeth.

Before he has a chance to rise back up, I’m on him, hoisting his gasping body skyward by the throat. "Where is she?" I snarl, giving him a shake that rattles his bones. "What have you mongrels done with her? Answer me!"

But he only chuckles weakly through split and bloody lips. "Wouldn't you like to know, beast?" he rasps mockingly.

With a roar that rings through the trees, I slam my fists into his face again and again in a blind frenzy, feeling cartilage crack and splinter, features giving way to a pulpy ruin. Still, he laughs, a wet and ruined sound. Incensed beyond reason, I at last hurl his battered body to the rocky ground and stomp with my full weight, crushing the breath and life from him in one decisive motion. His mocking laughter is silenced forever.

I stand over the corpse, chest heaving and limbs trembling with fury still unsatisfied. But extinguishing this wretch's worthless life gains me nothing. I am no closer to recovering my heart's treasure, my reason for drawing breath.

“Hayden, beloved,” I whisper fervently into the silent woods. “I will move the heavens to find where you are. Just stay alive. I will come for you soon.”

So, into the rising sun I purposefully run, more determined than ever to survive and bring a reckoning… for her sake.